Okay, forget what I've written before: there will be two more chapters. Or three. Alex & Malik don't want to leave me alone ^^"

We're leaving the Island. Today. The ferry will be there to pick us in a couple of hours and Malik and I are currently chilling on his king-size bed.

No, nothing bad happened. Malik told his family about us, and their reactions were better than what I had expected. Of course, they weren't ecstatic to learn about Malik being in a relationship with a werewolf, but I guess they were relieved that he finally found his soulmate and wouldn't be alone anymore.

They should be relieved. I am aware that I have to work harder on rebuilding my self-confidence, but I know now that he cares for me deeply and I am not leaving him again. Period. I won't keep running away my whole life when I was the one to tell Kyle to stop fleeing from arising difficulties and to start talking to his mates.

So, the vampires weren't too upset, yet the only member of the family who seemed sincerely joyful about the news was Rose. She hugged me and even whispered "I knew my brother could only be mated to someone truly special. That's why he had to wait for so long to find his mate. Welcome to the Huserdown family, doll" in my ears.

They all laughed when my cheeks turned crimson at her unexpected and undeserved words. Cheeky bloodsuckers. Oops. I mean, facetious Masters. That's right, I'm still under their command, for the remaining few hours.

As you probably already figured it out, the only shadow in the picture is Killian. He wasn't there when we got back, and since then, he has been nowhere to be seen. Malik pretends it's better this way, because he doesn't know what he would do if their paths were to cross again.

Still, I wish they could at least talk before our departure. I know his brother means - meant?- the world to him, and that he is deeply affected by his betrayal. I won't tell Malik about it, because I know that he would try to convince me that it isn't true, but I feel like I am partly to blame for their quickly deterioriating relationship.

He said that he doesn't want to leave the Island just because of his brother and that he longs to build a new life with me, which he cannot do while he is living in the same house as the rest of his family.

Still, I Don't see how Killian can make amends, if Malik is far away.

I wish there was a quick way to fix it, but knowing my mate, it will take time before he can even consider forgiving his brother.

"What are you thinking about so deeply, little Alex?"

"Huh? Nothing in particular, why?" I reply sheepishly, mentally face-palming myself when I realise that the film is no longer playing and that I was too absorbed in my thoughts to notice.

"Really? Then please, do tell, what is the film about?"

Shit.

"It's -uh... about a love story between... between a poor yet kind-hearted man and a very rich and cruel lady"

"God, no, I wouldn't want to watch something that sounds that cliché. I pride myself on being a selective prick. The movie is about an English teacher who encourages his students to seize the day and to think for themselves through unorthodox ways of teaching, mainly poetry**"

"Yeah, of course I know that! I was just pulling your leg!" I lie in a very unconvincing way.

He smiles at that, a mischevious gleam in his eyes that makes me shiver in excitement - I mean, in fear.

Before I have time to come up  with a better explanation, he is looming over me, forcing me to look up at him as I instinctively lay back against the cushion.

"You dare lying to me, pup?"

"I- I prefer the term joking! Or teasing! Lying sounds way too confrontational for the very laidback and pacific guy that I am"

"You know" he continues, as if I hadn't say anything, "I remember now that we still haven't carry on with the punishment I promised to give you. Last time we were interrupted."

"N- now? The ferry is in two hours!" I protest weakly as I try to sit up, only to be easily  pushed back. Soon, one of his hands is restraining my wrists above my head while the other is teasingly brushing my clothed nipples. My cheeks heaten up at our position and the fact that my cock is quickly fattening up in its garment.

Sounds like I might like to be dominated, after all.

"Took you long enough to realise it" Orion snorts and I mentally insult him like the mature person that I am, before looking up to find that my mate has a smug expression that mirrors my wolf's previous comment.

I want to wipe this knowing, self-satisfied expression out of his handsome face but I can't move.

Why does this guy, who has the physical appearance of a teenager and is actually a bit smaller than me has to be ten times stronger? Not fair.

