Lazarus stands front and centre, his face a mask of worry as we descend the spacecraft. I haven't eaten for the past few cycles, the grief and paranoia surrounding Alya's death makes it hard to look at food. 

I walk down the ramp, feeling slightly light headed when he greets me. 

"Luna, I'm so glad you're alright. You have no idea how worried I was." Lazarus immediately pulls me in for a hug, wrapping his strong arms around me and it is the first time we've embraced at the army base. 

Almost every soldier's eyes mirror his movements and I stiffen, wondering if this is all for show. How true are his words and how genuine are his expressions? 

He releases me and holds me at arms length, studying me cautiously. His eyes traverse my face and then flit down my arms and legs. I wonder what he is looking for. 

Lucian walks down to join us and I catch Lazarus's gaze that narrows with laser focus on his adversary. My thoughts are swimming, all jumbled up and conflicting. 

A part of me believes there is no way he would put me in harms way. Yes, Lucian and him have always had a competitive past but not me. 

He wouldn't want to hurt me, much less kill me, would he? 

Lazarus smiles at Lucian, his eyes crinkling with false fondness. "I'm so happy you both are okay." 

It's so easy to tell that he is lying but why can't I do the same when he's talking to me? Lucian told me he met with Earth's leaders just two cycles before our assassination attempt. Why didn't he share such a visit? 

The question lingers on the tip of my tongue. I am so tempted to whisk him away to somewhere private where we can talk but there is something holding me back. Would Lazarus tell me the truth? Or would I push him further away if I antagonised him? 

My head starts to pound, the lack of food and inner conflict is starting to affect me physically. Lazarus's grip on my arm tightens, he's saying something but it doesn't quite register. I notice Lucian drawing closer, his arm raised like he wants to push Lazarus away. 

There's a mild throbbing under my skin, Lazarus's grip is unrelenting but I barely register the discomfort. 

"She must be in shock." I finally hear their conversation but my brain is questioning every single word, like their being sifted through a filter.

Just then Commander Bardotta walks up to us, a barricade of soldiers surrounding him just as our squads form a protective circle around us. 

"Precursor Generals, it is an honour to see you back here alive and well." He bows and the other officers gathered around the base follow his gesture. Soon everyone is bent over, giving us a clear view of the giant induction building just beyond the army base. 

I'm too busy staring at Lazarus. At how he basks in all the attention and respect. It is the first time I feel something other than awe for him. A small tiny seed of resentment has been planted deep in my gut, I feel it branching out slowly inch by inch, my observations spurring its growth. 

"The pleasure is ours." Lazarus answers for us even though he wasn't the one who'd just returned from what was supposed to be a diplomatic visit. 

"The war council has been waiting for you to land. We must discuss what happened on Earth immediately." Commander Bardotta says urgently. He turns to the side, holding a hand out and his officers rush to clear the path for us. 

"I agree. We should discuss this act of treason immediately." Lucian's voice is as sharp as a whip and I notice him glance at Lazarus, his insinuation not at all subtle. 

If Lazarus notices, he doesn't show it. His expression is one of pure concern, it makes me want to claw at something. All around us officers are watching, they always do, gathering around like swarms of Tessniens and then spreading apart when needed but their gazes are always unrelenting. 

I school my expression, hoping that my face doesn't betray the plethora of emotions threatening to rip me into pieces. I shrug out of Lazarus's hold and follow Lucian as he walks ahead. Our boots echo across the smooth polished floors, all of us marching in tandem to the SyStem. 

The Trinity walk past the scanners whilst the rest of the Commanders check in and we head directly for the Grey region. Only War Council members and Generals are allowed access here so my officers stay behind. 

I quickly instruct them to prepare a proper burial for Alya. A tribute is in order for her sacrifice, the fact that she died in my place tightens my chest, like a knot has formed inside.

The Generals are already seated when we walk in. I greet my parents first out of formality but my gaze quickly flits to General Lyra. She's seated front and centre with General Mondric by her side. Her expression is grim when our eyes meet and I immediately look elsewhere as a wave of guilt washes over me. 

Ever since Lazarus and I started spending more time together, I've ceased all contact. All thoughts of spying and infiltration lost in our haze of lust and love. I haven't been to the Sympathizer headquarters ever since and have avoided General Lyra as well. 

I blink a few times before taking a seat with Lucian and Lazarus on either side of me. How could I have been so enamoured, so blind? What is real and what isn't? 

Lucian's fingers are feather soft as they brush against my wrist. 

"Are you feeling alright? You don't look well." 

He's right, I don't feel good at all. My body is cold and clammy but my under arms are damp with sweat. I wipe the sheen of perspiration that has formed on my forehead and stare at my fingers in surprise. 

The room feels too small. Lazarus is sitting much to close, I can smell his signature oceanic scent as he leans in to study my face and it fills my nostrils, suffocating me. His beautiful turquoise eyes stare at me unrelentingly and it feels like someone has wrapped a hand around my throat and squeezed. 

I instinctively hold my neck, the simple act of breathing suddenly arduous. 

