Chapter Three ~ Dwelling
"A genin?!"
I glared at Shikamaru, who only laughed harder, not even trying to hide his amusement. "Geez," I rolled my eyes. "You could at least act sympathetic."
"Sorry, sorry," he apologized, not sounding even slightly so. "But you being a genin is even more ridiculous than Naruto being a genin."
I threw my hands in the air. "Naruto would have to study for a month with no breaks to come close to the level of knowledge jonin or chunin or, let's face it, probable even genin are supposed to have. He's only above genin level when considering his huge amount of chakra which has allowed him to master high-level jutsu. Him being a genin is almost understandable. Me, on the other hand..."
Shikamaru scratched the back of his head. "They almost have a point with you not taking the chunin exams, though."
I waved him off. "I took them with you. They could have just considered it a delayed promotion, like Tsunade did."
Shikamaru gave me a dry look. "Promotions must be made within one month of the completion of the exams."
"Exceptions are always made," I argued, turning a corner with him. "Besides, were those exams ever really completed or just abandoned?" Shikamaru snorted, and we walked in silence for a bit, enjoying the sun and the rebuilt street.
"Was it worth it?" Shikamaru asked.
I didn't pretend to not know what he was talking about, letting out a slow breath instead. "I... yeah, it was."
He nodded briefly. "I kept an eye on them, like I promised. Your team."
I let out another breath. "Well, you might have to keep that up." Upon spotting his quizzical look, I clarified, "Genin, remember?"
"Tch," Shikamaru murmured, looking back ahead. "That's troublesome."
"Yeah," I agreed softly. "It is."
We turned around a corner, the paused at the sight of Naruto running from a group of busty brunettes, back and forth before ultimately disappearing from view. I didn't bother flagging him down to greet him, exhausted by the very idea of interacting with Naruto and not wanting to get in the middle of...whatever was going on. "He's the Kyuubi, huh?" Shikamaru drawled.
"Naruto contains the Kyuubi," I responded, then wondered at my immediate defense of his personhood. I disliked people being inexact. That's why I corrected Shikamaru.
"Right, right," he waved me off. "What would you do?"
I frowned. "You're the one who was invited to the war-planning council, not me," I complained. It was obvious he had been invited by the route we were taking—straight toward the Hokage's tower. Tsunade had, according to Shikamaru, woken up, restored to her previous youthful health and position as Hokage—much to Kakashi's relief, I was sure. Shikamaru didn't bother looking surprised at my deduction. "Why are you making me do your dirty work?"
"Just looking for someone to bounce ideas off of."
It was true we were among the smartest people in the village and had worked well in the past together. Sliding my hands into the pockets of my tattered jacket, I answered, "I would shove in the darkest, most defensible corner I could find. Then I would go about planning our war."
"His power could be indispensable," Shikamaru argued. "Not just the Kyuubi's. Naruto's."
Tilting my head back, I watched a bird circle through the sky. "Since when do we as a village rely on one person's power to defend ourselves with?"
"What do you think people look to the Hokage as?"
"Point," I conceded. "But what do we care what the masses think? How often do they have any idea how anything works?"
Shikamaru lowered his head in a shallow nod, hiding a smile. "Point," he echoed.
"Naruto is reckless," I added. "He cares too much. I don't trust him to see the big picture and save himself over others.""
"But do you think there's any chance of getting Naruto to sit idly by as we fight the Fourth Shinobi War?"
"There's the rub," I agreed, winced, then shut up.
Shikamaru glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, but didn't say anything except, "I better go, now, if I want to be on time to this meeting."
"Tell me if anything interesting happens." I paused at a corner before we split ways.
"Doubtful," Shikamaru groaned. "I'll be keeping my eyes open and learning for now."
"Better than anything I'll be doing," I pointed out.
He let out a bark of laughter, shaking his head again. "Genin!" He muttered, walking away. "A fucking genin."
***
It took me just under two hours to reacquaint myself with the village and its new layout. The urge to case the streets and security was one I couldn't—had no reason to—fight; I needed to know what streets people frequented, the best escape routes, where to hide, where to—
Sleep.
I paused in the middle of the street, eliciting an annoyed curse from the person behind me, and I stepped to the side, out of the flow of foot traffic. There was no apartment to return to. Aisa was pissed, didn't want to be anywhere around me, and probably not even living in the same apartment (assuming it had been rebuilt). If he was smart with his money, he could afford his own place on a genin salary (as I had), but I doubted he would want to live alone with an empty apartment and memories.
So Aisa's apartment was a no go. It was far too late for me to try and find an apartment to rent. I could possibly rent a hotel for the night but...with a grimace, I touched my money pouch; I'd gathered a meager amount of money by killing a few low-level missing nin I had stumbled across, but then my reputation had grown (I had not a capture, not a kill, but a flee-on-sight order for Iwagakure and several smaller villages) and my mission took precedence and I had no need for money, anyway. What I had now wouldn't last long. I could sleep outside, but that would draw the wrong kind of attention from villagers.
Naruto? I grimaced at the thought; I hadn't even said hello to him, yet, and the idea of staying with him, even for a night, was completely unbearable. Sakura? Not as bad as Naruto, but in the same general category. Besides, she would be far too busy with Tsunade having just woken up. Ibiki was absolutely laughable. Shikamaru would mean dealing with his father, too, and his mother, and all those troublesome, too-perceptive Naras. They would be the first called on by Tsunade to organize and support the war-planning, too.
No Naruto. No Sakura. No Shikamaru. Definitely no Ibiki. No Aisa, or Michiko, or Kento, who I wouldn't want to appear so weak to anyway. No hotel. Preferably no sleeping outside.
