Next day, when Arianne went for the internship, Ira stayed at home and thought.
The whole day!
And, finally, about lunchtime, he called up someone he never wanted to call. "Hello," he wanted to hang up as soon as he heard the voice from the other side. "Savannah," he spoke, "can we meet for lunch? I need a little help from you."
"I'm so glad it didn't end the morning after dark," Arianne smiled a shy smile as she talked to Ana Grey. She looked genuinely happy, she sounded like there was no misery at all. Anastasia wanted to see her that way.
"I wish you a very happy life ahead," she said, giving her hand a squeeze, "and, you'll be happy. With such a fine man by your side... Well, Arin, this is it then. We'll meet again after your graduation."
"Yes," the younger girl sighed, missing her new friend, philosopher, teacher, guide, hero already, "I'll miss you, Ana. You'll be there at the grad ceremony right?"
"I told you. Christian would again confer the degrees this year. And, as his wife, and an ex-student at the college, I'd be there for sure."
"Okay," she said. It was hard to leave. Both the girls knew they didn't want to let go of the friendship then. They wanted to stay longer together, drinking British tea and talking about their men and the books and the poems they fell in love with. "Let's go upstairs," Ana said, trying to buy some more time, "Christian may like to see you before you leave."
"It was amazing meeting you, Arianne," Christian gave her a brief hug in his office room, "though it's useless calling it a farewell, isn't it? We'll meet again soon enough. Well, how's Ira? He didn't turn up today."
"He's fine," she replied, "he just needed a day off, he said."
"I don't have any issue though. He has his work all updated. Well, I'll tell you a secret. Promise me you won't tell Ira about it."
"What is it?" she asked, looking back at Ana.
"We're shifting the present HOD to our New York City branch. So, we...need a new one in place of him, right?"
"Hmm...right. So?"
"So...we were wondering if we could promote Ira to that position."
Arianne paused. "What the...?" she sounded extremely amazed, "really? Promote him...again? Wow!"
"But, don't tell him already. We'll surprise him by the end of this month."
Everything was perfect. Arianne kept her smile on as she drove towards home. All this while, she had just dreamt of a time like that - she with the man she loved, happily ever after. And, it was finally true. Could it be? It made goosebumps rise on her skin and she smiled like a lunatic all the way.
She stopped her car in front of the church she and Ira visited on Sundays and on Christmas. She thought she owed a gratitude to Jesus. The choir was singing when she entered the church, with a handful of people occupying the first few rows.
She went and sat beside an old lady as the choir kept singing one of her favorite hymns. When she prayed, she prayed for the both of them now. For a happy future, devoid of any more obstacles in their way of being together. A life full of him, his presence, his love.
"I prayed for my son," the old lady whispered, as Arianne opened her eyes, "he's a brave boy." She smiled back, "I'm sure he is. What does he do?"
"He's fighting stage five liver cancer. He's very brave." As Arianne looked back to see the woman break down in sobs, she put her arm around her, "please don't cry. I'm sure He has some plans for your son. He always does. For everyone. Believe in Him."
When she dropped the woman home and set on her way back to the apartment, it was much late than she had expected. The chance meeting with the woman and her son exposed her to some emotions she wanted to share with someone close as soon as she could. She wanted to share her experience with Ira.
As Arianne unbolted the door, Arira kept sprinting to the sound of the turning of the bolt. "Hi," she whispered as she unstrapped her shoe, "little girl. Had fun with Daddy the whole day?"
"Oh," she looked up at Ira's voice, "it's you." "Yes," she answered, as he disappeared again, "it's me and our little girl." She picked Arira up and checked the kitten sweater they had put on her. She adjusted the buttons near her belly and carried her inside to leave her back on the carpet.
Ira was on his laptop she saw, at the dinner table, working, unusually inattentive to her presence. She went into the kitchen and, as she picked up a bottle of water, she saw him look back once and again, return to work.
"Hey," she put her hands on his shoulder, expecting him to turn or at least touch her hands, "baby, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said curtly, shutting his eyes, feeling the pain he was going to give her, before he had given it to her.
"What nothing?" she gave off a little laugh, tensing inside, "you don't look like nothing has happened." She waited a while for his reply, but he didn't seem to give any. He continued working, like she wasn't there at all. She frowned, but thinking he was doing that to make her sit to study, she let it go.
