I woke up this morning feeling off. Last night ended so weirdly. It's as though there are so many secrets just flying between all of us and I'm always the last one to know.

Always on the outside looking in.

Why wasn't Gwen with us on this vacation?

What happened between Tobias and his Dad?

Why does Tobias send my brain 50000 miles per hour every single day and I'm just supposed to act like it's normal? Why, why why?

I groaned into my pillow. This is excruciating. I'm supposed to be less stressed on vacation, not more.

I checked my phone for the time. 9:08am. I got up, took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day.

The house was suspiciously quiet as I made my way past their bedrooms and down the stairs. Was I the first person up?

I made my way through the living room and out the back doors to step onto the back deck. The air was still crisp from the morning. Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirping. This was definitely my happy place.

I opened my eyes and walked over to the dock to sit and dip my feet in the water.

Laughter and chatter echoed across the water and I looked to see where it was coming from.

Looks like Tobias and Dad were heading in on paddle boards. Whatever they were talking about, it looked like a great conversation.

My jealousy started flaring up. I could feel it. Who I was more jealous of? I'm not quite sure.

I was always Dad's golden boy but somewhere along the way, Tobias has slipped in with his charm and good looks. He's always been the good one.

I rolled my eyes and looked down at my feet.

I was his friend first. I brought him into the house and here Dad is buddy buddy with him.

They got closer to the shore and I decided to head in to start making breakfast.

Hope they're okay with French toast and bacon.

☀️☀️☀️

"Hey, son!" Dad sang, coming into the house. "Man, the water is so beautiful in the morning. You should come out there afterward." He said coming over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and pat on the back. "I'm going to go shower first before breakfast. That smells great." He smiled before running up the stairs.

"Morning." I huffed after him. Flipping the bacon over, I let it sizzle for a couple of minutes before dropping it on the plate next to me.

I turned to look over my shoulder. Tobias was standing there, no shirt on, gulping a tall glass of water.

"Do you ever have a shirt on?" I snipped.

He laughed, which almost made him choke up his water. "Only every day." He said wiping his mouth off.

"Yeah, well I feel like you're always either wet or topless or both," I said, turning off the stove.

"Does that make you mad? Or Horny? Or both?" He teased, dropping the glass off in the sink.

I swallowed deeply. Was it that obvious that it was all of the above?

Fuck. I'm going to get stress hives.

He looked as though he was analyzing my facial expression. "I'm joking." He finally said, cutting through the awkward silence.

"I know." I rolled my eyes.

"You do? Because I wasn't sure. You didn't answer." He smirked.

"I can't stand you. You know that?" I shook my head, picking up the plates of french toast and bacon and nudging him out of my way so that I could drop it off on the table.

"You don't let me forget it. Why? I still don't know." Tobias groaned before picking up a piece of bacon and biting a chunk off.

"Oh come on. You always act like you have absolutely no clue and it infuriates me. How could you be so damn dense? Do you need me to spell it out for you?" I stepped up to him.

He clenched his jaw. "If it'd make you feel better. If letting it out will finally let you get over it. Maybe, just maybe, we can move on and act normal for once."

"Well, we can't act normal, Tobias. I don't want to. I'd rather hate you for everything because if I don't..." I bit my tongue. I already said too much.

"What? No. Say it. Let it out. Let's do this." Tobias said dropping his piece of bacon back on the plate. "What'd I do to you that was so terribly bad you just can't ever forgive me?"

"You were there, Tobias!" I blurted out. "I could've gotten over everything else. But you just had to be there on the worst night of my life." I could feel the pressure build-up behind my eyes. He was silent. "I could get over all the name calling and beatings your so-called "friends" terrorized me with all through high school but I can't get over the fact that you knew that they were going to expose me like that the night of the art show and you didn't do anything beforehand. You knew and didn't stop them." A betraying tear fell down my cheek.

"You were supposed to be my friend, Tobias. My brother." I wiped the tears from my cheek with the back of my hand. "My Dad may see you as a bright shining star but I see you for what you truly are. Weak."

"Elijah." Dad's voice cut in. I turned to see my father standing there at the edge of the kitchen. Hurt, confused, and devastated. "Is that true, Tobias? Did you know?"

"I-I-" Tobias stuttered looking back and forth between us both. "Elijah, you're right and I am so...so sorry." He sniffed back some tears. "I should've spoken up. I should've stopped them." He bowed his head down and I watched as tears fell from his eyes onto the kitchen floor.

I didn't mean for Dad to overhear that but now it's all out in the open. I'm not crazy for being angry. Right?...Right?

"Jude, please–" Tobias reached out his hand, but Dad stepped back.

"I think I...I need to take a walk." Jude turned to walk out the door and with that, I felt a wave of regret.

"You know...you go on and on about me getting my own life. Which is fair. Maybe I need one of my own. But so do you, Elijah. So do you."

☀️☀️☀️

The next few days have been awkward, to say the least.

The air in the lake house has shifted and I can't help but feel like it's all my fault.

Okay, it is all my fault. I admit it. That was a private conversation that should've happened between Tobias and me years ago.

I didn't mean for it to come between Dad and him. Truthfully, their relationship is sort of...heartwarming. My Dad is a brilliant dad that has so much love in him to share and I was selfish in that.

I laid down on the dock, looking up at the evening sky. Tobias was running laps through the trails around the house apparently while Dad was taking a nap upstairs. We were all so... separated.

And it's all my fault.

Dad hasn't really talked to Tobias in the same way since the truth came out. Other than asking him to do certain things around the house, I can tell that the truth has made him see Tobias in a new light.

I thought this feeling would feel good but it has only made me feel awful.

I've been so consumed with my confusing feelings about Tobias for what has felt like forever that it's all just come out wrong.

I rubbed my hand down my face and groaned. I really fucked up this time. I don't want Dad to lose his relationship with Tobias. And I don't want Tobias to lose what he had with my Dad either. As much as I hate how close they've become, I see the beauty in it too.

Tobias has such a shit Dad, no wonder he finds so much comfort in mine.

Sitting up on the dock, I looked back at the house. This lakehouse is full of so many great memories and my dumbass brought all of my old shit here to taint that.

Sighing, I realized I had to do something.

We could really have a fun time together here this summer if I just got my shit together.

I have a whole month with both of them here which gives me plenty of time. 

☀️

Author's Note:

Jeeez, Elijah :( I know he needed to say it but DAMMIT.