I turned up the volume even harder on my phone and pushed it back into my pocket. I needed to turn off the thoughts in my head. I had to tune it all out.

Running up and down this trail or taking swims after dinner the past few days has been helping me. Sort of. It's nice not to be in the house when I know both of them hate me so damn much.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on my breathing.

Opening up my eyes again, I rounded a corner.

I can't believe the two people I never wanted to lose the most in this lifetime both have so much anger towards me.

I mean, why wouldn't they? I fucked up. I'm a mistake. I'm nothing.

"You became...nothing." He leaned down over me, squishing and rubbing his spit all over my face with the palm of his hand. "You...are...nothing..."

"Shut up! Shut Up! Shut Up!" I yelled, crouching down. His voice is so loud in my head. It's only getting louder. I need it to stop.

I breathed deep heavy breaths and stood back up. Beginning to run again, I wiped my forehead with my arm. I've been running for so long on an empty stomach today.

I've thrown up twice on this run but who the fuck cares? I shouldn't even be here.

Elijah was right. Now that Jude has woken up to how awful of a person I am, they can both move on with their lives.

My stomach suddenly cramped, urging me to stop once again.

"You're a dumb piece of shit that couldn't even do the one thing you were supposed to do"

I shook my head to try and shake out the returning thoughts of him. It's not working. Nothing is working. I crawled over to a nearby tree and sat down to lean my back on the trunk.

I needed to catch my breath.

Why am I even here?

Next thing you know I'm walking over to the doc behind the lakehouse. I'm a little way over so you couldn't see me if you tried. And no one is trying so I'm fine.

Not bothering to take off my gym shorts or my shoes, I walked straight into the water and started swimming. It was evening time at this point and I've been out all day. I bet they just think I've gone home. I bet they think I've finally done what I'm supposed to do and just...disappear.

I closed my eyes and breathed out. The surface growing more distant as I sank deeper.

Finally, peace.

There was no more air left in my lungs and I finally felt better. The burn welcomed me which made me smile.

I opened my eyes to see a beautiful woman, swimming towards me. She was dressed in a long white dress with her blonde beautiful hair cascading around her. She reached out to me and I reached back.

Suddenly, my whole body was torn away. I felt a huge body dragging me up and out of the water.

My lungs hurt so badly. I coughed and coughed as a hand patted and rubbed my back. I spat as much water out as possible but I still felt sick.

It took a few minutes of heavy breathing but I soon felt better. As soon as I came to, I realized I was lying on the dock. I turned around to see a very wet Elijah, coughing and spitting out water. He sat there, his clothes now sticking to his body. He was soaked. His hair matted to his face, dripping like a wet rag.

I couldn't help but smile. He looked cute like that. "What are you doing?" My voice sounded scratchy.

"Me? Saving your life, you dummy." He nudged my shoulder. I was too weak to sit up anymore. I laid back down on the dock, and he lay down beside me.

Looking up at the orange and yellow sky, we both took a moment to catch our breaths.

"Were you wanting to die?" He finally broke the silence.

"No." I thought about it for a moment. "I don't know," I muttered.

He breathed out. "Tobias, please. Please don't ever feel like that's something you can just do."

"Who would care?" I tried to keep my voice from shaking but it was no use.

"People we all went to school with. People around town. Your friends from running group." He joked.

He sat up, leaning down over me so I could see his eyes. "You'd break Dad's heart...You'd break mine." He swallowed.

A tear slipped from my eyes. I looked back to the sky. "I thought you both hated me." I breathed.

He laid back down beside me. This time, his leg lightly touched mine.

"I say that but...I don't know if I actually do. I think if I didn't hate you so much, what I truly felt for you would consume me." His words slipped out.

I twisted my head to look at him. He was looking up at the sky too, clearly too nervous to look at me.

I closed my eyes and thought about that for a moment. For some reason, I understood exactly what he meant.

"And Dad doesn't hate you either. I think he just loves you so much that he forgot you were human." Elijah smiled. "Dad's taking a shower right now. I'm going to do whatever I can to fix this." He continued.

"Elijah...don't. It was my fault–"

"No. It wasn't." He cut in. "It's not your fault. I was mad at you because I missed you and that whole night was embarrassing to have you witness. Sure, you could've stuck up for me but they would've done it anyway. You didn't force them to do what they did. Those boys just sucked. People suck."

I closed my eyes. I needed to hear that so much more than I had thought.

"They really did suck." I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes.