Just as she put her right feet front to walk out of the kitchen, Ira stood up and stopped her. "Arianne," he said, very unlike every other time when he called her Anne.
She turned and smiled at him. "Now," she said, taking his arms and putting them around her waist, "my baby is back. Tell me what's wrong."
Ira looked away, pretending to be disturbed by her actions. He removed her hands from around his neck and stepped back, away from her. "What's the matter, Ira?" Arianne asked, stupefied by his behavior.
He looked back at her and, after a while that he used only to stare into the eyes he fell in love with, he said, "I've made a decision."
"What...decision?" she asked. Her voice gave her away. He could see she was scared, perplexed.
"I've decided to get married."
She blushed as she heard that. She thought he was going to propose to her for marriage. Her heart almost leaped out of her mouth as she looked back at him, expecting him to smile back and take her back into his arms, making her blush even more.
Instead, he said, "to Savannah."
She frowned at him. And, just like she had thought it was a joke when he first told her about Savannah, she thought this one was too. She pouted at him and said, "that's not gonna work, baby. You're not joking anymore."
"You're right. I'm not joking."
It took Arianne a couple more seconds to realize the situation was serious. She grew quiet and moved towards him, not taking her eyes off him. "What's wrong, Ira?" she asked, touching his arms, "tell me." Her face had shrunken with scare. He couldn't even look at her, cause he knew he'd die from the fear that was eloquent on her face.
"I've told you what I had to. I'm getting married to Savannah. I've asked her and she has consented. All that's left to do is to talk to our parents and arrange the wedding."
Arianne moved back involuntarily. She didn't know what to do. Believe what she heard or believe what she felt. Her head was in a dizzy, swirly motion of all the happenings of the last few days. Was it all just a vague dream she had? Just...nothing at all? Nothing?
"And...me?" she breathed.
Ira finally looked up at her. Tears streamed down her face, her cheeks flushed, forehead etched with stress lines, as he stared at her, wondering if what he was doing was right. But, that was the only way! Only way to make her concentrate on herself, and not on him.
"What about the last few days?" she asked, shaking as she stood there, a few steps yet miles away from him.
"What last few days?" he said, like nothing mattered to him anymore.
She backed one more step till her back hit a wall, not taking her eyes off him. "How could you...?" she barely whispered, as her fingers rushed to cover her mouth from speaking. Arianne could no more look at him.
She looked down at the ground, up at the ceiling, at the tubelight, at the dinner table, the fridge, the oven. Everywhere but him. And, all she saw was blurred images. Why? Why did he do that? Why ruin everything right when it was perfect? Why Savannah again? Hadn't he told her he had sent her away for good? Was nothing he said ever true?
"You're right," she said, a strong pain clenching her heart, squeezing all the blood out of it, "what last few days!" And, she rushed out of the kitchen, making a quick decision, but not knowing how to execute it.
Ira stood there for a while, emotionless, not knowing what to do. Neither believing what he had done. More than breaking Arianne's heart, he had broken his own heart. He sat down on the floor, but kept himself from crying. He didn't want her to see him that way.
He wondered what she was doing. Crying, surely! What was she deciding to do? He sat there, clueless, as he watched Arira run to him. He stretched his leg out to make space for her on his lap.
"Hey beautiful," he stroked behind her ear and watched her claw at his jacket, trying to stand up. He held her up, and touching her nose with his, apologized, "darling, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting your Mamma so brutally. I'm probably the worst man on this planet right now, ain't I, Arira? But, you know I love you right? And, I love her."
"She's hurt," he continued after a while, "go to her, Arira. Go to Mamma. She needs you."
All Arianne needed at that moment was him. She too sat on the floor, beside the bed and cried. Her heart seemed to break out through the ribcage, it pained so much.
She had decided. She wanted to go. Leave the apartment, leave Ira and go stay elsewhere before her graduation, after which she decided to move back to Miami. But, where was she to go?
Anywhere, she thought. Anywhere, but here. She had no reason to stay with him anymore. She rubbed the last traces of tears from her cheeks and started packing. She flung her suitcase on the bed, and, in haste, got all her clothes off the wardrobe and started filling it with them.
