After Andres left, I returned to the auditorium to watch Ferdinand's practice. Soon, however, a building tension behind my eyes turned into pounding pain, and I couldn't stand the bright stage lighting any more. I waited for a small break between sets, and quickly grabbed Ferdinand's attention just long enough to let him know I needed to head home. He was still in the middle of the lessons, so he only had time to give me a brief kiss on the cheek before Mr. Gramercie pulled him away. Thankfully he hadn't noticed my exhaustion. I didn't want to worry him.

Instead of bothering Hannabella's lended chauffeur to drive me home, I walked down the streets on my own. I didn't want to make him drive all the way to Hannabella's house, and then back again to pick up Ferdinand. Besides, it was enjoyable to pass all the stores and houses, painted in pastels and brilliant whites, with darling awnings over the windows. The sunshine spilled down on the women in spring green and petal pink dresses, their hair bunched at the nape of their neck and wrapped in ribbons. Even though Hannabella had done her best to buy me nice dresses, I still felt slightly out of place among the cheerful smiles and easy gaits. I wasn't sure I ever had that sense of safety inside me, even before the Vigilant riots.

When I reached Hannabella's house, I immediately saw a carriage waiting out front. It meant there were guests inside, probably for Hannabella. She was so well known and respected in Flauns, and yet I always seemed to forget that she was nearly as famous as the queen herself. Her warm temper and graciousness always made me think of her more as family than as a star that commanded the awe of an entire country. It was only when admirers showed up, gushing about her operas, that I remembered what her real job was.

I opened the door as quietly as I could, not wanting to interact with anyone just at that moment, and was heading upstairs when one of the maids scuttled out of the shadows and hovered by my elbow. She twisted her hands in front of her, her eyes wide.

"Sorry, miss, but some ladies came to see Mr. Popov, and I told them he wouldn't be back from practice for at least another hour, but they insisted they'd wait for him, and I don't know what to do." She'd said it all in one puff of air, gliding from thought to thought with no thought for sentences. I smiled to try and calm her.

"If they said they'd wait, then I'm sure they won't mind it," I said, taking a step toward my room. I wanted nothing more than to just collapse on my bed and try to make sense of volunteering to join Andres' company when I couldn't even dance a simple set of steps.

"Please," the maid said, stepping forward as if she was about to follow me. "Couldn't you go in and see them? Maybe convince them to come back another time? Mrs. Lephard is so particular about guests in the house. There are so many dreadful fans and reporters who will try to sneak in and steal something that belongs to her or try and get gossip."

"You think these women are that sort of fan?" I asked, my eyes skimming over her toward the closed drawing room door. "How would they know Ferdinand?"

The maid half-shrugged. "I'm not sure. But it doesn't seem right to have guests who would wait hours for someone, when they can easily come back later."

I sighed, coming back down the stairs. "All right, I'll see to them." I'd barely gotten the words out before the maid smiled in relief and dashed back into the shadows of the hallway. It looked like I was going in alone.

Making my way to the drawing room doors, I pushed them open just enough to peek through. The guests were facing away from me, but I could tell they were ladies. The nearest one, smaller than the other, had golden hair and chattered away. I couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but she seemed almost to be laughing. I waited a moment, trying to think why two young women would wait hours for Ferdinand, when the golden haired girl turned her head slightly and I caught sight of her profile.

Katya. Ferdinand's sister. My heart raked the back of my ribs and I quickly shut the door, wincing as it thumped into place. I couldn't go in there, especially not alone. I already felt like a failure, a fraud, and having Katya nearby only made me feel even more pathetic. I spun on my heel, dashing for the stairs, but just as I'd placed one foot on the bottom step, I heard Katya calling to me.

After a second of hesitation, I looked over my shoulder to see her floating out of the drawing room in an ivory gown, bringing with her the lovely scent of flowers and perfume. She grabbed my hand, innocent looking enough, but with a grip that couldn't have been broken by a team of horses.

