Nothing.

My heart starts beating faster as I try my best not to think about the implications of Malik's lack of answer.

I wait, then knock again in case he didn't hear me the first time. 

Still nothing.

I can't knock any louder, the whole corridor probably already heard me at this point. 

Well, the unwritten message is pretty clear - go away. He doesn't want me anymore. 

What was I expecting? I've ruined everything.

Actually, maybe I didn't - my betrayal only precipitated the end. From its very beginning, our love story was doomed. 

How could have I been foolish enough to hope for an happy ending, after everything I've done? 

When I closed my eyes, I could picture the two of us, ten years from now, holding hands, walking in the forest, going from places to places, creating new memories to be cherished forever. Sometimes, I imagined us surrounded by children and sometimes not. We obviously haven't talked about it yet, but whatever he wishes, I will be happy as long as I am with him. I am a simple man, with the simplest desires.

When I was being held in his embrace, it was easy for me to believe that I would never feel alone ever again. Luckily, my mate loves cuddling as much as I do.

When we were idly chatting in the cocoon of his bedroom, I could envision moving somewhere else with Malik. We would have our own house and more intimacy than in this way too luxious Mansion, where all of his family is present. We would never be bored of each other, I was sure of that.

When we were taking the time to savour each other's lips, I could somehow start to comprehend how making love isn't just about sex. It doesn't have to hurt. It can actually be pleasurable and fulfilling for both lovers. I think.

See where all of these chimeras led me? Before Malik, I was hanging by a thread. Now, I just want to not feel at all, because I know that all of this will never happen. We will never walk hand in hand in beautiful places, nor will we make love for the first time or have long conversations about the most serious to the most trivial matters.

Just imagine yourself in Malik's position. You find someone, you fall in love with them only to discover that they have attempted to murder their former best friend. Would you still give them a chance or would you run as far as possible from them? 

I thought so. 

I don't blame him. If anything, I'm grateful for the time I was given with him. Of course, I feel worst than I used to, now that I've discovered what true love is. Still, I'm glad that we met and that I got to know him, although the opposite probably isn't true, since in return for his love and affection I gave him nothing but troubles. 

People who don't know me cannot guess it, because I look pretty calm and strong on the outside, but I'm really fucked up. Maybe, if I had an artistic talent, I could have use this negative energy to create something powerful. Unfortunately, I'm the average fucked-up. All I do is whine about how things could have gone differently, instead of taking action.

To top it all, all I can think about now is cutting myself. 

I don't want to. I feel like I have no other choices left. I can't deal with the emotional pain any longer. I just want it to stop, stop, STOP!

I could jump from that cliff. There would be no Malik to save me this time. I won't do it. Not yet. I don't want Malik to be the one to find my dead body.

So, instead of heading to the cliff, I choose to go to that secluded clearing where I shifted in front of my mate. 

When I arrive there, I immediately regret my decision because this place only brings happy memories to my mind, which only further reminds me that everything's gone with the wind.

I close my eyes and let my claws extend.

"Don't do it!" Orion suddenly starts whining. My wolf has never been good at dealing with my emotional outbursts. 

Too late, I think as my claws slowly start plunging into the tender skin of the palms of my hands.

"Pup! You're here"

I immediately hide my hands inside the pockets of my trousers, as I watch my mate slowly approaching me, his expression a mixture of relief and concern.

"You- you were looking for me?" I ask, somehow managing to keep a steady voice.

"Of course, I was! I was very worried about you. I thought that maybe you went to-"

He cuts himself, looking more stressed than ever. He takes a few steps in my direction, before stopping dead in his track, his expression darkening as he watches me take a couple of steps back.

"What were you doing here, Alex?"

"You weren't looking for me! You're lying!" I counterattack, hoping to dodge his question. 

"Why would you say that?"

"I woke up in your brother's bedroom and you weren't here! Then I went to your bedroom and you didn't answer. It's obvious that you don't want to see me."

He looks so shocked that for a moment I am sure he isn't faking it. Nobody is that good at acting. 