"Don't worry, we have plenty of f time for you to be thoroughly punished" he promises me with a sultry voice, his dark eyes never leaving mine. "After all, I have already planned what I want to do to you. Now, what is your safeword?"

"It's... huh..."

"Alex. Last time I told you to think about one." he reprimands me with a serious voice.

"Yeah, no, believe me, I have a password- I mean, safeword. It's... it's Trump!"

He rolls his eyes, but I can tell he's trying his hardest not to laugh at my antics.

I love him. I love this. I love us acting like the horny teenagers we were never given the chance to be, groping and teasing and playfully fighting. I love this light mood, like all the drama we had to go through doesn't exist anymore. I love when under his loving gaze, I am no longer any of these horrible things I've been calling myself over and over again. I love it when it's just us. Malik and Alex.

"Well done, Alex. Now, I am soft again. I guess it's a pretty effective safeword. Way to kill the mood." he complains while shamelessly looking down at that part of himself that still looks very hard to me, but whatever he says.

"I think so too. This name has the same effect as a cold shower over my libido, so can I keep it? I don't think I will have to use it anyway."

He looks extremely pleased with my answer, and I think about what I've said again.

Oh. He's happy because I implied that I know he would never do to me something I'm uncomfortable with. I'm only saying what I believe to be the truth, though. I am positive he will always be very careful with me, even when he is punishing me. He always watches me like an hawk, looking for the slightest signs of discomfort or pain.

"Is it okay if I tie up your hands above your head?"

I nod, earning me a pinch on my left nipple.

"Words, pup."

"Yes. You can tie up my hands"

He does so with one of his tie, before deposing light kisses on each of my knuckles. I could easily free myself, yet the restraints still makes me feel like I'm under his control. I feel vulnerable, but not in a bad way. Helpless but safe. Cared for. Loved.

He looks like he is about to say something else, but I cut him off by pressing a chaste kiss on his lips. It took him by surprise because he stays silent for a few seconds, before mumbling something about me being too cute for my own good and kissing me back in a much more adult way that has my toes curling and my heartbeat spikes.

The next minute, he's kissing another place and I can't control my moans anymore, especially when he licks the tip of my very erected member while gently fondling my balls.

Pff, things are heating up pretty quickly. What's up with him today, I wonder, before losing myself in pleasure, all thoughts of the punishment long forgotten.

Reality comes back in full force when he suddenly stops.

"Malik" I whine, unable to push his head back between my thighs because of the restraints.

"Remember that you asked for it, pup" is all he says before I feel something cold against my dick, as he circles the base of my dick, effectively cutting of my orgasm.

"Why did you - what is that?" I ask feebly, frustration building up as tears well up in my eyes.

"It's a cock ring, pup. It's meant for punishment, but I will remove it once we arrive in the village. That is, if you behave" he explains with a gentle voice.

I nod, thinking that I will only have to bear it for a few hours, but then, to my growing horror, he starts stroking my dick up and down with fluid motions, making my member painfully hard.

I hid my face in his shoulder as the remains of my sense of dignity flew across the windows. He eventually stops, tilting my chin up so he can look at me properly. He frowns at the sight of my teary eyes.

"Is it too much for you, pup? You can use your safeword if you want me to remove the ring now. I would never get mad at you for using it"

"It - it's okay" I reply shakily, a warm feeling spreading through my chest as he starts stroking my back in a comforting way. I close my eyes for a minute, taking deep breaths and shamelessly inhaling his familiar scent.

"You're sure?" he insists, liking away my tears before dropping Feather-like kisses on each of my eyelids.

I start crying again, this time harder. Panick appears on his face as he tries to lean back, but I don't let him to so, clinging on him like a koala.