"That time in our lives is over now. This is a new chapter. Now all we can do is grow from it and move on. I'm sorry I didn't think about that sooner." He grabbed my arm, lowering it back down. This time his hand lingered in mine.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered.

I felt my stomach bottom up. "Yeah," I answered.

"Then everything is going to be okay. I promise." He smiled.

☀️☀️☀️

"I've got a plan," Elijah said, dipping his finger in the pasta sauce that I've been working on for the past few hours and sucking off the tip.

"Oh do you, now?" I asked. I watched as Elijah went to dip again with his finger but this time, I caught his hand before it reached his mouth. "Hey! Whatever happened to you being scared of double dipping?"

He smiled, pulling his hand closer to his mouth. "It's okay only if I do it." He said struggling to lick his finger. I kept pulling until he was full-on bent over. I couldn't help but laugh at his weird stance.

There was no way he was getting any lower so I caved and let him have it. He looked up at me from behind his eyelashes and slowly licked the tip of his finger.

I bit my lip and dropped my hand from his to go back to stirring. "Okay, tell me about this plan."

Elijah cleared his throat before returning to standing beside me to watch me stir.

"Well, Dad's been pretty mopey lately not only because of...well, you."

"I'm following" I rolled my eyes. "Also, you told me you were going to grate the cheese. The pasta is done." I said, grabbing the bowl and cheese grater and putting it in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah yeah." He waved me off but did as I told him to which made me smile. "Anyways, he's also been upset because of Gwen!"

I arched my eyebrow. "Now you lost me."

"How can Dad be in a bad mood if Gwen is here? He'd be so happy, especially if you go and get her!" He poked at my side.

"Hey! Cheese!" I pointed. We both laughed as we continued our duties. "Okay, so what you're saying is I should go, convince Gwen to come and he'll be happy with me?"

Elijah nodded his head smiling. "Now you're getting it!"

"And what will you be doing?" I asked.

"I'll go with you." He shrugged, giving me one of his charming smiles. I could eat his smiles for dinner. His adorable dimples sank into his cheeks. Fuck. I swallowed. Focus.

I just remembered - the last time I saw Gwen was when she stormed out of the restaurant with tears.

"I don't know, Elijah. It sounded like they sort of broke up. Would you want your ex-girlfriend to be here?" I walked around him, brought out a few bowls, and dished out some plain pasta into each.

"That's where you're wrong." He said following me. "I called her at her office and she said she misses him and wishes she was here with us."

My eyes widened. "You meddler." I poked at him.

"Hey!" He winced, rubbing the spot where I poked. "I'm just trying to make these people happy."

I smiled. It was actually sort of nice of him. Thoughtful.

"Okay, so, tomorrow is Friday. In the morning, you and I will make some sort of excuse to get out of the house for a while. We'll drive, pick her up, come back here, and have a whole thing."

I nodded my head. "A whole thing?"

"I don't know. A bonfire or something. We'll get the romance juices flowing." He said twirling his fingers.

I made a grossed-out face. "Romance juices?"

He rolled his eyes, running his hand down his face. "I can't stand you." He groaned.

I laughed, grabbing the pot of pasta off the stove and dishing some sauce out onto each pasta bowl.

"But yet, you love me." I laughed. Dammit, why'd I say that? Way to ruin the mood. We were doing so well.

"Yeah..." He began. I looked at him in shock. Did he just agree with me? "What should our excuse be?" He quickly continued.

"Our what?"

"Our excuse. We need an excuse to get out of the house for a few hours."

"Dammit. Right." I thought about this while bringing the bowls to the table. "We could be grabbing some marshmallows in town to make smores?"

Elijah's shoulders dropped and he gave me a bored face. "Six hours for some marshmallows? Come on, you've got to have something better than that."

"Well, let's hear your excuse."

He opened his mouth but before he answered, Jude walked into the kitchen.

Elijah and I both watched as Jude walked in, grabbed his bowl of pasta, and walked out of the room.

I stood there amazed that he could be so distant. How could he be so warm one day and so cold the next?

I dropped my head.

"Hey." Elijah nudged me. "Don't worry. We'll fix this." He smiled.

We both sat down at the table and began eating our dinner.

☀️

Authors Note:

Our poor baby Tobias is so sad :(

I'm happy Elijah has changed his tuned and is willing to help! I'm liking these partners in crime haha

Serious Note though, depression and anxiety are very very real and many people struggle with this (including myself) daily. If you or someone you know is struggling with these types of thoughts, PLEASE reach out to someone you trust. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NEEDED TO BE HERE AND YOU ARE LOVED. Don't ever forget that. PLEASE. ❤️