Hey! How are you? Thank you so much for reading this far!!! 

Here's a change of perspective for you that I hope you will enjoy. Meet firsthand, Little Cadmium Wolfe who has managed to worm his way into my heart, the way I hope he will soon worm his way into yours!

I appreciate your support and your willingness to dive headfirst into the messed-up world that I have somehow created (built off of the original ideas thanks to Suzanne Collins).

Kindly remember to vote if you are enjoying this story. And remember to comment!

***TRIGGER WARNING: Self Harm and Non-explicit mentioning of child abuse***

More so with this type of trigger warning and this scene in particular, I feel the need to state that I do not condone this behavior, or the acts committed by any adult towards a child. I will, however, continue to write this story the way that I believe it should be written, because no matter how dark, I am a person that believes all people deserve their story to be heard. 

What I will say, without it being too much of a spoiler (hopefully) is that as much as I believe the world can be a dark place, I believe that the pain that people suffer can make them stronger and I also believe that even the most broken people, can heal and find happiness. 

Stay safe and take care! ~ CANGEL

***

District 14

Cadmium Wolfe

     Cadmium stood among the crowd of District 14, feeling suffocated by the very air he needed to stay alive. His breath came in shallow, rapid pants, though he tried to steady it. But the world seemed distant, like he was watching the stars through a cloudy sky.

     The names echoed in his ears, Scarlet and Crimson Wolfe, but the meaning of their names felt disconnected from reality. His brother, his sister—both chosen for the Hunger Games.

     His knees felt weak, and he had to lock them in place to keep himself from collapsing. Cadmium's mind was a whirlwind of emotions, each thought and feeling crashed into the next, leaving him completely paralyzed. He should do something, anything, but what?

     Something like this had never happened before. Children from the same family had gone into the Arena. But never together. Until now.

     Cadmium looked at Scarlet, standing tall and defiant, a smirk on her face, her expression was a perfect mask to everyone watching, even he didn't know the emotions running through her. But she had always been the strong one in their family. Crimson stood next to her, his face a mask of stoicism before a smile made its way through. His brother had always been able to put on a show.

     If only Cadmium was half as strong as they were, maybe then he could get through this without breaking into a million pieces. As he was, it felt as though two parts of his soul were being ripped away from him, and there was nothing that he could do to stop it.

     A numbness settled over him, a protective barrier against the tidal wave of emotions threatening to drown him. Cadmium couldn't afford to break down here. He knew that Scarlet would not want him to cause a scene. Now more than ever, Scarlet would need him to be strong. But inside, he was falling apart.

     His vision blurred as tears welled up, but he blinked furiously, trying to keep them at bay. Crying wouldn't help anyone. He had to be strong. But it felt like an impossible task. The weight of the situation pressed down on him, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. Images of past Hunger Games flashed in his mind—blood, violence, death. That was what his siblings would face going into the Arena.

     Cadmium's hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms so hard it hurt. The hurting felt good though. A moment of calming numbness settled over his brain before it faded along with the pain.

     As Scarlet left the stage, followed by Crimson and the escort, Cadmium felt a hollow emptiness in his chest, like a piece of him was being torn away. He watched the go, disappeared to the back of the stage where they would be led to the Governors building and given a few minutes to say goodbye to their loved ones.

     He wanted to run after them. To hug them. To hear them promise that it would be alright, even though it could never be alright. Scarlet had made Cadmium promise not to go. That promise tore at his insides, and he wished that he had never agreed to such a thing. Scarlet would hate it if he broke his promise. He might have gone to her, despite that stupid promise, but his feet were rooted to the ground, refusing to move.

     In the silence that followed, Cadmium was left standing alone in a sea of people. His world had changed in an instant, for the rest of District 14, they had been saved, their lives or their children's lives had been spared. Happiness filled their expressions, and Cadmium had never hated them more.

     Cadmium walked back to their home after the reaping ceremony in silence, his parents, and his remaining siblings in front of him. The weight of the day's events pressed heavily on his shoulders; each step trudged with feet that he could barely move. The snow piled up in front of his shoes as he dragged them through the thick white fluff.