"Pup-"

" It's alright. I'm alright. I'm just - fuck, I'm just feeling a bit emotional right now, okay? You're so gentle. Even when you punish me, you're gentle. I am not - Adrien didn't get me used to that kind of feelings"

Why my brain thought it was the perfect time to share one of my most painful and pathetic memory to my mate, I have no idea. All I know is that once I started, I couldn't stop. It has to come out. It felt like vomiting rotten thoughts that were destroying me from the inside without me noticing, pardon me for the disgusting image.

"I don't know what happened to me that day. If he had push me against a wall and take me against my will, I wouldn't have any doubts that he raped me. It- maybe it wasn't rape, maybe it was just him being an insensitive jerk, I don't know.  Whatever it was,  I can't seem to forget about it.

It was going to be our first time together, but for some reason I didn't want to have sex with him. I felt guilty about it so I didn't say anything but I kept delaying the moment until we got to that secluded place in the forest.

He almost jumped on me once we got there, and after a few minutes, he was good to go, although I wasn't excited in the slightest. I remember insisting that he took time to prepare me. HIs touchs were a bit brutal, because he was in such a hurry. I remember telling him to "please touch me like you love me". I don't know why  I said that, but I repeated this sentence several times.

It hurted so much. I felt like he was opening a hole in my stomach. I tried to bear it but after a while it became too much. I eventually broke down and started crying in loud, ugly sobs. I turned around and it made him slip out off me. He looked at my crying face and his still rock-hard dick and he laughed a bit, making me feel a bit ashamed of my current state.

He insisted that we continue, saying he was almost done anyway and that we only had to adjust our positions so that it wouldn't hurt so much. I didn't reply anything and let him positioned my body the way he wanted. I was still crying my soul out but it was much more bearable in this new position. I don't know why I didn't tell him no. He wouldn't have used physical strenght against me.

At this point, I was just waiting for him to finish. I felt numb, like I was looking at myself from afar, just a body being fucked by another body. No thoughts. No feelings. Nothing at all.

He tensed a bit and I told myself "Great. He's finally going to come. It's almost over".

When the deed was done, he sounded incredibly happy and he even made fun of me, mimicking the way I kept saying "it hurts! it hurts!" in an childish voice that didn't sound like my own at all. He said that I was a crybaby and that it wasn't entirely pleasurable for him either, because I was too fucking tight. I told myself that he didn't understand what I had been through during our mating session and that he wasn't a bad guy, just a bit selfish maybe.

It was the only time we had sex, but in the years that followed, I never missed the lack of physical intercourse in my life. I felt lonely, and longed for companionship, but I was glad for my non-existent sex life.

I'm crying because I know that it's going to be different between us. I'm still a bit afraid to be honest, but I want us to be intimate this way."

I hear him shift closer on the bed, but I don't open my eyes. Not until he pulls me on his laps and craddles my head against his chest, holding me so tight that it's becoming a bit hard to breathe, but the feeling of safety it brings me is worth it.

"I'm glad that you know that I am nothing like this asshole" he eventually whispers against my ears. "You're very brave for telling me about it. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Please don't blame yourself for not opposing him a clear "no" to his brutal actions or for staying passive."

I let out a strangled sob and he rocks me, his fingers carding through my hair.

"He is the one to blame. He should have known better. He should have known that silence isn't a yes, that absence of no isn't a yes, and that tears certainly aren't a yes. Sex without consent is rape"

We don't say anything after that, holding each other close and never letting go until it's finally time to say goodbye to the inhabitants of the Island.

I feel like something broke inside of me and that my emotions are surging through me in a cascade. The water is cloudy, full of dark memories and self-hatred, only this time, I am not standing directly under the waterfall. I am looking at it from the safety of the shore and Malik is standing by my side, brightening the picture with his mere presence and gradually bringing colours back into my dull life.

** they are watching the film Dead Poet Society

A/N: Smexy chapter ending up on a heavy note. I hope you like it. It was a bit painful for me to write it, too. Thank you for your sweet messages and support, you'all seem like a bunch of great people.

Stand firm against ignorance and close-mindedness ~ to stay silent is to let them win !

Love Always,

#hasnoshamexx