THE MOMENT MY FOOT slips from the cliff's edge, I know that I'm going to die.

Jagged rocks pierce my skin. My shriek penetrates the sound of crashing waves in the air. The surface of the water slams into my body like concrete and reverberates through my muscles, and I plunge below until everything is silent. It's a deep, indigo blue, like the depths of space, but a silver light ripples above and shines like glass. My hand extends up, reaching, reaching, reaching...

Clusters of bubbles fizz and swallow my whole body. It's so quiet. Peaceful, almost.

My heart restarts.

I kick and flail, but the light shrivels away. Water seeps into my mouth and tastes like seaweed and raw fish. The weight is tremendous, like I'm trapped under layers of sand, like I can't even swim. The current drags me deeper. Fingers grip my ankles.

It's over.

I'm going to die.

Bubbles flow to the moonlight and become faint, weak.

Everything goes black.

I wake up in the backseat of my parents' minivan.

* * *

Caldwell Beach is exactly how I remember it. I haven't felt this since the day I left—the afternoon sun beating on my bare shoulders, the hot air from the land blending with the cold breeze from the Labrador Sea. Layers of houses descend the cliffs like crooked teeth, all box-like and brightly coloured. Some buildings are flaming orange, some a cool blue, others a royal purple.

Really, it reminds me of a colouring book scribbled on by a kid who can't stay in the lines.

"Liv!" Before I have the chance to blink, Keely's body slams into mine. She wraps her thin arms around my neck, and with a laugh, I breathe in the scent of coconut on her curly black hair. We hold hands and jump up and down.

"Holy shit," I say, unable to stop smiling, "I can't believe we haven't seen each other in over a year."

"I know, I've been dying. What the hell? Your hair's so freaking long!"

"Says you." When I realize that I'm looking up at Keely, my jaw nearly drops. "How tall are you?"

She grins. "Five-foot-eight."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." Keely glows, like she has the sun's glitter speckled on her dark cheeks. "I randomly hit a growth spurt this year, and now I'm one of the tallest girls at school."

"Wow, jealous."

Mom and Dad talk to Keely's parents, Sun and Roger, beside Dad's pine-green minivan with the lame stencil of trees on the side. How screwed up is it that I'm going to miss it? Mom and Dad wear tight, terrified expressions, as if they're shipping me off to another country or something. It's just for the summer, and I can tell by Sun and Roger's comforting smiles that they're trying their best to ease my parents' worries. If there's any family Mom and Dad can trust me to, it's the Myers.

"Okay, guys." I walk up to them. "You can go now."

"You can't get rid of us that easy," Dad says. I roll my eyes as he pulls me into a hug.

"Dad, okay. Stop."

"Be safe, princess."

I cringe. You'd think with Vans tied to my feet and a pair of ripped capris on, Dad would stop calling me princess, but nope.

Mom pulls me away, worry woven into her brows. Her dyed red hair is a blinding flame in the sunlight. "Are you sure you want to do this? I know we drove all the way here, but it's not—"

"Mom. I'll be fine. I'll be with Keely the entire time."

"All right, but for the love of God, no swimming."

"You're talking to the girl who won't even step foot in a hot tub."

Mom's anxiety doesn't fade. I sigh.

"Come on, Mom. I'm not a little kid. I can handle this."

But I'm not a hundred percent sure I can. When I glance over the horizon at that blazing red lighthouse, my heart sinks and my blood goes cold.

It's because of the cliff's unique shape that so many people have drowned out there. There's a semicircle carved out of the rocks by the lighthouse, and when the waves are heavy, they swirl and collide to create a vortex. Like a toilet bowl, I guess.

I know what it feels like to be swallowed by it.

Mom grabs my hand and gives me a warm smile. "You're right. You can do this. And I trust you and Keely to stay safe."

"Obviously." Hopefully.

My parents get into the van and drive off. The Myers and I watch them disappear, waving the whole time. My parents are gone—this is really happening. Anxiety curdles in my stomach and leaves a stale taste on my tongue.

For a fleeting moment, I wonder if I've made a terrible mistake. But when Keely gives me a smile, all teeth, my worries disintegrate. I'm okay here. I'd said it myself—if there's anyone I'm safe with, it's the Myers.

Sun and Roger drive us downtown, and every street brings back memories. The bright green grass, the famous fish and chips shop with its pirate ship theme. Caldwell Beach is a fisherman's town with a steady population of five-thousand, not much of a tourist attraction, which was always good for us locals. Yet here I am, feeling like kind of a tourist myself.

They drop us off at Main, tell us to stay safe, and set us into the wild. Keely and I land right in Coffee Cabin. The bittersweet smell of espresso roasts in the air, and the comfortable palette of browns and oranges haven't changed a bit.

"A party, Keel?"

"Yep, down at the docks." Keely dips her straw in the whipped cream on her iced cappuccino and pops it in her mouth. "You're in, right?"

"I mean, yeah, I guess."