Kakashi?
I hesitated. I had left right under his nose. I hadn't even offered him the strange, sentimental goodbyes I had given to others. I hadn't offered an apology or real explanation upon my return. I had never been in his apartment, but knew by the location and by his personality that it would be spartan, minimalist. There might not even be room to house me there, even for the night. He probably would't want me there; ninja tended to be very protective of their spaces.
I hadn't slept properly since Suna, though, and it was growing late, and if I went to his apartment any later it would be rude, probably, I would maybe wake him up, so if I was going to ask him to let me spend the night, I had to go now, not even stop for food even though I'd only had ration bars for meals for the last several days, and had missed lunch, and maybe I should bring food to apologize for the inconvenience, except then I'd be even later—
I shook my head, forcing away the rambling thoughts. I would go to Kakashi's now, before it got too late, and if (when, a part of my mind whispered poisonously) he turned me away, I would go get dinner before reevaluating my options. Plan in place, I turned on my heel, heading toward Kakashi's apartment. I could only hope that it hadn't been destroyed and he lived in the same place. He wasn't the type to move frivolously. Too much effort. Too much change.
Upon arrival, I glanced at the window of what I thought was his place. I couldn't see in, of course—Kakashi wasn't so careless—but I could see the outline of a plant I knew he owned. (Mr. Ukki? my mind supplied, and I wondered when I had memorized such a useless piece of information.) Reassured that I probably had the right place, I went inside, climbing the stairs to his upper level apartment before I could second-guess myself. The worst thing that could happen was Kakashi telling me I couldn't stay, which would just put me in the same situation I was before. Nothing bad could come from this, I reassured myself.
I took a moment to gather myself, hiding my exhaustion and hunger and uncertainty before knocking. There's complete silence from inside, then a whisper of feet on the floor, the quietest creak, and I knew he was in but hesitant, not having expected any visitors. There's a pause in which Kakashi was probably checking the peephole, then checking for any signs of genjutsu or henge or subterfuge, then he opened the door.
"Cashile?" he asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"
I couldn't look him in the eye as I told him, "Ai...my...the apartment I was staying in before the attack was destroyed. I don't exactly have the funds to rent a hotel, and now I'm going to be on a genin salary again which means it'll only be mission based, and it's too late to try and find an apartment to rent. None of the leasing offices will be open."
"I see," Kakashi acknowledged, but didn't open the door further or invite me in.
I realized, suddenly, that I hadn't actually asked anything of him, yet. I had just given him information in a way to manipulate him into offering what I wanted. I swallowed, not wanting to reach out and admit I needed help only to have it be thrown in my face, as it increasingly appeared it would be. "Could I," I began, hesitated, looked anywhere other than his eye or face or general direction, then resumed, "Just for one night? Stay here?"
Kakashi's entire face softened, his eye crinkling in a small smile, and he opened the door. "Of course, Cashile," he agreed, and I hid my surprise behind a blank mask even though he probably saw through it. "All you had to do was ask."
My throat twisted but I ignored it, walking in. "Thank you," I said roughly as he locked the door behind me.
"It's pretty bare," Kakashi told me. "There's my room." He pointed down the narrow hall. "That's technically a storage room there, but empty. Bathroom in between. I have an extra sleeping mat somewhere. Kitchen; are you hungry?"
"I have a few ration bars left," I answered, even though I didn't want to eat another ration bar. They were nutritious, and had the necessary calories, but they weren't food. Kakashi made a disgruntled sound at this, probably thinking of his own ANBU days eating nothing but food pills for missions, and I reassured, "It's fine, it's late and I'm—I'm fine."
"I have some leftovers," he said, ignoring me. "Let me heat them up. Sit."
We didn't say anything as he heated up the food, and once he placed the steaming plate in front of me, he said, "I'll go find that sleeping mat, now." And left me.
The food was plain, vegetables and rice and meat, but it was warm and filling and delicious. I didn't cry, although I wanted to at seemingly random moments these days, sometimes, and I knew that when Kakashi returned my eyes would be red even though no tears were shed. I thought of my return to Gaara, the difficulty of that conversation. Everything hurt differently, with people. More. Potently.
Kakashi returned, sleeping mat in hand. He set it down next to me before returning to the kitchen, rinsing dishes and putting the food back away and wiping the counters. There was no mention of my red eyes or questions about my time away or comments about my being here instead of anywhere else as I ate silently.
The repetitive, gentle sweep of the broom had me nodding off, and I nearly startled when Kakashi took the finished dish from me. "I'll probably be up early," Kakashi told me. "War-planning. I'm sure you know."
"It's fine," I agreed quietly. "It's your apartment."
"Maa, maa," Kakashi waved off my words. "You're my guest. It's the least I could do for my old student," he teased.
I tried to hide my despondence at the mention of teams, smirking slightly at him instead. "Old student?" I asked. "I was demoted back to genin, remember? What are the chances they stick me with a random jonin versus one who knows and has dealt with me?"
Kakashi blanched then groaned, running a hand through his hair. "And here I thought I was done with you brats," he complained. I didn't say anything, just looked down, exhausted, and Kakashi placed a hand on my head. The weight startled me, but he didn't react, leaving it there for a moment. "Sleep," he ordered, something soft buried in his tone. "We'll figure everything out in the morning."
Kakashi put the dishes in the sink, went to his room, and shut the door. I unrolled the sleeping mat on the floor of the kitchen and slept.
_______________________________
Hey everyone!
So sorry for the long wait! It's been a really busy semester and it's still busy because finals (just finished an 8 page paper, workshop paper, and I still have another revision paper, 6 page paper, and fucking 15 page paper and two exams to go. Help.)
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