【 CHAPTER FIVE】
hocksnots
( — HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS
HOGGY WARTY HOGWARTS
TEACH US SOMETHING, PLEASE )

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'Hey, Liam?'

The boy hummed in acknowledgement.

'You have any idea what house your sister's gonna get into?'

Liam turned his attention onto Teddy, bookmarking his well-worn copy of Paper Towns by sticking his finger between the pages. He knew exactly why his friend was asking, and it definitely wasn't because of curiosity. 'Betting again?'

'I have two horses in the running this time! Two! I can't possibly lose this year.'

Liam raised an eyebrow. 'Oh? And which house do you think will end up begging you to help deal with James?'

Teddy looked at him like he was stupid. 'Gryffindor, of course. Didn't I tell you about how he ran in front of that truck last week to save a cat? I'm pretty sure that he'll be the bravest and most senseless person I will ever meet.'

'Oh yeah...' Liam slumped back into his seat, sighing as they went through the same song and dance they had on the first of September. 'Why do you even do this? You're the godson of one of the most influential person in the Wizarding World and you come from one of the oldest wizarding families. I'm pretty sure you don't need the money.'

'Eh. It's fun.'

Liam deadpanned at him.

'Oh, come on!' Teddy groaned. 'It's a little bit of harmless betting. Literally. What the worst that could happen? I lose and I'm a little poorer for the night. That's it. Then I get paid by the Creevey Daily by the end of the week and get back the money. And if I win, I'll even buy you two - no, three Butterbeers whenever you want. So, what do you say, partner?'

Teddy met Liam's unimpressed look with a megawatt smile.

'I don't like Butterbeer and I'm not gonna encourage gambling.'

'Oh, right. Your dad.' Teddy scowled. 'Welp. You give me no choice.' He began morphing his eyes to what most people would refer to as the dreaded "Puppy Dog Eyes".

Liam's eyes widened and he quickly looked away. Too late.

'Pleeeeeeease~'

Liam clamped his ears shut but it was no use. Teddy knew how his best friend could never resist that look or tone. 'Alright, alright! Your best chances are with Slytherin.'

Teddy pumped his fist towards the sky. 'Yes! Thank you!' He gave Liam a quick side hug and a loud 'smack!' on the cheeks. Liam felt his cheeks grow warmer and thanked Merlin for his dark skin.

The carriages stopped. They had arrived at Hogwarts.

'Come on,' said Teddy, dragging Liam by the arm. 'We've got to get the good seats up-front. I'd rather not be stuck at the back of the hall with all the weirdos.'

'You are the weirdo. There is a reason that I'm your best friend and it's because your weirdness is just a few loose screws short of being on Miri's level.'

Teddy raised an eyebrow. 'You're kidding me. That bad?'

'It depends on the length of her fingernails. Longer nails mean that she can dig it into her palm and jump-start her brain to see whether or not its a good idea.'

'Huh.' Teddy low-whistled. 'Can't wait to see what sort of chaos she'll cause.'

'Honestly, it could go both ways. She's very good at faking illnesses to get out of school without any of the Weasley products. I nearly had a stroke when we went to Diagon Alley last month and she found the Snackbox immediately. Thank god mom wouldn't let her buy it and she'd already used up all her money at Flourish and Blotts.' 

They followed the crowd into the Great Hall and sat at their respective tables. His thoughts turned to his sister, who he hasn't seen since they got onto the train save for the brief glance he got when he passed by her compartment, and wondered how she was doing.

She's probably fine, he thought, settling into his seat and reopening his book. Terrorising some poor First Years, but fine.

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Miri was going to die.

It was an inevitable and inescapable fact, death.

Because if life was an experiment, death would be one of the constant variables in her extremely volatile one; the manipulated variables being the endless curveball with spikes that life threw at her and the responding variable being her steadily decreasing ability to give a shit.

Where was she again?

Right, death.

She was going to die. She just didn't think that it would be at the hands of an inanimate object.

Miri rubbed the nail of her thumb against the pad of her middle finger. And it had been going so well too.