She rushed out of her room, once done with her suitcase and went to look for the cartons she had brought her other stuff in, from the sorority. She found them in the balcony of Ira's room. She ignored the bed, as she walked through the room. She knew it would remind her of the lovely days and that, again, would end up making her stay for more time in that apartment, crying.
What last few days!
She clenched her jaw as a tidal of emotions hit her as his words kept ringing in her ears.
"Anne!" Ira stood in front of her room, stupidly watching her packing the carton exactly the way it was unpacked when she first arrived there to stay. "Anne!" he called her again and again, but she didn't answer. Not even looked up to meet his eyes. "Anne! Where are you going?"
Arira stayed in her basket all the time. If she were a human child, her face would have shown how scared and disturbed she was. She had never seen the two people she loved this way before. They had never fought, never raised their voices, never hurt each other, never made each other cry. But, that night, they did it all.
"Don't you dare touch me, Ira," Arianne warned him as she saw him coming into her room to try to stop her from packing.
"Why the fuck are you packing? Where will you go?"
"Wherever I feel like. Wherever I want to. Anywhere but here."
"You don't even know anyone in Seattle."
"You don't have to worry, Ira Armstrong. I can suit myself. Much better than you can suit me."
"Stop this," Ira unflapped the carton, "you're not going anywhere. I ain't asking you to leave. I just told you a decision I've taken for my life."
"Well...good for you. This is the decision I've taken for my life," Arianne's voice rose, "I don't want to stay here. I don't want to stay with you. Don't fucking touch my suitcase. Ira, stop overruling my decisions. My life is mine, completely separated than yours. You don't have a say in my decisions. Can't you see? I've decided to go and I will."
Ira stopped. Never before had he seen her that way, shouting and screaming. It was only because of him. Only him. And, he knew he'd never be able to forgive himself for doing that to her.
Arianne put Arira in her basket and set it on her carton. As the little creature put her head out and seeing herself being dragged away from the expectant face of her Daddy, purred louder than she generally did. "You're taking Arira?" he asked Arianne. "I'm not taking her," she said rudely, "I'm going to let her go. I brought her and I'll be the one to put her away."
"No," he said, "no, you leave her here. If you're not taking her, let her be with me. Don't desert her that way."
"Shut up, Ira. I'm going to do exactly what I've decided."
Arianne pushed the cartons till the closed lift, where she had kept her suitcase already. Ira watched her from his doorway, standing helpless, clueless, with a heart drenched in melancholy, eyes soaked with tears that were ready to fall. He could see she was crying with her back towards him, her hand on Arira's head.
Within an hour's time, she was letting go of two important aspects of her life. Ira and Arira. She had grown stronger than she was, he thought. Only she knew how weak and broken she felt.
As the elevator doors closed, stealing from the both of them the last sight of each other's precious face, both of them broke down crying. Arianne cried into her palms, crying out from the pain she carried. Ira shut the door on the face of the closed lift that carried the love of his life away from him and dropped himself on the floor. Hitching up his knees closer to his chest, the thirty year old man cried like a little boy.
The apartment was an apartment again, as his home walked away, leaving him in the mesh of simple wood, steel and ironwork.
"Go away," Arianne tried pushing Arira away. She had loaded her luggage onto the car, come out of the building garage, looked around for a house she could trust and kept her basket in front of the door of one and left. But, just as she had turned the corner, Arira had leapt out of her basket, and followed her at her heels, meowing wildly.
"Go away," Arianne stood beside the entrance to the garage, and tried pushing Arira out of it, "leave me. Leave me like your Daddy did. Stop loving me suddenly, without any reason. Go, and stay with someone else." Arira sat back, wagging her tail and kept purring, as if asking her beloved Mamma to stop crying.
"Go away," Arianne sat back too, breaking out into tears, mumbling incoherent words henceforth, "go away. I don't have a place to go to. I can't take you. You'll be hungry and emaciated. It's better you stay with someone who can protect you." Arira climbed up onto her lap and curled herself as if to fall asleep. "So you won't go?" she asked, as a car drove across her, honking aloud, "you won't inherit your Daddy's characteristics?"
