GAVIN.

"How do I look?" I inquired, seconds after stepping into the TV room where Roman and Shirley were watching a movie.

"Damn. Are you going on a date or something?" Was Shirley's first question as her eyes examined my outfit.

"I'm thinking that too. Dude, is there someone we should know about?" Roman insinuated.

Truth is, I'm dressed this way because Carlito is on his way for the calculus session. I even shaved my balls and waxed my legs. It took hours to get ready. Something that I've never done before.

Why the fuck was I trying to impress him?

Simple. It's because I have developed something called 'feelings' for him. It's all so new to me and I don't know what to do with all these feelings. Because I can't keep pretending like they don't exist.

"Miles, is there a special someone you're going to see tonight?" Roman interrogated smilingly.

"No. There's no one special. I just feel like looking good tonight." I retorted, fixing a stray strand.

"Hmm...Gav, come on. We tell each other everything so who are you hiding?" Shirley pried.

She's right. We tell each other everything. It's how things have always been.

"Truth is, I'm dressed like this because Carlito is coming over to tutor me in Calculus."

"Oh. I get it now. You're trying to impress him aren't you?" Shirley winked after spilling the truth.

Roman's features contorted with confusion at Shirl's statement. "Did I miss something? Okay, someone better tell me what's going on."

Roman is my best friend. He deserves to know the truth. I don't know how he will react after hearing my truth.

Time to find out.

Taking a seat on the leather recliner, I broke the silence,"Rom, what I'm about to say will come to you as shock but I hope that it won't change our friendship."

"Miles, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"Truth is...I kissed Carlito and now I have developed feelings for him." I revealed.

There was a moment of silence as Roman looked at me, trying to process the information. Shirley who already knew the truth, smiled.

"Wow. Umm..when did this happen? I mean, was it before or after the sex video?" Roman managed to ask.

"It was after the fake sex video." I replied.

"Okay. Does this mean that you're gay?" Roman inquired.

"I don't know yet but I'm in the process of figuring it out." I confessed.

"Miles, I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. I was so invested in my own shit that I--"

"Hey. Stop. You have always been there for me Rom. So don't you dare start feeling guilty." I warned.

"Come here." He pulled me into a hug and Shirley joined in.

"We'll figure it out, together. Know that you're not alone, Miles." Roman stated in the hug.

"You have us." Shirl added.

"Thank you so much guys. I don't know what I would do without you." I stated.

These two are my rock. They've been there for me since forever. They are more than family to me.

"I love you guys." I declared.

"We love you too." They replied in unison.

Suddenly, the door bell chimed. It was him.

Threads of tension knotted my stomach as nervousness took over my being.

"He's here. Fuck." I admitted nervously.

"Hey Gav. Relax. Take deep breaths. It will be fine." Shirl advised.

"Yeah, don't tense. Be natural." Roman added.

After gaining my composure, I headed to the door which I opened almost immediately.

Breath was knocked out of my lungs when my eyes landed on him. He was clad in a midnight blue shirt, black skinny jeans and grey converses. His bushy, dark brown locks sat beautifully on his head. Lavender, floated in the air, filling up my lungs.

He looked and smelled great.

"Are you going to invite me in?" His question disrupted my shameless staring.

"Fuck. Come in." I awkwardly stated.

"Thank you." He released a smile while stepping into the house.

"So...umm...would you like something to eat or drink?" I inquired.

"No thank you. I already had dinner before leaving home." He retorted.

"Umm...okay."

Great..the whole banquet is gonna go to waste now. I had the chef prepare a variety of food earlier. For him.

"Can we get to the tutoring?" He proposed.

"Sure." A reply left my lips.

I led him to the study room, upstairs. He didn't say a word through out the walk to the study. No comments about the mansion or my attire.

Nothing.

Carlito never misses an opportunity to criticise me. He always has something to say. But tonight, he was awfully silent. I didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as soon as we got to the study.

"Yes. Everything is fine." He replied, placing the books on the study table.

"You seem silent today. " I noted, closing the study door.

"That's because there's nothing to say." He pulled out a chair and took a seat. "Shall we start? We have only 40 minutes." He remarked glancing at the wall clock.

"40 minutes? I'm afraid that won't be enough." I commented, taking a seat next to him.

"It has to be enough. Because frankly, I have more important things to do with my time." He commented.

"Wow. So does this mean tutoring me isn't important?" I fired.

"No it isn't that important. I'm doing all this out of obligation." He replied.

"Good to know." I pointed out.

