CARL

I broke his heart again. I didn't even have the courage to look him in the eye. I broke up with him through a text. Then blocked his number so that he doesn't text or call me. I did the right thing. For once, I made a decision with my head and not my heart. Because I knew that my heart would betray me. It would have chosen him instead.

But sacrifices had to be made. I had to let him go. It was for the best. My family comes first. 

After the news of my coming out went viral, dad's heart condition worsened. He had to be admitted in the hospital for a week. The thought of losing my dad haunted me every day. If it wasn't for Gavin being by my side and assuring me that everything was going to be okay, then I would have crumbled.

He was there with me. Every step of the way.

And today I threw him aside like he meant nothing. It was either him or my family and I chose the latter. I should have chosen him because he is more than family. He is my life force. Without him, I feel dead.

I know that he is going to hate me. But he will learn to live without me. He will move on and so will I. It will be like nothing ever happened between us. We will go back to being enemies or strangers. It's better this way.

It hurts so much. The ache in my chest refuses to go away. I have been crying for hours. My head hurts and my eyes are sore. Looking through old photos of him and me, I relived every moment through the beautiful memories we shared.

A sad smile crawled to my tear stained face when I saw the shirtless photo which I had taken of him when we were at the beach. He looked so happy and sexy in the photo. I traced my hand on his image at the screen of my phone. As though caressing his photo would suddenly take away all the pain bottled up inside me.

I scrolled through my gallery, which was stacked with more of his photos. I wanted to delete every photo of his. To erase him from my mind once and for all. Because the more I thought of him, the more I held out hope that someday he will be mine again. He will never be mine and I should have realized that sooner.

I knew that my faith forbade same sex relationship but I stubbornly went ahead and dated a boy. I hoped that maybe someday my parents would be more accepting of my choices but I was wrong. I was willing to live my life as I see fit with or without their approval. That is until the conversation I had with my mother earlier in the afternoon. She had asked me to choose between my family and Gavin.

And I chose my family. I did what any son would do.

Then why won't this throb in my chest go away? Why do I feel empty inside? Like I just lost the most important part of me?

"Meow." Fluffles purred as she curled on my lap. She was a white, fluffy cat that Gavin had gotten me as a present on our first official date. I ran my hand through her soft fur as she purred. The warmth and softness of her fur drove a calming sensation through my body.

"I miss him so much." I sighed, stroking the feline's fur. Fluffles purred in response. "It had to be done. I had to end things with him. It was the only way." I convinced myself but it didn't make me feel better about my decision.

Suddenly, my phone chimed. Swiftly, I rushed to check the message notification. Silently praying it's him even though I had blocked his number. The text was from Lorenzo.

"Thank God it's him." I mumbled, hiding the disappointment that was gnawing at my insides.

Hey Lito, how are you holding up? I read his text.

I am still alive so I guess I'm taking the break up better. I typed back.

I'm here if you wanna talk. He texted.

Thank you, Enzo. I texted back accompanied by a smiley faced emoji even though my mood was far from cheery.

It will get better. I promise you. Lorenzo's text was comforting but not convincing.

It doesn't feel like it will ever get better because I miss him, Enzo. It's only been a few hours but it feels like an eternity without him. I texted, feeling the void in my chest expanding.

I know how you feel Lito. But that pain, will go away eventually. He assured.

What if breaking up with him was the biggest mistake I ever made? Doubts lingered in my mind, devouring the seeds of certainty that I had sowed before.

Lito, you did what you had to do. Anyone in your place would have done the exact same thing. His reply managed to erase a small percentage of doubt from my mind.

Are you sure he would have chosen his family over me? I know Gavin and how much he loves me. He would have figured out a way for us to be together. I typed the text.

Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway I wanted to confirm if you are still up for tomorrow's trip. He texted.

Yes. I am. Some time away is exactly what I need right now. I need to clear my head and forget this day ever happened. When I return, I will be feeling much better.

Good. I'll pick you up at 7 in the morning. Is that okay? He made an inquiry.

Yes. It's okay.

Goodnight, Lito.

Night, Enzo. I typed the text then placed my phone on the bed. There was a gentle knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in." I mouthed.

"Hey, son. Brought you dinner." Mom stepped into my room with a tray of food. She placed the food on my night stand then sat on the edge of my bed. The delicious aroma of her tortillas and meat stew wafted in the room, seducing my olfactory senses and drawing saliva from my glands. The sudden rumble of my stomach, confirmed my famishment.

"Thank you mama." A hoarse retort escaped my throat. My throat was clogged from too much crying.

"How are you feeling?" She placed the soft palm of her hand on my cheek.

"I am okay." I fibbed.

"I'm assuming you have ended things with him." She stroke her thumb on my cheek, driving a feeling of comfort through me.

"Yes mom." I swallowed the words which in turn scalded my throat.

"You made the right decision, mi querido. Your father and I are proud of you." A smile kissed her lips and pride danced in her eyes as she addressed me. "He tainted your soul and now that he is no longer a part of your life, your soul is saved. I prayed every day for the moment when you finally get out of the devil's clutches. I am so glad that God answered my prayers. Now all that is left is for you to get baptized again. To clear your soul of any traces of sin left." She confessed, stroking my cheek affectionately.

I didn't have the strength or will power to fight her. Because even if I fought back, I would lose. Like I already did. This was my fate now and nothing could change it.

"Yes mom." I replied with a slight nod of my head.

