chapter thirty-nine!
039. the curse of cornelius sigan

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    ODETTE HEARD all about Cedric the next day. As soon as Merlin found her offering a guard who had been stationed in the centre of the citadel overnight some of Morgana's breakfast left overs, he immediately dragged her away. Odette made a face, annoyed, "Hey▬!" she let out but did not struggle. She let herself be pulled into the shadows of the open corridors where Merlin shoved what seemed to be Arthur's food under her nose. "Look," he said, angry. "He did not want it. He did not want it."

    She made a face. "All right...?" let out Odette incredulously. Then, she rested her weight on one foot and declared. "And it is you who says I am the annoying one▬"

    "Would you like to know why he did not want it?" went on Merlin, shaking the plate of ham and salad until she went cross-eyed trying stare at it. "Because that dimwit of a thing prepared him breakfast instead! A whole bloody feast!"

    Odette frowned, very confused. "Who?"

    "Cedric!" Merlin said the same as if the answer was obvious▬even though he had not told Odette anything of the boot-kissing stranger until now. He put on a ridiculous, nasally voice: "'It is an honour, Sire.' 'I love polishing our boots, Sire'. 'I found a way to snivel up your backside, Sire'. It is so obvious that he is trying to chummy up to Arthur so he can take my job! How is he not seeing how suspicious it is? I mean, who likes washing Arthur's socks? They stink worse than a pigsty!"

    "Well..." Odette tried to calm him down. She took one of the strawberries Arthur had not eaten off his plate. "It is not abnormal for a Prince to have multiple servants. And are you not always complaining about everything he makes you do? I think you deserve a break."

    This was not what Merlin wanted to hear▬at all. "He looks like a ferret and he is trying to steal my job. Did you know what he did yesterday? Arthur fell off his horse because his girth was not tied▬" 

    Odette broke out into a short chuckle. "Yes, Ronyn told me about that. How funny▬"

    "▬Arthur blamed me for it," Merlin continued, shooting her another look. "But I did that girth myself and I did not tie it loose! Cedric did it. You know why? Because he was just happily there▬" he waved the plate away in his gestures before Odette got the chance to take another strawberry, "▬eager to return Arthur's horse to him. And he was just so happy to join a hunt and when I saved Arthur's life? That cowering horse-dung-smelling rat took the credit for it!"

    "You should have seen the look on his face this morning when I arrived to give Arthur his breakfast," Merlin leaned in closer and Odette's brows shot up, making a wise choice not to say anything. "It is the face of evil."

    Odette now believed he was starting to become excessive. It was obvious that Merlin was so upset because he was growing jealous of Cedric. Unlike most, Merlin had been thrusted into the role of the Prince's manservant without any previous experience. He did not make his way up through dozens of other roles like many other manservants to royalty usually did. He was placed as Arthur's sole manservant, and wasn't used to additional servants and maids. Even Morgana had two handmaidens. But also, Merlin thought of Arthur as a close friend▬even if he would never admit it. Odette knew he felt threatened that he was going to lose that relationship he had with the Prince, mainly because it was so up and down▬and all over the place▬that sometimes, he may think that he had just made it all up.

    So, she supposed she must reassure him. "Merlin," she said kindly, "you and I both know Arthur well enough to understand that he will eventually get bored of having Cedric around. He likes you. He likes the fact that you are not a boot-licker. You are his friend."

    Merlin scoffed. "Yes. Friend. Do friends use their each other as step stools to get up onto a saddle?"

    Odette considered it. She had a distant memory of Ronyn and Arthur ... "Well..."

    "And besides," went on the manservant, "how do you know whether Arthur has not changed his mindset the past eight months? Neither of you have barely spoken a word to each other since."

    It was more of a curious question▬and Odette flushed, not able to look Merlin in the eye as she lied to him. "Well, it is not usual practice for a maid and a Prince to speak with each other."

    She has not told him about what had happened. Rather, she has not told anyone. It was something that neither of them could breathe a word about in fear of it reaching the King's ears. Nothing would happen to Arthur of course, but to Odette? She was terrified of what the King would do. Would she lose her job? Would she be forced to never set foot in this castle again? Maybe that was placing herself in too high regard▬but the King could be ruthless when he wished. Odette supposed what she feared the most was the breath of the word magic and sorcery, and what was just the Prince kissing a maid once would turn into Odette's death sentence. 

    But maybe, also, she did not want to speak of it because it hurt to speak of it. It hurt to meet Arthur's gaze and have a conversation with him. It hurt to meet his smile and understand that these feelings she held have not done away eight months later. They ate her up with an aching pain of knowing that this was a fairytale that will never come to be▬that there was no other sunrise they could be together under; that what happened should never happen again ... But there was also this shame in Odette's chest because she knew all of this, but she had let it happen anyway. In a way, there was no one to blame for her pain except herself. 

    But she must move on. She must find a way to move on. Arthur knew, too. They were both on the same ending page of this story▬they both made this choice.

    Merlin knew her well, too. He knew that her words were a lie▬but he couldn't understand why. "That never stopped you before."

    Odette took a sharp breath through her nose. She clasped her hands out in front of her skirts. "Perhaps it should have." 

    Merlin wished his day would get better from there▬it did not. After taking over the morning and completing every single thing on Merlin's list of errands to do, Cedric seemed to have conveniently forgotten one of the worst of all: mucking out Arthur's stables. Merlin may as well have been shunned to the hay and rake▬locked away and doing his very best not to lose his sense of smell while Cedric snuck his way closer and closer to taking Merlin right out of his own job. 

    Merlin has never wanted to hurt someone so bad. He'd be fine with being burnt at the stake if it meant destroying Cedric in the process with a quick explosion hex. Merlin's been meaning to practice it on something. 

    Arthur had way too many horses. He had his favourite mare that he took out for rides of leisure and travel. He had his geldings that sometimes he rode instead▬most of which he took into tournaments or on the battlefield or when he travelled for a long time. Then, he had a stallion which was gifted to him for his recent name day▬a frustrating piece of work; the only horse that Merlin hated because he may as well share the same stubborn ox head as his rider. Stallion's weren't always the best for anything else other than just to boast about. They were unpredictable, aggressive and overbearing when they wanted to be. They weren't a tournament horse, nor were they a leisure horse. This stallion was the horse that Arthur had to hire men to spend days to try and train▬Merlin has seen a few of them in Gaius's chambers already. 

    Why does a Prince need so many horses? Merlin doesn't want to know. 

