After about 20 minutes of me sitting in the library, the door opens. I don't look up, thinking Mrs. Chae went outside but then I hear her voice.

"Oh my God, San!!! I haven't seen you in a year my darling!"

Huh??

What the hell is he doing in the library?

"Mrs. Chae! It's so good to see you."

"I was lonely without you. You used to come here all the time."

"And I'm going to do just that again." San smiles cutely at the woman, making his eyes dissappear and dimples show.

Fuck he's cute.

"I'm so happy to hear that. I've collected some books you might like while you were away, do you want to look at them?" the librarian asks.

"Oh yes, I would love to!" The two of them begin to walk in my direction.

Nononono, he's gonna notice me!!

But before I could hide his eyes meet with mine and he stops for a second.

"And look darling, we have new company! Mindae this is San, San this is Mindae. She comes here every day too." Mrs. Chae says and pats my head. I try to smile at San like a normal person, but knowing me I look like a psycho that just found their next victim. San smiles back and follows Mrs. Chae to the back of the library.

I hear them talking about some fantasy books. How cuuute he reads fantasy!! I don't read anything these days, except for the books we have to read for school. I'm too busy studying and being at the studio.

Talking about studying, I have to learn the poem!

Ten minutes later someone sits beside me and I look at them.

"Whatcha doin'?" San asks with a small smile.

Bye, I'm ded.

"Studying." I answer and smile back.

"What?"

"A poem."

"What's it about?"

Instead of answering I show him the book. While he's reading, I examine his profile.

The sharp jawline, the strong chin, the well curved nose, the eyes holding universes...

This is so surreal. I'm sitting next to a greek half God. I wonder when the voices will speak up to crush this dream-like scenario.

Wait-... Why aren't the voices talking? They're always talking, there's always a whispering in my head. Except when I'm listening to music, but then there's the music playing.

Now it's just silence.

Comfortable, warm silence.

"That's a dark poem," San says as he gives me back my book, "why are you learning such a depressing one?"

What should I answer?

"I don't know, it just... I just really like the poet and this is their shortest one." I make a funny face and he chuckles.

"How far are you?"

"I'm not sure, I don't feel quite satisfied."

"Let me hear it."

I look at him with wide eyes.

"Please?" he pouts and makes puppy eyes.

How can I resist him?

"Okay..."

"Yayyyyy!" he claps, his eyes sparkling from excitement.

I tell him the poem. He listens closely, his gaze never shifting from my face. When I finish he begins to clap. Soon another pair of hands join his and as I look behind my back I see Mrs. Chae with tears in her eyes.

"That was beautiful darling! I-...Please excuse me for a moment," she sniffels and runs out of the library.

"She's probably going to the bathroom to cry," San says with a chuckle.

"Awwwww that's so cute of her, but I wasn't that good." I smile at him but quickly look down to my lap when I meet his eyes.

"Are you crazy? You were incredible! You told the poem with so much passion I really thought-" he can't finish the sentence because his phone rings.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" he murmurs and puts it on mute. Throwing the phone on the table again he smiles at me. I feel like the whole word lights up when he smiles. He's a literal sunshine.

Sanshine.

Hehe.

"Anyways-"

"San, it might be important," I softly cut him off.

"But I wanna talk to you," he says with a pout.

"We'll see each other tomorrow."

"Okay, good luck with the poem! Fighting!" he smiles again and raises his hand for a high-five.

I crash my hand onto his. "Thank you! See ya tomorrow!"

He flashes me one last smile and leaves.

As the door to the library closes I let out a squeak.

Omgomgomg I just talked to San and he complemented me and-

Oh girl, just shut up, you're so fucking annoying. You don't have time for this. He got to know you and will now never talk to you again. Happy? You just got one more person to hate you. You saw how he ran off, right? Just get that damn boy out of your mind and focus on the poem. He may have said it's good but we both now he's lying. And Mrs. Chae probably just ran out because she couldn't bare you anymore.

I listen to the harsh words of the voice. It drags me back to reality. "Yeah, you're probably right. I'll get back to work."

The whispers fill my head again.

Great. Just great.

What is it? Oh sweetheart, don't act like you deserve better, you're a worthless peace of shit.

"Bu-"

No buts, just fucking study!

"O-okay." my voice shakes a bit but I go back to studying.

***

"That was really good Miss Kang. A."

I brake into a happy smile and go back to my seat. My classmates clap and I hide my blushing face with my hands.

Don't feel too loved, they're just clapping because they have to.

My mood changes immediately but Jongho turns around and gives me a warm smile while mouthing 'great job' so I smile back. The teacher begins the lesson and I focus on her unbelievably boring monologue about some poet-dude that died billion years ago.

When the bell finally rings Jongho and I go to our lockers to meet the others. They are already standing there arguing about something.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I ask as we arrive beside them.

"My stress levels," Hongjoong answers, sighing loudly. "These idiots got themselves into detention for a month."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Who did?"

"99 line."

"What did you do?" I ask the 4 boys strictly.

"Nothing, we just put something into the drink of Mr. Lee and he didn't find it as amusing as we did." Yeosang answers and shows me his cute puppy eyes.

I groan. "If you weren't my brother I would-... You know what? Forget it. I'll just go home alone. Good luck at detention." I give everyone a kiss on their cheek and walk out of the building.