Arianne sat inside the car, with Arira's basket on the passenger seat, wondering where to go. It was raining outside, and the cold was so severe, it made her shiver inside the car, missing Ira's embrace, warm cuddles, the hot showers with him. The burdensome grief had again arrived. And, this time it felt haunting. She had to clutch at the steering wheel to keep herself from crying or screaming out.
"Arianne," an hour past midnight, Anastasia and Christian Grey watched her as she drank hot coffee, sitting on the sofa at their bungalow. She had arrived at their home, completely drenched in the rain, and had broken down crying again, just as she saw Ana's face. Her friend, without asking her anything, let her in and immediately sent her to a room for a change of clothes.
Bringing her back to the living room, she handed her a cup of coffee and asked her what had happened.
"He decided to get married," she said, clutching the hot coffee cup, ignorant of the pain the heat gave her, "to Savannah." Anastasia stared at her with surprise. What she said was exactly the contradiction of what she had said before leaving the office. "But, everything was alright," her husband stole the words from her mouth, "I mean, even when you left office. Ana?"
"Yes," Ana said, shifting herself to beside Arianne, "what happened? Suddenly? You had a brawl or something?" Arianne shook her head, "I went home, and he told me this."
"Then?"
"I decided to walk out of his apartment. Ana, Mr. Grey, I'm really sorry for heaving up on you suddenly. But, believe me, I've nowhere else to go. Can I please stay?" Her tears fell continuously as she spoke.
"Only until the graduation ceremony, Ana," Arin told her as she took her to a room, just beside the children's, "I'll go back to Miami after that."
"You'll do what?" Ana asked, making her sit on the bed.
"I'll go back to Miami."
"And...what about the job? The contract?"
"Ana, please. Don't do this to me," she cried out, "I can't stay here. Everywhere of Seattle would constantly remind me of him. I want to go back to Miami. Away from him."
"Arin," Ana urged her to look at her,  "look at me. Tell me one thing. Won't Miami remind you of him? Even your bedroom would. The beach, the sea, everything would."
"So," her words staggered, "what do I do? Move to some new city?"
"No, stay here. Work, study, do everything that you love to. You'll see, it will take some time but you'll surely get over Ira."
Arianne lay blue in bed. All night, she analyzed those last nine months of her life.
Wasted? Falling in love was a waste? Why did Ira do it? Why? Was it just the body? Just the sex? Why, oh why?
Arianne wanted to ask those questions, but she knew she had no guts to face the answers. She felt deficit of tears. Just laying on the bed, emotionless, she wanted to cry. But, not with Ira anymore. She wanted no truck with him.
Could she even believe him anymore?
She wondered if she even wanted to. What was he doing? Once her, once Savannah. What did he really want? Whom did he want? Was anything of him ever true? Ever real? Why did she trust him when now she wondered if he was even worth it?
But, the love? Was he unworthy of the love?
Arianne had no idea what Ira was going through. He sat with his bottle of strong wine and drank it down raw. Holding on to the photo they had clicked on the day of the Grey party, he cried still. He had lost his love, the meaning of his life, the purpose of him believing in life.
He was empty, just like his apartment. But, the lugubriousness seemed like a never ending fountain. They flew out in the form of tears, and howls and all he could do was to try to just let it out.
"Oh, Anne," he clutched at his jacket, "Anne, where are you? Oh my God! What did I do? Why did I do that to you? My baby. My Anne. Arira! Where are you?"
Realizing he needed to do something, he stood up. Staggering across the room, he ran to the bedroom to get his phone. Where could she be?
He rummaged through his contact list for people she could have gone to. Theresa, his mother...Mrs. Rodriguez of The Caketeers. Could she be there? No, bad idea!
Then? He kept scrolling, the bright screen and the alcohol making his vision blurry. Mr. Grey.
Yes!
Arianne could have gone to Anastasia Grey. But, that was just an assumption. He needed to make sure.
Around 2 o' clock in the night, he called up Christian Grey. The alcohol had got the best of him and his senses. He just had to make sure where she was. He just had to make sure she was okay.
Okay?
Could she ever be? Without him?
"Who is it?" Anastasia's voice seemed simply tertified at a call so late at night. In a flash, crazy and haunting memories from before their marriage came into her vision as she clutched her man's arm before he could check his phone.