     Once home, their parents had gone on about their day as if two of their children hadn't been selected to be sent into the Arena to die. His mother made supper, using the small portion of the tessera grain that they only had because Scarlet and Crimson had been there to volunteer for Violet and Auburn this year. 

     Auburn hadn't spoken once on the way home; his eyes had scarcely left the ground. Once they'd gotten home, he went to his room after announcing he was tired and wanted to rest. Sienna had followed him. She knew more than anyone what Auburn was feeling as two years prior, it was her name that had been drawn and their eldest sister, Aureolin had volunteered in her stead. Aureolin had died in the Arena that year. It was impossible not to think that this year another two of their siblings would join her fate.

     Silver played quietly with Aqua, Sapphire, Ash, Ebony, and Marigold. They were all too young to really understand what had just happened, and what it meant for their family. They had been too young to remember Aureolin in the Arena. But he knew that they would all have to face reality as they watched Scarlet and Crimson on the television, battling for their lives. Then they would learn. Then they would understand.

     Violet was even less remorseful than their mother and father. She danced around the house, skipping and humming under her breath. A smile that made him sick, lit up her face. Everyone seemed content to pretend that their lives--that their family--his family--had not been completely changed by the events that had just occurred. He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all, but his throat was clamped closed. He wanted to shout at them--his parents and Violet and Auburn--that it was their fault that Scarlet and Crimson were gone.

     He wanted them to acknowledge the unfairness. The wrongness of their family. 

     But he knew they wouldn't. As long as it wasn't their necks on the chopping block, nothing would ever change. 

     Just when Cadmium couldn't stand another moment more of being in this cold-hearted home, their father announced that he was going out. 

     Everyone there knew what it meant. Cadmium knew it best though.

      It meant that Bash was going out for a drink, which was illegal here in District 14. But it was also readily available to anyone who had a few coins. Or other means to pay for the smuggled beverage.

     Cadmium would have liked to think that on a day like today, their father was driven to drink because of guilt for utilizing the system that chose some of his children to die in place of his other children. But he was not naïve enough to believe that guilt was the reason for his want of alcohol.

     Bash Wolfe looked at Cadmium before he headed out of their family's home, silently commanding him to follow.

     No, Bash didn't have a few coins to spare—he never did—and Cadmium had stopped asking himself years ago why their mother never questioned this--instead, Bash had something else to exchange for the drink he craved.

     He had Cadmium.

     Only you decide what kind of life you live, Cad. Only you get to decide what you deserve in life. Don't fall prey to dictators and cowards and the selfishness of others.

     Those had been Scarlet's last words to him before she'd volunteered for Violet. Cadmium wanted to be strong enough to listen to his sister's words. He wanted to tell his father no. To be able to ignore him. To stay home where at least he would be safe from that.

     But they weren't.

     On his way out the door, Honey stopped him, asking if she could go with him, probably thinking that he would be going to the empty basement. Even if he had been going there, Cadmium still wouldn't take her with him, not today.

     But with his real destination in mind, it was easy for Cadmium to ignore her sad eyes and pouty lower lip that formed the moment he told her no.

     As he turned away from his younger sister and headed out their front door, he couldn't get the look in his father's eyes out of his head or the look on Scarlet's face as she spoke to him just before the reaping ceremony. Cadmium's feet took him out of their home, and into the bitter cold wind on autopilot. They followed his father at a distance, through the snowy, quiet, somber streets of District 14.

     Don't fall prey to dictators and cowards and the selfishness of others.

     Cadmium's feet slowed until he came to a stop at the familiar fork in the road. If he went left, Cadmium would continue to follow his father into District 14's black market, known as the Underworld. If Cadmium went there, he would be hurt.

     But Cadmium had learned a long time ago that not all pain was bad. In fact, some pain could feel very good. 

     Scarlet and Crimson didn't understand. No one seemed to, except the twisted souls that found him in the Underworld. He wished that Scarlet and Crimson understood. He wanted to be understood. He wanted to feel...that he was normal.

      But he knew he wasn't.

