Fuck.

What the fuck have I done?

I've ruined the only good thing in my life, the one thing that makes me truly fucking happy.

One cruel, thoughtless act and I've lost the best part of me.

I grimace as I raise my head away from my pillow, the phone ringing loudly, echoing around the room. Turning over I grab hold of my cell from the bedside table, picking it up and glancing at it through one eye, hopeful that maybe, just maybe, she wants to talk. It's a ridiculous thought, but it's one that crosses my mind every time my phone rings.

I roll my eyes at Ellis' name on the screen and drop the phone back down on the surface before turning away, burying myself in the blankets once more.

I've spoken to barely anyone over the last five days, hiding myself in my bed, not willing to get up or face the destruction that I've caused. Ettie has brought me breakfast and dinner every day and I've picked at it slowly, the nauseating feeling that's been present in my stomach ever since I betrayed her stopping me from eating any more.

I'm not sure when I fell for Savannah. Not exactly.

I've always found her beautiful, from the moment I first saw her in the diner, her blonde hair pinned up under the hairnet, her blue eyes sparkling with hatred at the thought of serving us. Fuck, she was absolutely gorgeous, and the sarcastic attitude that accompanied always kept me on my toes, made me want to get to know her.

I became drawn to her the moment she yelled at me at my front door for causing her to fail her driving test. No girl had ever done that before, most high-school girls only talking to me because they wanted to get in my pants.

When I found out that she worked at Aphrodite's Palace a wave of protectiveness swarmed through me, despite the fact that I barely knew her. As I watched her serve drink after drink, her head down in an attempt to hide, all I wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and take her away from there, shielding her from the dangers of the seedy club.

The mistakes I've made over the last year have never warranted forgiveness but my stubborn, cocky self wore her down each time, desperate to work my way back into her life and hold her in my arms.

I was reluctant to acknowledge the feelings I had for her, anxious over the impact it could have on my reputation. Savannah wasn't the most popular, but Ashley was. Looking back I see how wrong it was to think that way, how little I should have cared. I was popular but I didn't even fucking want to be. All I needed was Savannah and then I would be happy.

Seeing Ashley talk shit to her at Chris' party was the last straw. Heading upstairs after ending it with Ashley I had no idea what to do, I had to figure out how to let Savannah know that I liked her, that I really fucking liked her, and wasn't just playing a game. It was then that Kate came in, asking if I was okay and reaching up to touch my arm. When Savannah walked in I knew just by looking at her face that she didn't trust me, she'd drawn her own conclusions without hearing me out, and I couldn't blame her. It was hardly like I'd ever treated her right.

I will never understand how but from then on I managed to wriggle back into her life, desperate for us to get to know each other, anxious to find out whether what I felt was real. I have never felt more terror than when I walked back into the Diner and that fucking prick was holding Savannah by her neck, her face filled with horror. I didn't even think twice before launching over towards them and wrenching him off of her, no thought as to whether he was armed. All I knew was that I had to get him away from my girl. Holding her that night in her own bed, I never wanted to let go. I'd never been with a girl for longer than six days and not slept with her, but I didn't even care. I was happy.

Ashley and I were never exclusive. In fact we spoke on numerous occasions about how we both wanted to keep our 'relationship' open, see other people. We were 'together' for the picture it painted to society, that was all.

So when I decided to ask Savannah to be my girlfriend I was so fucking scared. Me, the popular football captain, notable player, wanted to settle down with the quiet, beautiful, blonde beauty.

The day of the party I drank four beers before anyone turned up, my stomach a mix of jitters and nerves. After Ellis and Ben arrived I doubled the amount of alcohol within me. I was swaying across the room by the time I saw Georgia.

"Brett?"

My eyes open slightly at the intrusion and I glare slightly at my little sister for entering my room.

"What?" I mutter back.

"Are you going to get out of bed today?" Alice asks, her eyes wide as she pokes my arm with her finger.

"No," I retort before shooting her a small smile.

"Stop being sad. It's immature." She lectures, crossing her arms as she glares at me. My God she reminds me of my fucking Mother.

"Immature?" I smirk, sitting up slightly.

"Yes." She nods. "Are you sad because of Ben?" she asks softly.

"What? No!"

"I always get sad when Penny hates me. We fall out a lot," she explains, shrugging. Ah Penny, her chosen best friend for this month.

"I haven't fallen out with Ben," I assure her, smiling at her.

"You fell out with a girlfriend?"

"Something like that."

"Was it your fault?" she asks and I nod, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"Completely."

"Apologize then." She shrugs.

"Oh Alice." I breathe out, pulling her into my arms, "Nothing I ever do will make up for what I've done." I admit, "She deserves better. The best thing I can do is let her move on, away from me."

"But you're sad!" she exclaims into my hair and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face at the thoughtfulness of my little sister.

"Her happiness is more important." I reply and she pulls away, looking sadly at me.

"Alice!" Ettie calls from somewhere in the house and Alice glances behind her before taking a step back.

"We're going to the park," she exclaims. "Do you want to come?"

"Not today." I shake my head. "Have fun," I tell her and she grins.

"Eat something!" my sister orders, pointing to the untouched egg sandwich on my desk. "Bye!" She grins before disappearing out of the door, slamming it shut behind her. Slowly shuffling off my bed I throw my legs over the side and pull myself up, ready to attempt the food that Ettie had prepared me this morning. I slowly stumble over to the desk and pick up the sandwich, stuffing the end of it in my mouth and taking a small bite. I manage to swallow it down and take another bite before my eyes fall on the picture pinned up behind my desk. I immediately swallow the large lump of food, the ache in my chest back once more. Dropping the sandwich back on the plate, I pick up the picture, bringing it closer to my face.

Savannah's arms are thrown around me, laughing as I grin down at her, completely wrapped up in our own world at the beach. Neither of us had any idea that Ben was taking the photo, making it my favorite photo of us, neither of us playing up for the camera.

Gulping back the pain I quickly tear the photo in half, the anger I hold for myself taking over as I whirl around, grabbing hold of the lamp beside me and slamming it across the floor.

Why did I ask Georgia to help me? Why did I go upstairs with her? Why did I shut the door behind us?

I grab onto the books piled up on the shelf beside me and wrench them out, chucking them across the room. They crash into the wall, leaving a dent in their wake as they fall to the floor.

Why did I drink so much? Why didn't I just wait for Savannah?

Grabbing onto the bookshelf I pull it away from the wall, with a roar, throwing it to the floor, my anger only rising as I think of what I've done.

Why did I listen to Georgia? Why did I let her convince me that Savannah was against the idea of long distance? Why did I believe that she was going to break up with me at that party?

Letting out another deep yell I grab onto the desk itself, effectively flipping it over, away from the wall and into the middle of the room.

Why did I allow Georgia to fill my mind with thoughts of Savannah moving on with Dean? Why did I let her manipulate her way into my drunken mind?

Stepping back I survey the damage I've done to my room, the effect minimal compared to the ripped up state of my mind. When we left that party I lashed out at her, spitting out words to hurt her, allowing Georgia's words seep into my brain and affect me. It took Savannah to walk away from me before I realized how much I'd fucked up. Georgia was lying and I...

I had betrayed the girl I love.

Leaning back I bury my face in my hands, sliding down the length of the wall onto the floor, finally letting the sobs erupt out of me.

What the fuck have I done?