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After getting off the train, the First Years rode the self-rowing boats across a lake. According to the literal mountain of a man who had lead them across, it was called the Black Lake. Miri wondered if black food colouring was put into the lake to keep the students out. She decided that she didn't really want to find out but angled half of her body out of the boat anyway, admiring how the moonlight rippled against the water's surface.

Her theory was proven wrong, however, when one of the girls from the next boat over leaned a tad too much towards the water and fell in. This resulted in a sudden halt of the boats that made even more students falling in, herself included, which caused a lot of panic, particularly from a blonde boy who couldn't swim. Miri had to work together with two other students to restrain the poor guy's flailing limbs just to get him back on his boat. She was pretty sure she was kicked a few times. She couldn't be sure. The cold night and wet clothing took up most of her attention. Fun.

And as it turned out, no food colouring. Just a lot of cold and wet and miserable, soaking socks.

'Help me up, you git! It's freezing!' screamed Miri at a cackling Kenneth. 'Don't make me pull you in as well.'

Taliana just sighed before hauling her friend up, Kenneth and anotherstudent on the other side stabilizing the boat so they wouldn't fall in as well. 'You deserve it honestly. Mr Hagrid over there already told you to keep yourself away from the edge, and so did I!'

Miri scowled. 'I officially regret coming to magic school and I haven't even entered magic school yet,' she said, untying her braid to wring out her hair.

'Oh, don't be dramatic. And besides, you shouldn't have been-'

'Lia, I love you but I am soaked and I am tired and hungry and it feels like I'm stepping in pudding. Let me die in peace. Preferably with some sad background music and a spotlight on my face.'

Taliana, fully prepared to counter her friend's melodramatic words, stopped as Kenneth placed a hand on her shoulder, the look in his eyes screaming that it wasn't worth it. She huffed instead, settling on crossing her hands and looking disapprovingly at Miri, who turned towards the front, where she could pretend that she didn't have two moms in her life.

The student that none of them knew wisely chose to stay out of the mess.

They neared the magnificent castle and if Miri wasn't shivering like it was the dead of winter, she'd probably be gazing at it with awe. But she was, and she didn't and she wondered if it was Too cruel to look up a spell to curse the girl who had fallen in to never be able to sleep before three in the morning. Probably. Was there even a spell for that?

When they arrived at the castle, they were greeted by Professor Horn, who's initially warm expression had turned a little puzzled on how there were seven shivering students. She looked at the big man questionably.

'Fell inter the lake, they did,' he said.

The woman couldn't hide her bafflement. 'All of them?'

He shrugged. 'I told them ter keep their all limbs inside the boat when crossin'. Told them they'd regret it if they didn't.' He looked at the shivering students. 'They regret it.'

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

'Thank you, Hagrid. I'll take it from here.' Professor Horn shook her head and muttered something. A second later, Miri and the other wet students were dry. Miri silently promised to pay attention in this teacher's class. Unless it was Herbology.

Dirt. Yuck.

She led them past the humongous Entrance Hall and into a small room just off it. After making sure that no one was going to interrupt her, she smiled.

'Good evening, students, and welcome to Hogwarts. The Welcoming Feast will begin shortly, but before that, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be like your family. You will attend your classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend your free time in your house common room.'

'The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honour. I'm sure that each and every one of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.'

'The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all tidy yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting.'

She left the room.

'Did she... did she just say that we'll be sorted... in front of the entire school?!' yelped a boy from the front.

A frenzy of activity broke out at his words, friends helping those who had fallen into the lake to adjust their collars or comb their hair. Miri turned desperately to Taliana, who had already pulled out a comb.

'Turn.' Several frantic tugging of her hair later, Taliana dropped the comb into Kenneth's waiting hands and began to do a simple plait. Miri grunted when her friend pulled just a tad too hard.

'Hair tie.' Kenneth took the black hair tie from Miri's wrist and gave it to Taliana, who made quick work of securing her work.

She stepped back and raked a critical eye over Miri's hair. 'Not my best work,' she admitted grudgingly.

'As long as I don't look like a drowned rat.'