    Either way, the more horses meant the more excrement Merlin had to rake away. And horse dung stank. He had to pick it up and throw it into a wooden barrel which he then had to cart all the way to the markets where farmers would use it for the royal crops. Which meant he will be smelling it still for the next three days at least▬even when he was no longer near it. It just hovered there in his nose and made him want to pass out. 

    Merlin was nearly an hour into the job when he heard something land▬thud▬into the fresh hay behind him. He stopped to frown, glancing over his shoulder. At first, he saw nothing. Merlin turned around, trying to see where it may have come from▬see who had thrown something, but there were no shadows or faces nearby; no children playing funny games with the Prince's manservant. 

    But there was this strange smell, though. Merlin has mucked out these stables enough times to know the difference between dung and something else. It stung at his nose▬it made him cough. He set aside the wooden rake and trudged his way over to where he had heard the sound in the first place. 

    His frown deepened when smoke seemed to waft upwards. He coughed and waved it away▬and his stomach dropped, thinking the worse. He has messed up quite a lot, but starting a fire in the Prince's stables? Merlin knew Arthur wouldn't move on from that anytime soon. 

    Merlin hurried over, coughing and holding his shirt collar up to his nose. As he got closer to try and see what it was, the smell that stung at his nose grew worse. It lifted up to his eyes and dulled his senses▬soon, before he knew it, the stables around him became a blur. He stumbled. Merlin didn't remember falling over, at all. 

    He didn't remember ever closing his eyes. 

    Merlin certainly didn't remember ever falling asleep. 

    But when he came to again, he felt something very soft against his cheek▬soft, almost like a pillow. Maybe he had fallen asleep. Maybe he had finally finished mucking out the stables and got to bed▬so exhausted he just dropped. Maybe his mind finally reeled into madness from the smell, so much that he forgot ever making it back to his chambers. 

    Merlin felt something tickle his other cheek▬then, it scratched. More of it hit him, and he coughed. When it hit him a third time, did he finally open his eyes.

    He frowned as the room around him wasn't his own. In fact, he still saw the wooden walls of the stable▬he felt straw and hay; Merlin brushed it off his cheek, very confused. The afternoon sun glared down ... when did it become afternoon?

    A shadow loomed over him. Merlin's frown deepened and he blinked, still very much in a haze. Slowly, with a lot of effort, he lifted his head off the pillow. He stared down, so out of it that he didn't even recognise his face had been resting in the very horse dung of his nightmares.

    Merlin continued to look up, following the shadow until he saw a pair of polished boots. They belonged to a pair of crouched knees in black pants. Hands hovered nearby▬Merlin recognised the ring on the forefinger. His gaze continued. He saw a rich, deep blue doublet and then finally, the face of a blonde-haired Prince. He arched both brows▬he did not look impressed.

    The manservant jolted backwards. "Sire▬!" he exclaimed. Merlin scrambled to his feet. Almost immediately, pain struck his forehead and his hand flew upwards, groaning as he nearly dropped all over again. 

    "What are you doing?" Prince Arthur asked him, sounding very casual as he watched his manservant stumble around. 

    Merlin scratched his head. He had to think very hard for a second. "Uh ... nothing?"

    Arthur nodded. "Yes," he said▬Merlin didn't recognise the patronising tone he held; the calm before the storm of his anger. "I can see that."

    Merlin glanced around once more. Yes, he was in the stables, still. He saw his rake where he had left it, propped up against his barrels of hay and dung. Everything was exactly the way he had left it ... except, what was he doing again? How did he end up here? Why did he ... feel as though something was missing ... almost as if the stables felt very quiet?

    "I▬" Merlin shook his head, still rather dizzy, "▬I was not sleeping..."

    Arthur tilted his head, disbelieving. 

    "I was▬" his head hurt. "I was▬" he leaned forward, trying to remember. He did recollect something about making his way over this way. "I was just bending down▬"

    "Looking for something?" prompted the Prince.

    "Yes..."

    "Well," he stood up as well, "perhaps we are looking for the same thing?"

    "What?"

    "Oh, I do not know..." Arthur raised his voice and flung up his arms as he exclaimed: "The horses!"

    Merlin blinked. "The horses?" He frowned. Then, it hit him. There was something missing. The stables were quiet. His stomach dropped. He staggered once more, gazing around with absolute shock. The horses were gone! Every single one of them! "Oh▬oh!"

    Arthur stormed up to him. He was furious. "One mistake I can understand," he said, brandishing a livid finger underneath Merlin's nose. "Everyone has a bad day now and then. But this is one thing after another!"

    Merlin's hands flew to his head once again. He shook his head, growing flustered as he tried to think back to what happened. He couldn't remember! "I▬I▬I don't know▬I do not know what happened, I▬"

    "Sire."

    The voice made Merlin's blood boil. Just like that, he knew exactly what had happened▬he knew exactly who had done this. A dark scowl etched onto his brow and he fixed it onto Cedric as he stepped into the stables. He sighed, with such fake sympathy Merlin wanted to wrap his hands around his neck. "Please, Sire, do not be too hard on him."

    He stopped nearby, hugging his chest with a breath of gentile diplomacy that was perhaps the worst dung Merlin has seen in his life. "He is a good servant," said Cedric, nodding to the young warlock who gritted his teeth. "He is just▬he is tired." 

    He reached out to set a hand on Merlin's arm but he shoved it off. "I am not!" argued Merlin indignantly. 

    "Maybe ..." went on Cedric. "Maybe if he had the evening off▬" 

    "▬I do not want the evening off!" Merlin quickly butt in. 

    "▬A good night's rest▬"

    "▬I did not fall asleep▬!"

    "▬I am more than willing to take over his duties tonight."

    Merlin couldn't believe it. He stared in shock as Arthur began to consider Cedric's idea. He eyed Merlin with this fresh understanding▬as if seeing something about his manservant for the very first time, and it infuriated him. Because he could do nothing to stop it. "Perhaps you are right..." murmured Arthur.

    Merlin flung up a finger. "No▬"

    Arthur rolled his eyes, "▬Shut up, Merlin."

    "▬Can you not see what he is trying to do?" Merlin let out, frustrated. He gestured to Cedric, almost pleading for Arthur to realise. "He is trying to get rid of me and if you weren't such a clotpole, you would see that!"

    The Prince froze. He blinked, taken aback for a moment. Then, a steely gaze settled upon his manservant who hung there, on the edge of his sentence. "A what?"

    Merlin went to answer. But he stopped himself. He frowned. What did he say? 

    Cedric winced. Helpful, he muttered to the Prince. "A clotpole. He said clotpole, Sire." He sighed and shook his head, as if telling on Merlin was the saddest thing he could do. 

