What did I want from this? Did I want revenge? Did I want to see a girl cry?

No, I didn't want any of it. I don't like this feeling in my gut. I sit on the edge of my bed and drop my face into my hands. That is how I find the bruise starting to bloom on my cheek. It hurts to touch, but I do it anyway. I deserved that punch from Asher.

I have a million different feelings going through me at once and it is drowning me.

I fall onto my back and pull my phone out. Still, Sam's profile is displayed. I can't stand the way she looks so happy doing what she loves, without me in her life, while I am sitting here dealing with the repercussions of being an idiot. I only have myself to blame.

On the contrary, it hurts to see her so happy. I'm thankful she is, but at the same time I find myself longing to be right there with her.

At that thought, I remember my notebook with the song I began writing for her on my piano at home. Call it cheesy, but it was my only outlet. I couldn't very well confess just how much I loved her without making her want to run for the hills, so I put it into a song, and that song has followed me around for months.

I dig around my room for the notebook and set it up on my keyboard stand. It's almost finished, but I need to play it to get into the zone of writing it. My fingers lead themselves across the keys and the room instantly fills with my own heartbreak. This song... it represents everything that I could hold onto tight enough.

I play the song through almost six times as I finish writing it. Once the last few lyrics are added, I play it through one more time just to be sure it all fits together. When I hear it, I don't think it could sound any different. If it did, it wouldn't be any symbol of the last few years of my life.

In a haste decision, mostly because if I think about it longer then I won't go through with it, I grab my phone and create a makeshift spot to set it up. Before I give myself time to overthink it, I press record.

"Hello, YouTube," I announce. I wipe my palms on my jeans and hope that isn't in the shot. "This is an original song. I hope you like it." Short and sweet.

Then I let my fingers take over. They dance their usual dance and the music flows through one ear and out the other. As I finish it, I add a little more flare to the song with a lingering closing, but then it ends, and it feels like I say goodbye to the song forever. I say a quit thank you for listening, and then end the recording.

"That sounded really good, Q," Ben says out of nowhere. He has my door cracked open an inch or two with his stupid mischievous face peeking in. Surprisingly, there is no grin to match the look in his eyes. "Are you gonna play it for the guys?"

I shrug my shoulders. "It's kind of personal."

"Personal enough to share with the world on YouTube?" He glances at the phone in my hands and gives me a small smile as he sits on the edge of my bed.

I look down at my phone and the video replaying on it. "Touché." I set the phone down on my keyboard. "One day I'll let the band have the song. But, for now, it's mine. I need to post it online."

"You need to?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I do."

He leans back on his hands and narrows his eyes at me. "There is only one reason I can think for wanting to post a song like that online. Does she know you wrote it for her?"

Ben, the all-knowing. He may come across as dumb as a box of rocks sometimes, but he isn't. By far. "No," I say with a little bit of embarrassment. "She doesn't."

"Wanna talk about it?" I hear both curiosity and concern in his voice. Ben has a way with those two things.

"No, I don't."

"Cool, cool. Good talk. Lemme know if you do. In the meantime, maybe you'll want to talk about what happened downstairs?"

I turn to look at him now. "It's a long story, Ben. I know I shouldn't have said all of that. You guys just don't-"

"... don't get it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Listen, dude. I think Asher is head over heels for this girl. I'm not saying you have to like her, but for the sake of the band 0 for our friends – you might want to get along with her. I can't say much about what happened down there or the situation between you and her dad, but I can say that she had nothing to do with it. At least, I don't think she would have."

I suddenly feel myself getting defensive. "She kept pushing me, Ben. I..."

To my surprise, Ben rests a hand on shoulder. "I can't understand how you feel towards her dad. I guarantee it lives in you and it has made a home there by now. But man... she didn't do anything. She's a good person. I can't say the same for her dad the way Asher talks about him. Just think about it, okay?"

I pull my eyes away from him and to the phone in my hands. "I will."

Ben gets up to leave, but before he makes it out the door, he turns to grin at me. "As for the girl we were discussing before... call her dude. Life is short."

But would she want me to call her? I nod my head and offer him a reassuring smile.

Ben is right. As much as I want to take my anger out on the sweet-natured girl that is attached directly to my weakest point, I can't do that. I can't live in that hatred when it isn't for the right person. I also don't know how I can post this song and expect Sam to see it and contact me. But then I think of the voicemail I left her in which every part of my soul was poured into.

And that's when I throw my phone so hard across the room it shatters against the wall. When I pick it up and the screen remains black, I think of the phone number that is gone now. I can't forget about the one girl who made me feel like life would be okay again, but I can forget her number. Maybe she's already forgotten me too.

I sit on my bed, broken phone in hand, and make a to-do list. I will apologize to Bea. Maybe Asher too. I will move past being angry with her and only hold that anger for her father. I won't live in this self-pity stage anymore.

Today, things will change. And I won't look back and miss the old Quentin. 

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I come to you with not one, but TWO chapters after a much too long break. I hope you enjoyed these short chapters!