Chapter 3: The theory behind
Oli's friendship

"This is your room?" The blonde girl asked when we walked inside a guest room in mine and Harry's L.A. house.

"Hum, no." I said as I closed the door before turning around to spot her examining everything.

"Oh... why not?" She asked with a confused expression on her features.

Because we are not about to have sex where I previously made love with the love of my life, bitch.

"Oh, it's not clean so..." I scratched my head, lying teeth and she nodded smiling brightly.

"You're so nice." She attempted at a lower, raspier voice but failed miserably. It was not attractive.

It made want to run.

Why am I doing this to myself? I'm...

I'm gay.

"Thanks." A small, fake smile left my lips.

She sat at the bed her hands making circles on the cushions.

"Maybe we should go see what Oli is doing..." I said turning around to catch the door.

"No, you silly!" She loudly said and I heard steps behind me.

I gulped and closed my eyes, feeling my head spin.

Why am I doing this to myself?

"No?" I asked still fronting the door.

"They are having sex. We would want to interrupt them!"

She came behind me, her hands clutching around my belly and her head laying on my shoulder.

"Louis,..." She creepily called like it was a horror movie.

Her hands rubbed through my and before she slid down to massage my cock through my jeans.

"You have to go." I immediately after said, nicely pulling away from her.

"What?" She said with a frown.

"Umm, yeah. I tottaly forgot." My lips said involuntary like my body wanted to save me from this situation.

"What are you talking about?" She asked her hands gesturing frustrated.

"My landlord said I can't have people over!" I explained rushedly confronting a pair of confused eyes.

"Landlord?" She said but I ignored her, picking up her boots and shoving them in her chest on my way out of the room.

I walked door the hall to the right, knocking on the door of the room Oli usually occupied.

Moans and breaths were heard on the other end of the door. The end where I stood. And I sighed, frustrated with the fate of my night off. "Not now, Louie." Oli's voice was heard through pants and hums.

I sighed once more, loudly, rubbing my lids with the finger tips of my index and thumb.

I thought of doing one millions stupid things that night. I thought of calling Zayn, say how much of a piece of shit he really is.

I thought of calling Harry, telling him I still loved him with every single part of my body. That I longer for him every night, and there was nothing, no one who could make me feel joy any longer, because all hapiness in the world went away when he did.

I thought of calling my guy and trying some coke.

Hell, I even thought about throwing myself off my roof.

But I would rather any other of those, to the events that unfolded after.

Because little did I know the longing consequences of those actions.

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A loud, annoying thumping woke me up hurriedly.

I reactively sat up and that was the first mistake of today. Immediately my head spun around and I felt like I was going to vomit.

I shut closed my eyes and tried to ignore the stinging sharp pain my head held, and the on going obnoxious knocking at my door.

"Louie, are you there?" I heard Oli's voice, soundingly worried. "Lou, please open up."

"I'm fine, O." I managed to say, convincingly. My voice giving out the raspiness in it from just waking up.

"Are you okay?" The thumping stopped and I finally took an exhaling breath.

"Fine. Just let me sleep, you fuck." I cursed out, giving me somewhat of a pleasure.

A relief and content laugh was hearable from the door. "It's four p.m., bitch! You slept all day. Time to get up princess."

"Okay, okay." I pushed hearing steps which meant he let me be.

I finally decided to open my eyes, and give it a go on taking in the fucking light hoping it wouldn't kill me.

When did I get here? Fuck!

Painted white clouds on a sky of blue filled the walls in front of my eyes.

How did I get to Harry's and I room?

A sad smile made it's way onto my lips. I looked around.

The grey carpet floors looked fluffy and polished as ever, except for a little stain near the door, barely noticibable, but still there.

From the night Harry brought me hot cocoa when I was sick.

Then there were the two wooden black bedside tables. Both supported picture frames and a small lamp.

I grabbed one of the frames, near the right side and looked at it. Harry's anniversary party.

The only one we got to celabrate outside of tour. Two thousand and thirteen.

Harry sat on my lap, his long legs spread apart as we engaged in a deep conversation. I don't even remember this photo being taken.

Obviously it was with Harry's Polaroid, as a tag read 'Harry's birthday, 2013' at the bottom.

Around the room little frames hung with more photos of us.

This room was what Larry shippers would call the Larry lair.

Anyone would walk in here and realise me and Harry have been together all along.

So this room literally was restricted.

The shelve was filled with notebooks and books that we shared during our time together. Reminders of a great love, of our love.

But I didn't feel overwhelmed here.

I felt safe.

But I didn't remember coming in here last night! How did I manage to unlock the door?

I get up my head still pounding and walk up to the connected bathroom. My face splashed with cold water was actually refreshing and I even skipped my morning blunt.

Waking up in that room felt like heaven. There was no bed comfier, no sheet softer, no room in any part of the world better than this and Harry's and I bedroom in London.

