I thought I saw you today and I got so excited for a second. My feet were first to react, running in the direction I thought I saw you walk by but then it suddenly dawned upon me that you're gone and you're never coming back. It must've been my mind playing tricks on me, but if it were, it was quite a nefarious thing to do to a grieving woman.

        When I awake in the mornings, I still look out my window, wondering why I don't hear your usual tap and then I remember that you left, leaving the nightmare behind. I still sit outside in our usual spot, and I almost call your name everytime and it sinks in deeper everytime that you're truly gone. I still leave the leftovers by my window, forgetting that they'll only sit there and rot for the horrible truth is that you're gone and you'll never return.

       I still take pictures everyday of my hands like we used to do, and I still take videos of me running like we used to, hoping I'll catch you in one of them, but a tear escapes my eye when I realize it's just me running and it's only my bare hands. I still listen to our favorite song and I cry. I cry because you used to love this song so much, laying your head on my lap and sleeping contently. You always did like it when I played Queen. I still say our favorite word. You always found it funny when I said it, wearing the brightest smile ever.

    But I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to play our favorite game alone. It feels heavy to do so, and it feels wrong without you. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to look at our pictures together for I know I would be a sobbing mess, much like I am now. I'm not strong enough to look at the moon you used to sleep under, it'll be a haunting memory for me. A constant reminder that you're not here anymore. I'm afraid I can't do this without you. Come back.