"Oh... I..." Elena stutters as she takes in the sight in front of her, eyes wide. Kyle looks slightly amused as he glances over her shoulder.

"It's not..." I trail off, jumping off my bed and reaching up to smooth my hair down. "I..."

"I was just leaving." Brett mutters, grabbing hold of his top as I look down at the floor, not trusting myself to look up and face him. I'm a coward and I know it.

I hear his footsteps as he walks towards the door and finally the door slams behind him and I glance up, thankful to see that Kyle went with him.

"S?" Elena asks, quietly.

"Please E, I don't want to talk about it just yet!" I reply, sinking down onto my bed. I can't even begin to comprehend what just happened, and I certainly don't know how to explain it to Elena. There's no reasonable explanation, I'm a cheater and there's nothing more to it.

"I'll go get the donuts." She replies, and I finally look up to see her grabbing hold of the door handle.

"E! Your keys." I exclaim and she looks back, wide eyed as she shoots me a sheepish look.

"Got them!" She grins, grabbing them off of her bed and leaving without a second glance. I bury my head in my hands and finally let a scream erupt out of my mouth, the frustration taking over as I let all the emotions hit me.

What the fuck have I just done?

*~*~*

"Are you sure this is okay?" Elle asks worriedly as she glances back at me, unsure of her decision for the fiftieth time.

"You can't back out now!" I object, grabbing hold of her shoulders and smiling at her.

"I can! I want to spend Christmas with you!"

"Els. I'll be fine." I assure her, smiling. "I'll ring you Christmas Day."

"I love you." She says sadly and I pull her into my arms, not letting my own emotions ruin her moment.

"I love you too." I reply softly as she tightens her hold on me. It's the 21st December and time for my sister to fly to Texas. Time for her to start living her life for her, and not just to support me.

"The meter is still running!" The cab driver calls out to us and I grimace before letting go, standing back and seeing the lone tear that flows down my sister's cheek. I reach out, gently wiping it away before sending her a reassuring smile.

"Go!"

"I'll miss you." She chokes out.

"I'll miss you too." I confirm, squeezing her hand.

"We'll make it up in the New Year."

"January 3rd." I nod as she lets go of me, "I'm already counting down." I reply as she hesitantly gets into the cab and shuts the door. Winding down the window I can see the tears that are pooling in her eyes as she looks up at me.

"Happy Christmas Ann."

"Happy Christmas Elle." I reply, blowing her a kiss before the cab begins to pull away. "Bye!" I call after her, waving at the retreating car until it rounds the corner, out of sight. Taking a deep, slow breath I reach up and wipe any tears away from my eyes and turn back towards my dorm room, desperate to ignore the sadness that is clawing to get out.

As I open the door to the dorms I dig into my back pocket and pull out my phone, taking another deep breath before clicking on my boyfriend's name and placing it at my ear as it starts to ring.

"Hey!" He answers, his voice slightly gruff.

"Hey, have you left yet?" I ask, desperate to keep my voice light and hopeful that we can have a civil conversation.

"We're at the airport now!" He replies.

"Elle just left." I tell him and hear a sigh from the other end of the phone.

"I'm sure she'll have fun in Texas."

"I... I'm sure she will." I manage to get out, unsure of what to make of his short, harsh words.

"And you'll be okay, won't you?" He asks, almost rhetorically.

"Uh, yeah." I reply, nodding my head as if to convince myself more than him.

"Great."

"I miss you." I exclaim, looking down at the path as I walk, "Happy Christmas Haydon."

"Happy Christmas Sav." He replies and I shut my eyes, desperate to contain the tears that nearly came firstly for the loss of my sister, and secondly, now for the clear anger that my boyfriend still holds for me.

"I'm sorry for what happened last week..."

"Oh, we're boarding!" He cuts me off. "I'll give you a message when we land?"

"Yeah." I exclaim a little meekly, "Have fun."

"You too." He replies before hanging up. He's been rejecting the majority of my calls the last week and we've spoken three times since last week, each time consisting of me apologising to him and telling him that Brett means nothing, telling him how much he means to me.

He doesn't believe me and I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to convince him. I'm not sure I can even convince myself.

As I walk back into the dorm room I'm hit with the view of Elena struggling to pick up her crammed suitcase as she attempts to grab hold of her keys from the bed.

"Are you off?" I smile at her as she stops dragging her luggage towards the door.

"Yeah." She grins,"Are you sure that you're okay here?"

"Definitely!" I shoot her the biggest fake smile I can muster.

"I really think you should come home with me." She counters and I shake my head.

"Thanks E." I smile, grabbing hold of her and pulling her into a hug. "I'm okay. I've got loads I want to do." I pull back, smiling down at her. "Maybe next time?"

"You're welcome whenever. Call me if you change your mind." She orders, pointing a finger at me. I laugh as she picks her case back up and starts towards the door. "Happy Christmas!"

"I will." I assure her. "You too."

"I'll miss you." She calls into the room and I walk over, grabbing hold of the door to hold it open for her.

"You too." I grin as she finally gets the suitcase out the door, shooting me a small wave. "Bye!"

*~*~*

Two days later I find myself walking through the empty campus, grateful for the fresh air, my black coat and green scarf keeping me warm in the horrid chill of December. The eerie silence of an empty dorm room became too much for me after a few hours and I've found myself taking more walks than ever before. Hell, maybe Elle leaving me was the kick start I needed to start getting more exercise? Who am I kidding - it's not like any amount of exercise will make up for the amount of brownie, cookie dough and pizza that I've stuffed in my face over the last two weeks.