    Arthur's brows raised in a sudden breath of disbelief▬soon, it turned into anger. He set his jaw and crossed his arms. Almost petty, the Prince smiled. "You know what, Merlin? Cedric is right. He can look after me tonight. You can go home and think about whether you wish to be my servant or not."

    Merlin felt something inside him sink. He stammered, growing so flustered he felt the need to cry. "B▬But▬"

    "Go."

    A heavy silence settled between the two of them. A lump grew in Merlin's throat as he watched Cedric grab his jacket. He dusted it off and held it out for him to take▬Merlin realised he had fallen right into the trap he had planned out. He had sabotaged himself. 

    Merlin sent one final, pleading glance back at Arthur. But when he realised that the Prince wouldn't meet it, fuming to the wagon of hay, Merlin slumped and snatched back his jacket. He stormed out of the stables, blinking back tears. 

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    BEFORE MERLIN could make it back home, he ran into the last person he wanted to see. He didn't see her until he nearly walked right into her. Ronyn's younger sister was returning back home for the early evening when they crossed paths. Adelynn Vecentia was telling Claudia about these new paints she has heard about, and wished to send a request to have someone travel to Londinium where the trade was thriving on the Tamesis. It would be a months journey at the very least, but she was prepared to pay a good amount to whoever was willing. Her maidservant, Claudia, knew of a traveller who was preparing to make his way back there who was currently staying at the Rising Sun Tavern. She was willing to pass her message (and coin) along when Adelynn noticed Merlin sulk past. 

    She thought to leave him be, but even if she wished to be petty and mean, Adelynn could not. She and Merlin shared a connection that she couldn't be rid of, even if she tried. Their magic seemed to be one of a kind▬in their own respective ways, but that was what made them drawn to each other. 

    (Or, at least, that was what the woman in her mirror would tell her).

    But aside from all of that, Merlin had been Adelynn's friend for a short time. A friend who understand what she was going through. Who listened to her fears and braved through them at her side, telling her that magic was not a curse▬that it was not something that would turn her cruel and heartless. Even towers, hallways and turrets away, Merlin had been a voice of comfort and advice during the nights Adelynn could not sleep. He had taught her simple spells that helped give her something to channel her magic into when it got too much. He told her about destiny, and even though her relationship with it turned quite sour▬his sheer belief in it almost made her sometimes wish it hadn't. 

    But Adelynn couldn't be friends with a servant, she knew this. Even if they all were close in some way▬the laughter and jokes they shared in Ealdor, and the conversations they held in the cover of the night, was not something welcomed in the daylight. And after their fallout, things seemed to have mended, but not quite in the way they had been before. 

    She frowned, her words leaving her when she noticed the slouch in Merlin's shoulders. He was walking alone, dirty and stiff▬there was something on the side of his face. Adelynn had a feeling it was not dirt. 

    She glanced briefly at Claudia, and knowing that she could trust her maid in keeping the surface of her secrets, Adelynn pursed her lips and started forward. The back streets around them were empty. All the lords and ladies who would use these pathways as shortcuts from their homes to the centre of the city▬and then back▬had all returned home at a timely hour. Adelynn was not timely. (Something she and her brother had in common, she supposed).

    "Merlin?" Adelynn called out, unsure. He did not reply▬he did not even make any sign that he even heard her. Adelynn pursed her lips and lifted the skirts of her grey-blue summer dress, stepping into job in order to catch up with him. "Merlin? Are you all right?"

    He heard her the second time. He jumped and spun around so suddenly, that Adelynn nearly ran straight into him. She skidded to a stop last minute, saving themselves from a very embarrassing event. Merlin frowned, surprised. "Ad▬" he stopped when he noticed Claudia and quickly fixed his mistake. He managed a stiff bow of his head. "Er▬My Lady..."

    Up close, he looked even worse. Adelynn's frown deepened and she glanced him over, concerned. "What happened to you?"

    Merlin set his jaw. He glanced at Claudia again before starting to turn away. "Nothing."

    She could tell it wasn't nothing. She reached a hand out to stop him, but thought better of it. "What is that on your face?"

    "Nothing," stressed Prince Arthur's manservant.

    Adelynn pursed her lips. She glanced at Claudia, too, pleading. Confused, but understanding, her maid sighed and nodded. As soon as she did, Adelynn turned back to Merlin who was walking away. "Merlin." He kept walking. She huffed and surged forwards yet again. "Merlin, stop."

    He listened this time. Taking a deep breath, he set his jaw and slowly turned to her▬not quite meeting her gaze; ashamed that she would see him this way. Dirty, beaten down and pitiful-looking, with horse dung stuck to his face. 

    But instead, Adelynn just gently reached out to take his arm, carefully pulling him back into step with her. "Come on, Claudia will fetch water and a rag and you can clean yourself up."

    She took him back to the manor. But instead of going inside the front door, the three of them entered inside the servants' door towards the kitchens. Claudia checked whether the coast was clear before leading them onwards to the servants' quarters. There, she let them step inside her own before she left to gather what Adelynn requested. 

    Merlin sighed and slumped down onto the lonely, old chair in the corner. His head fell into his hand, but he watched Adelynn close the door out of the corner of his eye. Once she did, she removed her cloak and hung it over the edge of the bed. The quarters was empty of anything except a bed, table and chair. There was not even a chest to tell that her maidservant did nothing except sleep here. Which, was the truth. 

    Adelynn quickly explained. "Claudia does not stay with me during the night as much as she used to." She flattened her skirts and sat on the bed opposite him. "She has a husband and a small family of her own, now, in the Lower Town▬I much prefer she spends her time with them instead of me."

    Merlin nodded. He didn't say a word, wincing slightly as he picked off some of the dung from his face. He made a face at the smell. Adelynn did her very best to not react▬but her attempt at hiding a grimace didn't go unnoticed. 

    He looked down once again. "I am not an idiot."

    "I was not thinking that," she replied quickly. She clasped her hands in her lap and sat there, patiently waiting for Claudia to return. She must look ridiculous, in her luxurious garb sitting on a servants' bed in front of a servant. Merlin must think the same as he did in her brother's garden that one night▬that she didn't understand his struggle. And she did not, in many ways▬but in others, Adelynn did. However, the way they sat right now▬an entire room apart▬with her expensive dress and his dirty tunic, she did not blame him. Even she couldn't help but see they couldn't look any further apart. 

    At the knock on the door, Adelynn was relieved. She jumped to her feet and quickly opened it back up. Claudia entered with a bucket of water and a few rags. She set them down near the table beside Merlin. 

