Sitting on my bed, I watch as Elena changes into her seventeenth dress, her eyes frantic as she tries to make a decision.

"You look amazing." I assure, grinning at her.

"You think?" She asks, turning to me with a worried expression. "Should I change to the green dress?"

"No. I like the red one." I assure her.

"Are you sure you don't mind that he's one of Brett's friends?" She asks and I roll my eyes. Absolutely not. Just because people are friends with Brett doesn't mean I hate them all, hell I always liked Ben, Liam and Chris. Even Ellis was alright. Who's to say Kyle is any different? I'm just excited for my roommate to finally go on a date with the guy shes been crushing on for two months.

"God no!" I exclaim, "It doesn't bother me one bit." I assure her, "Kyle seems nice."

"Okay." She smiles, relieved, "Red or black handbag?"

"Black." I immediately choose. She nods, shoving her red one back into her overflowing closet. "Where's he taking you?"

"Mei's."

"The Chinese place?" I squeal, remembering our first evening together.

"Yeah."

"Enjoy!" I exclaim, "I'm jealous."

"Of course you are, it's food!" She laughs and I grin, picking up another cookie and shoving it into my mouth.

*~*~*

An hour later I'm curled up in bed, Elena long gone, when a ringtone blasts through the room, shocking me away from my Pitch Perfect movie marathon. Fumbling with the buttons I manage to pause the movie before glancing at the phone and raising it to my ear.

"Hey Elle what's up?"

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah I'm all good." I reply. "You never ring this late, what is it?"

"They've..." She trails off, "Alex put me forward for this course." She begins, "It's to advance my midwifery training."

"Okay." I say slowly, wondering where this is going.

"And they've accepted."

"Wow!" I exclaim, "Well done Elle! That's incredible." I grin, "Wait. Why aren't you more excited?"

"It's in Texas." She explains, before pausing. "Over Christmas."

"Oh!"

"So I'm going to decline it." She continues.

"Are you crazy?" I almost yell down the phone at her. Has she been drinking? On drugs? Because those are the only reasonable explanations as to why my sister would decline such an incredible opportunity.

"Ann, we spend every Christmas together, as families should!"

"Elle this is a big opportunity for you." I point out and hear her sigh at the other end of the phone.

"I can't afford to take you with me..."

"Elle. Listen to me." I cut her off, "It's okay." I assure her. "We can celebrate when you get back."

"I can't..."

"If you don't go then I will never forgive you." I assert, "You put your whole life on hold for me."

"But Christmas..."

"Is just one day of the year." I point out, "Who cares if we make ours a week later?"

"Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent." I assure her and she finally squeals in excitement at the other end of the phone. Five minutes later we say our goodbyes and hang up, leaving me alone once more.

I don't know how to process the news, to know that I'm going to be alone for Christmas. I would never let my sister miss this opportunity but Christmas has always been such a big deal for us and it's hard to take in. I'm happy for Elle - this is something she wants to do, and I'm proud of her for achieving it.

I let the movie continue, desperate for it to distract me. It works to an extent, managing to divert my attention instead onto how upset I am that I can't sing. I mean how much better would it be if you could sing? I could be doing that as a part time job, not begging a cafe down the road to hire me like I currently am.

As the second film draws to an end I feel the emotions hit me once more as the room goes quiet, and suddenly the loneliness becomes unbearable. The thoughts of a Christmas alone rush through me again and I grimace, sitting up in bed as a tear slides down my cheek. When my parents died Elle and I spent the first Christmas walking around Edgewater Valley and visiting all the places our parents loved; the library, the lake, our old house. It was heartbreaking but we were together, making a vow that we would always be there for each other.

Reaching for my phone I scroll down until Haydon's number comes up. Biting my lip, I play with the blanket covering me and wait until it goes to voicemail before hanging up and pressing play on the next movie. The third film is less successful at distracting me and as I watch I grab myself a tissue, the emotions catching up to me and leaking out of my eyes with no chance of stopping them.

