CARL.

Tears surged from my swollen eyes, scalding my lean cheeks as loud sobs erupted from my quivering lips. I was in bed, curled in a foetal position, hugging and sobbing into my pillow. I didn't even bother to take off my shoes and clothes from my date earlier.

All I wanted to do was cry till there were no tears left to cry.

It hurt so fucking much.

Felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and all that was left was a void of misery and pain. A pain that no amount of tears could wash away; one that he had inflicted by cheating on me.

The images of him having sex with her slithered in my mind, replaying on repeat like a broken record and adding the pain to my already aching head.

He was one of the things that I was certain about in my life. He was my happiness; the reason for my smile. With him, I found hope and love; two of the things that I never thought a person like me would ever get to experience. Because for a long time I was hidden away in the safety of my closet. Scared of exposing the real me to the world. Afraid of the brutal consequences that would result from my coming out.

But then he came along and showed me that I needed to embrace my truth. He made me feel okay for being myself. Even when my parents wanted nothing to do with me after my coming out, he was there for me through it all.

He was my pillar. My strength.

He made me feel loved and truly seen. Made me believe in the possibility of a happy ending. He embraced every part of me, even the ugly and scarred ones. He made me believe that I was worthy of being loved. Made me feel special.

And I willingly gave him the keys to my heart; trusted him completely with it.

I should have known that he was going to break it the first chance he got. I should have known that everything that happened between us was a lie. He was never in love with me. To him, I was just one of his regular affairs.

I was a toy that he used and got tired of. A fling that he got bored of.

God, I was an idiot for thinking that Gavin Mileford was in love with someone like me. He is and always will be a fuck boy...a very straight fuck boy.

What we had was just one of his many sexual adventures. Nothing real. I let him use me again. I should have listened to the voice in my head. It warned me to stay away from him, because it knew that he was eventually going to hurt me.

But my stupid self ignored that little voice in my head. And now here I am, crying my eyes out for him. The boy who broke my heart and walked all over the shattered pieces without a care.

Everything was a lie. All the beautiful memories we shared; the laughter, romance, tears...were all a big fat lie.

And I fell for all of it like an idiot.

"I'm a fucking idiot!" I screamed, tears spilling from my eyes as heavy sobs departed my mouth. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed my lungs out. I sat up in bed and started punching the pillows while crying loudly. I threw the pillow, one after another across the room. I shredded the bedsheet using my hands while crying.

The sheets reeked of his cologne. I wanted to get rid of everything that reminded me of him. And that's exactly what I did.

It's a good thing Melissa the psycho had burned all the clothes that Gavin had bought me. She forgot his sweat shirt... it's the same shirt he had lent me on the rainy night that he had given me a ride home. I grabbed the neatly folded shirt from my closet shelf, tears stinging my eyes as the memory of that night flooded my mind.

I subconsciously hugged the shirt, bringing it close to my nose and sniffing it. "Did you just sniff my tee?" His voice echoed in my head as the memory of that night flooded my mind. More tears sluiced from my eyes as the memory took over my mind.

"Te odio demasiado Gavin!" I shouted, tossing the shirt on the ground and stomping on it severally. I grabbed the shoes and everything else he had gotten me and shoved them in a small pile on the floor.

I made a mental note to return them to him or burn them. Whatever works to help me forget about him.

"You thought you could break my heart and get away with it?" I was laughing and crying at the same time. I ran my fingers through my hair, while sobbing and shouting at the top of my voice. Calling him names. Confronting him. Even though he wasn't here to hear everything I had to say.

You know what? I'm gonna call him. I want him to feel exactly how I'm feeling right now. There's no way he gets to break my heart  and get away with it.

I know that he is probably laughing at me right now. He could be fucking Natasha or some other girl right this minute. Because that's what he does best.

You know what? I don't give a flying fuck. I'll call him and give him a piece of my mind right now.

"Where the fuck is that phone?" I yelled in aggravation, my eyes scanning the room. I spotted it on the floor, among my pile of books and beddings. I scurried towards it and snatched it. I scrolled through the contacts and found his name.

My heart was thumping intensely in my chest and my thumb was shaking with rage at the thought of dialling his number.

You know there were times when his phone number was my favourite contact. Times when I always looked fowards to his calls and hearing his voice. Now all I could think about by looking at his contacts, was hatred.

Pure, raw and raging hatred.

I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. To break him for breaking me. I couldn't let him be happy after what he had done to me. I wanted to be his nightmare; the source of his torment.

"I will make you pay, mother fucker." I hissed then dialled his number. I placed the phone against my ear, waiting for him to pick up. My heart was skipping impatient beats with each ring.

Then he picked up.

"Finally you picked up, you piece of shit. You know I was begining to think that you would ignore me. At least you had the fucking decency to pick up my call. God I hate you so much hijos de puta!" I yelled in the call, not giving him a chance to speak.

"Did you think that I would let you live happily after what you did to me, huh? Oh darling, I am going to ruin your life so fucking much that you will wish for a quick death." I spat, releasing a maniacal laugh at the end of my threat.

"You will wish that you never fucked with me, Gavin." I added a threat but he kept quiet. Not saying anything.