    "Thank you, Claudia," said Adelynn kindly. She knew she had a lot of explaining to do after this, but she really did appreciate all that her maid has done for her▬since she could remember. 

    "He should not stay long," Claudia advised her as she met back up with her at the door. "And be quiet, there are servants sleeping here who will talk."

    Adelynn nodded. Claudia gave them both a final glance▬it stayed on Merlin a moment longer▬before she left once again. Once the door closed, she turned back to Merlin and watched him grab for the rag. 

    She pursed her lips and awkwardly stepped forward. "Would you like some help?"

    She knew Merlin went to shake his head, but then hesitated. Surprisingly, he relented and offered Adelynn the rag. She gently picked it up with gentle, soft fingers and shuffled to the side of him. Holding her breath for a moment, she found a part of his face that was clean and gently pushed his head over to give her more room. Adelynn did make a face this time as she wiped the rag down his cheek, trying to get off as much of the dried dung as possible.  

    "Never wiped horse dung off someone's face before?" Merlin managed to joke.

    Adelynn sent him a flat look. Then, she returned her concentration onto the task at hand. The candle that she had lit when they arrived flickered on the table, illuminating them in a dull light. "There is a first time for everything."

    "Why are you helping me?" he then asked, the joking manner disappearing almost as soon as it appeared. 

    She frowned at him. Quiet, Adelynn wiped the remainder that she could get off and said: "Because friends help each other." She folded the cloth over and finished off with scraping off some of it that was on his neck. "And that is what we are, or are we not?"

    The young lady passed the manservant over the rag. His calloused fingers took it from her dainty ones. "Thanks," Merlin mumbled. 

    "Are we friends?" Adelynn prompted again, dipping her hands into the water before it would get dirty. She scrubbed them briefly before wiping them clean on another rag. 

    "You cannot be friends with me," Merlin reminded her. "You are nobility."

    "That is not the answer to my question, though," she sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Are we friends?"

    The manservant pursed his lips and relented once more. A little smile returned to his face, sheepish. That was answer enough. Adelynn nodded, satisfied▬it hid her breath of relief, but she still gave him a smile of her own nonetheless. "Good," she stated. "So, you can tell me what happened then, yes?"

    Merlin played with the rag for a moment. He then dampened it once again and squeezed the water from it. He brushed it across his forehead. "It is nothing that has not happened before."

    "What do you mean?"

    He sighed and slumped once again. Closing his eyes briefly, Merlin explained to her: "I just ... I just want Arthur to trust me and to see me for who I really am."

    Adelynn's frown softened. She shifted in her seat. "Well ... if what you have told me is true, then one day he will, yes?"

    "When?" Merlin asked her, exasperated▬even though she wouldn't know the answer. "Everything I do is for him, and he just thinks I am an idiot."

    She didn't know. She had many reservations with what this world has set out for them. Adelynn liked to think that she can make her own way in the world▬because if she could not, then she would be trapped right where she is. She will always be looking out of her window, and never able to step down. Magic or not. 

    But destiny was important to Merlin. Just like she needed to believe that she can change her life, he needed to believe that there was a pathway that he could follow▬an ending that is the reason for all of his struggle. At least, his ending sounds like a good one; a better one than Adelynn has imagined. Because his ending allowed her freedom.

    She fiddled with her fingers and decided to say: "Well, I do not think you are an idiot. Even if you do look like one."

    Merlin cracked a small scoff that turned into a chuckle at her joke. Adelynn smiled, happy to hear it.

    "Thank you," said Merlin again. 

    She shook her head. "No need," she said kindly. "Offering you clean water and a rag so you do not have to walk home looking like an idiot is the least I can do."

    "As is what friends do."

    Adelynn nodded. Her smile brightened. "As is what friends do."

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    THE WARNING BELL woke Odette up very early the next morning. She tried to ask around, wondering what was happening. It didn't take her long to hear the growing gossip amongst the kitchen staff▬most of it was probably jumped and out of place; coming from here and coming from there, but Odette understood the main point. Someone had broken into the tomb and stolen the largest jewel of them all. The prized jewel centred in the tomb's heart. None of them knew who's tomb that was▬if they did, they would understand the sudden urgency Odette had to find Merlin or Gaius and ask the truth of what happened. The story of Cornelius Sigan was nightmarish. It was a tale to frighten children and warn them of the evil of sorcery▬in every single one Odette has heard, there was a common ending: One day, Sigan will find a way to enact his revenge on Camelot and all who lived there. Perhaps it was a silly thing to worry about, but in Odette's experience, was it ever something silly to worry about?

    She quickly found Merlin later that morning in the dungeons. Odette was permitted to bring food down to him, and so she did. As soon as the guard opened the door for her and Merlin glanced up from where he brooded on the floor▬he rolled his eyes at the incredulous arch of her brow.

    The guard let her inside and Odette marched over, passing Merlin the plate of bread and cheese as he stood up. "You do make a habit of this, you realise?" she chided him.

    "Better than the pillory," muttered Merlin as he scoffed down his breakfast. "I prefer eating food than having it thrown at me when it is rotten."

    The young handmaiden propped her hands on her hips. "What did you do this time?"

    The guard decided to butt in at this very convenient moment to explain: "He attacked that new manservant that's always following the Prince."

    "Cedric is a rat," Merlin corrected the guard and he rolled his eyes, turning away as if he has heard this all morning. "That is what he is."

    "Merlin▬!" whisper-shouted Odette, rather horrified (though, not at all surprised. In fact, she was hiding her amused grin at the thought of Merlin getting into a fight with someone else just as scrawny as him). "You are lucky you were not strung up by your feet!"

    Merlin eyed her curiously. "You look as though you are disappointed by that fact." Then, leaving her thoughtful shrug▬considering the sight▬for another day, Merlin subtly glanced over her shoulder at the guard. Then, he nodded to the corner of the cell. 

    Odette realised he wished to speak to her about something serious, and so she turned to the guard and kindly ask: "Can I have a moment alone with him?"

    The guard frowned. "If I do that, then I will be in the pillory."

    "Please?" she put on her best innocent, sweet voice that got her almost anything she asked for. "I am the Lady Morgana's maid▬I often get her breakfast. If you tell me when you are stationed next I will bring you down some of her food?"

    He continued to frown at her from behind his helmet visor, but in the end sighed and left them alone. Odette fixed a smug smile on Merlin, and he scoffed. "This is how you get away with everything..." he grumbled. 

