My finger depressed the elevator button again for the fourth time. It was taking forever, even though it was only fourteen floors. I suspected that someone was in the elevator doing other things. My impatient eyes glance to the stairs. It wasn't like my head hurt anymore, but with my luck lately, I'd be falling down on them. My bag buzzes with urgency. Then I move my journal out of the way in my bag, pull my phone, and check. With a smile, I opened the message from Zoey.

Zoey: Hey sorry about that.

She wasn't really mad, just surprised. Good. It's Zo after all.

Sabali: No problem. When I get downstairs, I'll use an app for a ride. I can text my brother and he'll do the driving. You can meet me at my house later. Stay with your date?

A little fishing, I hope she's ok and happy.

Zoey: I can drive you back.

Sabali: I will not cock block you. You're staying! *Sigh* If you are the tiniest bit interested in her, I want you to stay with her.

A part of my stomach drops a little in worry. In high school, before I left for college, it was so hard for Zoey. When you are Bi in high school, you are either Bi entertainment or you are annoying. Your sexuality is something to use for the attention of men. When it came to women, her sexuality was always about getting into women's pants. I was one of the few people she could be real with because, if Zoey was interested, she'd tell you. She wasn't interested in straight women, period. It made relationships very hard for her of any type. The worst thing that could happen was her not giving whatever that was going on a real try. Instead of taking me home when I could use an app and call my brother. He gets off from the fire station at 1 am. It's not an enormous deal for him to drive my car back to the house. I bite my inner cheek, waiting for her reply.

Zoey: Ok, ok. Did you talk to Asher about our first song choice for the show?

Sabali: Asher was busy with a bunch of women. I'll send him and Megumi the show information later. Besides, it's not like Asher would even remember my name.

Zoey: We're on the same team. He should know your name.

Sabali: Doubtful, a woman who passed out. No.

"I know your name, Sabali Lora," I jump out of my skin and launch myself towards the doors.

"Asher, you scared the shit out of me." Does he know my name?

"Hard to forget the name. Lora like the bird?" He asks and leans against the elevator, pressing the button again.

"Yes, like the bird." I look for an exit. Then shoot out a quick text to Zoey like she could save me from this moment.

Sabali: Asher is here. He knows my name. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out!

Asher's eyes read my line in the chat bubble. Then he smirks at it.

Zoey: Talkback talkback! See you later.

"What does Sabali mean?" He asks.

"Patience," I answered.

"So, you're a patient bird?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I never thought of it that way, but it would be like my grandmother and mom to come up with something like that.

"Trent Reznor's," he said it like an answer to a question.

"Huh?"

"I like both versions of hurt, but enjoy Trent's better than Johnny Cash's." Then Asher's words clicked in my head. Right when the EMT was giving me a look over. I told him he should ask me music questions instead of presidents. I catch back up to the conversation and go over what he's saying. My heart drops a little.

On April 17, 1995, an industrial rock band called Nine Inch Nails came out with an album. The album was called 'The Downward Spiral'. On that album was a song called Hurt. Trent Reznor wrote the song then performed by the band Nine Inch Nails with him as lead singer in the band. When I say the band Nine Inch Nails, I mean Trent Reznor because he was pretty much the whole of Nine Inch Nails. He hired guitarists, drummers, and so forth for a band, but it was mostly Trent. At that time, most Rock acts had to be in the form of a band. It's not like now with so many two-man or solo act Rock groups like Asher and his brother Dustin's group. The song in its original form was heartbreaking and had this quality to it that was so damn broken. But at the same time, it wasn't fully broken. It still functions as a song. Still has this big lift to it. Addiction, pain, and loneliness in a stew together. Crushing yet extremely youthful with all the things that youth imply. It was a classic song. The kind they put you into the rock hall of fame for, career-defining moments.

Then, in 2002, Johnny Cash decided to cover the song. What was amazing was when he sang the song, it was like a goodbye. I've done my drugs. Sometimes the drugs won, sometimes I won, but this is just about over. It was like he was saying it was a wonderful ride all the same. There's something sad and upbeat about it, like a grinning skull. Less than a year later, Rock-and-roll Hall of Fame legend, Johnny Cash, died at the age of 71. The same song, but with two different sentiments. His tone on the song was different from Nine Inch Nails, the band. Because the band sounded like they were starting the dance and a part of it was still fun. In that way, when you drive 100 miles an hour on the empty highway in the middle of the night. Party, booze, concerts, and everything rock and roll could give to it's young sons. They understood addiction but didn't quite get the price of the addiction and its impact. "I will make you hurt," in a line from the song is devastating when Johnny says it. As if Johnny Cash was driving 100 miles per hour down that same highway at night. The difference is a highway was full of people driving in cars. And his friends and family were in the truck with him. Impact hits different. But when the band sang it, it had a completely different tone. They thought it had weight, and the song made it have weight because it was beautiful. But they didn't understand at a fundamental level yet. You need life experience to know that when you hurt yourself, you hurt everyone around you.

The debate of who sang it better was one of those music nerd things. Years later is a little-known unplugged performance by Trent Reznor without the band. It was solo, one man on a grand piano in the middle of the stage. Lonely, dissolute, and absolutely heartbreaking. Whereas Johnny was almost saying I won some, they won some, but it was a good life. There was regret in his song but also the dignity of a life lived. It was like Trent by himself was saying; I get it now. The way you get it when you've grown up. The moment you understand that this might not work out. When you realize the world around you, just might burn because you felt it burn. You tasted the pain. You know. The addiction might win. The glamor is gone and you finally get it hurts. Not just for you, but you really get it hurts for everyone around you too. That each time you destroy yourself, you destroy them too. It hurts. Life hurts. You are in the middle of the dance without knowing how the story turned out like Johnny Cash did because he lived it. That was painful to watch on stage. That it was one day at a time. One hour at a time. One second.

I looked Asher in the eye, understanding what he was saying in passing. Because if you were a music nerd you'd get it. And it wasn't about age but experience. When you'd lived and had something to lose. You start to get stuff. When it was just my mom left that was the moment I figured out what loss was. And what it feels like to lose like Johnny already did. What Trent did when he sang that song years later. If that was what he was saying. I wanted to hug Asher Kells. He needed it. But he didn't know me and besides, it was super creepy. The kind of hug I would give would be from a person who knows loss to another person who knows loss. But that can't go along with the creepy vibe for him to get it.

"What are you thinking about, little Birdy?" I snapped out of my thoughts. My mouth moves but no sound comes out. Wheelz, say something!

The elevator grinds to a halt on our floor. The door dings open and I get into the elevator.

"Going down?" I ask.

"I'll get the next one. My agent is coming."

Asher leans next to the button for the elevator doors.

Like an idiot, I wave.

"Bye Birdy," he half-smiles.

The doors slide close on that beautiful mischievous grin of his.

A/n: see yall soon, I got a bit triple post coming up for yall. ty as always and remember to share and vote on this new project.