     When Cadmium felt pain...his entire body lit up. A thousand little sparks racing under his skin. His heart sped up. His pulse quickened. His brain slowed and when he'd hurt just enough, his brain shut down completely. For a moment, for a short period of time, Cadmium was able to stop thinking.

     And that was what he wanted more than ever right now. It was what he desperately sought. He wanted to stop hearing his brother and sister's name being called. He wanted to stop picturing them in the Arena, bleeding and dead. He wanted to pretend that today hadn't happened.

     That was what made it so hard to say no to his father. Even though he knew it was wrong, there was a part of Cadmium that wanted to go. The problem with going into the Underworld was that Cadmium never got to choose the pain he received. It was on a first come, first served basis and Cadmium's body was the slab of meat that the wolves fought over.

     He craved the numb fog that filled his brain while he was there, but afterwards, Cadmium simply felt numb. A numbness that hovered over him, making his limbs heavy and his body tired. When he left the Underworld, he felt shameful, ugly, weak. Broken. It was impossible to keep his head up. He found himself avoiding his reflection and turning away food. The smell of alcohol and perfume lingered on his unwashed skin as if permanently marking him.

     And when he was like this, it had always been Scarlet that managed to get him out of it. It had always been Scarlet to pull him free of the heavy fog. The task of carving helped, but if the numbness lasted too long, Scarlet would make him fight her in the basement. Hitting her had felt wrong—at first—but after receiving several solid blows to the face and the chest, he'd learned to fight back.

     Fighting and training always broke through the fog. Fighting Scarlet hurt. That type of pain was good. It made him feel strong. And when he bled, his blood flowed bright red, reminding him that he was still alive. 

     Fight with Scarlet; waking up from the haze; that was when he had discovered that there was a good pain and a bad pain. And he had never forgotten it. 

     Instead of going left, toward the Underworld, Cadmium turned right and followed the snow-covered paths until he reached the familiar empty alleyway. His breath fogged in the frigid air as he checked over his shoulder, ensuring he was completely alone, before shoving the hidden door open with his shoulder and slamming it back into place behind him.

     Quiet, emptiness surrounded him. The silence was a stark contrast to the chaotic turmoil inside his mind. Everything in this room was a reminder of what could never happen again. An empty firepit sat in the middle of the room. A stack of wooden twigs and bark and thin branches rested in the far corner. Near the only window was the workbench, littered with crystal scraps, carving tools, and papers. 

     Just yesterday, Cadmium, Scarlet, Crimson, and Honey had sat in this very basement, quietly carving crystals and ice. No one had wanted to admit that the following day would be any different. Maybe Cadmium had been the only one, but he'd truly believed that it wouldn't be different than today. He thought they would all come home from the Reaping and go to the basement and draw and carve and make blusterous comments about how they knew they had nothing to fear about this year's reaping. 

     But today had been different.

     And because of that, it would never be the same again. Even if, against all odds, one of his siblings won, none of their lives could ever go back to the way they had been before today.

     If Scarlet won, Crimson would have to die. 

     And for Crimson to win, Scarlet would have to die.

     The weight of this truth was unbearable. Cadmium felt as though his heart was being torn in two, each piece aching at the thought of losing either sibling. He wanted to be strong, like Scarlet, who always seemed unbreakable, and like Crimson, who could mask his emotions so well. He knew they would face reality head-on. But Cadmium was not them, and he knew he never would be. He felt himself falling apart, pieces of his soul scattering in every direction.

     For today, Cadmium needed to be alone. For just one day, Cadmium needed to be alone to mourn a sister he wasn't sure he'd ever see in person again. He wanted to mourn a brother that he didn't want to ever see in person again.

     Not because he hated Crimson, but because if he saw Crimson again, it would mean that Scarlet was dead. That his sister was gone from this world forever.

      Cadmium loved both of his siblings. He wanted nothing more than another day with both of his siblings next to him. But Scarlet...Scarlet was his sister. Scarlet was more like a mother to him than his own mother had ever been. Scarlet was always there for him, even when she acted aloof or uncaring, she was the first to defend him, the first to make sure he ate. She was the one that made sure he had a blanket at night and knew how to survive here in District 14.