'Yeah now you just look like a rat covering up a bad haircut,' Kenneth joked.

Miri squinted. 'Thanks. Would you like me to give you one so we can match? I'm very handy with a pair of scissors.'

'Nope!' Kenneth replied cheerfully.

Professor Horn returned right as the last students fixed their looks. 'First Years, form a line and follow me, please.'

With both of her friends behind her, Miri followed the professor through a pair of very large doors into the very very large dining hall. If Miri had doubted the existence of magic before, it would have been dropped faster than the bloody heart of a dead chicken.

What seemed like thousands of flickering candles hung suspended in mid-air under the open night sky. As Miri watched, hot wax dripped off one of them but disappeared just before it could hit a group of red-clad students.

'The ceiling is enchanted,' Kenneth whispered breathlessly, in awe of the view himself. 'It's charmed to look like the sky outside.'

Looking up, Miri could faintly detect a few arches that broke the illusion. But she was bored and at the moment? The chaos in the room was lacking, and Kenneth was an easy target. 'Liar.'

'It's true!'

Taliana nudged both of them before the situation could escalate any more. 'Both of you, shut up,' she hissed. 'We're about to get sorted.'

Professor Horn placed a stool and an old hat in from of the crowd. For some reason, Miri had a bad feeling about this.

Suddenly, the hat burst into song, most of which Miri did not catch because That is a hat. That is a hat that can sing. What, can it eat too? Does it have a digestive system? Or a throat? Wait, does it poop? Eww, no, not going down that line. Did it just say that it was that Gryffin guy's hat? Didn't Liam say that he died a thousand years ago? And they want me to put it on my head?! Is that even sanitary? Has it even been washed once in the thousand years?! Wow, that's actually pretty catchy.

Miri snapped back into the present when the whole Hall filled with applause and oh no. Oh no, she wasn't supposed to put that... that thing on her head, was she? Didn't it just say that it could look into the deepest corners of her mind? This was an invasion of her privacy and she demanded a lawyer, dammit.

Which was how Miri ended up here, staring, horrified as a Taci Abebe was called up to the front of the Grand Hall to be sorted to her house. She cringed in disgust as she saw the ratty old hat cover the girl's black curls. The 'hat', and she was using the word generously here, was poop brown, was actually shaped like poop and probably smelled like it too.

Once again, she wondered what was up with the Wizarding World.

Unfortunately, her last name started with a C, and all too soon, a 'Cheng, Miriam' rang through the Hall.

Miri's nostrils flared slightly but other than that, there was no indication of her at the use of her full name. The idea of having her mind analyzed by a ratty old hat (which had probably given a good many First Years head lice) in front of a bunch of bored teenagers was not her idea of fun.

Sure, she was used to performing and hardly even got stage fright anymore, even if she was performing for a large crowd. But that was because she was performing in a choir. Like, as in not alone. After weeks of preparation. And prior notice to barf before the program if so desired.

This? This was the equivalent of performing the solo version of the national anthem in front of the royal family with cameras live-streaming her inevitable humiliation for the entire world to laugh at. With only a second's notice as a heads-up. Without warmup. And a barely recovered sore throat.

Dear God. Her metaphors were getting out of control. Someone. Anyone. Help.

Miri exhaled, prayed that she wouldn't fall flat on her face and forced her trembling limbs to death march towards the Sorting Hat.

She caught Liam's eye, who gave her a beaming smile and two thumbs up. She sent him a mental message: If I don't survive this, don't let Maria paint our room pink.

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The Sorting Hat was lowered onto Miri's head and Liam watched as she cringed in disgust.

A beat of silence, then Miri fell down the stool. There was no other way to tell the story other than Miri Cheng, daredevil extraordinaire, fell down the stool in fright. Laughter rang around the hall as she clambered back onto the stool, cheeks burning. At least his sister had the foresight to wear basketball shorts underneath her skirt.

Actually, no. It probably wasn't foresight so much as she could just peal her skirt off at the end of the day and drop-dead onto her bed.

'You sure she's Slytherin material?' muttered Teddy from the Hufflepuff table. 'Cos, I've got like five Galleons riding on her.'

