Addiction is a dangerous thing. There's a difference between wanting something and being consumed by your obsession for it. 

A small part of me always knew this would eventually happen. That once I had Lazarus I wouldn't be able to think of anything else. I used to obsess about his every move since I matured as a female but now it's worse. 

Now that we've actually been together, it makes things so much harder. The sight of him with those two naked Plutonians flashes past my vision, over and over again. 

I see red, blinding anger so hot it sears through my very being. I want to murder them, peel their pale skin of their bodies and hear their screams of mercy for touching what is mine.

But I'm the one who pushed him into their arms. I am the one who refused his proposal. 

Tears blur my vision and my mind wars with my heart. My heart aches for him, it's not complete, it hasn't been since he built me that cottage in Cixin and since he told me he loved me. How do I let someone like that go? Someone I've been wanting for years. 

But my head is warning me to run. Telling me that there will always be secrets and that the playing field will never be level because I'll always want him more than he wants me. 

My communicator rings and I look down to see Lazarus's name on the screen. I tuck it in my pocket even though my chest aches to hear his voice. He humiliated me in front of his entire staff and I hate him for it. 

I head to the SyStem and spend the rest of the day trying to distract myself with work. My squad members tip toe around me, noting something is off but thankfully no one says anything. I try to hold it together the entire time but then my fingers itch as I glance at my phone.

He called me once. Only once. That's all I am worth. 

Once I'm back home I forgo dinner and head downstairs to the basement. I built this section slowly once I became a Sympathizer and when I learned that we had the technology to monitor others without the need for the All Seeing Eye in the SyStem. 

Our basement like most others accommodated all of our gliders and riders plus some ship parts that father couldn't bear to part with that sat in a corner idly. The far end housed a wall of weaponry, placed securely in a laser proof wall bound casing. 

My staff and family thought the extent of the basement ended there. It used to until I built a small chamber beneath this space, for my extra curricular activities. I'm not proud of this, in fact I haven't been here in weeks. 

It was always easier to monitor others here, from the privacy of my home instead of at the Sympathizer headquarters. 

General Lyra would have executed me if she knew I had replicated Sympathizer technology but then again whats the use of teaching me anything if I can't use the knowledge imparted to me? 

The device in my pocket blurs out all cameras in the basement and I unlock the encasing, walking into our weapons room. 

Stacks of laser guns line the walls, with heated knives and electro poles arranged neatly below them in rows. I walk to the far left wall and look behind, making sure no one else is around before I place my palm on a precise spot on the bare wall. 

The censors read my signature and the wall tilts, opening up a corner just enough for me to slip through before sliding shut. The hinges groan, rusty from weeks of disuse. Ever since I started up with Lazarus I've barely had time to monitor much else.  

What started as a means to spy on Sympathizer targets when I was fifteen, slowly morphed into a habit I've been finding hard to break. General Lyra had told me I needed to keep an eye on Lazarus because he was spending too much time with the weapons dealer Za. 

I did as told but watching him became an addiction, an everyday routine. A need that never stopped even after I had submitted my findings to the general regarding his association with Za. Lazarus was beautiful, charming, magnetic, even on camera he somehow found a way to draw me in. I loved watching him talk, laugh and argue but then it grew stressful when he started dating and kissing and fucking. 

The tiny room lights up once I'm inside, the space barely enough to occupy one person. Monitors cover the entire wall. I have to reboot the system before keying in my intended target, the one I've been watching for years.

Guilt consumes me as I watch Lazarus with some of the commanders on the War Council. I shouldn't start this dirty habit again but my body refuses to cooperate as I sit in place. 

At least he's not at the bar anymore. Commander Bardotta stands next to him, his pale white beard swaying with the breeze and then Commander Inspiron steps into the frame, obstructing Lazarus's face. They are studying the engine of one of the ships, discussing the wiring, I think. The audio isn't all that clear. 

Commander Inspiron moves again and I see Lazarus smiling chirpily. How does he look so happy? Like what happened in the morning didn't bother him at all. 