By the time the film ends I need to hear someone's voice and I try Haydon once more, flying straight to voicemail. All I need is someone to talk to, someone to distract me and remind me that I'm not alone. The tears begin to flow down my face once more and I curse Haydon for not picking up, even though he's probably busy, out with his Dad. I shove my face into my pillow and softly scream, the emotions flooding through me. It's out of control, I can't even stop myself from crying anymore and I grimace. Bloody hormones.

I don't even forgive Brett for what he did, I don't even want to be his friend, yet I find my finger hovering over his name on my phone screen. Should I? He probably doesn't want to talk to me, Hell I don't even want to talk to him, but suddenly the quiet dorm room seems the loneliest place to be and I curse as I click his name, raising the phone to my ear.

"Hey." I say before he even has time to say anything.

"Hey? You still have my number." Brett exclaims and I grimace, grabbing hold of my blanket and shoving it over my face. You idiot Savannah. Why did you even ring him?

"No."

"Then how did you..."

"You clearly still have mine too, you know who this is." I retort, cutting him off.

"I'm not denying it."

"Whatever. This was a mistake." I snap, "Bye."

"Wait... you rang me for a reason?" He questions.

"Not really." I mutter. "Have you spoken to your parents about football yet?" I ask.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know Sav, I don't know if I should..."

"Grow some balls Winters." I cut him off and he laughs.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"Shut up!" I retort and he laughs once more, amused at the embarrassment in my voice.

"You love it." He retorts as the door opens and my head flies up to see a beaming Elena.

"Elena just walked in. I'll talk to you later." I reply quickly before lowering my voice. "And Brett?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday." I say quietly before hanging up the phone and grinning at Elena who looks at me quizzically as she hangs her coat up in the closet.

"Did you say Brett?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Becky just wanted to know if I'd seen him at all." I reply hastily.

"Oh."

"How was it?" I change the subject, crossing my legs as I sit forward to get comfortable.

"It was good."

"Tell me more!"

"I had the chicken stir fry that we had last time..."

"Not that! Tell me about him." I giggle, cutting her off.

"He's nice." She shrugs, pulling the dress over her head and grabbing hold of her purple nightshirt.

"Nice?" I scoff. "Do you like him or not?"

"I do!" She exclaims, stumbling back into her bed, "He kissed me goodnight."

"Second date?" I sing, raising my eyebrows at her.

"I hope so!"

*~*~*

All my life ever seems to be anymore are college parties. I get up, I go to lectures, I nap, I party.

Have I turned into a stereotypical college student? But I wash all my laundry, I eat healthy meals and I don't miss a lecture. So I think I'm slightly better than your average Polly.

Walking into my first party of the next week I quickly jump back from the girls who are running through the house, bottles of alcohol above their heads as they laugh, pulling Elena back with me.

"Haven't seen you in a while!" Laura exclaims, spotting us immediately and bounding over.

"We've been busy studying." Elena replies, grinning. That, and the fact the only reason I'm here is because she wants to see Kyle, so of course I had to be dragged along too. I actually tried telling her that I didn't want to go to a party in December, yet here we are.

"Yep" I agree.

"Sounds boring." She rolls her eyes. "Drink?"

"Yes!" I grin and she nods, turning back to the other side of the room. We follow her through the crowd, stopping at the drinks table.

"I think college is turning me into an alcoholic..." Elena mutters.

"Me too." I agree.

"If you girls think you're alcoholics, then take a look around at all the people who are here every night." Laura counters, laughing.

"Fair point." I grin, gratefully accepting the cup she passes me.

"Elena?"

"Oh, Kyle! Hey!" Elena whirls around to face him, her face feigning surprise. She's a good actor, I'll give her that.

"It's good to see you."

"You too." She grins.

"I've been thinking about you a lot since the other night."

"You have?" She asks, eyes wide and I can't help the smirk that passes over my face, looking down slightly to hide it. She's lost her Oscar award.

"Hurst!" Brett's voice calls and I look up, smiling in greeting as he strides over towards the group that is gathering.

"Winters." I reply.

"Should we play a game?" Laura exclaims, clapping her hands together and gesturing for us to move into the next room.