"Let me see, Ana," he consoled her and, produced his hand towards the phone.
"Oh my God!" she buried her head in his chest and inhaled his scent. Her favorite thing to do in times of despair!
"It's Ira," he said, looking at the screen. Ana looked up immediately. "Ira?" she asked, turning the phone towards herself.
"Please, Ana," Ira cried over the line at the end of the conversation, his drunken nature evident from his voice, "please don't let her know all this. I beg of you. I beg to you, Mr. Grey. Please!"
"We promise, Ira," Christian said,  "you go sleep. Arianne's fine with us. You needn't worry. Sleep and get over the weekend. And, get back to work only when you feel better. I don't want a sulky employee at office."
"Ana?" Ira asked again, "I know...I know I've hurt Anne. And, as a punishment, I've set this seclusion for myself. It's eating me up already. Ana? Please say something."
"I'm very disappointed at you," she said, sounding like an angry elder sister-in-law, "very. You hurt that poor little girl for no good reason at all. All these months! And, now again! You're a big idiot. I wonder if you deserve her."
"Don't say that please. I'd do anything to have her in my life, but never compromising with her happiness and her goals and her life. I saw her..."
"Go to sleep,  Ira," Christian commanded, "I don't want no more fuss."
"You think he's trustworthy?" Anastasia asked her husband as he hung up.
"Of course. You're just being too sororal to Arianne. Which is the reason you can't see the virtues this guy has."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I saw him looking at her the way I look at you."
Ana needed no more explanations. She put her head on his chest - her favorite place - and smiled.
"Aunt Arin!" Phoebe and Ted stood awestruck as their nanny, Mrs. Benjamin, brought them downstairs, all dressed up prettily. Arianne was in the kitchen, and as they crossed the threshold, Phoebe jumped up and down in joy, wanting her to take her in her arms.
"Guess what, princess," Christian said, kissing the child's nose as he prepared to leave for the day, "Aunt Arin would stay with us henceforth." "Wow, Dad," Ted gave him a high five as he produced his hand to him, "that's so cool." "Isn't it?" he muffled his hair and went on.
Ana still sat at the breakfast table, munching at her pancake. Arianne put Phoebe down and chased behind Christian as he went towards the main door.
"Christian," she called, pulling her cardigan tighter, "Christian!"
"Hey," he turned around and waited, "what is it?"
"Hi, I just wanted to...thank you, Christian. Thank you for letting me stay."
"Don't." He rebuked.
"No...umm...really, I'm grateful. Just don't hesitate to tell me if I'm ever being a pain in the butt. I'd leave if you want me to."
"Why'd I want you to leave? Ana loves you, the children love you. It's a pleasure to have you around. Don't say it again."
"Okay."
"Just study hard so you won't have to worry about homes in future."
"I need a few days off," Ira asked Christian for some days off work, as they talked over lunch about the same things Ira had called the last night for, "I need to visit a few places."
"Where, may I ask?"
"San Francisco and then, Miami."
"Okay."
"If there's any work needed to be checked, I can visit the San Francisco branch. Would that be fine?"
"Take a break, Ira. It's fine."
"Just check on her, okay?" he asked, "you will, won't you?" "Of course," Christian replied, with a smile.
It was tough work and tought time for Ira. He had to convince so many people, within such a short time. And, he didn't even have his Anne beside him. Savannah had accepted to help. But, she was not what he needed. He needed Anne. His Anne.
The apartment felt so achingly empty, it was hard for him to go back there. He ate at a cheap diner and strolled in front of the building half of the night. He couldn't afford to go back to where he had a family once and nobody anymore.
How was he to fix everything? How was he to regain her trust and confidence?
He sat back in the car and drove towards his parent's. He had to start right then. He had to seal every loophole that could take her away from him again.
"So," he said to his parents, after having confessed everything to them, "this is what I've done all this time. This is how badly I've treated her. And, I wanna pay for my wrongdoings. Shouldn't I, Mom, Dad?"
"Of course," his father said, clasping his own two hands, as Jess kept crying beside him, "this is the noblest thing you could do for the woman you love. But, this is not enough." Adam waited for his son to look up after which he continued, "you'd have to go talk to her parents as well."