"We thought someone might be nearby, and it looks like we were right!" she said, pulling on my hand until I was forced to step back down from the stairs. She looped her other arm through mine and started back toward the sitting room.

"I'm so sorry, but I just walked a long distance and need to refresh a bit before I receive visitors," I said, hating that my voice sounded so watery and broken in front of her. She just sighed.

"No, we won't mind if you're a bit... damp." She smiled, but her eyes flicked up and down, taking in my rumpled appearance after such a hike. A flush mottled the skin on my chest, but I tried to ignore it as Katya yanked me into the sitting room. She continued to chatter on to me. "I brought my best friend from Rumonin to see my brother. You should meet her too. She's a perfect angel. Perhaps the most angelic and graceful girl to ever live."

We now stood in the middle of the sitting room. The other young woman that Katya had been talking to before, sat on one of the couches. She was indeed angelic, with a white gown patterned after Rumonin folk dress, and her glossy raven hair pinned in traditional braids that looped over her shoulders. She smiled at me in confusion, her eyes taking in the state of my person, and her hands tightening around each other.

Katya practically pushed me into the girl. "Nadia, I want you to meet Yulia. Yulia, Nadia is also from Rumonin."

Yulia. I remembered the name. She was the girl Katya claimed Ferdinand enjoyed kissing at balls in his life before meeting me. I stared at the guest, noticing how her cheeks were plump and her eyes bright. She may have suffered in the war like we all did, but obviously it had not broken her. She was a lovely little rose, and I knew then that she was stronger than I was. Katya had talked about her losing a brother, yet here she stood with a smile on her face as she met me. I felt inferior to her in every way possible.

Yulia patted my shoulder, even though we should have exchanged kisses on the cheek. I knew why she avoided my overheated face, covered in sweat from a long walk. "How lovely to meet you. Are you staying here with Ferdinand?"

I nodded once, not trusting my voice to keep together.

Katya had no such qualms. "Oh, isn't she interesting, Yulia? She used to be a dancer in some little production down in the industrial area of the city. Something quite scandalous if I remember correctly. Had some trouble with the government because of it. But it's all fine now, obviously, since we're in Flauns." I opened my mouth to try and tell Yulia that it wasn't as dirty as it sounded, but Katya laughed over my words and leaned in closer to Yulia. "She and Ferdinand know each other quite well."

"Do you?" Yulia's eyes lit up. I could tell, then, that she was in love with him. I knew the feeling of glittering abandon at the sound of his name, could spot the faint blush that grew on her cheeks and neck. On her face was the elation that I felt in my chest at the mere thought of him. "I just arrived in Ètrevay, so Katya brought me to meet with him. I've missed him so much. We were quite close, before he accepted his position in the National. I dearly hope we can find that bond once again."

Katya finally released my hand in order to pat Yulia's. "Don't worry, darling, I'm sure he'll be so excited once he gets home and sees you. Remember that one time he said he was too tired to see mother's guests, but then he found out that you were there, and suddenly it was as if he'd swallowed the sun itself? I swear I've never seen him with more energy than when he ran into that room and whisked you away to the conservatory."

Yulia giggled. "Katya, stop! Nadia will think I'm the wrong sort of girl!"

"Don't worry, Nadia knows all about this sort of stuff." Her eyes stared into mine with none of the humor she'd just shared with Yulia. "She won't think it wrong that you shared your feelings with a boy you loved."

Yulia's smile turned soft, secretive. Her eyelashes fluttered over her eyes as she looked at the floor. "Yes, I remember that day very fondly, especially after all that's happened. It was the last time my family was whole, and I remember Boris almost caught me and Ferdinand."

"Caught you kissing," Katya cut in, smiling coyly.

"You're too wicked!" Yulia laughed, covering her face. "Oh I hope Ferdinand comes home soon. It's been so long and I'm so aching to see his face again."

