Chapter 6: Vices

"I almost killed him, man." JJ told John B, voice strained as tears pooled in his eyes. The two were on the porch of the Chateau, CJ nowhere in sight. "He was on top of her..chokin' her out and I just- I just saw red. It's my fault, ya know? I shouldn't have taken that stupid gun."

"JJ, man, you can't blame yourself for your dad bein' a piecer. You took that thing to protect us. It was used to protect us. Whether you took that gun or not, your dad would find some fuckin' reason to hurt you. Don't blame yourself, dude. Blame him."

"Whatever. I just- I'll be fine. I just need you to go find my sister." 

CJ wasn't at the Chateau. After walking most of the way to John B's, she turned to her brother and told him to go to John B's on his own. That she'd be there soon and just needed to be alone. JJ knew that meant she should be at the tiny cabin, but he wasn't gonna go around her if she needed space. He knew how they both dealt with things and sometimes both of them just needed to be alone. Usually, this was when they were at their most destructive; needing to be away from everyone or at least those they were close to. The siblings, and friends, would normally just let the twins burn out, knowing things would only be worse if they intervened. But he was worried. Life was never good at home, but this time he'd almost killed her. Again. And this time, the twins almost killed him. He didn't want to leave her alone and knew the only person she'd even let near her facility right now was his best friend. 

Taking another swig of his beer, JJ set the bottle back down on his lap. He just hoped his sister wasn't angry and hitting things. Or completely self-destructing. Best case scenario, she was laying in the treehouse, tapping into their stash, and not getting too deep into her own mind. JJ willed that to be the truth, even if he knew it wasn't. But that's why he was sending John B. 

"You sure you don't want me to stay here?" 

Looking up, JJ sent him an incredulous look. "I love you dude, but don't pretend you don't wanna run out there. Go get your girl." 

"She's not my girl." John B grumbled, pushing himself off of the railing. 

"Shut up." 

Scoffing, Johnny shook his head, ruffling JJ's hair. The boy shrugged him off, flipping him the bird. John B just sent him one back, a warm smile coating his features. "Put some ice on that."

"Got it, mom." 

Snickering, John B stepped off the porch and walked over to the dirtbike. Sparing one more look at JJ, making sure he was really alright enough to be left on his own, John B sped away. 

It didn't take long to get to the tiny home this way. On JJ's dirtbike, they could narrowly dodge trees and get all the way there. John B rode until he was close enough for CJ to almost hear him before he jumped off. Flipping on a flashlight, the boy pushed the bike the rest of the way to his destination. He knew loud noises would only set CJ off. 

When he got there, one of the two tiki torches was lit outside. He could just barely make out Claire's figure in the light, causing him to cut the power to his flashlight. Walking closer carefully, he noticed CJ's hand gripped the rope on the tire swing, body pressed against the rubber. One of her knees was vaguely pressed inside the hole. The girl seemed to be in a daze, staring out into the dark forest. Despite being mostly out of it, she'd heard the footsteps. She knew there'd only be one person out there looking for her. 

"I hate him." The girl seethed, taking a drink from the Fireball bottle in her hand. Her voice was hoarse and John B winced. "All he had to do was n-not be a total piece of shit. Instead..he just blamed us for mom leaving..even though she left because of his shit." 

CJ's words came out slurred and before John B could even respond, she was almost completely changing subjects. 

"You know, I never told you what he said." CJ hiccuped, a sad smile on her face as she swayed slightly, finally turning to face the boy. "He-he noticed the scars. The cigarette burns. He said I was disgusting." She told him, her face screwing up. "People never notice them. He knows, J," she stuttered, "he knows. He could tell everyone. They'd only- only add it to their arsenal. It scares the shit out of me." Her words trailed off, ending in a whisper.

Most people didn't know about the scars that littered parts of her body. Small ones from glass, knives, and barbed wire were overlooked and unbothersome, it was the burns that she hated. The ones that were obviously distinguishable between injuries and abuse. Over time, the marks faded, and the places they were in covered them from view. Completely naked in front of the boy, Topper had seen most of them; two on her inner bicep and one in the crook of her neck. That was when the boy seemed to realize his actions, pulling away from the girl with a nasty sneer. He made sure to say some awful things before he left, including the word slut and the reminder that she was absolutely nothing. It was twenty minutes later that John B found her, curled up alone crying by a tree. She was nursing a beer with empty bottles strewn around her figure. She was so out of it, her shorts weren't even buttoned over her bikini bottoms.

