By the time the knocking registered, I was almost certain Aiden would leave before I made it to the door.

He'd been knocking for a while, I realized. The knocks were growing louder, more frantic, more frequent.

I hoped he wouldn't leave. I didn't think he would; he already came all the way here. But it was cold outside and I still hadn't answered the door.

Finally, I dragged myself out of the corner behind the couch I had stuffed myself in, keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around me as I opened the door, letting in a blast of chilly air. Aiden stood there, one hand stuffed into the pocket of his thin coat, shoulders hunched against the cold, and fist raised in mid knock. I took an automatic step backwards out of the reach of his fist, but he didn't seem to realize the reason for my retreat, instead taking it as a welcome into my apartment.

He took a step forward over the threshold, closing the door behind him, banishing the cold, and drew me in for a hug. I simply stood there, clutching the blanket to myself and finding that I did not want to push him away.

"Aiden..." He pulled away so he could see me, and I realized that words wouldn't come. "You came," I finally marveled after several long moments. "It's late."

"I don't mind walking for a bit in the cold to see you." He gave me a smile, then glanced around the room; it was just as bare as the first time he'd seen it, and his smile slipped into a frown. I pulled the blanket tighter around me.

"You alright?" he asked slowly, eyeing the broken teacup on the floor of the kitchen, the tipped over chair, and the blanket wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

I stood there, feeling awkward in my own skin, not knowing what to say. "I..."

He was silent, waiting for me to speak, but I had nothing I could say at the moment. "Do you want some tea?" he finally asked. I nodded, mouth still tightly closed, not trusting my voice to not betray me. "Okay," he smiled gently. "Sit down. It'll just be a moment."

I nodded again, and he entered the kitchen. After a moment, I slowly entered the living space, ignoring the small couch that wasn't nearly as comfortable as the couch I'd left at Aiden's--my old apartment--in favor of a corner of the room. I sank to the cold, hard ground, listening to Aiden right the chair, pick up the broken tea cup, and start the water boiling.

He finally returned with two cups of tea, joining me in the corner on the floor without question. Accepting the proffered mug, I held it between two hands, welcoming the searing heat. After several minutes of silence, I finally told him, "You'll never understand, y'know."

He didn't argue, simply watching me with dark eyes. "Maybe not," he admitted. "But that doesn't mean that you can't tell me."

And when he put it that way, everything suddenly seemed so simple in this complicated world. I returned my gaze to the tea in my cup, watching the steam spiral lazily from its surface as my mind both raced and stuttered to a stop.  "Okay," I agreed softly. "Okay."

At first, I couldn't force the words out, but eventually they fell from my mouth, and Aiden caught them before they could hit the ground. A cold part of my brain screamed against revealing this weakness, screamed and screamed and screamed, but the larger part of me was simply tired. So I talked, ignoring the fact that I might hate myself for this in the morning, ignoring the fact that this was a bigger risk than I should ever have been willing to take, ignoring the fact that I would never be able to rationalize or justify this sudden break in control.

We talked, and he soaked in the information with ease, without so much as a shudder, but that was because what I was giving him was nothing significant. Nothing with meaning. Nothing that would scare him away. Nothing that would make him hate me. I knew what would happen once he found out about that. About everything. About exactly what kind of monster had been teaching his little brother. With the weight of things unsaid our conversation slowly dragged and died down.

"Do you wanna stay up for a bit more?" Aiden asked. "Or do you want to go to sleep? It is late, but..."

I wanted to tell him that yes, yes, it was fine, it was time to sleep, but after so long talking, those words couldn't make their way out. "I--" I gulped, and I tried to throw up my shields, I tried to shut down and push everything away, but it wasn't working. I couldn't get rid of the image of those blue eyes, wide and wide and wide again, wide enough to swallow me whole, full of fear and pain and accusation and I couldn't shake them from my mind.

"Let's stay up for a bit more, yeah?" Aiden decided.

"That's fine." I was finally able to speak again. "That's fine. I--"

And once again my voice failed, because, I realized, I didn't want Aiden to hate me. Suddenly, with the unbearable weight of a thousand steel walls and a thousand accusing stares and a thousand terrible actions, my face cracked.

Aiden moved closer to me, placing a hesitant hand on my shoulder. I immediately shrugged it off so I wouldn't have to experience him pulling away in disgust.

"It's going to be okay, Cashile. It'll be okay. I promise, I'm still here for you," Aiden promised, and somehow, that made it worse, because he truly believed that, and I would be the one proving him wrong, and for once I didn't want my predictions to be right.