I felt leaden inside. My arms hang heavy by my sides even though Katya had pulled me close again. She kept bumping me, trying to get me to focus on the conversation, but my mind was filled with a buzzing. It was if I was shutting down, and I knew I had to get somewhere away from this girl and her stories of a Ferdinand I'd never know.

"Have you seen Nadia's ring, Yulia?" I felt Katya lift my left hand up, and I only realized too late what she was planning.

"You're engaged! How perfectly wonderful," Yulia said, gazing at the ring Ferdinand had given me. "Oh, isn't it lovely? Who is your intended? Someone I might know?" She said the last bit to Katya.

"Well, Nadia doesn't really know anything about society, so normally it probably would've been a footman or valet in her situation. But, of course, she's very good at aiming upward." Katya turned, relinquishing the last grip on me and leaving me to stand, alone, in front of the both of them. "Why don't you tell her who it is, Nadia? I'm sure she'd be very interested to know who you've snagged"

Snagged. As if I'd caught someone in a trap or snatched them off a windowsill in the dead of the night. She knew what she was doing. I glared at her. I hated her. Hated her so much in that moment that I wanted to shove her into the street when it was filled with carriages. I didn't even care that she was Ferdinand's sister.

Yulia looked back and forth between my glares and Katya's smug grin, unsure of what had suddenly changed the mood. "I don't understand. Is he not suitable?"

"I'd say so," Katya said.

I clenched my hands so hard that my nails cut into my skin and my knuckles hurt. "My fiancé is Ferdinand, Yulia. I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way." My voice hitched, but I managed to direct my gaze at the other girl.

Her face went white, her hands bunching at her sides. I even saw tears brimming, gathering up against her beautiful and long eyelashes. She looked even more angelic now, and it burned me to my soul. She had done nothing to me, nothing that had earned cruelty, and yet I felt so horrible standing in front of her and telling her that I was the girl who Ferdinand loved now. It felt all too much like telling her she was replaced. And I hated that.

Yulia slowly looked to Katya, a question in her eyes. She wanted to know why she wasn't good enough. I wanted to tell her that it had nothing to do with her, but yet I couldn't think of any reasons why I should have been chosen over her. She was beautiful and kind and came from the same world that Ferdinand did. She had more history with him, and his sister loved her. How in the world had she been passed over?

"What does she mean?" Yulia asked, her voice cracking. "I thought... I thought Ferdinand was fond of me."

Katya put an arm around her friend, but her eyes pinned me as I slowly edged toward the door. "Trust me, he is still fond of you. You two were perfect for each other, and we all knew it."

I grabbed the handle, opening it up. I couldn't stay here any longer. My own thoughts of how inadequate I was were enough to strangle me, without being added onto by Katya. And I knew I couldn't bear to see Yulia cry. The mere thought of Ferdinand no longer loving me sent a jolt to the pit of my stomach, making it hard to breath. If I had been faced with what Yulia was facing now, I'd be destroyed. I couldn't stand by and watch her grieve. I needed to leave.

I slipped into the hallway, and then dashed up the stairs, trying to leave Katya and her words far behind. I barely made it to the room I secretly shared with Ferdinand before the tears spilled over and ran torrents down my cheeks. I ran to the bed that we had left unmade, and burrowed into the blankets on Ferdinand's side.

That poor girl downstairs was probably crying herself, but I couldn't bring myself to go down and try and comfort her. She'd never want my comfort anyway. She'd never want to see me again. I had stolen something that was most precious to her. Yulia had every right to hate me now.

Even though Yulia would have found out some way or another, I knew that Katya could have done it all without hurting either of us this much. If she'd told Yulia beforehand, or had Ferdinand tell her, perhaps it would not have been such a heartbreak. Yet, she'd hurt her own best friend, a girl who'd just lost her brother, all in an attempt to get a jab at me.

I was beginning to see just what kind of person Ferdinand's little sister really was.