Ladybug and Chat Noir get asked to take part in a new tv show ... Drunk History.

Rated: T for language

Ladybug and Chat Noir sat down at the chairs assigned for them, two bottles of rosè wine as requested and two wine glasses sat on the small table in front of them. This was going to be an interesting evening.

"Okay, so if you start drinking now, as soon as you're tipsy enough we'll start filming." Luckily, it was Alya filming for the station and not some random person. Marinette knew for a fact she would be safe as long as Alya was there, after all, the secrets her best friend held were immense, and there was only one person she trusted more. Unfortunately, he was going to be getting drunk beside her as they filmed a segment for a new television programme.

"So we just drink?" Chat said, curious as to how this was going to work. He looked down at the bottles in front of him, unsure whether he should just start helping himself. Knowing they were doing this, he'd stuffed a three course meal down before leaving his apartment, he just prayed Ladybug had done the same. He knew from their conversations she was a lightweight.

"Sure," Alya answered, messing around with the camera and signalling for the two heroes to carry on.

"Have you ever drank in the suit before?" Ladybug asked her partner. She could honestly say that although the thought had been there, numerous times, she'd never actually done it. All she could think was; A would the alcohol actually have any effect while under the control of the Miraculous, and B a drunk Ladybug running around Paris just wouldn't be great, fact.

"Nope, first time for everything right?" He took one of the bottles and twisted the metal tie, removing it along with the pink foil cap. "Is this wine or champagne?" He popped the cork, causing Ladybug to let out a little scream which was followed by his chuckle, and a raised eyebrow in her direction. He turned his attention back to the bottle and read the label, before sniffing over the opening.

Bollinger Rosé Brut Champagne N.V.

"Not a clue, I didn't get it." Alya continued to place everything together and adjust the lighting, making sure both heroes looked their best. Though with their aesthetics and beauty, it wasn't hard.

"So, we drink and then just tell the story ..." Ladybug asked, watching as Chat expertly poured the champagne into the glasses. How the hell did he knock how to do that? "Hidden skill?" She asked her partner as she took the glass from him.

"I have many, M'Lady." His response was cheeky and she couldn't help flushing. He was going that to her a lot recently.

"Yup, it's called 'Drunk History', so you get drunk and then talk about an event in History." Explained Alya.

"But Kwamibuster wasn't historic," Ladybug noted, it was far from it actually, "nobody knew exactly what happened apart from myself and Chat."

The latter let out a huffed laugh before raising an eyebrow at his partner. "Yep, just us two ... nobody else."

She rolled her eyes obviously not wanting to bring Marinette, aka herself, into the conversation.

"Which is why the audience chose it, I think?"

Ladybug took a sip of the wine and hummed, it seemed no expense was spared and it was actually quite nice. This was going to be lethal. She downed the small amount Chat had served her and reached for the bottle again.

"Woah, slow down, LB."

"This is good ... and we're meant to get drunk so," she struggled her shoulders ending the conversation with him there and filling her glass to almost the top. "And you're the only one who will watch and edit this? Correct?" That was the one condition Marinette had when the contract was in production ... if they were to do this and anything went wrong, they wanted Alya to be there to shut it down. They trusted her, she was a part of their team.

"On my boyfriend's hat," all three laughed knowing just how much Nino loved his hat. It's been almost permanently glued to his head since he was in collège- that was five years ago.

"Bottom's up then," Chat held his glass out for Ladybug to pound it before the two began to drink.

An hour later, three things were for certain.

1/ They could indeed get drunk in their suits.
2/ Ladybug was a giggly girly drunk.
3/ Chat Noir lost his filter ... his thoughts rolling from his tongue quicker than he'd usually spew out puns.

"Guys, you ready?" Alya laughed, moving towards the laptop set up near the camera.

"Hell yeah, this is one hell of a story, like, better than Twilight." Chat Noir said.

"Anything's better than Twilight, Kitty cat."

"No way! How can you beat handsome Vampires?"

"How about handsome kitty cats?" Ladybug started giggling, before looking at Chat and bursting out into full blown laughter.

She calmed herself down a little, and as scripted, she introduced the segment. The only problem she had was the fact the room wouldn't calm down it's Veinese Waltz a little. Honestly, the walls just didn't seem to care about their constant spinning and who might be sitting in the middle.

