Jimmy's Journal-

(7th Grade)

October 7th-

Sometimes, I think about...no, not think, wish my life were different.

I wonder and dream about becoming someone, something new.

My life isn't perfect, but then again, whose life is?

But for some reason, I feel that my life is harder. I know I shouldn't say that because I guess I have it better than most.

But life just throws so many unexpected turns! Of course, I have the casual teen problems, drama, gossip...boys - oh yeah- and just growing up in general.

Especially with being gay, it seems as though the world is going against me.

I'm struggling enough with trying to figure myself out, but when the homophobic comments come around, it feels as though the world is just full of hate.

I'm sure some people suspect I'm gay, but I don't get made fun of. People just make really rude gay jokes.

They make fun of it. Make it seem as though being gay is a laughing matter when in reality it shouldn't matter.

Who cares if I'm gay? It seems as though if people knew that I was, they might turn on me.

I'm still nice! We're all different anyway! Turning on someone for being gay is like turning on someone because of the music they listen too.

What about their other interests? What about everything else about them? If they were being a bitch to you, then yeah, ditch them.

But most gay people aren't! Sure, you're always going to meet people who are mean, but most people aren't!

People just turn on gay people and make us feel like something's wrong with us.

Like we're a problem.

(Okay, sorry, I got on a tangent, let's get back to what I was originally writing about).

I am in 7th grade and even though I haven't written in you in a while...I have a feeling I might need to get my emotions out.

Especially now when my feelings are all messed up.

I want to talk about what happened the past week.

It starts with Mr. Brinson, my ELA teacher (just trust me on this one).

I have him for two periods.

First period, we do ELA, and second, we do Global Perspectives, which is like teaching us about the world and shit.

The way the seating is, two people sit at a desk.

He changed our seats the other day so now I'm sitting next to this boy who has blonde hair.

His name is Scott, and I do not want to sit next to him.

Scott is a popular kid.

He's pretty smart, talkative (I'm sure he's in on all of the gossip and shit), and he has a Scottish accent.

That's what makes him popular.

His accent.

Most girls have a crush on him because of that and because he's smart.

I'm pretty sure he's already dating a girl named Katherine, who is also in my ELA class.

Most classes I have with Scott, Katherine's in.

They always hang out and talk with each other and girls always seem upset at Katherine because of it.

I think they're just jealous that Scott's dating her instead of them.

I'm not really sure though. I could be completely wrong about the dating thing, but from what I've seen I think they are...?

I don't know. Me and Grian like to stay out of the drama.

We're not in the gossip circle.

We normally sit by ourselves at lunch but on Monday, a guy named Pix joined us.

Pix is nice; he has brown hair and is a straight A student.

I always thought of him as the annoying teacher's pet, but in all honesty, he's very nice and chill.

He's not in the gossip circle either, he said that he's just focusing on getting homework done.

Apparently, he's in a lot of clubs; I'm surprised he has time to balance everything.

He does chess club, science club, cello lessons (that's the instrument he plays), scholar bowl, and his parents just signed him up for fencing.

"I don't really want to do fencing though." He told us, "My parents just want me to do a sport."

"Isn't scholar bowl a sport?" I asked.

"Not really. I mean, it's a sport for your brain." He then turned to Grian, "And we still could use more members."

Grian shook his head, "I already told you; I don't want to join."

"At least come to tomorrow's meeting!"

"Fine." Grian said, though he looked as though he hated the idea of it.

"Thanks, Grian. We've tried putting up posters but that only got us two members. No one really seems interested."

"Well, it does seem like a waste." I said, earning a stink eye from Pix.

He tried to get me to join as well, except scholar bowl is for smart people.

I have a 'C' in half of my classes right now because I am just that good.

I bet you can't fail a math test like how I can.

25%.

Try and beat that.

My sister, on the other hand, is a straight A student.

Unlike Pix, she isn't in a bunch of clubs.

She mostly stays in her room and sleeps.

My parents are really on top of her about her grades.

They haven't seen my 25% yet, so I'm bracing for impact.

Grian said that if he got a 25% on a math test (which he never will, he's way too good at math), his parents would kick him out.

I think he's joking, but his mom does seem very strict.

I always get nervous when I go over to Grian's place, since his mom is homophobic.

I'm worried that at some point I'll get too comfortable and let it slip that I'm gay and she'll overhear.

So that's why Grian mostly comes over to my place.

But then Elizabeth got a boyfriend, and he's over a lot.

I don't like him.

His name is River.

I think that she should go out with Joel; who's her best friend of hers.

He's very nice and chill and I think they would be perfect together.

River, on the other hand, is mean and homophobic but Elizabeth never hears those comments.

Me and Elizabeth sometimes talk to each other about our problems.

She likes to check up on me and talk to me about any boys I like, and I do the same with her.

I like finding out what's going on in her life since she doesn't really talk about it at dinner.

She says she's excited to leave the house and live with River.

Our dad doesn't like River, but our mom thinks that Elizabeth should be in charge of her decisions.

Well, I better get started on homework, but I think I got you up to speed.

Tomorrow's Friday and hopefully my math teacher, Ms. Vander, doesn't give us homework.

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I don't know if you noticed but the beginning:

(Sometimes, I think about...no, not think, wish my life were different. I wonder and dream about becoming someone, something new. My life isn't perfect, but then again, whose life is? But for some reason, I feel that my life is harder. I know I shouldn't say that because I guess I have it better than most. But life just throws so many unexpected turns! Of course, I have the casual teen problems, drama, gossip...boys - oh yeah- and just growing up in general.)

Yeah that was written by my friend, Chantelle. I was looking through her theatre notebook and I saw it. I thought it was really well written so I asked her if she would mind me using it.
She doesn't but yes the beginning is written by my good friend (and fellow Flower Husbands enthusiast) Chantelle.