"I'm scared."

I could sense his surprise at my admittance, and I said it again so he would know that he had heard correctly. "Aiden, I'm scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of," Aiden reassured, but there was something terribly dark and worried lurking under his calm tone. "I'm here, and I won't leave. It'll be okay, Cashile."

"I'm scared..." I whispered again, and I couldn't tell if I was trying to manipulate him into pitying me, or if I was, for once, truly, simply, speaking the truth. "You just... you could never understand." I lowered my head, clutching at my short hair. "For all you try, you could never understand. Oh, God. If you knew what I've done. You would never even look at me again. Especially not like..."

And there he was, looking at me that way. The concern, the understanding, the care, the... I couldn't even place the emotion in his eyes. It was all at once too simple and too complicated for my mind to grasp. I'm not crying but something is dripping, melting the small piece of ice that had been lodged between us ever since I came back, ever since I had refused to tell him everything that had happened, everything I'd done.

And then, just as the boy had, I broke.

And suddenly, I was telling him.

I knew in a small corner of my brain that I might regret this, that I should be mortified by this weakness, but I couldn't stop myself for some reason. I told him secrets nobody had ever known, secrets I had refused to ever let go of. Horrors I had committed and horrors that had been done to me and I know that with each word passing through my lips Aiden's disgust in me was growing and I couldn't look at him, I couldn't watch the closest thing to--to anything I'd ever had draw away with hatred and fear and everything my victims had ever felt.

Because that's what Aiden was, in the end: a victim of me and my destructive life.

I couldn't look at Aiden by the end of it; I knew what I would see.

"Cashile."

I refused to look up, to meet his eyes and see the condemnation there.

"Cashile." He was insistent, cupping my cheek and bringing my face around. I reluctantly allowed the physical contact, allowed my gaze to be dragged to his. I knew what I would find there, what all my prediction pointed to.

Hate. Disgust. Monster, monster, monster. Stay away, stay away from me, stay away from my little brother, stay away from us. Leave, leave, leave. You shouldn't have ever come back here.

But what I saw there wasn't hate. It was one of the strongest emotions I'd ever seen expressed in his eyes. They burned, burned away the unshed tears sparkling in them, burned with something that wasn't hate or disgust or damnation.

"I won't leave," Aiden murmured fervently, pulling me into a hug. "God, Cashile. What they did to you... I've never cared for you more. And I swear, it's not pity or some sort of plot. I just... I could never leave you. Even though I know what you've done."

And I may not have told him absolutely everything, and maybe I never would, but I had told him enough, shared enough horrors, that he should have hated me. He should have left. He shouldn't have been... hugging me.

"This is completely illogical," I whispered into his hug, shocked, shaking my head slowly. "Your reaction makes no sense. You're still here." He pulled away, hands on my shoulders, and his eyes were immeasurably sad and immeasurably fond and I couldn't even begin to understand what was going through his mind. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak, to offer me an explanation for his behavior, but for a long moment nothing came out.

Instead, he leaned in and kissed me once, slowly, and I was too shocked to even think about stopping him. After several moments, he pulled away, hands cupping my face, and, as though it explained everything,

"I love you, Cashile."

Then he drew me in for another hug and didn't seem to realize that I couldn't even begin to fathom what he meant.

__________________________

Heyyyyyy!

LOOK AT US GETTING THESE CHAPTERS OUT SO QUICKLY HOKY CRAP ARE YOU PROUD OF US OR WHAT??? All y'all's comments on the last chapter were so inspiring :')

Did you like it? Was it good? Was it bad? COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT we really really really need the inspiration now cause we're having trouble with the next chapter already lol

SO COMMENT!

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Okay hope y'all enjoyed!!!

gaara119

Hey guys!

So, I've been SLACKING. Aka, lack of  motivation, in need of inspiration. Pls comment, so we can get that next chapter out to you faster!!

Enjoy!

-S

OKAY SO QUESTION GUYS:

Do you care that we're making our own plot and stuff or would you prefer that we send her on more of the Shows arcs?

Cause we skipped over some arcs to focus on our/Cashile's plot but we just want to know what you guys think about it cause we are at a divergence point in our next chap where we have to decide where to go with next.

So comment what you think? Want to see more Naruto arcs or original arcs?

And comment super long inspiring comments in order to give us the inspiration to keep writing and getting these updates out so frequently! Cause my exams are next week soo... Fuck me, yeah.

ALRIGHT ALIGHT ALRIGHT COMMENT!!!

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Ja ne!

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