    She just shuffled closer to him and said. "What is it? Is it about the warning bell▬is it true that someone stole from Sigan's tomb?"

    Merlin sighed. He nodded, and their conversation turned very grave. Voice dropped to a whisper, he said: "And it is worse. It was Cedric that stole the jewel. The heart that we saw▬the blue one?" She nodded, remembering it. "That heart contained Sigan's soul▬and anyone who breaks that heart from its seal ..."

    Odette realised. A horrible feeling washed over her. "You are telling me that Sigan is now Cedric?"

    Merlin nodded. "And he is going to destroy Camelot."

    She shuffled anxiously on her feet. "Well, we must do something?"

    The warlock gestured to himself. "Why do you think I am here? Arthur will not listen to me. He does not even realise it was Cedric▬even though the only way he could have gotten in without breaking the lock is stealing Arthur's keys!"

    At his expectant look that followed, Odette blanched. "Well I cannot talk reason into him!"

    "Why not?"

    "Because▬!" she shrugged, trying to come up with a good lie. She stammered on her words, though, and Merlin noticed. "I▬How do you expect I have a better chance at getting him to listen? He will just think Gaius has told some abhorrent bedtime story to me."

    Merlin gestured to her. "He does listen to you! Just do your▬you know, what you have always done▬and it works▬"

    "I am not speaking with him." Odette didn't mean to come off so sharp, especially when Merlin blinked, taken aback by her tone. She hitched her breath and shook her head. "I▬I cannot speak with him, all right? I will not."

    Her friend frowned, more concerned now than incredulous. "What happened between you two? It has been eight months▬"

    "I cannot tell you," Odette's voice cracked. She took a sharp breath through her nose and looked away from him. Pushing through the lump in her throat, she stated with a curt clip to words. "I cannot tell you."

    "Are you not mad at me when I keep secrets▬?"

    "I cannot tell you," the handmaiden stated again. Sharp and pointed▬it was almost a command rather than a statement: telling Merlin that he should not ask again, and that she will not speak any more on the matter. Even if she wanted to tell someone▬anybody▬about the pain she felt, and the kiss they shared; the longing looks and the mistakes she made, Odette could not. She had to bear it alone until it went away. 

    Surprisingly▬or perhaps thankfully▬Merlin set his jaw and did not ask anything more. Perhaps he was more taken aback by the thought that Odette could be able to hold any malice to her tone▬but she very much could. 

    "We will figure something else out," she decided, leaving the conversation there. "I will speak with Gaius. Perhaps he can get you out of here."

    And like that, Odette took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Turning on her heel, she left Merlin alone in the dungeons▬it hurt, swallowing the lump in her throat down back towards the ache in her chest. 

    Odette knew Gaius could not do much. But it was the best plan she could come up with at the moment. However, when she understood that the King did not heed his first warning about Sigan, it would be very unlikely that he would tolerate a second one. Yet, she did not want to admit that Merlin was right that she would have to speak to Arthur. She did not want to admit that he was more likely to consider her words than Merlin's, who was not on his good side at the moment. If there was another way, she will find it. 

    But she will not admit that she had no ideas on what that other way will be, either. 

    She was not allowed inside the royal library and she was certain that the King would not keep books that focused on Cornelius Sigan. The common tale anybody she asked would tell her was what she already knew. And she did not know how to read the language in Merlin's spell-casting books, let alone find a spell that would help him. He needed to get out of the dungeons, first of all, and the only person that could give that order for early release would be the Prince or the King himself. Arthur was too mad over Merlin's antics to do so, and the King could not care less. 

    So, either way, someone must speak with Arthur and simmer him down. Odette would not do it, and so she must find someone else. However, while Morgana was the first person that came to mind, she had a tendency to ignite the fire of Arthur's anger rather than calm it down. Ronyn was not much better▬he would laugh if he heard what Merlin has done, which Arthur would not appreciate (because he would most certainly be laughing at his expense). 

    Odette really disliked this ability she has gained to be the source of Arthur's frustration and yet the medicine to cure it at the same time. She understood why▬and that reason is why she cannot be the one to speak to him. At all. 

    And how will it go down between them? They have barely spoken for eight months, and Odette will knock on his door and speak to him only to want him to do something? She didn't feel right within herself to do that▬because he meant more than that. She wanted to speak with him. She wished to sneak into his chambers through the servants' door much like she used to before everything changed. Odette wished to be around him. She wished for another sunrise in her dreams. She did not want him to think otherwise, because that would make everything worse. Part of her own ailment is the thought that when their gazes caught across the room, the longing breath he held was the same as her's. That she wasn't imagining the belief that what was going through her mind▬what she felt▬, was in sync with Arthur's own. 

    Perhaps that was half of why she has run away. Odette was scared that he didn't feel the same. That it meant nothing to him▬that he had moved on without a second thought, and she was still hanging onto the memory with desperate clutches. She did not want to be hurt by the very realistic possibility▬or truth. 

    The truth is: she will be hurt no matter what it is he felt, or what he did not. They cannot exist under any sunrise.

    Morgana prepared herself for bed early in the evening. Finally, she was too exhausted to not take Gaius's prescription of rest. It didn't take her long to drift off to sleep, and Odette was with her, blowing out the candle as Morgana wished her goodnight. 

    Odette left for the door, her mind very much distant. Guinevere was waiting for her outside. Tonight, Odette will sleep in the antechamber▬they often took turns when Morgana's nightmares worsened, so they could have a chance at being well-rested every now and then. 

    Guinevere was fastening her cloak over her shoulders. "I heard news that Merlin is in the dungeons? Again?"

    Odette sighed. "You heard right," she started off at a walk with her friend down the staircase, determined to walk her to the exit at least before returning to the antechamber. "He does not think before he acts, as we all know."

    "Did he truly get into a fight in the Prince's chambers?" the blacksmith's daughter chuckled nonetheless. "I would have sold my livelihood to see that. Most especially the look on Arthur's face."

    Evening fell rather quick, tonight. Once the two maids made it to the ground floor of the castle, outside had already turned into night. Odette frowned at it. "Are you sure you will be all right to head home?" she asked Guinevere gently. "You can stay in one of the servants' quarters▬I will show you the one I often take...?"

    Guinevere just smiled, grateful. "No, it is perfectly fine," she assured her. She wasn't prepared to tell Odette that she was meeting up with Ronyn rather than head straight home. "Thank you, though."

    Together, they stepped out onto the castle steps and into the square▬that was still quite busy at this hour. "Well, I suppose I shall see you tomorrow, then?" Odette stopped at the foot of them as Gwen continued.