"So now you are quiet? Are you too ashamed to speak after what you did to me, huh? Or are you enjoying the pain you inflicted on me?" I fired questions at him, tears blinding my eyes once more.

"Who is this?" Suddenly a lady spoke on the other end of the line. Who was she? Could be his latest conquest.

"Who the fuck are you? Oh let me guess, you are his newest fuck toy. I knew that he would go and fuck some bitch after breaking my heart. He doesn't even have the balls to pick my call instead he let you answer it. Wow!" I was practically yelling at this point while laughing and fuming at the same time.

A mental image of another girl riding his dick as he moaned pleasurably ambushed my brain, causing my already broken heart to shatter some more. Tears that had brimmed in my eyes started flowing down my cheeks.

"This is Lauren Brooks of River bridge police department. I am a cop incase you are wondering and the reason I answered this call was because your boyfriend, Gavin is currently detained at the precinct." Her words caused my eyes to widen with shock.

"Detained? What happened?" I inquired, worry dominating my being.

I hate him so why the fuck do I care about him?

"Your boyfriend has been arrested for fighting, underage drinking and illegal consumption of drugs." Her confession prompted my heart to drop to my stomach. I am not surprised that he has been arrested for fighting and alcohol consumption but drugs? He doesn't do illegal drugs.

Could it be that he started using drugs because of the break up? What if he overdoses in the process?

No. He wouldn't. He is too smart to waste his life away like that. Then again this is Gavin, the boy who is capable of doing anything when he is hurting.

A chill ran down my spine at the thought of Gavin lying lifeless on the floor of his bedroom, foam oozing from his mouth due to an overdose.

"Do you wish to talk to him? Can I pass the phone to him?" She inquired, severing my string of thoughts.

"I...umm... actually don't." I stuttered, nervousness consuming my composure.

"Okay. Then shall I inform him that you called?"

"No. Have a good evening, ma'am." I blurted then hang up before she could speak.

Why couldn't I do it? I had the chance to hurt him. To make him feel exactly how I am feeling. But I didn't have the balls to do it. Not after hearing what the cop had to say. That he had been arrested for multiple offences.

The image of him in a prison cell lying on the floor and shivering from the cold as his teeth rattles, sabotaged my mind. His face, bruised and bleeding with nobody to tend to his wounds.

I wanted to go to him. To give him a blanket for the cold and hug him. Nurse his wounds and kiss away the pain. I wanted to hold and sing a lullaby to him until he fell asleep. I wanted to be there for him...to make him know that everything was going to be okay.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't do it.

Because I knew the moment I set foot in that precinct, my hatred for him would fade away. I knew that the moment I witnessed the horrible state he was in, I would run to him and comfort him.

He was my weakness.

I could hate him, want to kill him but at the end of the day, a part of me cared for him.

Even though he hurt me, my heart still yearned for him. Even now when I should be happy that he is rotting away at the police station, I can't stop the guilt from devouring my peace of mind. He is in there because of me.

"Fuck!" I yelled, a cocktail of emotions coursing through my being as I ran my digits through my tousled hair.

I collapsed on the bed, my back colliding with the spring mattress. I stared at the spotless cieling in silence, my mind clogged with his face. His smile, his eyes, his...entire fucking body seduced my mind.

"Carlito please forgive me." His voice rang in my head as the memory of him begging on his knees slithered in my mind. Not even the tears in his beautiful eyes could make me forgive him for what he did. What he had done was simply unforgivable.

But why was my heart saying something else? Why was it persuading me to give him another chance? To take him back?

No. I can't. I won't forgive him. I simply can't bring myself to do it. Cheating on me then keeping quiet about it, that's beyond forgiveness. What if the sex video hadn't leaked, would he have told me the truth?

Of-fucking-course-not!

I'm glad that I found out the truth about him. And now that his ugly truth is out, I don't want anything to do with him.

These feelings that I have for him, I'm gonna erase them; kill and bury them in the deepest and darkest abyss.

And the thing that he said about me running into Lorenzo's arms. That's exactly what I'll do. Maybe being with Lorenzo is what I should have done from the start. He is good, kind and would never hurt me the way Gavin did.

Plus, me being with Lorenzo will drive Gavin to the depths of madness. It will torture him knowing that he fucked up and shoved me straight into the arms of his worst enemy. Oh, the look on his face when he sees me with Lorenzo...is something I would sell my balls to witness.

Gavin Mileford you broke my heart, it's time I return the fucking favour.

I'm gonna have my revenge on your cheating ass and I'll love every fucking second of it.

****

A/N

This chapter toyed with my emotions a lot. I was angry, sad, depressed, happy, in love...it was a lot. Basically I was Carl, in this chapter lol. But I gotta confess, I enjoyed every minute of writing this chapter. Especially the ending. Oh, I got evil thoughts running in my head right now.

Carl is about to be a bad bad boy and I honestly can't wait for you guys to meet the new and improved Carlito. Y'all are not ready for him!

Anyway loves how was the chapter? Did you like it? Also, what color do you think the new Carlito should dye his hair? Also, should he have a nipple ring? Please share in the comments below.

Love you guys and Tysm for reading.❤️❤️❤️