"We're sisters for life. We promised. But now your gone, I don't know what to do, Without you"
-Unknown

(Audelia pov)

"Ava!!!"I wake up shouting and sweating with my hand stretched in front of me. Panting, I analyze my surroundings and comprehend the situation.

I wipe my eyes as I wake up with tears for the millionth time in the last 3 months. Oh (sigh) not again. I was hoping I had gotten over it, hoping it was just a nightmare and nothing else, but that's just the issue there is a difference between expectations and reality. I looked at the clock, it was 4:30 am in the morning.

I tried to go back to bed with no luck. It was getting laboriously harder to hide these dreams from my parents.

The pain I felt squeezed my heart and settled down as a weight, it had become a regular guest, one I welcomed as a companion into the lonely corridors of my heart. My parents were already grieving and I could see it, even if they tried to hide it persistently I didn't want them to bother about a kid who nightmare issues when they had just lost one.

Mom once said, "that it seemed that their world wasn't the same anyone without her, but the change wasn't always bad. It was just different and what happened definitely broke us, but broken things can be fixed with a little time and love and care. ".

I know she was trying to convince me to move ahead with my life, but I couldn't, I just can't do it without her. Every time I went to do something just normal, away from the chaos of my heavy feeling or smiled, I felt guilty because it was as though she would never get to do this again smile, go to prom may bee, go out and just live her life, because well she lost it.

And as I thought about these things I wondered and questioned myself, "Was it really my world without her in it? " They say pain is a part of life, but what happens if it becomes your life?. As an 18year old, I was supposed to go and live my damn life and make mistakes because this is only time I get to do it. But I could only barely pull myself together and go to school.

They say time heals wounds but is the time what I Renesas I get up and get ready for the day at 5:00(i know okay but I just can't sleep. If you want extra time to sleep I am willing to donate some of my🙂).I go downstairs slowly and eat cereal because let's face even if you 24 it is still the easier option.

I hear footsteps and am startled because of things that are happening after my sister's death and no one is usually awake at this time in the morning. I mean even the sun is not up yet. Oh! It's just my brother Auden. He doesn't seem to well either, he has been taking ava's death hard too, she was his little sister.

It must hurt but he is the bravest guy I know, me well I am barely breathing and it's because of him, despite everything that happened he always tries to make me laugh and makes sure I eat or takes care of parents in their grieving process. What would I do without him?

And cut cut cut. That's a wrap for today. I am sorry for taking so long to upload, but I have been keeping busy while quarantine. Hopefully, everyone is safe from the covid19. Hopefully, it's over because even God knows it sucks. And I miss my fast-food, I just can't take it
Okay, thanks for reading, I will try and update by tomorrow hopefully or the day after by the latest, or maybe today, I can get into the mood.
AND A SHOUTOUT TO mete777. Thanks for following me. That's all bye-bye and that's for dealing with my rambling