Tentatively, John B stepped forward, trying to get to the distraught female. She was already wasted and all he wanted to do was hold her and make her understand that she wasn't nothing. She was everything. "Bunny, you're beautiful." He told her, using the nickname he coined for her when they first met. The name, along with his words, forced a choked sob from CJ's lips. "He is a tool who isn't worth anyone's time, let alone your thoughts. You are the strongest person I have ever met and you and we both know if anyone said anything, you'd kick their ass. And we'd all help." Watching her face screw up further, John B immediately knew what she was thinking. "No one judges you. They still love you."

"You heard Kie."

"Ceej, she's just confused. You hate him more than any of us. She's just lost. You're still her best friend. If anyone will understand, it's her. She is a Kook by blood."

"Being a Kook isn't the same as a pureblood Pogue screwing one of the alpha douches." She groaned, her head waving back and forth in extreme disappointment. In herself. Her vision swam for a moment and she grasped the rope tighter as the swing tilted with her.

"Maybe not. But it's close enough." He told her, getting closer to her. "Remember when JJ screwed that Touron and got the clap?" His question made CJ look up, confusion flooding her irises as she gazed at the boy. "Or when Pope popped a boner in the middle of his history presentation? Or when I accidentally flirted with a forty-year-old woman at the store? We all do things we're not proud of, or things that embarrass us. Did we judge JJ when he got the clap?"

"N-no, we laughed about it and made jokes for weeks while he complained."

"What about Pope?"

"No, you gave him a noogie and we told him it was normal." She answered, head spinning with the newfound viewpoint. Her heart warmed, spreading through her body thickly. She was beginning to realize she never needed to worry about everyone looking at her differently. They were her family. But that's exactly why she'd been scared in the first place. They were the only family she had. She didn't want to lose them. 

"See. There's nothing different now. The only difference is it's a different day, different person. CJ, you could murder someone and every single one of us would help cover it up. I mean have you met Pope? You got nothin' to worry about."

John B didn't need to try to get to her anymore as CJ threw herself at the boy. Arms wrapped around him, John B's arms encircled her immediately, pulling her into him. The girl was incredibly grateful and incredibly drunk, burrowing into his partially bare chest.

"Thank you."

"Oh, star. Don't you get it? You don't ever need to thank me."

Holding on even tighter, CJ's eyes sealed shut. The girl ignored the static flashing behind her eyelids as a few tears slid down her red cheeks. John B never failed to pull her back to sanity when she began to spiral. Every time she thought she would tip over the edge, he made sure to drag her away from the tightrope. The two stayed like that for a while until John B pulled back, taking the girl's face in his hands.

Looking over the bruises on her face, he grew angry and protective. "I'll kill him." He growled. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Johnny, don't. Just-just stay here." She begged. John B looked into her pleading eyes, the tears bringing him to a stand-still. "Please."

The Pogue stared at her, feeling his resolve break with every sad twinkle in her eye. Despite his want for the Maybank's head on a platter, he would never leave her alone unless she made him. With a sigh, his head lowered angrily and his jaw clenched before he looked back up. Hands on her face, the boy looked at her intensely. "I'm so sick of him putting his hands on you. On JJ. You deserve better. One of these days, I swear to God, I'm gonna kill him."

CJ didn't say anything, not only knowing nothing would help, but she'd also gotten a bit caught up in the hazel of John B's eyes. His fingertips trailed over her skin, skimming over the harsh bruises on her throat, making goosebumps rise on her skin. The light warm breeze only added to the feeling. CJ's head was swimming even more now, but her system wasn't negatively overwhelmed like before. She was filled with that odd serenity that came after a breakdown, paired with her inebriation and the soft touches and expressions. CJ caught herself thinking about him kissing her but quickly pushed the thought away, chalking it up to drunken impulses.

John B hadn't noticed how lost the girl was as he was lost himself. His thumb rubbed over the girl's cheekbone, tracing where her father's knuckles had broken skin. His heart clenched inside his chest and he wanted nothing more than to take the girl away from all of this. He wished they were just a little bit older so the twins could legally call his home theirs. Yeah, the two were almost always there and when they weren't they resided at Casa del J's, but at the end of the day, the Maybank's was their legal residence. They had to go back at least once a week to keep up pretenses and make sure their father wasn't gonna kill them. Not to mention, they only had so many clothes at the places they actually called home. The three found themselves often wishing Luke disappeared nine months ago instead of John. Even if they would never say it out loud. The elder Routledge had always treated them more like family than their own father.