Lucian's thumb brushes my skin softly and my breathing slows as I focus on him instead. I lean back and whisper a brief 'thank you'. I can feel the heat radiating off Lazarus as he watches our interaction. 

Thankfully, the Generals and Commanders launch into a full blown discussion, distracting us from the rising underlying tension between us. 

The humans have already given a detailed report regarding the events on Earth. According to them no break ins or weaponry were detected but a few natives have been arrested. How they knew of our arrival and existence remains to be determined. 

I close my eyes, chest heavy with disappointment when Commander Inspiron announces that the assassins swallowed suicide pills immediately when captured. 

"How convenient," Lucian mutters under his breath and I nod, agreeing with him. 

"The poison was from Cixin. A recombinant, genetically modified version of the Alcan berry, a nerve targeted toxin that causes rapid deterioration of the central nervous system within seconds." Lucian crosses his fingers over one another and stares at the Commanders. "This assassination wasn't planned by the humans only executed by them." 

His words are followed by a gaping silence, everyone already thinking the same thing only no one else dared to say it.

"So what now?" I say in frustration. "My officer lies dead in the infirmary, we can't stop searching for answers. What about the SA minister? Our visit was on his turf, he must know something." 

General Grievous shifts in his seat, his fingers interlaced tightly before him. "We have already interrogated him, along with a few other leaders. Two of them were shot as well. This might not have been a targeted attack." 

"Then what are the next steps?" I ask impatiently. "Let me question him. Why weren't we alerted of interrogations concerning our visit in the first place?"

My father squares his shoulders, growing defensive with my tone of voice. He shoots me a warning look and I gnash my teeth together in frustration. 

"You have only just arrived. Would it have suited you if we teleported the minister to your ship for an interrogation over a plate of algae?" His sarcasm doesn't go unnoticed and my mother snorts softly next to him. "This isn't the first assassination we've encountered. You of all Plutonians should know that we have protocols to follow." 

My fingers dig into my thighs so hard that I almost tear through my uniform. 

"I want the opportunity to speak with him." I say stubbornly, trying my best to put aside how my father just humiliated me in front of the entire war council. 

"I would as well." Lucian agrees and I almost reach for his hand, thankful for the support. 

"And you both will. After you submit detailed reports as well." Commander Bardotta agrees. 

It's hard to ignore the blatant anger on my father's face. Now my suspicion shifts, making me wonder if he had something to do with the recent events on Earth instead of Lazarus. The very thought makes me sick, nausea climbing up my throat. 

Lazarus leans in and grips my hand firmly, making me finally release the death like grip on my legs. "Don't worry, I'll talk to your father. You will be included in the investigation." 

I finally turn to him, noticing that he is gauging my reaction apprehensively. I nod slowly and his features soften. He turns to General Grievous and they share a silent exchange that I don't understand. 

Lucian doesn't mention Lazarus's prior visit to Earth during the entire meeting. I notice his face is latent with exhaustion when he wishes me goodbye. 

"Be careful, Luna. If you need anything, you know where to find me," He whispers in my ear before exiting the room once the discussion is over. 

I'm still staring after him when Lazarus tugs my wrist. "You must be exhausted. Shall we head to my place?"

What used to sound so tempting suddenly fills me with so much doubt. I look at my parents who are chatting with a few commanders on the other side of the room. The idea of going back to their place is even less appealing. 

I nod again. "Lead the way." 

Lazarus smiles at me affectionately and I wonder if this is what he likes, a docile silent female who responds to his every whim and fancy. 

His driver is already waiting for us outside the SyStem and he pulls me to his side the moment we get into the back.

"I was so worried when I heard about what happened." Lazarus kisses the side of my head as he strokes my hair gently. His arm is wrapped around me protectively like the wines that circle the house he built for me on Cixin. 

My mind is currently at war. One side pushing for me to remain silent and receive the affection I love and crave from him. The other side is berating me for being so weak, urging me to ask him about his involvement right now. 

Instead, I just lie like a doll against his chest and then let him lead me up to his room. I head straight for the bathroom, eager to shower and Lazarus follows suit. We've been bathing together ever since I moved in but shower sex is the last thing on my mind. 

When he pushes my naked body against the wall and the water from above pelts our skin, all I can do is close my eyes when he kisses my neck, his fingers digging into the side of my hips desperately. 

"I've missed this," He murmurs, his other hand reaching for my breast as he fondles with my nipple. He lifts his head and goes in for a kiss and for some reason that is when the words finally escape my lips. 

"You were on Earth two cycles ago, weren't you? Why didn't you tell me?" 

The sound of water crashing against the floor echoes all around us and Lazarus stares at me, his matted hair sticking to his forehead, beads of water snaking down his smooth skin. 

"Did Lucian feed you these lies?" He releases me, eyes narrowing to slits, all his previous warmth evaporating into the steam in the air. "I told you he would come between us." 

"Is that a no then?" I don't know why it suddenly hurts to speak, my throat feels too tight.

Lazarus chuckles humourlessly and I can feel him growing distant already. "Believe what you want, Luna. You have always chosen his side, this time wouldn't be any different." 

He walks out of the shower, leaving me against wall and I shudder when the door shuts behind him.