I turn up towards the library, my arms wrapped around myself as I skip up the steps, pulling open the door and walking inside. The librarians are gone this time of year, my university identification card the only way I am able to get inside. I can imagine that this is where I'll spend my Christmas day, distracting myself from the fact that I'm alone.

I find comfort in the library. Maybe it's because I like to get away from the havoc of my life, away from the constant noise of my roommate, or Polly, or Elle, or Becky, or Haydon. I love them all but sometimes I just need some quiet and peace so that I can make it through the day without killing them.

I love to allow myself to get lost in someone else's story instead of my own. Sometimes I feel like my life has enough drama to have my own book, but then I remember that the main story is just a poor girl who fell for the charms of a popular football player back in high school, nothing more, nothing less. It's horrendously cliché.

I walk down the aisles, back towards the mystery section, anxious to continue the book I was reading yesterday. As I turn the corner I am startled by the person curled up at the foot of the bookcase, my hand going to my heart in shock. Great. The popular jock.

He glances up at me, smiling slightly.

"You haven't gone home yet?" I can't help but ask and Brett shrugs.

"Absent parents remember?"

"But, Alice?"

"She's away on a skiing trip." He mutters, looking back down at his book, "You aren't home either?"

"Elle's gone away."

"So you have nothing to do at Christmas?" He asks, his gaze firmly back on me, his book shut, "Haydon?"

"They go away every year." I explain before shrugging, "Nothing."

"What's your plan then?" He asks, sitting up slightly.

"I don't have one." I retort, "I'm staying here."

"Even on Christmas Day?"

"Yeah." I shrug.

"Come to mine." He replies, nonchalantly.

"What?" I splutter. "No." Is this guy crazy? Does he not remember what happened the other day?

"Why not?" He shrugs and I shake my head.

"You know why." I snap and he looks back down at the book. I shake my head and turn back to the bookshelf, desperately trying to ignore him.

"What are you reading?" Brett asks.

"A Simple Favour." I reply without looking back at him.

"Is it good?"

"It's... weird."

"They made that one into a film didn't they?" He asks and I raise my eyebrows, finally glancing back at him, surprised that he knows this. Although knowing him, he probably only knows about it because he wants to have sex with Blake Lively.

But then again, who doesn't? That woman is absolute fire.

"Yeah." I confirm, "I want to finish the book before I watch the film."

"Good dedication."

"I can never read the book after I've watched the film. It's too difficult. You're always expecting what's going to come next." I explain and he smiles, nodding his head.

"You have to be able to detach the book from the film." He nods.

"I wish I could," I mutter.

"I'm sorry for what happened the other day." He replies softly and I swallow the lump in my throat, biting my lip. "I never should have touched you." He almost whispers and my eyebrows rise in surprise.

"It takes two to tango Brett." I retort, "I was in the wrong as well."

"I should have stayed away from you, like you asked." He mutters, glancing back up at me.

"Yes, you should." I can't help but snap, despite the fact that my anger at him is slowly decreasing and as hard as I try to fight it, he's a good friend, always knowing what's wrong with me, always making sure I'm okay.

"I don't know why I can't." He admits, "But I need you to know that I really do like y..."

"I should go." I cut him off, quickly glancing along the shelf, trying to find the book I left yesterday, Brett's presence causing me to forget everything.

"Savannah." He says softly, standing up and leaning against the bookcase. I shoot a quick look at him and see his pleading eyes, begging me to hear him out.

"Brett!" I exclaim, shooting him down as I glance back at the shelf. "I'm with Haydon and that isn't going to change." I lecture, "You had your chance. You lost it." I mutter, "Now I have to figure out how to tell Haydon I kissed someone else."

"Tell him?" He repeats and I glance back at him.

"Yeah." I shrug, sadly, "Isn't that what relationships are based on? Honesty?"

"They should be." He agrees, "That's what I'm trying to do these days."

"Be honest?" I ask, forever being surprised by the words that come out of this reformed jerk's mouth.

"Yeah." He confirms, "No more lies. No more games."

"The girl who goes out with you will be lucky." I retort, glancing back at the shelf, mentally ordering myself to get a move on and find the damn book. Was I trying to create my own mystery yesterday when I put it back?

"There's no-one else I want." He replies, his voice so low I'm not even sure if I am supposed to hear it.

"Found it!" I exclaim, grabbing hold of the familiar blue book and whirling back to face him. "I've got to go." I say before turning and beginning to walk away.

"But you're alone at Christmas!" He calls out after me.

"So?" I counter, turning back to face him. He hasn't moved, still leaning against the bookcase, staring after me.

"Savannah I know how much you adore Christmas. It was your favorite time with your family." He argues, "You shouldn't be alone."

"I'm not yours to worry about." I retort.

"No-one should be alone on Christmas." He objects. "Savannah..."

"I'll be fine." I smile down at him, "Thanks, but no." I continue. "Have a good Christmas."

"You too." He replies, managing a smile as I nod before taking a step back and turning away, leaving the library as swiftly as I'd walked in. Digging my phone out I hastily drag up my messages to Haydon and type one simple sentence to him before pressing send.

I miss you.

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