Leaving the bathroom I took a trip to the adjoined closet to cover my nakedness before walking outside to meet Oli.

The smell hit me little a thousand bricks. It smelled of Harry's little smell bags that he would always leave near his clothes for good smell.

It smelled like him.

I wanted to sleep, and live in here. I looked for an old shirt and a pair of boxers stumbling upon Harry's old baggy Bowie t-shirt.

I grabbed it and put it on, melting onto the softness of it before snatching a pair of sweats and stuffing my feet on my her's flip flops, (and before you ask, yes they make those) that stood near Harry's his' flip flops.

I walked out, closing the door with the outside automatic code on my way, (yes, it was like a safe electronic code, call us protective) and walking down the stairs towards the white big kitchen with large opening windows that went from the ground to the ceiling.

"Lou! Made you breakfast!"

"Thanks, Oli." I said in appreciation sitting on the counter, my head starting to remind me of the pounding.

On the marble stood toast and a coffee, an aspiring and water.

"That is okay. Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded my head taking the pill in my hands and then gulping it down with a chunk of water.

"I was worried. I didn't expect you too be sleeping there, you know?" His expression certainly held concern. It was however misplaced.

There was no place better for me to be at a time like this.

"Oh, no. It was chill." I said earning no response.

I started to eat feeling that the air was still not cleared up.

I looked at Oli and he was help in deep thinking as he stared at me not even noticing I was stopping in tracks and staring back.

"Louie, I know you are trying to make a Zayn out of me, but I'm not him. I won't just go out, show you a good time. You need to man up to the truth, Louie." He explained leaving me dumbfounded.

"What is the truth, Oli?" I asked, as I went back to biting on my toast.

"You're gay, Louis." I choked on my piece of food, as my eyes shoot wide open. "Why did you bring a girl home last night?"

"I didn't."

"Maybe it's my fault. I let you do it. I was too scared to say something. To hurt your feelings but that was dumb of me. Wait..." he rambled on and on but something caught his attention cuz he pointed toward me, his eyes holding a stern look. "You didn't?"

"No." I responded. What girl?

"Do you even remember what happened last night?" He asked me.

Suddenly I noticed no recollection of last night's events. "I remember we went to a club."

"You brought a girl here last night, Louis William Tomlinson. You had sex with that girl. I need you to open up. To tell me what is going on so I can help you!" Oli was not containing himself, with unnecessary hand motion he slapped the counter a couple times making his point.

"Wait, not in our room..." I said taking my hands to my hair feeling like I have ruined everything.

"No. It wad in the guests bedroom." Oli cleared up.

"Still... in this house... God, I'm a worthless piece of shit." I groan loudly stuffing my head on my arms on the top of the counter.

"No, Louie. You made a mistake."

"No, Oli. I have made a lot of mistakes. Hell, Harry would probably have forgiven me after that stupid speech, he might have even have forgiven me after making out with Zayn, but after this? He is going to hate me!" I claim, throwing my hands in the air, letting my desperation get the best of me.

Only after had I noticed that I was not only crying but shaking uncontrollably.

"Harry is in love with you, he'll forgive you. Have you tried to talk to him?" Oli asked.

I looked up at him. The first spark of hope stung in my chest like an unknown part if my body just grew.

"No, not really. He ignores me so I return the favour." I explained to see Oli smile at me.

"Then talk to him. And don't lie. Explain the situation. Explain you don't even remember!" Oli encouraged.

"But you don't understand. I said things to him, you know, horrible things. Like 'we weren't worthy of love like this, because we don't try enough' type of stupid shit." I said earning a gasp from a facepalming Oli.

"You have to talk to him, Louie. It's the only way." He warned looking me in the eyes.

"But what I did... he'll hate me for it." I repeated myself. The thought of his reaction was enough to make my stress peak.

"He'll forgive you. You'll explain!" Oli sterned his voice further spating his hand on the marble. "I just..." he exhaled closing his eyes.

"It pains me to see you like this. You are a reck, Louis. Harry or not, you need to have self-respect. You need self- love and acceptance! And you need to do it for yourself. It is an illusion if you think he going to give that to you." Oli rambled, got mad even, argued convictly until my eyes glazed with water threatening to fall.

"It's not like that, Oli." I whispered wiping off a tear with my hand.

"What?" He asked me and I sighed feeling my chest ache strongly.

More tears fell. It felt like I poured a river before I tried to explain.

"It's not like that, Oli." I said louder than before although it hurt when I did. "It's not about him giving me anything. It is about him being the only thing that occupies my brain..." Loud sobs escaped between words, as the mess in my head tried to organize itself. "It is about the  overwhelming sensation of drowing on him. I can't get him out of my head. I love him. I want him to be happy. And at the same time, it drains me to imagine he can be happy without me. I love him so much."

"Talk to Harry, Louis. Tell him that!"

I knew Oli was right, but how?

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