    She waved her goodnight. "You shall▬as always."

    Odette rolled her eyes. She understood the answer was an obvious one after she asked the question. "Yes," she stressed at her friend's chuckle. "Right. Of course."

    Gwen sent her a final smile before making her way across the courtyard towards the drawbridge. Odette scratched at her cheek and went to turn to head back inside, when this strange sound echoed from above. She stopped, a frown etching onto her brow. She waited a moment, listening to the chatter and movement around her▬wondering that perhaps she had imagined it. Until she heard it again: this low, scraping growl; like stone being dragged across stone. 

    Following it was a loud thud▬right above her. Odette gasped and flinched, staggering back down a step as she felt small pieces of loose stone fall like dust onto her cheeks. 

    "Look out▬!"

    Before she could react, someone had sprinted over and dragged Odette away with such force, she stumbled. If it weren't for them, she would have fallen. She gripped the knight's chainmail, glancing up and meeting the frantic gaze of Sir Leon Gaunnes. He kept her on her feet and the both of them tumbled away from the monstrous shadow that loomed overhead. 

    Sir Leon Gaunnes has been a knight longer than Arthur himself has been. A man very tall, with honey curls and a mature, round look about him. Guinevere mother had been a maid in his father's (now brother's) household, and the two of them grew up together. Or rather, as Gwen often joked, she grew up and he just oversaw everything she did like a protective shadow. Odette has gotten to know many knights▬but never for a good reason. Sir Leon, however, has never said a word in jeering to her▬to anyone. He was kind, and he was loyal, and very noble. Now, he has saved her life. 

    She looked over and was horrified. A scream hitched in the back of her throat. The shadow belonged to a stone monster. A cracked, splintered and evil-looking gargoyle with a muzzle full of sharp teeth and wings that when they moved, littered the ground with rubble and dust. It set its stone eyes onto them and roared▬a screeching sound that made her knees tremble. 

    "My God," breathed Sir Leon, just in as much horror as her. "What in the Devil?"

    It looked oddly familiar. Odette had a horrible thought. She glanced up to where she had heard the creature, and found the podiums either side of the parapet above the castle entrance were empty. They were coated in the same rubble and dust this creature seemed to shed▬as if something had ripped itself from its centre. 

    Realisation hit and she made a terrified gasp. "It▬it is▬" she couldn't even finish what she wanted to say. For more screeches followed. All around, gargoyles from the very foundation of this castle split from their pedestals and dropped down into the citadel square. 

    Odette tried to count them each as they landed. One followed the first directly, landing behind it. Another reared its wings from the parapet opposite. Two more descended from the high turrets. Soon, there was almost ten of them▬but that could not be all. Odette could not count how many gargoyles stood guard on Camelot's walls.

    And now, those that stood guard now turned on them.

    At the sight, Sir Leon guided Odette towards the side entrances into the castle. "Get inside, now▬"

    She spun around and went to argue. "But Gwen▬?"

    "I have got her!" reassured Sir Leon. He drew his blade and charged. "Get inside to safety, now!"

     Odette took a deep breath. She watched him attack the first monster. The swing of his blade deterred it for a moment, but steel was no match for stone. Sir Leon would be fighting a losing battle. She noticed guards join him▬the warning bell had sounded. Screams pierced Odette's ears, and instead of running inside, she found enough courage to race back into the square towards a young serving boy who was trying to get water from the well. One monster had landed close to him, and he was too scared to move. Odette grabbed his arm and dragged him back to the doors at a sprint. She ushered him inside and quickly followed.

     Cornelius Sigan had begun his long-awaited revenge on Camelot. 

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    THE THRONE ROOM had turned into an infirmary. It was the only room close enough and large enough to house so many wounded▬more than Odette has ever seen. Already, they lined the walls in aisles; men, woman and children. Lords, peasants and ladies; knights and servants▬no matter their status, they had fallen prey to the monsters wreaking havoc outside. And more were coming. Every time Odette glanced over, she would see groups of people enter, some carrying bodies that did not even move▬crying out and sobbing for help. There was no way that Gaius could look after so many people▬and so those who weren't harmed or fighting helped him. Odette rushed to and fro, carrying water and fresh bandages. She saw Guinevere clean a wound near the corner. Ronyn brought in another, laying him down on the clothed table as he screamed, seeing the deep, horrific gash on his leg. Adelynn was with him in mere seconds, placing pressure on the wound as he held him down, calling for Gaius's help. 

     Odette stopped by a woman whose entire sleeve was stained with dry blood. She breathed heavily, rushing to take over from the young serving girl who had been doing her best to slow the bleeding down until Odette returned to clean it. 

     "It is okay," she rushed out to the woman who was still crying▬absolutely terrified at each shout and scream from outside. "You are all right. You are safe."

     The monsters screeched and shrieked outside; the building around them trembled each time they slammed into the stone walls. Debris would fall like rainfall of dust. The Knights of Camelot were battling the creatures, but they were having no luck. Already, Odette had heard the Lower Town had been taken. People were fleeing the city, dead bodies littered the streets▬nothing sounded good. 

     Odette heard a familiar shout in the night. She faltered in tying the bandage to glance out through the windows. She didn't see him, but she heard Arthur's voice▬shouting for his men to regroup. Her heart was in her throat, but each time she heard his voice, or didn't see him in the next group of wounded that arrived, there was also relief.

     As Gaius made his way to the screaming man, Ronyn let go and started back towards the entrance. "I will search for more survivors▬" he announced. 

    He took off at a run, but before he could leave, he locked the stare of Guinevere who watched him go▬pale and worried. Ronyn hesitated. With no one looking, he subtly gestured to her and then tapped his chest▬near his heart: a promise to her that he will be careful, for her.

    As he left, Gwen took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She forced herself to keep her mind focused▬she couldn't worry about Ronyn, not right now. 

     The castle shuddered once more. Odette saw the walls splinter and crack▬like lightning had struck across them. They did not crumble, but it did not help the growing fear inside the room. It did not help the fear she held, too. 

    She finished bandaging the woman's arm and passed her back off to the young kitchen servant. "Stay with her," advised Odette and she nodded. She grabbed her bucket and bandages and moved onto the next. 

    From the corridor, in rushed the Lady Morgana, directing the guards that brought in a fallen knight from the courtyard. They placed him on an empty table and Gaius stared, shocked. "You should not be doing this," he chided the King's Ward as she threw the quick braid she had done over her shoulder and hovered, kind, over the wounded knight. 

    "It is exactly what I should be doing," she argued. 

    "You need rest, Morgana!"