"I love you so much, Carl and I am so happy that you have found your way back to me. I shall leave you to have dinner then get some rest." She placed a kiss on my forehead then exited my room. As soon as she left, I stepped out of bed then headed to the bathroom to freshen up. I changed into my comfy PJs then got in bed. Taking the tray of food in my hands, I started munching on the delicacy. Taking a piece of meat from my plate, I fed my cat. She purred in delight, enjoying the dish as I did. After the meal, I drank the blended orange juice, savoring its exquisite taste.

I took the dirty utensils to the kitchen, down stairs. My parents were in the living room watching the 9pm news when I passed by.

"William Stockfield isn't the right candidate for the Mayoral position. He is a man of many words but no action. I heard that he is a negligent father and he has a baby mama and two ex-wives. He can't even take care of his family affairs then how can he lead this town." Mom debated while watching the news.

"You are right Lucia. He is unfit to be a leader. When the time comes, God will anoint the right leader." Dad stated, his focus on the news. I loved listening to their conversations while doing dishes. I always found them amusing.

"I heard a rumor that Octavia Mileford wants to run for Mayor. She will make a great candidate and the people love her. She has done a lot for this town." She hailed praises at Gavin's mom.

"Yes Octavia Mileford is exactly what this town needs. Speaking of which, next weekend there will be a charity gala, hosted by Octavia Mileford. The invites were delivered this morning after you had left for school." Dad's statement reminded me of this morning at Gavin's place when he had asked me to be his date for the gala. I was so nervous that his mom wouldn't like me but he assured me that everything was going to be okay.

Now that we are broken up I don't think it's a good idea for me to attend the gala.

"You should have told me that sooner, Juan Perez! I don't even have a dress for the event." My mom's panic mode was on.

"Relax Lucia. The event isn't until next weekend. You'll have a dress by then." Dad assured.

"I have to go for a fitting tomorrow or I could order online. Yes, I'll just order online but what if it doesn't reach me on time? You know what? I'll just go to the store with Monica and shop for the dress. I have to look good in that event." Her panicking about her looks never gets old. During a certain church event, she changed her attire more than six times before settling for the 'perfect' outfit.

"Speaking of, Monica invited us for dinner at her place this Sunday. I said yes of course. She is my best friend and I have to show up. But I don't know for how long I can tolerate her poorly cooked fried chicken. Her tacos." She lamented.

"Then you should tell her the truth, my dear." Dad advised.

"What if she hates me for it? You know that Monica is the only friend I have in this town."

"What of Beth? Isn't she your friend too?"

"I can't stand that bitch. She's fake and her daughter Madeline, is a slut. I wouldn't be surprised if she dies of AIDS. Do you know that her slut of a daughter assaulted my son earlier today?"

"What? Why did she assault our son?"

"It was because of that spoilt brat, Gavin. I am so glad that my son broke up with that ill mannered boy. Now my son is free of that boy's influence, I couldn't be happier." Hearing her speak badly of Gavin made blood to boil in my veins. I gripped the dish sponge tightly that I am sure my knuckles turned pale.

I finished cleaning up the dishes, arranged them in the dish rack then sauntered out of the kitchen.

"Goodnight son." They said in unison.

"Good night mom and dad." I replied, forcing a smile to my face.

***

When I got to my room, I locked the door and leaned on it. My chest rising and falling rapidly as my lachrymal glands itched with tears. I wanted to cry till there were no tears left. It was the only way to ease the pain that resided in my heart. I flicked off the lights, got into bed and snuggled with Fluffles as sobs erupted from my throat.

Suddenly, I heard a tap on my bedroom window. Several taps followed, prompting me to swiftly wipe my tears using the sleeve of my shirt. I switched on the bedside lamp and stepped out of bed. A chill ran down my spine when my eyes landed on a huge shadow on my bedroom window. The shadow was pacing back and forth on my balcony, causing the pace of my heart beats to escalate.

Grabbing my slipper from under the bed, I tiptoed to the window. If he was a thief or a serial killer, I would handle him real good with my slipper. I can fight too, when I choose to.

Slowly, I slid the window open. My eyes landed on a tall figure, standing at the edge of my balcony. He was dressed in black, his back facing me. I stepped into the balcony and tiptoed towards his unsuspecting form. I wanted to pounce on him like a lion and tear him to shreds.

I was about to hit him with my slipper when he suddenly turned around to face me.

"It's you? What are you doing here?" Confusion and relief swam through me when I discerned the intruder's identity.

"Sorry if I scared you. But seriously, you think that little slipper would have worked on me?" A smile that was capable of rendering me helpless in love, adorned his lips. Even though he was only clad in plain black clothes, he looked like a god. I wanted to run to him and hug him tightly then bury my face on his chest. I wanted to breathe him in and bathe in the comfort of his scent.

"You still haven't answered my question. What are you doing here? I thought I asked you to stay away." I fired, struggling to bury the emotions that were threatening to emerge. Silence floated between us as he examined my eyes which were terrible at concealing my emotions.

"I don't wanna fight. I came here to talk." He was calm in his reply. Which surprised me considering the fact that I broke his heart a few hours ago. He should be mad at me.

"It's over. There's nothing else to talk about Gavin. So it's better if you leave. Good night." I spilled the words which tasted like acid on my tongue. I was strolling back to my room when I felt his hand on my waist. In a swift motion, he hoisted my petit form and sat me on the wooden railing. Before I could protest, his lips captured mine in a demanding kiss which prompted my body to melt in his arms. Planting my arms on his broad shoulders, I sank deeper into the kiss. Relishing the feel of his soft lips on mine. He was my poison and only his kisses were capable of curing me.

Heavy breaths emanating from our mouths, he connected his forehead with mine. "So, are you ready to talk now?" He inquired.

"Yes." Was my reply.