Our story is still at its starting point. There are some people you haven't met. Are they important?

Well, it depends.

Adam Somoye is one of them and another person you might want to look closely into. Why? Because he's the only one who knew Zehan Essien well and just like me, he was supposed to be a nobody in this story.

Unfortunately, being nobodies didn't make us innocent. Like I said before, we all did things we weren't proud of. Most of us acted on our teenage hormones and others like Zehan wanted to get back at the world for one reason or the other.

You'd soon find out that those who acted on the so-called hormones would turn out to be the worse.

◈ ━━━━━━━ ⸙ - ⸙ ━━━━━━━ ◈

Adam hated the early mornings when he'd have to walk to school through the busy routes of the middle ring.

The only good thing about living in the middle ring was the fact that the noises the delivery vehicles made as early as 5 AM were enough to wake the students and those who had to get to work early up. It served as their alarm.

Newland Estate was one of the popular and most populous estates in the city of Abuja. Due to its landmass, many considered it to be a town of its own and had gone ahead to label the different parts of the estate.

The upper ring of Newland was the farthest area from the large entrance gates of the estate. It was usually very quiet and deserted because only bungalows, duplexes, and mansions could be found there. In other words, only the wealthy and comfortable resided there.

The middle ring could be described as the business center of the estate. Here, offices, supermarkets and other retail stores could be found. The only thing the middle ring lacked was a market. Nevertheless, a few six-story buildings stood amongst the numerous office buildings and retail stores. These flats were mainly occupied by residents who owned one store or the other.

The lower ring would be the first area to be seen when entering Newland Estate and the first set of buildings one would see would be Newland Secondary and Primary Schools on one side of the road.

The lower ring harboured other significant places such as Brown & Brown Recreational Center and Sports Club and The Living Word Assembly Church but amidst all these notable places, a lot of people seemed to reside within the area. These were mostly low-income earners and bachelors who lived in the bungalows that had been built as communal houses.

Asides from the fact that Adam had to avoid getting hit by cars and delivery trucks that usually came to deliver goods to the retail sellers as early as 6 AM, he also had to walk fast enough to avoid the street boys that normally called out to him. Twice already that week, they'd tried to get him to smoke.

Deciding he didn't have the willpower to face them that morning, Adam took another route that would take him more time to get to school. Although that route was the exact opposite of a shortcut, it used to be his favourite one to take because he didn't always walk to school alone.

Adam missed those days when he used to have a best friend.

Walking past that particular street he hadn't walked in months, Adam reduced his pace as he approached the familiar yellow-painted apartment building. It had been more than eight months since he'd stepped foot in the building. More than eight months since he'd seen his best friend walk out of that building to meet him so they'd walk to school together.

Adam had finally come to a halt when he couldn't believe his eyes. He'd looked up at the balcony of the top left apartment to see Zehan Essien casually standing and gripping the railings. Adam had to blink a few times to make sure hadn't developed an eye problem overnight.

Watching his best friend stand there in his usual grey T-shirt and black shorts, Adam couldn't explain what he was feeling.

It didn't take Zehan long to look down and see the familiar boy standing in the lonely street with his school uniform looking as neat as usual. Zehan felt his heart skip a beat as Adam smiled at him.

Zehan wanted to smile back but he didn't. He couldn't. He was angry. Angry at Adam.

Adam's smile slowly faded away when he realized Zehan wasn't looking happy to see him after all those months. The last thing Adam had heard about his best friend was that he'd left to God knew where and he had no idea he'd returned.

Zehan went back inside and Adam had to watch him walk away without even saying anything to him.

Adam wanted to go up there and meet Zehan but he would have to sacrifice school for that day if he decided to do that and besides, there was a chance that he'd end up knocking for hours without an answer because he knew Zehan was angry. Zehan Essien was always angry but this time, it was at Adam.

Unknown to Adam, Zehan watched him continue his walk to school through the window next to the balcony door. Zehan wanted to be angry at Adam but he could only try. For someone who was his childhood friend, it was damn hard.

It was then that Zehan had decided that he wasn't meant to come back to Newland. He didn't want anything there and apparently, no one wanted him either. According to his mom, he was nothing but bad news.

He sighed, knowing that his death would probably be the best for everyone. He wanted to do everyone, especially his parents, that favour.

• • •

As early as 6 AM, Dele, Ahmed and Enock could be found at the back of the incomplete building, all leaning against the grey painted fence with cannabis between their index and forefingers.

The whole place smelled of urine since the students who hated using the bathrooms used that spot to ease themselves.

Their chatter and cackles were very loud and slightly echoed since it was still quite early and a lot of students hadn't arrived.

"You get another jogodo abeg." Enock nudged Ahmed who was next to him, 'jogodo' being another term for cannabis.

"Guy, free me abeg." Ahmed shrugged Enock off, telling him to let him be.