"Once upon a time -"

"In a galaxy, far, far, away -" Chat sprung up onto his chair, his feet tucked underneath him, "lived a beautiful Ladybug, called Ladybug,"

"And a strappingly handsome kitty cat, called Chat." Ladybug reached over to her partner and scratched his chin.

"Meow, M'Lady! Anyways, we have these creatures called Kwami's, mines a little fucker and eats stinky cheese and my bugaboo's is like a little red gem, she's so adorable, just like LB."

"She is a cutie pie!" Ladybug agreed, nodding aggressively from her seat. "The little beasts had snuck into the science lab at Françoise DuPont Collège and there's where my old science teacher, Ms. Mendeleiev,"

"Oh my God! She was mine too!"

"No way!"

"Yes way! I sat in the front row!" Chat excitedly squealed.

"Oh my God, that's crazy! I sat in the second row behind this super sexy model, like I had, well have, the biggest crush on him. I wore this little black dress last week to make sure he looked at me as more than just a friend."

"You know I'm a super sexy model," Chat wiggled his eyebrows at Ladybug, who patted his hair down in the most patronising way.

"If you want to believe that you are Chaton, go ahead. Anyway, so we were at Françoise DuPont Collège -"

"Hang on, hang on, hang on ... we went to the same collège? No way, you know I had an inkling but I wasn't entirely sure. You see," Chat Noir turned back to the camera to continue his story, "the principal dragged us all into the library to watch Ms Mendeleiev talking about the kwami's on Alternative Truth TV show. But because you can't photograph them she has some weird ass pictures of them that she'd drawn."

"Oh, God, yeah! They were like pre-schoolers drawings with wax crayons and everything -"

"She couldn't even colour between the lines." The two started laughing again as Chat refilled their glasses. As he got to the bottom of the bottle, he began to smack it, teasing out the few remaining droplets into his glass. Chat continued, handing the now full glass to Ladybug. "I don't know about you M'lady but I was furious at my kwami, so I left the library where we were seated to go to the toilets and tell the little shit exactly what I thought about him."

Ladybug started coughing, choking on the amount of wine she'd just thrown back. "I did exactly the same thing!"

"You know what they say, great minds think alike." Chat winked at the camera, and Ladybug burst out laughing again. Alya was starting to get a little worried about her friend, Marinette was under a lot of stress and perhaps this was her breaking point. "As I wandered out the toilet, it seemed Ms Mendeleiev had been akumatized so I had to turn around," he rolled her eyes, and sounded extremely brassed off, "and went straight back into the toilet to transform. But that's when I saw who I thought was Ladybug go into the girls restroom."

"Who was she?" Ladybug asked, taking another drink of her wine.

"This wonderful specimen of a human life form, honestly LB, she is fit! She must have had akuma alerts on her phone too, because she turned right around and went back to the restroom."

"I can't believe how similar our stories are."

"It's like we live the same life!"

"I know!" Ladybug shrieked.

Alya began to press buttons on the laptop, perhaps this hadn't been her greatest idea. If they continued this way, she was quite sure they were going to out themselves to each other. Also, if they'd all been in the same class in collège, there was a chance they all knew each other, and there weren't many blonde haired boys in their class, to be precise there was only one.

"So we transformed and made our way to the TVi Studios rooftop, and that my friends, is where the fun had really begun." Chat downed the remainder of his glass, and slammed it down on the table.

"Then this smart arse thought he had a great idea by winding Kwamibuster up," Ladybug look puzzled and turned to her partner, "had we mentioned the name yet?" He shook his head and Ladybug looked straight into the camera, one eyebrow raised, "her akuma name was kwamibuster."

"Kwamibuster?" He questioned.

"Kwamibuster," she said seriously. The two started giggling again, and Chat reached out to pat his partner on the shoulder, before beginning to sing the 'Ghostbusters theme tune.

"Du du dur dur dur dur, durdurdurdurdur dur dur dur, durdurdurdur Kwamibuster!" The two heroes began to howl, clutching their sides whilst taking deep breaths to try and calm down. "If there's something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call -"

The two shouted out 'Kwamibuster' before collapsing into a fit of giggles again. Alya wiped under her own eyes, not only was she watching Marinette make a total prat out of herself, but she was quite sure it was straight laced Adrien singing at the top of his lungs as though he was at a karaoke night.