    Morgana scoffed. "Yes," she grumbled, "and I am likely to get any rest with all this going on."

    Odette frowned▬noticing the next group that entered the infirmary. She counted at least two Knights among the dazed and wounded peasants. She glanced out at the darkness through the windows once again, her ears searching for his voice. All she heard were distant screams and monstrous cries. 

    Odette passed on the bandages to a passing servant who was looking for some. He frowned at her but she didn't listen to his questions as she started to make her way towards the throne room doors. Odette slipped in and out of servants, noble ladies and their children who were old enough to help. She checked each man with a red cloak, her heart started to pound. Odette didn't see him, but it didn't bring her the same relief. 

    She made it to the doors just as Ronyn returned once again, this time carrying a dazed child. A woman had ran forward with breathless cries, taking the child right out of his arms and blessing him with tearful gratitude. She took her daughter away, kissing and hugging her very tight. 

    "Ronyn!" gasped Odette as she reached him, taking his arm and not caring for anybody who may glance over▬none of them were to notice, not at a time like this. "Those Knights▬the ones that just came in▬were they...?"

    "It is Hell out there, Odette," Ronyn replied, breathless. He had a cut on his cheek that he was yet to clean. "Those Knights were fighting just out in the square▬their weapons were useless."

    Odette's breath hitched▬as did her heart; squeeze so painfully she nearly staggered. "Ronyn▬Arthur is in the square▬?"

    "▬I did not see him▬" he stressed to her, noticing the frantic look she held. "He has not been brought in▬that must mean he is okay▬" Odette  shook her head. She shuffled around him. He quickly realised. "Wait▬Odette▬no▬!"

    He groped for her arm to stop her, but Odette was fast. She stumbled into a desperate run and his fingers closed around thin air. "Odette!"

    The young handmaiden sprinted for the nearest servants' exit. Skirts in her hands, she did not think on what she would do once she got outside▬not at all. She had no weapons and no means to defend herself, she just had to make sure that Arthur was all right.

    These past months of avoiding him▬of not speaking and trying to move on, Odette quickly realised that they had not done her any good. Instead of forgetting about it, the distance between them only seemed to make her ache for him more. What she had felt did not dwindle▬did not get snuffed out like a flame the second she pulled herself away. Instead, it only grew and grew. 

    The servant of these castle hallways could never forget it's Prince. They were connected by the corridors they ran as children, the tapestries they hid behind and the sunlight that had stepped down onto this world long enough to tie them together. Whether Odette will come to admit it, or not.

    Either way, Odette knew she could not watch him die. 

    She pushed the door open and burst out into the moonlight. Odette heaved a long breath, gazing out into the Square that was nothing if not a bloodbath. Dead bodies were scattered, the gargoyles passed them over with no care in the world▬they were merely checking to make sure there were none that survived. 

    Odette glanced upwards. They swooped and they dived; they circled their graveyard, blocking out the moon and casting them in complete darkness.

    She set her jaw and gripped her skirts. Courageous, she stepped out onto the battlefield. Odette ran▬she sprinted▬in search for the Prince. It didn't take her very long to find his armour and blonde hair▬dirty with grime and blood. He struggled on the ground▬the only body in the square that moved. He grasped his blade blindly, trying to heave it upwards as one of the monsters swooped to finish off the job.

    Odette didn't stop. She pushed her legs to run faster and when she was close enough, crouched down and grabbed him by the straps of his armour. With all of her effort, she dragged him away▬she fell back and hit the stone, too, watching as the creature's talons scraped the cobble instead of the Prince's chest. It took to the air again, shrieking in fury. 

    Arthur glanced over. He rushed up onto the palms of his hands, dazed and in shock as he met her flushed stare▬realising that Odette had just saved his life. 

    He frowned, he shook his head▬the fall had knocked him around; he couldn't quite seem to comprehend that it was her. Odette crawled her way back towards him, her hand finding his armoured shoulder▬and the touch ignited enough in him to come to his senses. 

    "Odette▬" croaked Arthur, staggering to his feet with her help. "What▬what are you doing out here▬?" he winched when he breathed. His free hand flew up where blood had begun to seep through his chainmail at the side of his ribcage. 

    Odette immediately hovered around it, breathing so heavily she could not find any words to speak. Eventually, she managed to say: "You are hurt..."

    "I am fine," Arthur told her and she helped him stay on his feet. His intense blue stare met her own once again, and even though they stood here, completely exposed, both of them were still as they realised that this was the first time they had been so close to each other in months. 

    The Prince held his breath, suddenly at loss on what to say. He felt as though he was staring at a stranger, even though he has known her for most of his life. She clung onto him, just as transfixed. "That ..." he blinked, but their gaze did not break. "That thing could have killed you..."

    Odette noticed something behind him. Her eyes widened. She gasped. "And it still might▬!" 

    She pushed him forward. Both of them toppled back onto the ground and Odette hid her head against Arthur's chest as she felt the change in air▬the creature's claws just brushed overhead.

    Odette heard Arthur groan with pain▬the landing had not been a soft one. She glanced up at the sound and hunched up, startled to see him beneath her. The handmaiden went bright red. 

    "I▬er▬" Odette did not move off him, finding herself far too embarrassed to even think that was an option. "I▬" She just stared down at him as he clenched his eyes, in too much pain to notice. "I▬I am so sorry▬I▬are you okay, Sire?"

    Arthur's eyes fluttered open. He frowned at her▬almost as if wondering how they ended up like this. She flushed brighter red when his gaze dropped downwards before quickly looking away. "No, my pleasure..."

    Odette pushed herself up slightly at that, startled. Arthur realised and it was his turn to be flustered. "I▬er▬I mean▬"  

    "We should go inside," the handmaiden quickly cut him off, refusing to think about it.

    Arthur nodded. "Yes▬Yes! Inside."

    She pulled herself off of him and helped him onto his feet. Together, they stumbled out of the courtyard and into the safety of the castle. 

    The infirmary was even more crowded when Odette returned. She took a deep breath as they passed a body covered underneath a bloody sheet. She forced herself to look away from it, gently guiding Arthur to a corner table▬one of the only few that were still empty. 

    He grimaced as he sat down on it, leaning back and trying very hard not to wince▬but she heard his muffled grunt of pain behind his clenched jaw. Odette didn't say anything, leaning over to check. Arthur watched her and he was unable to look away. 

    Gentle, the young handmaiden pulled away pieces of his chainmail and tunic. Her brows knitted together. She pursed her lips to see the scratch the monster's talon had made to his chest. Odette briefly met his gaze and bit back her concern. 

