CARL'S POV.

After a warm relaxing bath, I put on a pair of black sweatpants and an oversized grey t-shirt.

"Carl, what's taking you so long?" Mom called out.

"Coming mom." I yelled back, putting my phone on charge. I headed out of the room minutes later.

No sooner had I set foot in the dinning room, than the aroma of chicken enchiladas ambushed my nostrils. My stomach growled in anticipation. Saliva pooled in mouth when my eyes landed on the golden brown chicken at the center of the dining table. It felt like the baked chicken was calling out to me...begging me to devour it.

My mom's chicken enchiladas is the best.  It's spicy, saucy and absolutely savory.

"Carl, I invited Monica and Melissa over for dinner. They will be here any minute." Mom stated while setting the dishes on the piece of furniture.

"Okay." I stated while pulling out a chair. Suddenly, the door bell rang.

"They are here." She enthusiastically stated while fixing her neat wavy hair and midnight blue skater dress. "How do I look?" She sought my approval.

"You look fine, mom."

"Just fine? Do you know how long it took me to get this hair done? Also, I spent quite a fortune on this dress. I hope it doesn't make me look fat." Anxiety transuded from her speech.

"Mom. You look great. I promise." I assured with a smile.

"Thank you for saying that." Her carmine lips stretched into a warm smile. "I'll go get the door now." She added, then sauntered off, the heels of her shoes colliding noisily with the tiled floor.

"Monica, it's so good to see you. Come in!" Her voice echoed through the house.

"You too my friend." Monica's thick voice reverberated.

"Carl, get the pasta from the kitchen!" I heard mom yell.

"Yes mom." I strolled to the kitchen which was adjacent to the dining room. I served the pasta in a bowl and ported it to the dining area where the guests had already settled.

"Lucia that hair, oh my God. It's amazing. Can't believe I didn't notice it at first." Monica sang her praises.

"Thank you. Gladys did her job right unlike the other hair stylist I visited some time back." Mom revisited.

"You mean Martha. She's such an amateur. Doesn't even know how to use a curling iron." Monica added with a chuckle then shifted her gaze to me. "Hey Carlie. How are you?" She saluted.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Monica." I replied while taking a seat next to her daughter, Melissa, who kept stealing glances at me.

"Melissa here was missing you terribly so she insisted we come over for dinner." Monica blurted.

"Mom!" She hissed. "Please stop."

"Why? I'm just saying the truth. You've been asking non stop about Carlie." Monica explained. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Your mother is right. Young love is nothing to be embarrassed about. You know what, you should go on a date with Carl sometime. " Mom decreed then shifted her gaze to me. "What do you think, Carl?"

Fuck. Not her trying to play match maker again. This is not going to end well for anyone. Especially Melissa who has an immense crush on me. I don't harbor any feelings for her and the sooner she understands the better.

"Mom, I am not ready to start dating." I managed a reply.

"I'm not asking you to kill anyone. Just a date with Melissa. An ice cream date preferably. " Mom insisted with a smile.

"Mom--" I opened my mouth to protest.

"This is not up for a debate." She decreed. "Dinner is getting cold.. let's pray. " We held hands and closed our eyes. My hand was intertwined with Melissa's, causing an uncomfortable feeling to crawl up my spine.

"Dear lord thank you for giving us this meal. May you bless it before we take it. In Jesus name I pray trusting and believing amen." As soon as the prayer concluded, I snatched my hand away from hers.

"Hey." Melissa whispered. She was too close and I didn't like it.

"Hey." I answered.

"So, about our date...when are we going? I need to prepare the dress and shoes." She inquired while reaching out for the pasta bowl.

And I lost my appetite. Just like that.

"I don't know." I replied.

"I'm thinking tomorrow after school? I know a great ice cream place. " She passed the bowl of pasta to me.

"I'll be busy tomorrow."

"What of the day after?" She hopefully inquired.

"I'll be busy too. In fact I'll be very busy this entire week." I replied.

Oh God, can't she just get the signal already? I'm not interested in her and never will be. I wish I could tell her that I'm interested only in boys. That I am gay.

"Next week then?" She insisted.

"What's happening next week?" Melissa's mom joined in on the conversation.

"I was asking Carl if he will be less busy next week so that we can go on the ice cream date." She explained.

"Why wait till next week when you can go tomorrow?" Mom chipped in.

"Mom, I will be busy tomorrow with my art project."

"Carl, the art project can wait. Melissa is more important. The poor girl is only asking you out on an ice cream date." Mom jumped in. As usual.

"My project is pretty important to me mom. I'm sorry but I can't go out on a date with her tomorrow." I declared.

"Carl, stop embarrassing me in front of the guests." If looks could kill, I would be dead and decomposed.

"I am just speaking my mind." I retorted, not backing down from the fight.

"Mrs. Mendez, I understand why Carl doesn't wanna go out with me. " Melissa spoke up, grabbing everyone's attention.

Simple. It's because I'm gay. I can't go out with a girl when the truth of the matter is, I prefer boys.