"Shall we begin, only 38 minutes left." He suggested, perusing through the course book.

"Sure, professor Carlito." I pointed out.

"We are going to start with the basics. I'm going to show you how to solve the various differential equations then later, give you one of your own to work on. " He stated then started scribbling something on his notebook.

He noted equations on the book and rushed through them in the name of explaining. I couldn't grasp a thing.

"Wait, how did you even get this answer?" I halted him.

"If you were following, you would have understood. " He spat.

"How can I follow when you are tutoring in the speed of the flash himself." I argued.

"You aren't a fast learner. I forgot." He winced mockingly.

"Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've been giving me a shitty attitude the entire evening." I opened up, anger building up inside me.

"Shitty attitude? Do you even know what that means?" He rolled his eyes.

"Yes. It's exactly what you're showing me right now. Instead of being patient with me, you're acting like a complete asshole." I spilled.

"It is not my problem that you can't grasp a simple equation." He blurted, not bothered by my anger.

"I get it. You're a genius and the best in calculus. But that does not give you the right to insult me. If you didn't want to help me then you should have said so instead of acting like a rotten piece of shit." Rage and hurt was dripping from my speech.

"You are right. I should have refused to be your tutor. I was an idiot for agreeing to tutor you in the first place." He barked, getting up from his seat.

"Fucking great!" I hissed.

"You know what, this little tutor session is over. I'll inform Mr Modrich tomorrow that I can't be your tutor. Not anymore." He gathered his books from the table.

"What the fuck?" I could feel smoke coming from my ears. My whole body was trembling with rage.

"Yes. You heard that right. I can't keep trying to tutor someone who clearly can't grasp a simple concept. " He declared, his voice void of emotions.

"Why did you agree to tutor me in the first place?" I stood from my chair, furiously pushing the furniture aside. I'm pretty sure one of its legs broke.

"Because I'm an idiot, simple." He confessed, his gaze glued to mine.

"The truth is, I hate you Gavin Mileford. I fucking hate you with everything inside me. Even God knows how much I hate you. Nothing can ever change that." His confession was a like a sword, piercing straight through my chest...inflicting immense pain.

Suddenly my legs were void of strength and it felt like I would collapse.

"You-- are--- lying." I shakily managed to speak.

"Am I? I think not." His lips stretched into a smirk.

"What of everything that happened between us? The kiss...what of that?" I questioned.

"Ah. That was all an act. " He confessed, his eyes void of emotions.

No. It can't be. This can't be happening. Why the fuck does it hurt to hear him say that?

"I fooled you into thinking that I actually liked you. I even kissed you to lure you into trusting me. Poor Gavin, you should have known that none of it was real..It was all a fucking act." His lips stretched into a smile as he made the confession.

With each word, my heart broke to a trillion fragments. It hurt like hell.

"Gavin, I could never like a guy like you. A narcissistic piece of shit. A bully. A spoilt brat." He spat.

"You-- can't mean that.." It was becoming hard for me to breathe. Felt like someone was choking air out of my lungs.

"I mean each and every word. Now if you'll excuse me I have a date to go to. Sorry, I forgot to inform you that Lorenzo sorta asked me out on a date and I said yes. He's such a sweet guy and a terrific kisser...unlike you." He stated, smilingly.

What...the...fuck?

I think I'm trapped in a nightmare because this can't be real. Tell me this is a fucking dream and that when I wake up none of this will have transpired. Somebody punch me so that I can fucking wake up from this horrible nightmare.

"I have to go now. Don't wanna keep my date waiting. Goodnight, Gavin." He concluded then walked out.

Just like that. He left after stomping all over my heart. Like a rug on the floor.

It didn't take a second for him to replace me with Lorenzo. The guy I loathed with every cell in my body.

He shit all over my feelings. Like they were some toilet. How dare he?

Who the fuck does he think he is to hurt me like this? Who gave him the authority to break my fucking heart?

Fuck!

I knew that having feelings for him was a bad idea. But no, my stupid self went right ahead and developed feelings for him. And now here I am crying over a guy who just fucking dumped me like a stinking used condom.

Joke of the fucking century!

"Fuck you Carlito! Fuck you!" I grabbed a vase and yanked it across the room. It collided with the floor, shattering to pieces and emitting a deafening sound. But I didn't care. I wanted to break everything in my path...as long as it soothed this ache in my chest.

Suddenly, I felt a warm liquid cascade my cheeks.

It was tears.

I was fucking crying...like a loser.

Over a fucking boy.

Fuck my existence.