Except maybe for our dear President.

Then, I remember everything he told me when I revealed Serena's plan to him and I decide to stand my ground, because I want the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth from him. I don't want him to say he cares for me if it isn't the case. I don't want to live a lie. 

"Please, Malik, tell me the truth"

He approaches me again, this time so quickly that I don't have time to react and stay motionless. 

He still isn't closed enough to touch me, but he is closer and the fanboy in me can't help but screm in ecstasy. 

"I thought you knew that I wasn't in my bedroom. I was waiting for you at the bay. Killian was supposed to tell you - what did that bastard tell you?"

This time, it's my turn to be surprised at his angry tone. It's the first time I've heard him speak ill of his older brother. 

"He told me that you were waiting for me in your bedroom"

"That's it?" 

I think about it for a moment, wondering why on Earth Malik is asking me all these questions now, before adding:

"He said he was glad I was your mate, even if I'm a werewolf. Can you believe that? I was so happy!" I exclaim, before wincing at the overly enthusiastic tone of my voice, especially since he probably couldn't care less about the news. "But he also said that Serena called me 'a coward and a traitor' I add, my previous excitement short-lived.

"He's such a fucking liar. First, he wasn't very pleased to know that I was mated to a werewolf"

"Oh" is all I reply, but I know that even from this one-word reply,  Malik picked up on how crestfallen I feel. 

"Look at me, pup" he urges me gently and I obey, my cheeks blushing slightly at the endearment.

"He didn't just lie about that. I had to leave with Serena and Juliette, which is why I wasn't with you when you woke up. Serena was still very angry and I wanted to make sure that she left the Island without hurting anyone. I had to be the one to do it, since it obviously couldn't have been Killian, and nobody else is aware of the situation."

The more he talks, the angrier he gets. As for me, I am feeling mostly confused, and maybe the tiniest bit hopeful. 

"I knew you were fine and about to wake up, though, so I told Killian to tell you to meet me at the bay" he continues, his fist clenching and unclenching. "And by the way, Serena doesn't even know that you betrayed her. I think Killian only told you all those things because he doesn't like the fact that you're a werewolf and he knows that right now you're a bit... vulnerable, emotionally-speaking. We had a fight about it, but now that I am aware of how far he is willing to go to break us apart, he will never hear the end of it, trust me on that. He's lucky he's my brother "

I don't know what to think anymore. I believe him, but then does it mean that he never intended to leave me? Really?

"You still said that you're tired of being my nanny" I eventually remind him, as it's obvious, from all his intense staring, that he is waiting for me to say something. "You also said that I be-betrayed your trust. It sounds like something you would say when you want to break up with someone"

He sighs, taking the last couple of steps that still separate us and this time engulfing me in a tight hug that I would gladly return, if I could use my hands without him noticing the wounds. I inhale his scent deeply, feeling much calmer than when Malik first arrived in the clearing. 

"I was angry at you when I said that, Alex. I didn't mean it and I apologise. I love taking care of you, even when you think you don't need it - especially when you think you don't need it. I am also aware that you're a more than capable grown-up who doesn't need a nanny. As for my other comment..."

I hold my breath for a few seconds, as I unconsciously start pressing my face harder against his chest, before I realize what I'm doing and lean back slightly, my face as red as a tomato.

There must be something special about Malik's brain, because he always seems to know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. The smartass craddles my head back against his chest, before he resumes his explanation with a softer voice:

"Listen to me closely, Alex. I said that you betrayed my trust by not telling me sooner, not that you betrayed me, full stop. I was disappointed, but I got over it because in the end, you came to me and that's the most important thing. Nobody was harmed thanks to you."

"I can tell what you're thinking and you're wrong. You're not a traitor. The fact that you betrayed someone once doesn't give you the identity of a traitor for the rest of your life. By your actions, you are the one who decides who you are and I think you've done many great things, not only to me but to other persons as well."

"You make me laugh all the time with your witty comments and bratty attitude. You're also a very attentive and loving mate. My sister told me that there's nobody who can take care of the garden as good as you, and coming from her, that's basically a love declaration."