Enock watched as Ahmed took a long drag from his stick before making a move to tackle Ahmed for it since he'd refused to give him another stick. Dele only laughed loudly at his friends with his own stick of jogodo between his fingers. They were all a little high and very psychoactive already.

Dele couldn't explain how lightheaded he felt at that moment as his friends fooled around at the side, fighting for a stick of cannabis while he watched the smoke leave his lips after each drag. There was a feeling of relaxation and elevation that came with the whole process. His eyes were nearly shut as he brought the stick up to his lips and took another long drag.

Ahmed had finally retrieved another stick from his back pocket and handed it to Enock who used Dele's lighter to lit it up.

"Bro, that's like your fourth one now," Dele said to Enock who looked into space as he took slow drags from his new cigarette paper.

"Mind your business." Enock gently let the smoke leave his black lips as he threw his head backward.

"What are you thinking about?" For a second, Enock thought Dele had directed the question at him but he realized he was talking to Ahmed who had his cigarette paper in between his fingers as he stared at nothing in particular without blinking, something he usually did when he was in deep thought.

"Guy..." Ahmed trailed with his raspy voice after Dele had brought him out of his thoughts. He immediately brought his stick up to his lips and took another drag before replying to Dele's initial question, "I just dey look the way wey I go take reason Esther."

"You mean Ms. Isong? What do you want to reason with her?" Dele asked while Enock continued with his smoke, not necessarily paying attention.

"I wan fuck that babe, I swear."

Dele had to pause and make sure he'd just heard Ahmed say he wanted to have sex with their new English teacher or if he'd misheard. Dele burst into laughter because he was already a little high and he wasn't able to tell Ahmed was dead serious even though Ahmed himself wasn't speaking with clear senses.

"Enock, did you hear what this dude said?" Dele nudged Enock as he continued laughing.

"You know he's not well," Enock replied before throwing his cigarette end on the floor and squashing it with his foot. He did that not because he wanted to prevent a fire outbreak but because he simply enjoyed the act.

"Okay na..." Ahmed trailed without saying any other thing. Within him, he'd made up his mind that he would get Ms. Isong and rub it in their faces.

Silence took over for a brief moment but it didn't last as they saw a female junior student run into the other end backyard. She seemed to be in a hurry and she didn't think there would be anyone else there as she faced the wall and hurriedly pulled up her pencil skirt and pulled down her undies before squatting down to ease herself.
Unknowing to the girl, her butt was directly facing the three seniors at the other end of the building who didn't even bother to take their eyes away.

Ahmed nudged Dele who was already staring steadily. Ahmed had the biggest smirk on his face while Dele and Enock stared with wide eyes without making the slightest sound as not to alert the girl that they'd been staring at her big butt.

After the girl was done with her long pee, she dressed herself and was about to leave the same way she'd come but Dele and Enock were taken aback when Ahmed called out to her.

"Hey, you! Common come here!"

The plump girl looked very startled after she'd heard the guttural voice that had called out to her. If only the boys had listened carefully, they might've heard the junior girl's heart beating rapidly against her chest as realization dawned on her that the Deputy Head Boy, the Disciplinarian, and the Labour Prefect had not only just caught her urinating in the backyard which was an offense, but they'd also been scrutinizing her butt all the while.

If only she had known, she would've eased herself before rushing to school that early to meet up with her boyfriend. Now, she was sure the ruthless seniors wouldn't let her go that easily.

She approached the three boys slowly while nervously fiddling with her fingers. "Senior, please-"

"I don't want to hear pim!" Ahmed pointed at the girl with a deadly glare and that was enough to make the girl shut up and begin tearing up.

She was in hot soup.

"Wetin you dey do there?" The question slightly took the girl aback because she was very sure they'd already seen more than enough of what she'd come to do.

"I was urinating," she replied.

"And does that look like the toilet?" Dele was quick to ask. They'd already discarded their cigarette ends the moment Ahmed had called out to the girl.

"N-no... But-"

"Kneel down first." Ahmed interrupted the stammering girl from explaining herself.

The junior student looked down at the floor she was supposed to kneel on and looked back up at Ahmed's glare as if to make sure he'd asked her to kneel on the stones and a few broken glasses that littered the backyard of the incomplete building.

"But, senior..." She made an attempt to protest but Ahmed smacked her head and that immediately sent her on her knees.

"You think say I be your age mate ba?" Ahmed looked down at her with fury and the poor girl, in turn, tried to shield her head from any future smacks.

"Sorry, senior."

"Raise your hands, close your eyes," Ahmed instructed like the Disciplinarian he was and the girl immediately did as she was told.

Dele and Enock silently watched as Ahmed walked around the girl who had her eyes closed until he had a perfect view of her backside. Ahmed stroked his chin mischievously as his friends wondered what he was up to.

