I held on.

I didn't give up.

Well, I was close to but then I heard your voice in my head telling me to keep going and not be so eager to see you. You know I've never been a believer in the supernatural but when I was half-conscious in the hospital bed, I could have sworn you were with me.

'It's not your time yet,' you told me. 'Our time to meet again will come in the future but it's not today. '

It's silly but I wish I could have recorded your voice.

It was beautiful to hear it again. But I'm not afraid of forgetting it because I know I never could.

Things have been hard lately, as you already know if you've been watching over me from above.

It's been three months since my overdose. Exams went alright enough but Ouisa forced me to put in a request for extenuating circumstances for good measure. I'm thinking of deferring my place at university and taking a gap year to sort myself out a bit but who knows?

Predicting the future seems impossible right now.

Rehab was a bolt from the blue. Yes, I knew it would be tough but I didn't realise just how much.

I've been taking each day at a time and it seems to be working so far if you ignored the one relapse two months ago.

I know you've always been with me in spirit, Papa however only when I was sitting in individual counselling and group therapy did I realise I had very few people in the real world whom I could call my own.

If I counted them on one hand, I'd still have a few fingers to spare.

My therapist told me that the magic antidote was in the palm of my hand.

Forgiveness.

Forgiving others and more importantly, forgiving myself.

Everything happens for a reason and had I not been bold (or stupid) to make some missteps in the past, I wouldn't be the much stronger person I am today. I'm now wiser and smarter.

I have begun implementing her advice and although I don't want to jinx it, I'm pretty sure I'll need a third hand to list the number of people who are there for me.

That feels pretty good.

This summer, I've started to reconnect with my hobbies and interests. I'm performing a few piano pieces at the Royal Festival Hall next week and I have some very special news for you: I've moved to the semi-professional boxing league at my gym.

Are you proud of me, Papa?

I hope you are.

My relationship with Mama is still rocky and I was a bit upset when she didn't come and visit me in the hospital. I know you'd tell me to be patient with her and try to understand that some people are more meek than others. That's why I've set establishing a relatively steady relationship with her as my new goal. We'll see how that plays out.

Despite that, I've been upholding a commitment I made to myself to meet Svetlana and Dmitri once a week. I don't want them to ever feel unloved and I want them to know that their older sister, half or not, will always be protecting them like a ring of fire.

It's been a challenge given I'm still living at Gabriel's old flat, which I bought out from his last week, but I've always had an unshakable will of steel.

I do miss you a lot.

So much of rehab is reflecting and thinking and evaluating and reflecting again. You know I've never had the patience for that but heck, I am trying to give it my all.

I've been given a second chance by myself, my friends and of course, destiny. I won't let it go to waste.

Thank you for standing with me when I felt completely alone.

Keep holding my hand, Papa and I know I'll make it through.

this girl is honestly made of metal. genuinely, one of my favourite characters purely because of her crazy character arc.

up then down and now hopefully, up again.

vote and comment for tal <3

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final update will be on wednesday 3pm BST (get ready...)