35 | break the mould

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♥ gabriel ♥

"IT'S PRETTY COOL how you can drive now," Louisa said, sitting beside me. She'd unwound the window, messy bun getting even messier from the gentle breeze as I turned round the bend. "Congratulations, I know that must have been difficult."

There wasn't any malice in her voice and it didn't feel like I was being taunted. Strangely, it felt nice to have my hard work acknowledged by somebody who understood why it had been such a challenge for me.

"Thanks. It's straight here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, straight and then left at the lights. Just mind the yellow box at the junction. There's a camera there that Lexi always complains about."

I couldn't remember the last time I'd gone to Prince's house. It must have been months ago. That guy Pierre was Prince's exchange partner and had been staying with him. He still had Louisa's things from earlier today, so I'd to drop her off there.

I hope he goes back to Espirits asap. He was hella annoying at the Spring Ball.

"What about you? Are you staying with Nanna?" Louisa asked me nonchalantly.

I contemplated lying but didn't see much point.

"Not anymore, no."

"Why?" She quirked quickly before I had a chance to say anything further.

I narrowed my eyes at her eagerness, giving her a look that spelt out it wasn't any of her business.

I'm sure it was a coincidence but I'd suddenly been nagged a lot about my flat recently. Nanna had been frequently phoning me to ask when I would move back and last night, Talisa had asked if she could move in with me. Now, Louisa was asking questions too. Naturally, it was all pissing me off a little.

This morning, Nanna had phoned again, this time armed with detailed descriptions of the plethora of baked treats I was missing out on. The truth was, living with Nanna made me feel good. It gave me hope. Seeing her endless love for me conditioned me into believing that maybe other people could love me as well.

And that was bad.

Because it was untrue.

I needed to distance myself from Nanna to prevent myself from falling for the facade of it all. For once in my life, I'd finally been disillusioned with the ways of the world and I wasn't planning on putting back on those rose-tinted glasses any time soon.

"I needed my own space," I answered Louisa. The sudden movement of Louisa's head towards my stony face suggested she hadn't expected me to answer.

From the corner of my eye, I could see a thoughtful expression grow on her face. "I can understand that."

After parallel parking the car, my hand clasped the handbrake and pulled it up to bring the vehicle to a stop.

Shifting in my seat, I turned towards Louisa so that I was angled at forty-five degrees, midway between her and the windscreen. Her elbow was rested on the side of the car, angled chin balanced in the palm of her hand.

"I guess, just keep in mind that she is getting older and won't always be there. Time doesn't stop for anyone, Gabriel. I'd do anything to see my grandparents again."

Her words pulled at my heartstrings harder than I'd expected. I was slightly surprised because I'd already considered what Louisa was getting at when I first chose to move out. It just seemed to hit a lot harder when somebody else said it aloud.

Not knowing how to respond, I bowed my head in the tiniest of motions to show that I recognised her words.

"Thanks for the lift. I'll see you on Monday," she spoke, stepping out of the car. My face was still locked in place, almost irritated at how much her words had impacted me.

"Yeah," I said sharply, my neck still tense.

I sat for a good 5 minutes in my car after Louisa had gone, her words ringing around in my head loud enough to fill the silence.

That was until my phone rang. Glancing at the lock screen, I read Nanna.

Sighing loudly, I dragged a hand across my face before hitting 'accept'.

"Hey, Nanna."

"Good afternoon to my beautiful boy," a warm voice spoke, smiling so welcomingly into the phone that I could feel it in my mobile phone. "How are you? Please tell me you have seen the sun today."

A breathy laugh escaped me as she chastised me. "I have actually. Before noon, too. Record breaking."

She laughed heartily at my sarcasm. "One thing I thank the Lord for more regularly that you know is your sense of humour, which you have so obviously inherited from me. Imagine if you'd got your parent's personality. Miserable old gits."

My eyebrows twitched a little in surprise as Nanna continued to natter away in her usual manner. "-making us travel up to Brighton for what? To see my son and Helen rotting on the sofa and eating crisps. If I wanted to see that, I'd just Gogglebox on! I still haven't forgotten that, you know."

I remember when I first introduced her to Gogglebox. She said she hated it but the countless episodes recorded on her Sky Box had always said otherwise.

"It's alright, Nanna. Don't waste your breath," I commented, glancing to the right after sensing some movement. From one of the many windows of Prince's house, I could make out a few shadows of figures standing around.

Putting my car in gear, I moved a few tens of metres forward so I was out of view. "Waste my breath? What are you suggesting? These lungs of mine have plenty of air left in them, thank you very much."

I lifted my arms relaxedly, flexing my biceps and resting the back of my head on my palms.

In the background of the call, I could hear a soft beeping that came from the oven. She'd been baking again. Trying to get Nanna away from the oven was like trying to separate salt from water.

Possible, but very difficult and very often, not worth the effort.

"What have you baked this time?" My stomach grumbled slightly, thinking about the familiar taste of her cooking and of course, her golden cinnamon rolls. Filled with spice and shiny with a translucent glaze.

"Your favourite. My cinnamon rolls. Two batches as well."