"Get up," Ahmed said to the girl and she immediately sprang up from her kneeling position after opening her eyes.

"Senior, thank-"

"Common close your eyes and raise your hands!" Ahmed hollered at the girl, "Who said I've released you?"

The girl raised her hands like she was under arrest and closed her eyes while standing. She was already starting to become very tired and her hands were aching but that became the least of her worries when she felt firm hands grip her butt tightly.

"Keep quiet o," Ahmed commanded when he felt the girl flinch against his touch.

The beating of her heart against her chest before was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. She could only manage to release a whimper as she felt Ahmed's fingers move to pull up her pencil skirt before tugging at her undies.

"Ahmed wh-" Dele couldn't even complete his sentence in that state of shock as he watched Ahmed put two of his fingers in the girl's vagina while he rubbed the girl's backside against his hard crotch.

Ahmed moved his fingers in and out of the girl's genitals and he moaned softly at the action.

Enock Sakala was sure his eyeballs would fall out any second.

Ahmed closed his eyes and threw his head back as he continued for a few seconds and only stopped when the girl had broken into tears. Although she wasn't loud with her crying, Dele and Enock could see the tears running down her cheeks.

"Guy... She's crying, that's enough." Enock inaudibly gulped before Ahmed let the girl go.

"Get out of here," Ahmed said to the girl as she pulled up her unties and wiped her tears.

"Make sure you keep your mouth shut and don't come back here again." It was hard for him, but Dele had to make sure the girl wouldn't report them. Ahmed was his friend and even though Dele could feel his insides crumbling down at what just happened, he knew what he had to go do.

"Guy, you get mind o," Enock acknowledged Ahmed's audacity to do something like that after his victim had scurried out of their sight.

Ahmed on the other hand didn't say a word as he left the backyard.

Dele looked down at his wristwatch to see that it was already a few minutes past seven. "Assembly will soon start, let's go," he said to Enock before he began making his way out of the backyard too with Enock trailing behind him.

• • •

Zehan Essien always thought of himself as an outcast. He never felt loved or wanted. All his life, he'd seen himself as someone else's shadow. Ismael's shadow. But now, Ismael was gone and that only seemed to have made everything worse.

Zehan couldn't understand how his evil twin had managed to make his life miserable even in death. Maybe if Zehan finally succeeded in joining his brother in the land of the dead, they would settle their scores there.

Feeling the silver surface of the razor blade with his thumb, he knew that would be it - the day he finally succeeded in unburdening his parents. The day he would finally pay for everything they'd accused him of.

He looked up at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and wondered why he never actually resembled any of his parents. If Ismael hadn't been his twin brother, he would've concluded that Raheem had Monica Essien weren't his real parents but since they'd loved Ismael so much like parents loved their children, he was certain he was an Essien.

Asides from the fact that he had the same caramel skin and long nose as his grandmother, Zehan looked like no one else in his family. He'd always thought the reason why his parents had cherished Ismael so much was because he was a replica of their father and had the same interests and character as their mother but now, he was almost sure it was more than that.
Staring at the reflection of his dark hollow eyes and almost invisible furrowed brows, Zehan knew he wasn't handsome. Maybe that was the reason everyone liked his brother more than him. Even though his skin might've been lighter than Ismael's, he knew his brother had been far more good-looking.

Maybe he would start by disfiguring his face. That would be the perfect place to start.

He brought up the razor blade to his jaw and placed the sharp edge on it. It felt nice.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before pressing the blade further into his flesh. The feeling of warm blood gushing out of the thin cut on his jaw brought Zehan immense pleasure.

Just as he was about to drag the blade further towards his chin, the bathroom door swung open and Zehan immediately let go of the razor which fell into the washbasin in front of him as he turned to meet his father standing at the door with a quizzical look on his face.

"What are you doing?" Raheem stared at the shirtless boy who was clad in only black shorts before he noticed the cut at the side of his face. "What happened?"

Zehan didn't speak. He wasn't going to lie, he was going to let his father put two and two together and that was exactly what Raheem Essien did.

Zehan didn't move an inch when his father walked in and he didn't protest either when his father began cleaning up his wound. He could feel his father's hands tremble every now and then as he cleaned the wound with cotton wool dipped in surgical spirit because he was confused and probably scared which Zehan knew very well.

Raheem Essien unlike his wife was a bag of emotions - emotions he'd tried to hide because, in the society that lived in, men weren't supposed to be emotional. That was one thing Zehan thought he'd gotten from his father.

Zehan could tell his father was confused as to why he'd want to take his own life and maybe, just maybe, Raheem was scared of losing another son. Maybe his father didn't hate him as much as Zehan thought.