"We just got here." I try, not willing to partake when all I've drunk is three sips of watered down liquor.

"Not our problem. We've been drinking for three hours." Laura shrugs, gently pushing Elena into the next room. I hesitantly follow, Brett and Kyle close behind.

"Game anyone?" Laura exclaims to the room and a few people jump up, Liam included, grinning as they nod.

"Truth or dare!" A guy calls out and I shake my head instantly.

"I'm out!"

"Come on S! One round!" Elena tries, grabbing onto my hand and silently pleading with her eyes.

"I really..." I begin but falter as I see the faces of strangers who don't know my hatred for the dreaded game. Elena wants to stay and I know why. Kyle. "Fine!" I give in and Laura grins.

"Elena, truth or dare?"

"Truth!" She exclaims, crossing her arms over her lilac vest top.

"Best place you've had sex?" Laura retorts, grinning. Wow. Okay, we are really going all in straight away. Just great.

"Motel on Route 54, Texas." Elena announces and I raise an eyebrow. I did not know that about her.

"Wow." Kyle breathes out.

"It was after a festival!" She shrugs, "With a guy from back home."

"Alright! Savannah?" Laura asks and I grimace.

"Dare." I say. Why the hell not? I'm not going to reveal any of my secrets to these strangers.

"I dare you to make out with Brett." She retorts and my mouth drops open before I glance over at him. He smiles softly at me, looking apologetic, and I grimace. As if that's going to happen.

"No." I shake my head. "No I won't do it."

"It's the rules." Laura tries and I roll my eyes.

"I don't care." I scoff, "I'm not..." My words are cut off as Brett smashes his lips against mine, the electricity instant between us. It's like we've never been apart and suddenly I'm thrown back to the Summer of 2020, kissing him in the swimming pool, in the sea, in the middle of Liam's party. I can't help my body's reaction to his kiss, my lips instantly moulding into his, desperate for more contact, my mouth opening slightly to give him more access. Desire floods through my veins, desire that I haven't felt in one and a half years. It's an electric current running through me, drawing me in and it's exciting, it's magical and it's...

Not your fucking boyfriend Savannah!

Stepping back and pushing Brett away from me I don't think as I reach up, swinging my hand around and slapping him across the face.

"How fucking dare you!" I snap, my eyes wide as he shuts his eyes, head still turned to the side, reeling from the slap.

Glancing around at the shocked strangers I push through the crowd, hastily leaving the house. Wrapping my jacket around my body I grimace at the cold, quickly walking along the street, desperate to get as far away from it as possible.

What the hell is wrong with me? What kind of a person lets their ex-I-don't-know-what-he-is kiss them? I mean honestly I spent far too long enjoying that kiss, all my sanity lost for a good seven seconds. It's unforgivable. How will I ever explain it to Haydon?

Do I keep it a secret? I did push Brett away and slap him. I didn't want the kiss to happen, and telling Haydon will make things ten times worse. But if I keep it a secret doesn't that make me an adulterer? Wait, am I already one?

Oh god, what have I done?

Turning towards my building I glance up at the sky, expecting to see Fate laughing down at me, or maybe a sign to tell me what I should do, but all I see are a few stars, glinting slightly in the moonlight. No help at all.

Grabbing hold of the door handle I fling it open angrily, stomping into the building, hoping to curl up into a ball in bed for the next six months. At least then no-one will know that I've lost my mind.

I stop with a start at the sight in front of me, my boyfriend grinning, his cap held in his hands.

"Haydon!" I exclaim, still frozen.

"Surprise!" He grins, holding his arms wide. "You okay?"

"Yeah yeah!" I assure, shaking myself out of the shock and striding over towards him. "I'm just shocked you're here!"

"I missed you." He replies, wrapping his arms around me. I melt into the embrace, comforted by the warmth it brings.

"I missed you too!" I smile, "Did you drive up after work?"

"No I had the day off with Dad." He says, pulling back and looking down at me. "He convinced me to come surprise you after we were done." Oh.

"Oh... well thanks for coming!"

"No worries!"

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