'Positive.' Liam watched as the hat began conversing with Miri, the latter nodding, frowning, raising her eyebrow and laughing and everything in between within the next few minutes. Before he knew it, the hat opened its brim. Liam leaned forward.

'SLYTHERIN!' 

Professor Horn lifted the hat from his sister's head and she made her way to the Slytherin table, who welcomed her with a thunderous roar.

'WOO!' said Liam, clapping as hard as he can, 'THAT'S MY SISTER!'

At his cheer, the noise died down a bit, and many students took the glancing back and forth between him and Miri, some paling. Liam knew why, of course, and realised that he may have made a mistake.

But the festive atmosphere was continued by Teddy, who was also clapping furiously. 'THANK YOU, LITTLE SCARY ONE!'

The atmosphere died immediately. Even more students paled. A few teachers exchanged glances. One particular pair -Professor Longbottom and Professor Ichikawa- was whispering furiously.

Miri sent a confused smile to the blue-haired boy. 'Err... Your welcome?'

Professor Horn clapped her hands twice, beckoning all the students to look to the front again.

'Right,' she said, smile plastered on her face. 'Let's get on with it, shall we? I'm sure we're all dying to get on to the Feast.'

She held up the scroll. 'Collins, Isla.'

Miri sat down at a free seat and was soon forgotten as the sorting was underway again. Liam saw his sister breathe in deeply to calm herself.

He just hoped he didn't make a mistake in revealing their relationship so early into the school year.

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Before Miri knew it, the sorting ceremony was over and all the First Years were seated at their new houses. To her disappointment, it seemed that Taliana and Kenneth were right, and they were separated into Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. 

Miri was determined not to let this bring her down, however, and she reminded herself that until today, she'd thought that she'd only see the both of them during summer hols. And besides, they were gonna see each other every day and they were going to live together under the same roof. That was more than she'd expected since Professor Petrifying had handed her the acceptance letter.

From the front of the room, Professor Horn said, 'Now, before we begin the Feast, Professor McGonagall would like to say a few words.'

Behind Professor Horn, Professor McGonagall stood, cleared her throat and surveyed the room with a hawk-eyed look and Miri had to suppress a squeak because I argued with the bloody headmistress?!. Instantly, the quiet hum of conversation died down, and Miri was suddenly very glad for the hijab-wearing girl next to her for blocking her from the headmistress's sight.

Professor McGonagall smiled. 'Welcome to another year at Hogwarts, students. Now I'd like to remind everyone that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to everyone with the exception of classes or the accompaniment of a teacher. Quidditch trials will be held on the second week of the term and anyone who wishes to play for their house may contact Madam Hooch.'

She gestured at a woman with a shock of spiky hair and sharp features who waved. 

An old balding man skulking around at the back gave the headmistress a pointed look. If she wasn't in front of the entire school, Miri fully believed that the professor would have rolled her eyes. 

'Mr Filch has also asked me to note that all Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products are prohibited and will be confiscated on sight,' she said reluctantly before continuing with a smile. 'Without further ado, let the feast,' she waved her hand, 'begin.'

Platters of mouthwatering food appeared in front of her plate, and Miri couldn't help but gawk. Now, this was the type of magic she could get used to. 

Wait, no. On closer inspection, there didn't seem to be much food she could eat after all. It all seemed to have meat.

Grudgingly, she took a piece of bread and chomped on it. She'll have to ask Liam on what the protocols for vegetarians were and whether they were to survive on raw vegetable and sauce for the rest of the year. She hoped not. She hated salad.

'You're Muslim too?' a voice broke in. Miri looked to her right, the girl clad in the black hijab also resorting to the food she was positive had no pork, oil fried or otherwise. 

Miri glanced between her and the girl. Which meant that they had disturbingly similar empty dinner plates.

'No,' Miri replied. 'Just vegetarian.'

'Oh.' The girl looked a little disappointed before shaking herself. 'I'm Jamilah.'

'Miri.' She smiled. 

They continued eating their pathetically tiny range of food, exchanging segments of information between bites.