As soon as his father was done treating his cut, Zehan went back to Jamal's room where he'd been staying since he'd returned the previous day. He couldn't go back to his former room because it was now meant for Ismael and Ismael alone. Zehan still thought it was sickening.

He couldn't be more thankful for the fact that his elder brother had been away at the University and his room was always available. Although it was dusty and a little smaller than his former room, anything asides from Ismael's room would serve. Besides, his mother would've finally killed him herself if she caught him in that room.

Aimlessly sitting at the edge of the bed, Zehan just wanted to feel nothing. He was tired and too familiar with the feelings of sadness, anger and rejection. For once, he wanted to feel nothing just like he was nothing.

"Andikan, you can't keep doing this to yourself." Zehan could see his father standing at the threshold of the door through the corner of his eyes.

Whenever his father referred to him with his native name, that natural familiar Ibibio accent Raheem Essien had would follow. Zehan used to find it funny.

It was when his father had walked into the room and taken a seat at the edge of the bed, a few inches away from him that Zehan noticed the white jalamia and taqiyah his father was clad in. Zehan knew he was headed for the mosque whenever he was dressed like that.

"Suicide is a sin against Allah," Raheem said slowly as usual without even looking at his son.

It took everything in Zehan not to scoff as he just stared down at the blue carpeted floor without moving.

"First, you drank a bottle of insecticide and it took a miracle before they were able to revive you..." Raheem trailed, "Yesterday you downed your grandmother's sleeping pills, all of it... All sixteen of them, and she managed to get you to the hospital when she realized you weren't breathing anymore, and now...

"And now, you're cutting yourself?" His father finally turned to look at him but Zehan never raised his head. If he had, he would've seen the tears in his father's eyes.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Zehan?" asked Raheem. "Do you think I hate you? I don't hate you, you're my son... My flesh and blood."

There was a prolonged silence as Raheem managed to wipe his eyes.

"But you're afraid of me." It didn't come out as a question but it took the middle-aged man aback. He hadn't been expecting that conclusion from Zehan.

"I... No..." Raheem trailed. "I'm afraid for you."

Zehan finally raised his head and inspected the gap between him and his father on the bed. Raheem was literally sitting at the other end of the bed.

"You're afraid of me."

Zehan watched his father rise to his feet immediately after he'd made the last statement. He also watched as his father twirled the wedding ring on his finger. Raheem Essien was one of the few men Zehan knew who wore wedding rings. Even his mother never wore her ring.

The way his father stared down at him while twirling his ring told Zehan that he was about to deliver bad news.

"What's the matter?"

Raheem sighed. "I know you've been wondering why I didn't spend the night here."

It was true that his father hadn't slept in their flat the previous night after Zehan had gotten back from the hospital but he wasn't surprised, he had simply assumed he didn't want to see his face. His mother on the other hand hadn't said a word to him after the previous day's scolding slash argument.

"Your mother and I are separating." Raheem decided he wasn't going to beat around the bush and obviously, the news had hit Zehan like a grenade he never saw coming. "I've actually moved out a long time ago, I just came to see how you were doing and get my jalamia I'd left here."

Zehan hadn't said anything. He just looked up at his father while trying to process the information. If they'd separated a long time ago, then it must've been right after Ismael's death. It was all his fault.

"That's why I was hoping you could just stay with your grandma because your mom is... she's reluctant in having you and... she might not be around much."

"What about you? I can stay with you," said Zehan. When his father simply looked away without saying anything, Zehan got his answer. He felt stupid for thinking either of his parents would want to see his face every day.

"I've arranged for you to stay with your cousins," his father said after a while, "and for you to start school... somewhere else."

"I'm not staying with them. Tari talks too much and I can't stand Tamara-"

"Andikan, you don't have a choice!" Raheem snapped, stomping his foot against the carpeted floor.

"Why?" Zehan yelled back.

"Because you killed your brother!"

Zehan never saw that bullet coming and it seemed Raheem had fired at his mouth because the lad couldn't speak anymore.

"Do you want me to spell it out for you?" His father went further to ask.

Zehan looked away. He focused his teary eyes on the blue wall in front of him. He could still see his father standing in the room through his peripheral vision and soon, Raheem Essien was massaging his forehead after he'd removed the taqiyah on his head.

Zehan was used to those painful bullets when it was his mother who had fired them but never had his father outrightly lashed out at him like that. He knew they hated him but he thought that at least, he shared an invisible bond with his father.

Raheem sighed for what felt like the hundredth time before asking, "Are you going to the mosque with me?"

Zehan used to jump at the offer of going to the mosque with his father but given the circumstances, he wouldn't want to make his father feel much more uncomfortable than he already was when he was around him. He knew Raheem had only asked for the sake of it.

He tried blinking a few times to make the tears disappear and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat before responding, "No, maybe next time."

Raheem hesitated but left afterward and Zehan buried his face in his palms and the tears came running down.