     She was Scarlet, and he needed her to come back home.

     Despite it being hours since the reaping, and his sibling had long since boarded the train that would take them to the Capitol, it didn't seem real. Scarlet had the highest odds of entering the Arena out of all the members of their family, and Crimson and Scarlet had spent years in this abandoned basement with Cadmium, preparing for the chance that they would have to enter the Arena, but Cadmium just hadn't expected it to actually happen.

     Afterall, there were other families that were equally as large as his. Other children with more names in the drawing bowl than Scarlet.

      It had seemed so impossible...but it had happened. Not once. But twice. Violet and Auburn. Scarlet and Crimson.

     Cadmium wiped away the tears that fell down his face as he moved across the empty basement, sitting down on the hard metal stood next to the workbench.

     He picked up Scarlet's crystal carving tool, flipping it over and over again in his hand, while his mind wandered. The cool metal was a small comfort, grounding him in the present moment.

     Scarlet had a good chance of coming back.

     He reminded himself. That's why they had prepared so much in secret. District 14 had never had a Victor before, but unlike all that came before, Scarlet had survival knowledge. And she was so smart. As long as she got a hold of small blades, she would have a good chance of making it out alive. She was deadly with throwing blades.

     He knew that she wouldn't hesitate to do what it took to survive. Scarlet Wolfe would be ruthless to accomplish her goal. From the moment she volunteered, Cadmium knew her goal was to win. To survive.

     But Crimson would also be ruthless. And he would also be deadly in that arena. Crimson wasn't as skilled as Scarlet or Cadmium with the small blades, but he was good with swords and spears—at least with the makeshift weapons that they had been able to make here in District 14.

     Cadmium didn't know if it made him a good brother, or a bad brother, that he wanted Scarlet to win. Maybe it made him both. Or maybe it made him neither. Maybe it just made Cadmium human, forced into making an impossible choice.

     He caught the carving tool by the cold metal edge and flung it out in front of him, watching it spin, top over bottom, into the center of the handmade target hanging from the wall before it bounced to the ground.

     How many times had the three of them practiced more than just carving down here? How many hours and days had they spent gaining skills in secret that would help them survive in the Arena?

     Cadmium got up from his seat and walked across the basement floor, picking up the crystal carver from the floor. Images of his brother and sister in the Arena refused to leave his brain. His siblings would fight to live, but so would the other tributes. Did they stand a chance against the Careers? He wanted to believe that they did.

     He wanted to believe that Scarlet could make it back home. But all he could see was his sister—his sister—bleeding out on the ground of the Arena, and Cadmium left alone.

     As he walked back to the work bench, Cadmium pressed the sharp metal tip against the palm of his hand and pressed down. He hissed at the sharp sting of pain, before drawing in a slow breath.

     He embraced the barest traces of pain, watching the blood well up from the cut, pooling in the creases of his palm. The sting of pain helped clear his mind of everything.

     Some pain was good; some pain was bad.

     Cadmium wasn't sure which this was, or if it was both. But with the sting of the pain, his breath finally evened out for the first time since the ceremony and his mind stopped racing with images of a future that hadn't happened. 

     More tears fell down his face as he finally accepted this new reality. Staring at the blood dripping down to the floor of the basement, there was no denying it any longer.

     His brother and sister were going into that Arena.

     If he was lucky, one of them would come out.

     He whispered a short prayer into the cold air of the abandoned basement. "Live Scarlet Wolfe. Live."

---------------------------

So... a little bit darker than the previous chapters.

Tell me in the comments. It's okay to hate this chapter, I hate it a bit, too. But I want you to understand why Cadmium is the way he is and the struggles that he will go through as he grows up. 

Cadmium isn't just fighting against his father; he's fighting against himself. Figuring out who you are as a person is never easy, but figuring it out while being abused? It's fucking hard. 

Cadmium, my heart is breaking for you, but keep your head up and know your journey is far from over

As always, thank you for your support! Comment, like, and vote for your favorite chapters!

Take care and stay safe! ~ CANGEL