[ a   j e s t e r ' s   o p t i m i s m ]

♥ gabriel ♥

HOW STRANGE IT was.

Her features softened as she hesitantly took a step closer to me. It took every muscle in me to force myself not to take a step backwards in instinctive self-defence.

The sudden irregular beating of my heart and breath was getting annoying and it was beginning to hurt my chest. I wanted an immediate escape.

"And if it means having you leave, then sure. I'll tell you." Strangely, my words came out fast in an attempt to make her stop approaching me. She didn't notice. "Antidepressants."

Five beats of silence.

Finally, there was some sort of expression on her face that I could be sure of recognising without being mistaken. Regret. Her eyebrows lowered and her dark chocolate eyes flooded with sadness.

"Gabriel..."

My stormy grey eyes met here, eye to eye and face to face. By now, I was feeling ridiculously short of breath and was having trouble acting like everything was alright. I took another gulp from my water bottle. The vodka in it burned down my throat heroically, scorching it with a warmth that was impossible to find in the real world.

"Are you happy now? Because I have plenty of other things I could be doing right now," I tore into her coldly, giving her an unreadable look.

The tall slim woman took another step towards me, eyes still locked on mine like a forgotten jigsaw puzzle and head shaking side to side slowly.

She ignored the latter part of my response which felt odd. Over the last months, nobody dared to ignore what I said.

"Why would the fact you're on antidepressants make me happy, Gabriel?"

Because frankly, I don't understand you anymore.

My words seemed to have triggered something in her for her voice was now thick, viscous with emotions like a molten river of liquid metal. The feminine sound was almost raspy, buried under some sort of suppressive weight.

"Of course I'm not- Of course I'm not happy," Louisa said the word as if it was alien to her.

How ironic. She'd been the one to make everything so difficult and introduce a grey between my black and white.

Dressed in a blouse and tight pencil skirt that hugged her slim hips and long legs, Louisa sighed at the complication of everything. She took a seat on an empty chair and beckoned for me to take a seat too.

When I didn't respond, she stood up again.

There was a double meaning to her words and I knew she wasn't simply talking about the pills.

She was the one that wasn't happy?

My lips pressed together in incredulity and I took a deep breath to steady myself. "I don't know how you do it, Louisa. I don't. I don't understand."

I wished I could have taken back my words instantaneously. I was showing too much vulnerability. And to show that in front of her was the equivalent to seeking out my demise.

The way my life had gone so far, she was going to be the death of me.

Dark brown waves with the perfect curve hung down her back and settled against her waist, strands of caramel peeking out occasionally. Her nude pumps clipped against the floor as she further reduced the gap between us.

My jaw tensed as she reached towards me and reached for my blazer covered arm. "Then give me a chance to help you understand."

I felt her hand through the thin material around my bicep. "Don't you dare touch me."

Her French manicured hand moved away so fast that it made it seem like she'd been in a daze the whole time. The sound of her silken voice was cautious as if concerned about saying the wrong thing.

"What makes you think I even want to understand anymore?" I said bitterly. "When I needed answers the most, you had nothing to say. What's the point now?"

She was close enough for me to smell the deep jasmine perfume that she always wore. It enshrouded my senses and it was as if I was a flame being stifled out. I felt like I was being suffocated.

Her hand moved to my arm again yet I shifted my shoulder back before they made contact. "I'm sor-"

"Are you really going to do that?" I interjected in a venom-filled voice. "The validity of anything you say has burned to dust in my eyes. Don't let the same happen to the sincerity of your apologies."

She nodded once in understanding, still refusing to step backwards after closing the distance between us.

There was still that million-dollar question painted upon the watercolour sky and seeing as Louisa wasn't going to address it, I saw no point cowering away.

"Let's not play games, Louisa. I'm done with them," I articulated, sweeping back strands of my gelled dark brown hair that had fallen upon my forehead.

Although the height difference between up was marginal, seeing as we were inches away from each other, Louisa was forced to tilt her head upwards to meet my gaze.

I wanted nothing more than to create a metres distance between us but I wasn't going to back down now. I'd been messed about with too much to do that again.

I stood tall, staring into her eyes and I could tell that she was forcing herself to confidently hold my razor-sharp gaze too. It was a battle of fire and water, dancing dangerously in the air.

"So why don't you just tell me straight out, what are you doing here?"

There was a storm brewing within me and almost every single emotion in the world was presented somewhere in it.

A faint thudding sound filled my ears and I didn't even need to look down to know it was the sound of her softly drumming her nails against her slim thighs. Her eyes fell towards the floor as she thoughtfully licked her lip.

