Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

What just happened? Holy shit!

I practically ran back to my room which was hard to do in these pants since Tobias is definitely bigger in the waist size than me.

Fuck, he's bigger everywhere.

Fuck! I shouldn't know that!

My heart was beating outside of my chest by the time I entered my room.

"Eli! I was wondering where you were." Katelyn hopped off my bed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Mmm, you smell good. Is that new cologne?" She asked looking at my dresser.

No, that's the scent of the hot and sexy, Tobias Voss.

I unwrapped her arms from around me and sat on the bed.

"We should go. Like, now." I breathed. She looked at me confused.

"We're supposed to leave tomorrow morning." She tilted her head.

"I know but I want to go now. I'm done with this little home visit and I want to go." I hurried.

"Jeez. Okay, that's fine." She held up her hand in surrender. "Did something happen?" She asked, beginning to pack away her things in her suitcase.

My stomach dropped. I guess I just cheated on her and she didn't deserve that.

Maybe Tobias was right. Maybe I'm not a nice person.

I clenched my teeth. I hate that his words are getting into my brain. He's always getting so deep into my brain!

He thinks he knows me, he doesn't. I'll prove him wrong.

Then why am I running away?

I breathed out.

"I-um...I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Did I do something wrong?" She shook her head. My heart hurt.

"What? No. No, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I just think...If I'm being honest, I think we're better off as friends. I think I was trying to prove something by having you come with me here and that's not fair to you."

She pursed her lips. "And you waited until now to tell me that?"

I gulped. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm sorry. I should've done it way sooner."

She nodded her head, looking away. "Wow, okay." She bit her lip.

"Are you okay–"

"Let's just fucking go, Elijah." She snapped, throwing in the rest of her clothes.

☀️☀️☀️

"Woah, woah. Where are you going? I still have another night with you. We were going to watch movies and eat ramen in front of the TV." Dad scrunched his eyebrows together, almost chasing me out the door.

"I know, but we just really need to get back," I said, tossing my suitcase in the trunk of my car.

Gwen and Tobias were both standing by the doorframe. I was trying to avert my eyes away from Tobias but the darts he was throwing my way were sort of hard to miss. He was pissed that I was leaving, I could see it all over his face.

"I just don't understand." Dad rushed out to hold me in place. "Is this about Tobias? I heard you two fighting upstairs but thought I'd better just leave you two to sort it out on your own. Is it worse? Did I mess up? Should I have stepped in?" He looked at me so worried.

I dropped my shoulders. This wasn't his fault. It was all mine. "No, Dad. I just...I need some space to think about some things. About myself."

Dad looked like he was scanning my face for a lie. He wasn't going to find one. It was the truth. I needed a breath after this afternoon. Some space to figure out what the hell that all was. What type of person I truly am.

Katelyn shoved past Gwen and Tobias with her suitcase and rounded my car, slamming her suitcase in the back to join mine before slamming the car door behind her.

"Jeez, tell her I said bye," Dad said. "Is that what this is about? Girl problems?"

I gave him a faint smile. "Sorta." My eyes shifted behind him to connect with Tobias.

He was leaning on the doorframe, pick in between his teeth and arms folded across his chest. He looked positively pissed off. "I'll talk to you soon, okay? I'll call you when I reach." I smiled.

"Okay, son. I love you." Dad pulled me in for a kiss on the forehead. I waved behind him to Gwen who gave a sweet smile and a wave back. Tobias grabbed the toothpick from his mouth and turned around to head inside.

I looked down at my feet and then back at my Dad. "I love you too." I smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a hug goodbye.

☀️☀️☀️

Back in my dorm room, I was feeling distraught.

For the past few weeks, I've been a total mess in my head. Replaying the last conversation I had with Tobias over and over again.

Was I really that awful back in high school to him?

When I truly think about it, I wasn't the warmest. Truthfully, I just always felt like he turned his back on me for "the cool kids" right when we got to high school. As though our friendship never even stood a chance.

I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back on my bed. I don't know what to think. Was our feud one-sided? Did I make up half of this conflict in my mind? No, it can't be.

I looked at my phone. I don't know why it pisses me off that he hasn't messaged me after that one afternoon. It's not like it was supposed to be anything. I don't know why part of me is expecting a message that will never come.

I rolled my eyes and groaned into my pillow.

I still can't believe we did what we did. What even was that?

I need to distract myself somehow. I took out my professional camera and started flipping through the memory. I told Dad I'd edit those videos that I took and get them posted for him so I better get on it.

My eyebrows furrowed. I sat up and kept scrolling through.

I played a video of Tobias talking to a table. They laughed as he smiled, looking at the guests. The lighting was perfect in this one, illuminating his face like candlelight.

Next.

Tobias walked a platter of food out to the dining room. His hair is perfect in this one. Perfectly groomed back with just the right amount of hair in his eyes.

Next.

Tobias clapped his hands, singing Happy Birthday to a table with the other servers. He really has perfect teeth. His smile outshines everything in the room as he laughs and sings.

Ugh! I tossed my camera across the bed, rolling onto my stomach.

This is impossible. I am clearly obsessed with the man. And I had the audacity to say what I said about him. I groaned into my pillow.

I looked back at my camera. The screen on it still had a picture of Tobias up on the screen.

This one was a picture. He was looking down at the screen, punching in an order. The view was from below, looking up at him. His blue eyes pierced the view and his jawline looked exquisite.

I picked up the camera and sat it closer to me.

I rolled on to my back and positioned the camera on my chest. From this view, it looked like he was looking down at me. Just like back in the guest bedroom.

I squirmed, remembering how it felt to have him on top of me.

No. This can't be happening.

I looked down at my pants and realized I was impossibly hard. Again.

I breathed out deeply, remembering the way he grinded his hips on mine. I gripped my hard-on and the touch felt amazing.

Just thinking about him being the one to touch me was sending me on a frenzy.

"Fuck." I breathed.

Shit. He had said. I remember his sweet smooth voice and his warm breath panting over me.

And just like that, I was coming inside my pants. Again. 

☀️

Authors Note:

There's no more denying it, Elijah. You've got a raging hot big boner for your boy Tobias -- HA! 

But honestly, I'd have a crush on Tobias too if we're being real. I'd have a crush on them BOTH if I'm being honest. Stick me in the middle like the movie Challengers and I'll be happy, you know what I mean?