"Serena only said good things about you and you know how demanding she can be. This redhaired guy, and no, I'm not gonna bother with his name, has a crush on you because you're smart and different and adorable in a dorky kind of way and fascinating. Even Thomas once admitted to me that he doesn't like you but that he respects you, and although this guy knows as much about respect as my grandmother does about new technologies, I think it still illustrates my point, that is, you don't give yourself enough credit."

Fuck it, I think, as I take my hands out of my pockets to bring Malik even closer. 

"Please, pup, tell me you believe me when I say that I love you too and that I want you by my side forever. I'm sorry for hurting you but I was feeling hurt and said things that I regretted almost immediately after I said them"

"I do believe you" I reply in a sob and he slowly lowers himself on the ground, taking me with him and making me straddle his laps. 

He said he loves me. He said it with with a disconcerting ease, like it's natural for him to tell me those three little words. I don't even think he noticed.

He means it. He means it. Oh my God, he means it!

"Alex" he eventually says again, breaking my happy trail of thoughts. 

I look up at him, straightening my back. Judging by his stern expression, he means business. 

"Huh?"

"Where?"

"What?"

"You're hurt. Where?"

Shit. 

"I'm not." 

His eyes darken, and I realise that he knows and that there's no point denying it. He leans back to take a better look at me, his hands instinctively tightening around my waist, as if he's afraid that I will try to run away.

"How can you tell?"

"I'm a vampire, remember? I can smell even the faintest drop of blood from miles away, and your blood has a unique scent to me. Now, tell me before I start looking by myself. WHERE?"

"My - my hands"

He gently takes them, before opening them, palms up toward the sky. He says nothing but his brows are furrowed as he looks at the red crescents and my own bloody nails. 

"Malik, I can - I can explain"

He hushes me, taking my hands to his lips and slowly licking them. Once he is done, he presses them against his cheeks as he closes his eyes, obviously enjoying the touch as much as I do. I can tell that the skin-to-skin contact has a calming effect on him. 

"How long?" he eventually asks, still keeping his eyes closed.

"Not - not regularly" I immediately assure him, not wanting him to think of me as a total freak. "I haven't done it in a very long time, I swear. Anyway, even when I do it, I never cut myself very deep, as you can see, so I'm fine"

He shakes his head, his expression going from stern to affectionate to stern again.

" It's not just about how deep you cut, it's about the fact that you're hurting yourself. That, in itself, is a very violent act and I'm worried about you. Just because I cannot see any scars on your beautiful skin doesn't mean that the trauma is gone"

"I'm -"

"You're not fine. But you will be"

I just nod weakly at his words and he smiles, looking proud of me for some reason. We both know that at some point we will have to go home and face the inhabitants of the Mansion, but for now, we are just enjoying the silence and each other's presence. 

"Malik?"

"Hm?" he replies back, his words muffled by my hair, as his lip are pressed against the top of my head.

"Does it mean I will be punished?"

"Why on Earth would you be punished?"

"Erm, you know. I waited before telling you the truth. I didn't trust you enough to believe that you still wanted me. I hurt myself"

He laughs. Not a mocking laugh, but a loud and sincere laugh that makes me smile despite myself.

"Oh, pup, do you like to be punished so badly?" he teases, and I scowl, punching him playfully. 

"Asshole! I don't like it I - I"

"You what, my little masochist pup?"

"Shut up! I just thought I should be punished for what I've done"

"Mh. If you say so. We can both think of an appropriate punishment, if you insist. But no spankings, though, because I think you like them a bit too much"

"Oh God, please stop talking"

"Call me daddy and I will"

A/N: Yay, I'm not late for our weekly update this time! Hope you will enjoy this chapter, it ends on a much sweeter note that the previous one. Two chapters left now! 

Thank you for your support and kind words whether it was about the story or my general well-being (I'm a bit better, thank you, fingers crossed that my health will keep on improving!)

In return, I can only send you good thoughts, I would hug you if I could. Stay safe xxxx