"Melissa darling, it's nothing like that. Carl would love to go out with you. He's just being stubborn. " My mom tried to comfort the lass.

"No. He doesn't wanna go out with me because of what everyone is saying. That he likes boys. Yes, I saw the video. My classmate showed it to me." Melissa confessed.

Shit.

"Yes. Mel showed me the video too. I couldn't believe it at first because I know that my godson would never do anything like that. He's pure and kind." Monica added.

"That video was a prank on my son. A certain girl in his class made it. It's fake. Nothing to worry about." Mom defended then gulped a glass of water.

"Thank God it was fake. Otherwise I don't know if I would have ever looked at my godson the same way." Monica addressed.

"Yes. Carl is straight. Always has been. I am his mother, so I know him like the back of my hand. He would never kiss a boy. "

She is wrong. They all are. None of them know the real me.

"I don't understand how a boy can even kiss another boy! It's simply disgusting and ungodly. " Monica spat.

"There's only one explanation to that and it's demons. Yes my dear, demons have taken over the souls of young men these days. It's why they commit such despicable acts. " Mom spoke.

They are wrong for saying that being gay is demonic. Love is love. Love doesn't discriminate age, race and certainly not gender. Love is the purest form of feeling. Unpolluted and sincere. Love comes naturally.

But they don't understand that.

"Carl, you haven't touched your food." Mom's voice yanked me from the island of thoughts I was lost in.

"I'm not hungry. I am going to bed." I declared then stood up from my chair. Confused glances were sent my way as I made my exit.

**

When I got to my room, I locked the door and headed to the bathroom. I was standing in front of the mirror, watching my reflection.

There, stood a boy 5'7 in height, with thick brown locks adorning his head and a pale skin. His cerulean eyes were coated with a secret. One that he had managed to hide too well over the years. Not even his own biological mother knew about his secret. Fear was burrowed deep in his eyes. The fear of being hated when he finally revealed his secret to the world. Fear of being shunned.

That boy is a part of me.

Every day when I look into the mirror, I see him. Every time I want to open my mouth and admit to everyone that I am gay, that boy shuts me up. He says it's safer to remain silent. To pretend.

But for how long will I listen to him? How much longer will I keep hiding this part of me from the world?

I don't know what to do.

If I keep quiet about my sexuality, I'll end up dating a girl of my mom's choice. We'll even get married and have kids. I will have a picture perfect family but what of my heart? Will it be content? Will I be happy?

No.

I won't.

I never will.

Then what should I do? Should I just blurt the truth and deal with the consequences? But what if the consequences are brutal? Am I really ready to face the repercussions of my coming out?

"Shit." I cussed loudly, anger and helplessness coursing through my being. Tears were sliding down my cheeks. I turned on the faucet and scooped water in my palms and splashed it on my face. I turned off the water and dried the moisture off my face using a towelette.

I switched off the bedside lamp and slid under the comfortably warm covers. Suddenly, my phone started ringing. Sitting up, I reached for it.

My eyes widened in stupor when I discerned that the caller was non other than Gavin.

Shit! Why is he video calling me now?

Switching on the bedside lamp, I fixed up my messy bed hair then received the call.

"Hey." His face flooded the screen.

"Hey." I replied, nervously, for some unknown reason.

"What are you doing?" He inquired.

"I'm in bed, getting ready to sleep." I answered.

"This early? It's not even 10 yet." He teased.

"I love going to bed early because of school. My mom is the principal after all."

"Fair point. " He took a sip of what I assumed to be coffee in a mug. "I don't have that privilege."

"Burning the midnight oil?" I pried.

"Yes. I have a shit ton of paperwork to do. " He took another sip.

"Okay, then I guess I should leave you to it."

"No. Wait. Umm...I wanted to talk to you about something." He blurted.

"I'm listening."

"Carlito, I wanted to apologize for the kiss in the car, earlier. It shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake."

Fuck. Why does it hurt? It's not like I didn't already know he's not into me. The guy is straight but somehow my stupid self always forgets that. I don't understand how I allowed myself to believe that there was something between us. When the truth is that...he doesn't have feelings for me.

But what of me? Do I feel something for him? Of course I do. I always have. I feel something other than hatred for him...deep down, somewhere in my caged heart.

What's the point of my feelings now? They are useless and will only lead to hurt. He admits that our intimate moments were a mistake...an anomaly. And he's right because we will never happen. We are a fantasy that will never become a reality.

I know and accept it.

"Carlito.." His voice drew me back to reality.

"Yes. I understand. It was a big mistake." I spat the words, pain laced with them.

"I'm sorry." He added.

"Why are you apologizing? I should apologize for hoping that...the kiss meant more. You are the straightest guy I know so obviously you would never go for someone like me. I get it and I'm sorry that I allowed myself to believe that we both felt something in the kiss. Goodnight Gavin." I cancelled the call and shoved the phone on the bedside table.

Soft sobs exited my lips as I hugged the bed warmers close to me.