"You have really pretty eyes."

The soft-spoken sentence pulled John B from his reverie, his heart jumping. The jump from the compliment was nothing compared to the way it raced with how she peered up at him. Her eyes were full of innocent wonder and curiosity and the light that had faded was slowly starting to filter back in. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"So do you."

In no way was the boy simply redirecting her comment. John B loved the Maybank's piercing blue eyes. Like his, JC's eyes changed color. Sometimes, the were this bright aquamarine and others they were a deep blue. On multiple occasions he found himself dazed, spiraling in the tiny sea that found a home in her irises. He found it utterly perfect. That girl's soul belonged to the ocean and it showed in her baby blues.

Neither of them said anything and at some point, they just started swaying. John B was pretty sure it just started because CJ lost her balance for a moment. Regardless, they gently moved side to side, slow dancing to music that only existed in their heads. If only they knew they were playing the same songs.

For a while, the two stared at each other. Until it became too much for a drunk and emotional CJ and the girl laid her head on his chest. His skin was warm and smooth, the top buttons of his shirt undone. The taunt muscle and rhythmic sound of his heartbeat made her feel safe. His arms wrapped around her made her feel loved. Appreciated.

The stayed just like that for who knows how long. Long enough for CJ to sober up enough to head home. The two would just crash at the treehouse, but neither of them wanted JJ to be alone for the night. The girl couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving him but knew he wouldn't be upset. It wasn't the first time one of them just needed to be alone. And it wasn't their fault they were in pain.

Stumbling through the back door, a girl on his arm and a confiscated almost empty liquor bottle in his hand, John B led his world into the house. It was easy to find JJ from there. The boy was already passed out, beer bottle dangling in his hand over the bedside. Juul tucked under his bare shoulder, small snores fell from his lips. The sight made CJ smile in relief. She knew he'd wake up better in the morning. They both would.

Deciding to stick together for the night, CJ climbed into the bed beside him carefully. Making sure not to wake him up, John B did the same. A partially smoked joint was grabbed off the armrest, the boy sparking it up. Claire was wrapped up in his arms before he even took the first hit.

"Tell me the happy future again."

The words were said often between the two, uttered any time the kids couldn't quite see it themselves.

"When you and JJ turn 18, you'll move in here. JJ will work full time with Heyward and we'll pick up more shifts. The three of us will fix up the Chateau with Pope and Kie's help. Make it real nice. Get wifi." He said, grinning cheekily. "Pope will nail his scholarship interview and school and leave the island to be a coroner. Kie will become a vet and a huge activist. They'll move from OBX but only be a ferry ride away. Eventually, we'll make enough money to start giving independent surfing lessons and I'll have more boats to work on. You'll become a chef. JJ will get his license to sell when he turns 21 and we can build a greenhouse. Then we can sell bud to dispensaries and keep the rest for ourselves. It'll be perfect." John B told her, stroking her arm with one hand while he used the other to bring the joint to his lips. Hitting it twice, he passed it to the small girl. 

Grabbing the half-smoked joint from the boy, CJ inhaled the smoke leisurely. JJ made a noise in his sleep and the still tipsy girl paid avid attention to her brother for a moment until he went back to snoring. Passing the joint back, the girl snuggled farther into John B. There was just something about being burrowed up next to him. CJ cuddled with Kie and JJ all the time, sometimes even Pope, but it was different with John B. It always had been. They just had a different type of connection. When she was close to him, it was like magnets being put next to each other. Without even realizing it, the girl always gravitated closer to him, as did he.

"Do you really think that will happen?"

John B didn't answer for a second, using the excuse of hitting the j to think. The boy's insecurities told him it wouldn't; that maybe Pope and Kie would make something of themselves but the three musketeers never stood a chance. But John B was more optimistic than that and with CJ in his arms, he could believe anything. Especially if it made her feel better.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

And with that, the two went quiet, just allowing themselves to enjoy being around one another. The joint was finished off and John B's hand ran delicately through CJ's hair. When it wasn't, it trailed over her arm or her back. CJ's own fingertips trailed over John B's hip and torso; both of them victim to goosebumps and content shivers. They didn't fall asleep for a long time, but when they did, they were at peace.