It'll be easier to reconnect with everyone with booze to help chill me out, but I'd figured that Keely and I would spend our first night just us, watching movies like we did last summer when she'd visited me in Toronto. I don't know, I feel like I need a minute to catch my breath before diving right back into Caldwell's social scene. Spiders crawl under my skin just sitting in this café, waiting for Miles to show up.

I fidget with the green and pink string bracelet around my wrist. Keely has a matching one, only hers is yellow and purple. Sunlight pours through the windows and lights her irises up like caramels.

"Nervous to see Miles?" she asks wickedly.

My face gets hot. "No."

"Yes you are. I can see it. Still think you two are gonna get married?"

"Oh my God, Keely." I hold my head down. "Stop. Please don't say anything like that to him, please."

"Oh, chill out. You know I'm not that much of a bitch."

I raise my eyes and give her the look, just as the door to the café dings, and a tall guy in a blue t-shirt and tan shorts walks in. Holy shit—Miles.

We've talked a bit on Facebook over the years, but Miles and I didn't stay close like Keely and I did. We've never even Facetimed, so when he walks up to the table, I don't know what to expect. But my heart pounds and thuds like an erratic set of drums.

"Olivia?" Miles' eyebrows draw together.

I stand. "Miles! You're so—" Cute, hot, adorable, gorgeous. Holy shit. "You're so... different," I say.

His dimples pronounce when he smiles, all boyishly handsome. Sandy blond waves rest atop his head and his pale skin is kissed red from the sun. It's so weird look at him like this, because he's still the same Miles I was best friends with as a kid—but now he's all grown up. Broad shoulders, a deep voice, a sharp jaw...

I hadn't prepared for him to be this attractive in person. I take a sip of my iced cap and sit back down, hoping to cool my scorching cheeks. Keely scooches over in the booth so Miles can sit across from me. My face feels like rubber from smiling so much.

"How's your mom?" I ask. "And Faye? And West?"

Miles stiffens up at West's name. It's weird to say it out loud—I haven't spoken about West in ages, not even to Keely. Because after I'd moved away from Caldwell Beach, I'd added everyone on Facebook a few years later. Everyone had accepted my request—everyone except for Miles' older brother, who at one time, was my friend, too.

Everyone except for West.

I always imagine him sitting at his computer, getting a friend request from Olivia Catheart on Facebook and clicking ignore. I imagine what he was thinking, all the reasons he could've had to say no. And God, it stings. It really, really stings. Because I have no idea why Weston Hendricks wanted so little to do with me that he couldn't even add me as a friend on something as trivial as Facebook.

"Everyone's fine," Miles says. "Faye's gotten great at ballet. West is, uh..."

Miles and Keely exchange a glance.

"My parents kinda disowned West." Miles' smile is plastic. "Not sure what else he's up to, haven't spoken to him in months. But I'm sure he'll say hi if you see him."

How can Miles be so casual about not talking to his own brother? And disowned? What did West do? He was always a rough kid, but...

Outside the windows, the sun blares over downtown. At Caldwell Auto Body across the street, a guy with dark hair wipes his blackened hands off with a rag. I don't recognize him at all.

* * *

Miles, Keely and I spend the entire afternoon together. We go shopping downtown, and I'm not shocked to discover that most of the stores are exactly the same. Caldwell Beach isn't the type of place you come to innovate with new malls and chain restaurants—locals build lives and support each other here. Rope fences line the sidewalks to give off a rustic beach charm, and the smell of sulfur lingers in the air from the sea.

The nostalgia is like a swelling tide, but the higher the water grows, the tougher it becomes to swim. Every time I gaze out at that body of water, I taste what it feels like to be submerged in it. Seaweed. Raw fish. I haven't had sushi in eight years.

The sun sets as we eat fries at a picnic table in the park. The sky washes from cerulean to grapefruit pink, to blood orange, to faded denim. The light disappears. The stars come out. The sea is black and menacing in the darkness of the night.

"Do you remember that dumb game we played as kids?" Miles asks. We walk down the street under a distant half-moon, and the sky is murky and green with clouds that remind me of sea urchins. Keely passes me the mickey of Smirnoff. I take a quick swig and shudder at the burn, then pass it to Miles.

"You mean pirates and mermaids?" I snicker.

Miles laughs. "Yeah, and West was always the pirate king, and you were always the mermaid, and I was... I don't even know what I was."

I slap his arm. "How can you not remember? That game was the most important thing in our lives! Also, you were the prince who got captured by the pirate king, and I was the mermaid warrior who got to save you."

"Oh, really? That's how it went?"

"Wow, you guys are cringey as fuck," Keely mutters.

"Shut up," I say, laughing. "We were like, six."

We reach the shoreline, and my heart clenches. Docks extend over the water and sails point into the sky, flapping with the wind.

"Where's this party?" I take another uneasy sip of vodka.

"Just that boat up there," Keely says.

I swallow. "A boat?"

"Yeah. Is that okay? I told you the party was at the docks..."

She's right. I should've clued in that we'd be going on a boat.

"I think I'll be okay, as long as it's stationary," I say.

"Don't worry," Miles says, "it won't go anywhere."

I might be a little worried.