***

Tonight's dream was the cliché vein-cutting. Nothing really special I guess. Although, the place I was in wasn't my house like it usually is. It was a dark alley, somewhere in the town. I had my schoolbag on my back and since there wasn't any knife in sight, I killed myself with the scissors in my pencil case. Before I lost my consciousness I heard someone yelling my name. Which was another weird thing I guess, usually I'm the only person appearing in these dreams. Before the suicide-dreams began, it often happened that I forgot what I dreamed about or that I didn't dream about anything. But these last 3 months I remembered every single dream. I don't know what this is supposed to mean, it's like I'm slowly getting crazy or something. In the end it's gonna end with me killing myself anyways. That's why I'm writing in this book, am I right? But now that I'm thinking of it, no one will read this diary, since no one really cares about me. Right, voices? They said yes. Okay, why the fuck am I writing that down? Maybe I should just stop writing in here, it doesn't make sense anyw

"Morning sunshine! Wake up or you're gonna be late for schoohool!" Yeosang marches into my room. I'm in the middle of writing so I close the notebook as fast as possible and put it in the drawer of my nightstand.

"What are you writing?" my brother asks while giggling like a teenage girl. "A love letter?"

"It's a diary you ass!" I grumble and throw a pillow at him. I'm not totally lying, right?

"Awwwww, that's even cuter!" Yeosang exclaims.

Don't fall for his act, he's probably thinking you're a weirdo.

"Get out of my room, I need to change."

"This is not over yet." he says while pointing at me and goes out of my room. I sigh loudly and get out of bed.

I'm so tired from studying until 2 am that I don't really think about the clothes I pick. Since everything I own is kinda oversized I can't wear anything too bad but I make the mistake to tuck the red v-neck sweater into my mom jeans and top it all with a black belt, only showing off my waist more.

You look ugly. And for God's sake, fucking hurry up, you have to check your homework before school.

"'Kay," I answer the voice while yawning and quickly do my morning routine.

***

I don't notice my mistake until I'm walking to the bus station with Yeosang.

I have my headset on and am blasting Bomb Bomb by Kard, so I don't hear Yeosang talking to me. As a result, he gets annoyed and yanks the headset off my ears.

"Hey! I'll have to start the whole song again because of you!" I pout and snatch my headset back from him.

"I said," my brother responds, emphasizing on the word 'said', "that Jongho wrote into the groupchat that he's sick."

I curse under my breath and take my phone out of my back pocket.

*in the groupchat*

The Strong One:
I'm sick, won't be at school🤒🤒

The Old One:
Get well soon💪

The Smol One:
Get well soon

The Sassy One:
Get well soon🍗

The Tol One:
Min will kill you ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
But also like get well soon💖

The Female One:
Yunho's right
How can you do this to me??! 😠

The Strong One:
Heyy I'm sick🙁
It's not like I do it on purpose

The Female One:
Pfff
Whatever
Don't expect me to give you the homework we'll get

The Sexy One:
Get well soon dude @The Strong One

The Loud One:
Does anyone know where I could get a contrabass?
Long story

*back to reality*

"Argh, I can't believe that idiot!" I groan and throw my hands in the air.

"Come on, you'll survive this one day without him." Yeosang gives me a comforting smile. I smile back and look at my phone, still feeling his gaze on myself.

"Uhhh, Min..."

"Hmm?" I ask back.

"What's up with your waist?" I look up, slightly panicked. "What do you mean?"

"How thin are you exactly?" my brother asks, his tone serious.

"I don't know what you mean..." I laugh, trying to make it sound not too hysterical.

Fuck!

Why did I have to put these clothes on?

He's disgusted, can't you see? You're too fat.

"Min, you're too thin."

He's lying. You're fat. You-

"Look, the bus is here!" I yell, cutting off the voice and begin to run in the direction. When we get on the bus I put my headset on and start my Playlist. Yeosang sits down beside me and puts his airpods in too.

I sigh in relief and look out of the window while my headphones are blasting SuperM's Jopping.

When we arrive at the school I immediately run to my locker and get my stuff for the maths class I'm gonna have. Instead of meeting up with the guys I go to my classroom.

As I step in, I see that I'm the first person in the room. Sighing, I sit down at my desk and open my exercise book. I've got about 25 minutes until class starts.

5 minutes later the door to the classroom jerks open and 3 guys run in, out of breath. San's friends to be specific.

What are their names again...?

Youngjae, Bambam aaaand...

"That's your fault Yougyeom!"

Yes, Yugyeom, thank you.

"What are you talking about, you were the one who made fun of Mark hyung!"

"Yah! I'm older speak with some respect!"

"Youngjae hyung, stop it already, you are scaring her," Bambam points at me.

Oh, right, I'm still in this room.

"Whom?" Youngjae looks around confused and his eyes fall on me. "Oh, hey."

"Hi," I answer. They're so cute.

They all sit down at their desks.

"Did someone do the homework?" Yugyeom asks his friends. Bambam shoots up from lying his head on his desk. "We had homework??"

"Sorry, I was out with Jaebum hyung yesterday. Didn't have time." Youngjae answers.

Bambam scrunches his nose. "I didn't do it either," he answers Yugyeom.

Yugyeom whines. "Come ooooon I need to have it, the teacher said she'll fail me if I don't begin to do homework!"

"I have it," I say quietly and throw him my exercise book. He catches it with ease. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" he blows me a kiss.

I giggle slightly. "Just hurry up."

Enjoy<3