"Then the worst thing happened," Ladybug said through the tears of laughter in her eyes.

"She got zapped, and de-transformed."

"It was so scary, so I dived behind this wall thing and shouted for Chat to stay away."

"Being the 'World's Greatest Partner' that I am, I called my cataclysm, found the big billboard on the roof and was like 'bam'," in his overly excited, and abbreviated state, Chat Noir slammed his power driven hand onto the arm of the chair causing the object to turn to ash and disintegrate underneath him.

Unfortunately this cat didn't land on his feet, instead his butt landed firmly on the floor and the momentum threw him onto his back. Ladybug burst out laughing and grabbed the glass in front of her.

"Opa!" She held the glass up to the camera in salute of her partner.

"Wow, me lardy, I didn't know you were Greek."

"I'm Chinese, you Mongoose!"

"You know who else is Chinese? Minnie Mouse -"

"Morty Mouse?"

"Yes, Mari Mouse, and she is fit!" His eyes widened and his grin stretched as he sang out the last word. "She had this really tight fitted grey and pink suit," he let out a whistle, "and had these teeny tiny little space buns. I thought it was her," he pointed over at Ladybug with his thumb, before going on to continue his story facing the camera, only to be interrupted by a rather large and ungentlemanlike belch. "Wowah, pardon me for being rude. You know, it just popped up to say hello, now it's gone back down below."

Ladybug burst out laughing, and tried to drink from her empty glass before moving forward and swiping the second bottle from the table. "I don't like telling him this, but he's so funny! Honestly, some days he makes me pee in my pants."

"That's so sweet of you, Buggy. Honestly, that's like the nicest thing you've ever said."

"Argh, Chat no! I love you, I really do, it's just everytime I tell you, you seem to go bat-shit crazy and blow up the moon."

"Bat-shit, or cat-shit?"

She bursts out laughing again, throwing her head backwards, eyes closed. Chat starts to laugh with her, a little unsure what they are actually laughing about, and places his head on her lap.

"I'm tired, Bugateeboo, and the room won't stop spinning." She began to stroke through his hair, pulling a soft purr from his chest as his eyes shut tight and he sighed out in pleasure. He looks at the camera and wiggles his eyebrows,

"Chat you were telling us about a mouse?" Alya's voice came from behind the laptop, causing Chat to open his eyes again.

"Argh yes, the great Miraculous holder M'nette Mouse. She is fit by the way, the only girl in the world who could give Bugaboot a run for their money. She is so powerful as well, I mean, if you're a guy and you like a woman with power ... then phoar the mouse is the one for you. She's one of my closest friends ... but damn I wish we were closer. We went to this event the other night and she wore the skimpiest black dress ever. I mean seriously, I didn't know how much I liked backs until I saw hers."

"Awww, Chatty, that's so cute of you to say. You see I had to put on all the -"

"You?" Chat asked, sitting up straight, eyes rolling and a slight wobble in his movement. Eventually, he steadied himself and looked at his partner. "Pfft, you wish it was you. Second best on my league table now, Buginette. She is in gold position! This is far ahead of everyone." He attempted to stand up and stretch his arms, smacking the chandelier above them, and sending a diamond droplet flying across the room, eventually it made it's descent knocking over a wine glass on it's landing. Oh, well, he'd just pay for it later.

"You're so cute, when you talk like that. But you see, I played a trick on you." She stood up to face him and walked her fingers up his chest, ending with punctuating his nose with her index finger.

A moment passed between them as they stared at each other. Alya wasn't quite sure what to do. Should she cut the tape? Or would they say more? Her answer came quickly as Ladybug jumped herself around Chat's hips and they began to make out in the middle of the room. The impact of Ladybug throwing herself against a very unsteady Chat sent him crashing to the floor, lips still securely attached to hers and his arms around her waist.

Alya sighed as she watched her two friends makeout, rolling around on the floor. She pulled out her mobile and selected her boss's number.

"Hey, it's Alya. Yeah ... we can't use anything I've filmed tonight."