The houseboat is docked right at the bottom of the cliff. Bass thumps from the speakers inside, and silhouettes dance behind the white curtains.

I don't know what to expect, if people will make a big deal out of me being back, if they'll even care. We go inside, leaving the dark, humid night for the cramped, hot inside of the boat. It's packed in here—bodies bump into bodies, guys shotgun beers, the whole structure sways. It smells like aftershave and soap.

There's a lot of old money in Caldwell. The Hendricks are one of the major families, but this boat belongs to the Bonnets—I know because Carter Bonnet's fake-tanned face hangs on half the pictures on the mahogany walls, mostly on golf courses in pale-green polos. Apparently this is his "bachelor pad", as some drunk girl calls it.

My chest tightens, so I drink again. The way the boat rocks and sloshes makes my head woozy, but it's kind of magic how alcohol can rinse your fears away. I don't want anyone to see that I'm anxious, so I drink more, and more, and more, until I don't even know what anxiety is.

Maggie Freeman is the first one to recognize me. We take "catch up" shots, before she stumbles down the hall and leaves me alone in the kitchen. Some people I recognize, others I don't. Miles and Keely are gone—I don't know where they went, but in a way, I feel like I'm drowning, even though I'm pretty sure I can still breathe.

Maybe fresh air will help. God, it's so sweaty in here. My arm sticks to some other girl's arm as we pass each other. Gross. Where the hell is Keely?

As I try to inch past people in the narrow hallway between the kitchen and the living room, a tall, lanky dude in a bright yellow Spongebob shirt stops me. The red scar on his forehead shines pink under the dim lights.

"Whoa, Olivia Catheart?"

I meet his eyes. "Uh, yeah. Hey."

"It's me, Drake Bowman. Come on, you don't forget me, do you?"

"Oh, Drake! Hey. Of course I remember you." I do, but we were never friends as kids.

"Damn, you got hot," he says.

I run my fingers through my dark brown hair, noting that it's silkier than usual due to my pre-Caldwell trip to the salon. "Thanks," I say, a little uncomfortable under his curious stare, but too drunk to give a shit.

He holds a bottle of Alexander Keith's. "So, you have a boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes. "Really? Already?"

"Okay, okay." He laughs. "Sorry."

I can't help but grin. Maybe Drake's okay. I think his intentions are good, anyway. He cuts out the flirting as we catch up and talk about whatever. We end up standing in a group with some other kids, and maybe it's not so bad on this boat. Something lingers in the air here, and it's more than the smell of beer and sweat.

It's a sense of community. 

My chest gets heavy, tingly, prickly. I should have grown up with everyone on this boat. I should have, but I didn't—I moved to Toronto, where I have some friends, but not the life-long kind. Not friends like Keely and Miles. 

All that time wasted somewhere I didn't belong, just because of my fear of the water...

It's ridiculous.

If I overcome it, will Mom and Dad move back here? If they see that I've grown up—that I'd never make the mistake of getting too close to the edge again—would they think about it? Maybe I could spend senior year here. With my friends, where I belong.

Suddenly, I feel extraordinarily lifted, like for the first time in eight years, I can step close to the water without freaking out. So I wade through the crowd of partying kids and find Keely.

"Keely, come on." I grab onto her arm. "Come on, I want to go outside."

She frowns. "Huh? How come? No, just chill here."

It's only then that I notice Keely is leaning up to Sean Watters, and he's leaning back. Keely narrows her eyes and subtly jerks her head toward Sean.

Oh, I get it.

"Never mind," I say, looking at them both. "I'll be right back."

"Wait." Keely breaks away from Sean. "Where are you going?"

"Just need some fresh air."

"You're not going up to the cliff, are you?"

"Maybe."

Keely's brows stitch. "Liv, wait... maybe that's not a good idea."

"It'll be fine, Keely. I need to get over this, remember? I won't get too close to the edge, I promise."

She bites her lip and glances at Sean, then back to me. "I'll come with you."

"No, don't. Seriously, I'll be fine. I'm not a dumb little kid anymore."

She hesitates, biting down on her pink-painted lip. "Fine, but come right back, okay? If you're not back in ten minutes, I'm sending out a search party."

"Okay, Mom."

I stumble off the houseboat, my shoes clunking against the dock as I catch my balance with a rickety wooden pole. I can't believe I'm really doing this. Is it true that alcohol can give you superpowers? No—I'm drunk, but I'm not stupid. I won't go anywhere near the cliff. I just want to hear it, see it, face it.

I get halfway up the hill before I stop. The blades of wet grass graze my ankles, and water roars all around me. The lighthouse stands like a never ending tower above my head.

Black water. Seaweed. Raw fish.

I take a deep breath. Cold air swirls around my body as the leaves of trees flutter nearby. A man cranks open the door of the lighthouse and exits it. I must look like such a weirdo standing here, doing nothing, but I'm in stasis. Paralyzed. All I can do is hear. Hear, and remember.

"Olivia?"

My name is husky on the man's tongue, and my hair stands on end. I meet his eyes. He wears a twisted expression, and my jaw drops to the ground.

"West?"