The tone of her voice suggested she knew what she was doing. Unfortunately for me, she was succeeding. "All for the ladies of the Women's Knitting Society at our session this afternoon. Let's see how Janice likes it. Last week, the others wouldn't shut up about her hot cross buns. It tasted like wallpaper paste to me."

Reclining my car seat slightly, I stared at the roof teasing her. "And where's mine? Two dozen for bitter women you don't care about but none for your poor, innocent grandson? Horrific."

"Oh, you silly boy! If you just came home, you'd have a few batches just for yourself," she sighed as I furrowed my eyebrows. I began tracing detailed yet random shapes on the black material of my joggers.

"I'm not getting any younger you know. I'm not Benjamin Button."

My heart sank the second time in the last fifteen minutes for the very same reason.

I hated the feeling of guilt that was running through me. Like usual, I tried to push the feeling away but it just resurfaced. It was as if I was trying to sink an object that was designed to float.

Feeling suffocated, I attempted to lighten the mood. "What happened to those lungs with 'plenty of air left in them?'" I humoured her, still tensed.

"Quit trying to outsmart me, Gabriel. I have almost quadruple your life experience," Nanna quickly scolded me. "Besides, when will you realise that you are awful at changing the topic?"

Exhaling, I sensed a tough conversation coming. "We've talked about this, Nanna. You know the reason I moved out."

"That is true. But you promised me you'd move back at some point," she retorted. "I understood how hard things were for you which is why I accepted your decision. Some time to yourself is necessary for everyone from time to time."

She did have a point. Nanna had been very understanding of the whole situation.

"I gave you time, Gabriel. Now, all I'm asking for is for you to give me some of yours in return."

At this point, my heart was practically in my stomach. My gut was screaming at me to listen to her.

Would I be able to live with myself if I left things too late?

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

There was a sadness in her voice that ripped at my soul.

I gave you time, Gabriel. Now, all I'm asking for is for you to give me some of yours in return.

A shaky sound involuntarily escaped my lips, "Fine."

"I'm not asking a lot, am I? It just-"

A silent beat passed through the line.

"Sorry, what was that?"

My hands covered my face, ignoring all rationality and just following instinct. What was happening to me? I was falling back into my old ways. I had to be careful.

"I'll do it. I'll come back," I grit out, still internally torn on whether I was making the right decision. Our day-to-day decisions shaped us and I was afraid that I was moving away from the mould that I desired. The last thing I wanted to do was break the mould I'd spent so long forming.

A sound of delight rang from my phone as Nanna rejoiced. "Oh my, Gabriel! I can't believe it. I love you so much, my boy!"

The corners of my lips had quirked upwards as I rolled my eyes. "Only for the cinnamon rolls though, Nanna. Not you."

"Of course, of course," she exaggerated. "I'll make a pathway out of dough from your flat back home again."

That managed to get a throaty laugh out of me. "With extra raisins?"

"Done," she chortled. "Are you coming back now?"

"Not immediately. Give me a week or so to sort out my business and then I'll move back in."

She was in glee and amazement again, mumbling quietly to herself. Given how silent my surroundings were, I managed to catch it. "I can't believe it worked. My, she must have a way with words."

I froze as I pieced together what Nanna was muttering.

"So when will I next see you, Gabriel?"

'I'll try to drop in in the next few days. I'll let you know the night before."

"Alright," Nanna responded happily. "I'd better take the rolls out before they burn so I'll let you go now."

"Yeah."

Her voice lowered an octave as she earnestly spoke. "Thank you, Gabriel."

My hand trembled slightly as I felt slightly sick inside at how heartfelt her gratitude was. I hadn't realised just how impacted she was by my absence. I clenched my right hand into a fist to stop the tremor.

"Not a problem. I'll see you soon."

A beep sounded as I ended the call and sat in silence for a moment.

I had momentarily believed that Louisa's persuasion for me to move home had come from her. In reality, Nanna must have asked her to speak to me.

There was a tinge of disappointment within me.

Louisa had simply been doing what Nanna had asked her to do. It hadn't actually come from her. It was my own stupidity to have believed for a single moment that she cared enough about me to do anything like that.

Truth be told, I didn't even feel annoyed at Louisa.

Just slightly disappointed in myself for getting caught up in my emotions.

I shrugged the thought away, scrolling through my messages before I began driving again.

We don't owe each other anything.

Model castings, rent payment, Luca?

I tapped on my message from the guy who lived on the same floor as me.

Hey man, found some keys by the elevator on our floor, tagged with your flat number. Think you must have accidentally dropped them on your way out. Give me a knock whenever you're back and I'll hand them over.

Cheers Luca, will do.

Scrolling down, I tapped on the image he had sent me. It displaced some keys with a white tag.

My eyebrows furrowed gravely as I dug my hand into my trouser pocket, searching around roughly.

Moments later, a soft jingle sounded as I pulled out my silver keys. Confused, I surveyed them and the photo extremely carefully.

It was clear that they were the same.

How on earth were there two identical sets of keys? 

can anyone work it out?

awh, i do love Nanna - one of my favourite characters, i think. i wish i could actually taste one of her renounced cinnamon rolls...

vote and comment your fave ttos character if you enjoyed!

kiwi x

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