    She took a quick breath and murmured. "You will live." Odette managed a weary smile. 

    Arthur breathed a pained chuckle, rolling his eyes at her comment. "Will I, now?"

    Odette flashed him a quick, amused glance before grabbing the clean bandages folded to the side▬ready to be used. She could feel his eyes follow her, locked and unwavering; and it made her cheeks burn and her heart pound. 

     Arthur held her lift up his chainmail and tunic, revealing his bruised chest beneath. Odette ignored how his fingers brushed hers without realising▬he quickly pulled them away as soon as they did, very aware of how her own fingers dropped back down and grazed his chest; featherlight and delicate. They both seemed to not breathe, unsure on what to do or say to each other. Odette cleaned his wound in silence. 

    Until, at last, as she moved to press the bandage down on the scratch, Arthur murmured: "Odette..."

    Her amber gaze lifted. 

    At first, he did not continue. Then he said: "I just ... I just wish to say ..." his words left him. Arthur watched her, gentle and dazed▬almost like the way he had when he recovered from the Questing Beast's bite. She blushed.

    "Yes...?" she prompted him. 

    Arthur swallowed. "Just ... er ... You always surprise me, that is."

    Odette blinked, not expecting him to say that. She shuffled on her feet, very aware of how many people were around them. Even if none may notice, she started to notice how they might. "Is ... is that all, My Lord?"

    The Prince frowned at the title. This sad understanding weighed down in his gaze and he nodded. "Yes," he said. "That is all."

    She frowned at him for a moment longer before returning to his wound. She went to wrap a bandage around his chest when he spoke up once again: "Oh!" Odette met his gaze quickly. "Oh, and ... And▬uh ..." she waited for him to finish, patient. "Thank you. You ... you saved my life."

    The handmaiden went rosy at her cheeks and she looked back down, a smile tugging at her lips. "I did not wish to see you harmed," murmured Odette, shy. "As any subject would, Sire."

    "Odette..."

    She hummed, attentive. "Yes?" she whispered. At his silence that followed, she added: "Is there anything else you wish to say?"

    Arthur hung his gaze, hooded and lost▬only focused on her as if they were the only two people in this room. Odette wished they were. "Do you wish to hear it?" he replied, and she was confused for a moment. 

    Then, she understood. Odette's brows knitted together and she looked away. "Is it wise that I should?"

    Arthur finally seemed to notice where they were. He glanced around at the many people around them▬his eyes found his father enter from the far side of the room, searching for his son. The Prince's shoulders fell and he met Odette's gaze again▬and he realised that this will be the last time they would speak for a while, once again. 

    Saddened, he accepted this with a set of his jaw. He shook his head. "No," he replied in the same whisper. "You are right, it is not."

    Odette didn't argue. Sometimes, Arthur wished she would. Instead, she finished tying the bandage and stepped back. Polite and courteous, the servant bowed her head to her Prince. "My Lord."

     She turned and walked away. The Prince watched her go, feeling that ache return to his chest the moment she was gone. 

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    a/n: not finishing the rest of this episode cos ... well I said so? jk I'm not lazy odette just isn't in the ending of this one.

     lol I know what you are all looking forward to (the next episode, cos so am i).

     besides we reached the 10 000 mark guys, we're ending it here. it's a sweet, angsty ending, which we all love. 

     ugh the angst >>> the medieval angst >>>>

     also I had trouble writing this chapter so if it is bad I'm sorry. but I hope the ardette scene and the merlynn scene make up for it. 

    (also the snippet of gwen and ronyn omg they are so precious. secret relationship trope >>>).

     let me just throw out their tropes for y'all hang on:

     arthur and odette: forbidden romance, prince x servant, sunshine x sunshine protector. 

      gwen and ronyn: secret relationship, enemies to lovers, medieval!traumatised fukboi x medieval!traumatised shy girl, tired parent x tired parent.

     merlin and adelynn: tutor x being tutored, drawn to each other by an invisible string <3, uptown girl x backstreet guy lol (aka lady x servant lol), younger sister x brother's friend, friends to lovers.

     I am unhinged, as we all know. 

     you're gonna meet my fav bedivere soon who deserved to live past a single mention in the show after he died.       

     will say this now all my girls in this book represent a different side of feminism because feminism should be empowering other women and not degrading each other in the name of feminism. 

     odette is the 'ideal' medieval woman. by that I don't mean she doesn't speak her mind, because we know our girl, she does. but she is happy with the idea of marriage, and being a wife and having children. she's happy with being the mother and the caretaker. she gets saved, because she doesn't know how to fight, and that is okay. she is gentle and she is also intelligent. she is the lady who will swoon in the arthurian legends because she is perfect. because a lady who is perfect in honour, nobility and pure intent will swoon at the sight of a knight. and I will take that away from people and make that feminism. because you know what? I would swoon too if I saw lancelot. she is all this, but she is empowering through her hope, her kindness, her will to keep living and the individuality of her mind and dreams. 

    gwen is my girl who rises from the bottom. she is the feminism who sometimes takes on the 'male' role in these times (I won't say when because spoilers but you will see). she is sweet and kind, but also is a blacksmith's daughter who knows how to use the forge, fight and knows what she wants and what she is worth. She puts ronyn in his place, and doesn't need a man, but she still falls for one and that is okay as well. she is wise and she is intelligent and she is independent. she is a caretaker, as well, but because she has had to be - she had no other choice. but she accepts it and thrives. she succeeds in her life because she will see to it.

     adelynn is the feminism that breaks away from society norms. she is placed in a situation that she doesn't feel as though it suits her and dreams for more. she wants to travel and she wants to experience a life outside of her bedroom window. she is the girl who becomes a hero and is powerful but has such beautiful flaws. She does something that you guys will see that embodies her step into freedom, that some people might think is not empowering, but it actually is. because she makes that choice on her own grounds. she doesn't particularly want to marry or have children, which is also okay. 

     because I am such a supporter of women being women, and there never being a 'specific way of feminism' or a 'specific type of woman who can be empowering'. women are women. they are so different. they are the superhero and they are the 'damsel in distress', they are the little mermaid and they are moana. none of them are giving a bad message to little girls because the message is what we give. we are the ones that degrade them and take away their power. but in reality, each and every one of them have minds, and have beauty, and hearts and talent. but most importantly, they all make a choice. their lives they have are from the choices that they make themselves. 

     this is a rant but it's super important to me as a writer for my female protagonists to represent women all over the literature board and still be powerful characters just as themselves, even though a great deal of feminism these days in literature and film would say they are not.