I spend most of the night in that chamber, watching him, watching the Commanders and General Lyra prepare for their excursion to Earth. She's all businesslike, discussing the flight path with another commander while General Mondric sits idly by the side, watching. 

I wish I were more like her. She took charge, she lead the way. I bet she never huddled in a room and watched the object of her desires for days on end. A flash of shame shoots through me but then I remember that she was the one who wanted me to spy on Lazarus in the first place.

So if anything, I'm only doing my job. 

The only problem is I don't have surveillance in Lazarus's house. He's highly paranoid, lining his floors with sensors and God know's what else. I tried planting devices there once but failed miserably when he caught me in one of his corridors. 

I remember the way he had me pinned against the wall like it was yesterday. Goosebumps erupt across my skin, my body yearning for his touch despite the way he treats me. I hate myself for being so weak. 

Since I can't monitor Lazarus once he's home, I turn my attention to his accomplice. General Grievous saunters around in his quarters and his mistress joins him with a drink in hand. I don't watch what ensues because I'm already disturbed enough as it is. 

Instead, I look around his study. He usually leaves his documents lying around when he's at home. My parents have our residence checked regularly for bugs but it's hard to maintain privacy when your own daughter can reinstall them every other day. 

I suppress a smile at the array of tablets and documents scattered over his smooth cobalt desk. His computer is switched off but there are folders atop folders, almost as if he were thumbing through his files before his mistress interrupted him. 

Never thought I would be thankful for her diversion. 

There are some pictures on the first few pages. I zoom in as close as I can and see that they are pictures of humans. Maybe the humans in the experiments? I study each exposed surface till my eyes hurt from squinting too hard. There are some names, their body weights and height, DNA make up. 

This must be the profiles for some of their test subjects. The other folders are tucked underneath, I can only make out a few words from some of the edges that jut out and one name makes me stand up immediately. 

I lean forward, forehead almost touching the screen. The five letters blurring the more I look at them. 

Roman. 

Could that be a coincidence? I find that highly unlikely. 

I whip out my phone and call Commander Axis, my fake location activated so that he wouldn't be able to pin point my location. You can never be too careful these days. 

He answers on the first ring. 

"PG Luna." 

"Commander, I found Roman's name in one of my father's files. I can't access them yet but I have reason to believe he might be involved with the human trials."

"PG Luna," He sounds hesitant. "His name must have been erased from our database. I can't find anything about the human boy. It is as if he never existed. Only his brother's details remain."

"But his number. The number we tag them with when they arrive. They can't erase those." 

"I crosschecked the numbers close to Ron's but all of those have been blacked out, indicating they are deceased." 

Stealing slaves, declaring them dead and deleting their records? This is downright criminal. How could my father be so reckless? He could be arrested for this. 

Commander Axis is silent, waiting for my instructions but I realise he can't do much, considering the involvement of General Grievous and possibly Lazarus. Between the two of us, the only Plutonian with access to the generals and Trinity is me. 

A tempting thought forms in my mind. Accepting Lazarus's proposal would be like killing two birds with one stone. I would be close to him most of the time making it easier to spy on him. 

Making it easier for all the selfish reasons in my heart. 

"Understood, we'll reconvene after our trip to Earth. You know what to do there." 

"Affirmative." He will bug the place during our visit to the lab while I participate in the tour. 

Once the call is over I look over the rest of General Grievous's study but my mind is elsewhere, wondering if I should accept Lazarus's proposal so I can find out more about Roman. 

That is if he still wants to marry me after what happened yesterday and today. 

I pick up my communicator and dial his number, my heart beating in tandem with the number of rings before he picks up. 

"Luna, I am a little busy right now," Lazarus answers distractedly.

My eyes shut, throat tight as I imagine him in bed with someone else. 

"Lazarus, I want to talk to you now. It's about the proposal." 

There's some shuffling on the other end. Was that a female voice I heard or was it in my head?

"What about it? You made your feelings very clear last night, Luna." 

"Meet me at the sky lounge in fifteen minutes, Lazarus. If you value our relationship you'll be there." I end the call before he has a chance to reply. The thought of being stood up scares me to bits but I have to talk to him as soon as possible. 

It's high time I made a decision.