'I'm a half-blood,' said Jamilah. 'My mother was a Ravenclaw and my father's American. He went to Ilvermorny back in the States and he was a Wampus.'

'I don't think any of my parents are magical,' said Miri, picking her mushrooms off to the side. 'Liam is though, so it wasn't a total shock for me.'

Just unwelcomed.

Jamilah nodded in understanding. 'I'm from West Berkshire, you?'

'Highbury, one of these townhouses just a short walk away from Highbury Fields.'

'Any siblings?' Jamilah scooped up some mashed potatoes, silently asking if Miri wanted any. She nodded and held out her plate.

'Two. One's Liam, over at Ravenclaw there,' said Miri, pointing out her brother, 'and I've got a little sister, Maria. She's six. Turning seven on Christmas. You?'

'Only child, I'm afraid.' She speared her carrots. 'Favourite hobbies?'

'Ooh! Hmm...' Miri thought for a bit. 'Reading storybooks, acting and, umm... assembling things.'

Jamilah quirked an eyebrow. 'Assembling things?'

'Yeah. Puzzles, IKEA furniture, PowerPoint presentations, you name it.'

'That's pretty cool,' Jamilah grinned. 'I really like designing clothes. I filled up a whole sketchbook under a week in my Maths class once.'

'Young lady!' Miri drawled comically, impersonating a stuffy old governess, using her french fry as a smoke pipe and adding a haughty sniff for good measure. 'Maths is important and you should always pay attention in class no matter how much you wish to doodle. I am very disappointed in you.' 

'Would you believe it if I told you that's exactly how my teacher sounded like?' said Jamilah, holding back her grin.

They looked at each other and she broke, howling along with Miri as the Hall turned to stare at them.

'Well no wonder you never listened!' said Miri, wiping at her tears. 'I would actually die if I had to listen to that tone every single day.'

The two finished their dinner, occasionally breaking out into grins when they caught each other's eyes.

'Oh! I also like making jewellery. Actually made this brooch myself,' said Jamilah after a while, pointing to the beautiful aquamarine set brooch on her shoulder.

Miri stared at it. 'No way. That's incredible! How'd you do it?'

But before Jamilah could answer, the food in front of them was replaced by a health freak's nightmare - All You Can Eat Dessert.

Miri grinned- no, that wasn't the correct term. Her lips pulled as up and outwards as it could and her eyes shone as she caught sight of macaroons. But before she could grab one, she was startled by a truly horrible sight.

Blank eyes, blood-stained clothes and a ridiculously old-fashioned wig framing a see-through face. The ghost, because what else could it be, popped into existence right into the macaroons. Miri slowly retrieved her arm, a blank stare on her face as the information sunk it.

'Look!' said someone down the table. 'It's the Bloody Baron!'

And he has such a cheerful name to boot.

Miri blinked. And again. Three times now. Then she nodded slowly, coming to terms that this was her life now. She pursed her lips and contemplated the likelihood of a coma by slamming her head onto the wooden table in the meagre hope that it was just a dream. A stupidly accurate and lucid dream. 

She decided against it. If she ended up in the hospital, Maria would definitely convince their mom to paint the room pink.

Instead, she pretended that it was just a role. She was just playing a role and the ghost was just a side character that wouldn't be seen again after this scene. Yes, that sounded better. She just hoped that this doesn't eventually land her in a psych ward because that was her coping mechanism for all the strange shit life had to throw at her because, well, she was only bloody eleven.

She looked at the cold dead eyes of the ghost. 'Sir? Could you please move a little? I'd like to have a macaroon.'

He wordlessly moved towards the aisle. And because her mother raised her to have manners, Miri said, 'Thank you.'

The ghost grunted.

Miri savoured the strawberry flavoured dessert and glanced at her new friend who had been dully unaffected by the presence of the undead and was happily munching on a cupcake.

Right. Ignoring the supernatural until it bothers me it is.

Miri took a powdered doughnut. 'So, about your brooch...'

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a/n

ayyy new character!
how do you guys feel about jamilah?
she's a little underwhelming here but all in due time.