"I'm going Miami next week."
Before his departure, he had similar sessions of conversation with Dawson, Theresa and David. The last was astonished at how much had happened and his best friend didn't even tell him. "Where is she now?" he asked as they sat together at a local  pub. Ira could say he was enraged by the confession.
"She's with the Greys. Anastasia and Christian Grey. She's safe there. I'm glad she chose that place."
David nodded, still frowning. "She came to me on Christmas," he started to say, "she told me about this Savannah. I thought you were keeping her happy. If I had known this is how you've been hurting her, I'd have brought her here to stay with me."
"Keep saying. I know I deserve it."
"Of course you do. You deserve worse. You deserve exactly what you did to her."
Ira dropped his head. How could he meet his eyes with David's? He wondered how he could meet his eyes with Arianne's?
"How could you move on so easily?" he asked, looking up. He had always been conscious of David's feelings for Arianne. He knew no matter how easy the friendship was for her, for him, it was more than just a friendly relationship. Only when he saw him with Melissa, it occurred to him that he had possibly moved on. And, the one reason that could have been was Ira himself.
"What do you mean?" David seemed unnerved.
"You loved Anne, didn't you?"
"Excuse me! She's my best friend. I still do."
"No, I mean, not that way. The way you love Melissa now. I know there was at least a tinge of that feeling in you for Anne. I just wanna know how you moved on from that feeling."
David stayed mum for a while. He thought he had hidden his feelings well enough. Getting caught by Ira was a surprise. But, he knew, the man who loved a woman always knew of the other men who wanted her.
"Well...I didn't move on. I just realized that our paths, no matter how criss-crossed they are, would never bend in a way I had thought they could. And, that's how peaceful it was. We made an awesome pair of best friends, growing up together, seeing each other in ups and downs, crying together in each other's pain. But, that is it. That's how it should have been and that's how it should be. And, that's how it will be till we die. We're better best friends.
"Some friendships are better kept that way. Trying hard to mould it into something serious could just harm it. And, when you came, the picture became clearer to me. I saw her happy with you. That meant a lot to me."
"And, what about you?"
"I found the love of my life whom I've been overlooking all this time. Melissa means a lot to me. She's my happiness. And, what you've planned for Arin, I've planned the same for her. I hope I've answered your doubts, right?"
Next week, Ira went first to San Francisco and, somehow convincing Kendrick, took him to Miami to meet Katelyn and Granny. The women broke down into tears at what Ira had to say. And, Kendrick did what he should have done as a responsible father.
Arianne's exams went well. Better than she thought they could have gone. At college, she had to face David and Theresa. When she told them about her present whereabouts, they, as requested by Ira, kept mum. Even her parents did, when she told them about how she felt distracted at Ira's apartment and had to shift to the Grey bungalow.
In the gap between her finals and the graduation, Anastasia asked her to join office. As that could keep her mind off the past. She complied. And, since her second day at work, her desk always remained adorned with either a single or a bouquet of roses. Pink, yellow, white roses. But, never red.
Ira knew she didn't like red roses.
Arianne topped all her subjects. Even Chemistry. And, the first one to see it on the merit list at WSU was Ira. And, even the first one to occupy a seat at the college auditorium for the graduation ceremony was him.
Katelyn and Kendrick had come down for the ceremony, along with David's parents. And, with the excuse of Theresa's graduation, Jess and Adam had come down too.
As Christian gave her the gold medal for topping and they posed for a photograph, Arianne's eyes, for a second, caught hold of a face she was dying to see. When she looked in that direction again, she saw him. Her thirst seemed to be quenched with a simple, distant eye contact and her eyes immediately filled with water as she realized he had come to see her. Be a part of her success, her happiness.
Oh, her mind changed instantly, he had come to see Theresa, not her.
She adjusted her graduation hat and walked off the dias to go and sit next to her parents. They had kept a seat for her in between them and as she came towards them, Kendrick stood up and hugged her dearly.
"Now I can die in peace," he whispered and his daughter admonished him with a kiss. Her mother hugged her too and cried till she had to make her sit. Ira, watching them from a distance, couldn't help shedding a tear too.
I win, he thought, smiling.