Jude ordered us Chinese food to the cottage which was nice so none of us had to cook. Although, we all ate it in silence which wasn't so good.

Why did everything have to become such a mess?

"So, Dad. How about we go in the canoe tomorrow? I know how much you enjoy that." Elijah smiled while popping a piece of orange chicken in his mouth.

"No, I think I'm going to go into town to pick up some stuff." Dad mumbled.

He didn't have anything to pick up. We had picked up everything we needed before we got here.

I stabbed my lemon chicken with my fork and stuffed it in my mouth. I could barely stomach it. This was so uncomfortable and Elijah wasn't helping.

I realize now that I've wanted Elijah to like me so badly for so long and for what? He's been nothing but mean to me, throwing me under the bus every chance he got.

I shook my head. This is pathetic.

I lost two of them over the course of a few hours.

Maybe this was a long time coming. Maybe I should've told Jude what had happened, myself.

"Should we uh-play music or something? This is kind of uncomfortable." Elijah shifted in his seat.

Jude sighed. "I don't care, Elijah. I'm going to eat this outside." He picked up his plate and left the room to step out on the back deck.

"Fuck, he's really mad at you." Elijah sat back in his seat, amazed.

I looked up at him from my plate. "You think this is funny?" I breathed.

"What? No. I just...I've never seen him like this before."

"Yeah, me either. Now, I get to say I've made him disappointed in me just like everyone else in my life. Whoopty-fucking-doo." I bit. I couldn't help it. I'm pissed. I'm pissed this day has gone like this. Everything was so good for so long, I should've known it would all come crashing down.

"Woah, no need to be like that, Tobias. Everyone gets mad sometimes. He'll get over it." Elijah tried to smile but I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable.

"Yeah, what if he doesn't?" I barked. "This is easy for you to say because he's your dad. He doesn't owe me anything. He can stay mad at me forever and everything is perfectly fine for him meanwhile my whole world breaks apart."

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?" Elijah asked.

Suddenly, I stood up from my chair. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't fake like this wasn't just the worst thing that's happened to me in so long.

"No. You just don't get it. You can't see past your own life. You don't realize how big this is for me to have a Dad who actually gives a fuck." I yelled. I looked at the back door seeing Jude sitting out there alone, watching the sunset. It broke my heart. "Had a dad." I muttered.

I looked back at Elijah who looked scared at my outburst. Here I go again ruining more things.

"You haven't lost him, Tobias." Elijah stated quietly.

I looked down at my plate. "Yeah, well...I guess we'll see." I picked it up and walked upstairs to my room.

☀️☀️☀️

I waited around all day for Jude to come back home from running his "errands" in town the following day.

I even woke up early like usual to see if I could catch him on the way out but he must've avoided the hell out of me because one second he was there and the next his truck was gone.

I can't believe he was so upset. But, at the same time, I could. Elijah is his son and that night truly was the worst for him. I mean, I saw the pictures and It looked like there were so many professors there to come and see him. Half of the student body saw his whole body and I can't even imagine how exposed he must've felt.

Did I feel bad for what had happened to him? Of course, I did. I lost all my "friends" that night from slamming Harry's phone. I had stopped talking to them and I got a hell of a beating from my Dad for doing so.

But it hurts so badly that Elijah doesn't even see it. He doesn't even know how low of a point that was for me because he can't see farther than his own arm.

Why do I have such complicated feelings for a guy who is so damn selfish?

Or, am I selfish for even thinking that way?

Ugh! He messes with my head more than it already is.

Deciding to do some laps in the lake, I spent the afternoon in the water. It was calming and at least I could get out of the house and away from Elijah.

I can't understand him and I'm losing my mind over it.

One second, we're playing on the couch and the next second he's yelling at me in the kitchen.

I wouldn't say that we're friends again but I at least thought we were headed in the right direction. Little did I know he was hating me that whole time.

I just can't win.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jude slipping his canoe in the water from the little bit of sandy beach we have off to the side of the doc. He must not have known I was out here and decided to avoid me some more.

I quietly swam over as he pushed and got into the canoe.

Timing it perfectly, I swam up right beside him right before he rounded the bend to head to the middle of the lake.

"Hey!" I called out.

"Oh, Jesus!" He yelped, holding a hand on his heart.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I said apologetically. "Can I–" I nodded to the boat.

"Yeah, sure." He held the boat steady, positioning his weight to level out as I picked myself up and over the edge.

"Thanks" I breathed, flicking my hair back and out of my face.

"Yeah." He muttered, looking away from me, paddling the canoe.

"Here, let me," I said motioning to the oar.

"I got it." He snipped.

I nodded my head, rubbing my hands together in my life. Message received. He's still pissed.

"Jude, look. I'm really sorry for what happened back in high school between Elijah and I. If I had known that was going to happen–"

"You would've what, Tobias? Stood up to them? You and I both know you couldn't have done that." He shook his head.

I looked at him confused and shocked that he was speaking to me this way. After everything? What did he want me to say?

"I guess I'm just upset that...you never told me. That was big, Tobias. Big enough for Elijah to want to leave home, leave town, leave me. And out of all the nights we've spent together, chatting, talking, laughing, driving around town listening to music, you let me sit there and think that you and Elijah weren't on the best of terms because you two just grew apart?"

My heart dropped. He really was upset with me.

"You let me down, Tobias." He shook his head. "I never thought this day would come but I-I'm disappointed in you." He stopped rowing and looked me straight on.

I could feel my lip quiver but I really didn't want to cry. Not right now. Not ever. He already sees me as being weak, just like his son. Just like my Dad.

I looked back over to the water. "What can I do to make it up to you?" I asked.

He began rowing again. "Honestly? I don't know right now, Tobias. I just don't know." He muttered, steering us back to shore.

I looked at him. "So, that's it?"

"That's my son in there, Tobias." He gestured towards the house.

I could feel my heart shatter as if there was any left to break.

I thought I was his son too.

I couldn't take another moment of this. I hopped off the side of the canoe and swam back to the shore myself.

☀️

Authors Note: Poor baby Tobias :( 

What do you think? Do you think Jude is being too hard on him? Do you think Tobias should forgive Elijah for spilling the beans or does Elijah have all the right to have confronted him with what he was feeling? 

PS Would you want to join a Discord to speak about this book, other books, your books, swap fan pictures and all the fun things? I'm DYING to really share so much with you and I'm wondering if that's even something people do on here haha let me know!