She seemed hesitant to say what was coming next. Hurriedly, Louisa spoke with such an informality that I thought she's forgotten about all the history between us in a split second. "Okay, just be neutral for the next minute. I need an unbiased option from someone I trust."

I looked at her in shock. "Trust? Fucking hell Louisa. You can't come in here and talk about trust. Especially considering you just tried to catch Talisa out-"

"What?" She said, stunned with a deep crevice between her forehead. "I-I wasn't the one to give the school the tip. I wouldn't do something like that to her."

I raised a jeering eyebrow. "Is that so? It wouldn't be something you haven't done before." She knew what I was talking about yet I continued anyway.

"What happened to that anonymous texter who told you that I was at the hospital that day? It didn't turn out to be anonymous, did it?"

Louisa saw the sheer truth in what I was saying and fell at a shortage of words. "I know where you're coming from but it wasn't me. When I spoke to Talisa, it was to warn her about what was happening and tell her to leave."

That had been exactly what Arlo had said to me.

"But how did you know testing was happening?"

"I overheard Dr Monroe."

I let out a sound of frustration.

"This isn't getting anywhere. You didn't answer my question either," I said, my steel eyes glaring at her.

"I know. I know you're right. I was getting into that. Just be neutral for a moment. Just for a second. Please. I-I don't really know what's going on around here whilst you do, so, please. Just for a moment." She looked up at me gravely. "An unbiased opinion."

"Is this all a joke to you, Louisa?"

"Gabriel, please."

I clenched my teeth even tighter together, staying silent. She took that as code to continue.

"God, I made the wrong call, Gabriel. I-I don't regret putting myself first but I made a mistake by not recognising the impact this would have on others. I had responsibilities and I turned my back on them in fear."

My eyes rows furrowed a touch as I inspected her with slight curiosity. There were numerous things I wanted to say but I held my tongue.

Louisa took another breath before continuing, "I set off an explosion that I simply didn't know I was capable of, hurting too many people along the way. And although I wish with more than my soul that I could turn back time, I know that nothing I could ever do would change the past."

A fiery determination sparked in her eyes when she angled her head upwards towards me.

"But that doesn't mean that I can't fix things now."

I laughed sourly again. As always, her ambition was applaudable but she was failing to realise that she was taking the path of a jester's optimism.

"Some things are beyond repair."

She was quick to respond.

"In which case, those things can be turned into something new."

At this stage, nothing but disbelief was pulsating within me. I couldn't believe the reality of the situation. Nothing was making sense anymore. It hadn't done previously but now it was just a mess.

I felt lost and disorientated and as if I'd been dropped in the war field of a previous life just when I'd turned over a new leaf. Just when things were getting better.

Gabriel, she's manipulating you again. She's caught you off guard. Leave before she gets in your head again.

"It's a damn mess," I said, sharply. Everything at Forteaux, her, me. I was controlling the hurricane of anger and frustration within me, ordering myself to remain neutral and composed for the time being.

"Filled with hate, anger, bitterness and a shit tonne of pain. Think about what you're doing ripping into old wounds like that. Some things are best left alone."

She should leave whilst she could.

"And some things are not," Louisa debated, defiantly pursing her lips and stating her argument. She was close enough for me to hear every breath she took.

It felt like I had been glued to the spot. The air was the only thing I was craving at that moment. It seemed like every encounter with her left me devoid of human necessities.

"Well, you seem to have decided already," I succinctly commented.

"I think I have."

The corner of my mouth twisted upwards in sheer loathing and abhorrence for her. I felt my skin crawl as images from the past rushed through me. Could I not catch a break from it all without every little thing from the past following me around?

Bending down to pick up my black bag, I spoke lowly and leaned towards her until we were inches apart. She held her breath.

"Then get ready for a damn disaster because, Louisa, old feelings cut deeper than positive intentions and I'm sure I'm not the only person with whom you have unfinished business around here."

I clenched my fist right around the bag, unable to look at her any longer. Frustration was filling me at being so calm when speaking to her. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. It was too late now.

Before I could leave the majestically decorated hall, I pulled myself to a halt to lock eyes with her once more. Her wooden ones rested before my metallic ones.

"And forget about the tip of the iceberg, we've only just seen the first glimpse of ice."

Quite an intense chapter with very messy feelings between them two. Both characters are right in their own way and I hope you're as excited as me to see how it all pans out.

Also a fun little idea I thought about. What type of scenarios would you wish Lou, Gabe, Tal and the other characters to be in? Comment them below and I'll read through and incorporate the best one at some point in the book. If some of you don't feel comfortable commenting, feel free to PM me and I'll make a note. More details to come!

♥ 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫! ♥