Olivia's POV

Fionna came to see me a few days after the bloody rain stopped raining down, and Laurence stopped looking at the Internet like a stalker. "Olivia?" She asked.

Oh good. If I act crazy enough, she'll leave. It's happened before. "Hmm?"

"You knew my mother." It wasn't a question. Oh no. Did she know about...?

"No I didn't." I said quickly.

"Yeah, you did. You're pruposefully looking away from me, meaning you're lying, and you said when we turned you human again that I was your long-lost niece."

"You were lost for about a thousand years. That equals long-lost." I said, avoiding the niece thing. Trust me, I did her a favor.

"Olivia- I know I'm not Laurence's daughter. When you said long-lost, you meant someone you hadn't seen for a while. Who was my mother? I know you knew her."

I sighed, and swiveled my chair to face her. "Yes, I did know your mother. She was everything I wasn't- blonde, poised, the perfect daughter. She preferred Laurence, while I personally preferred our brother David. He'd do what I wanted, no questions asked."

"What was my mother's name?"

"Why don't you ask your vampire friend? He has a theory, but he's afraid he's right." I said, dodging the question.

"Marshall would tell me." Fionna said confidently. Not if he has a theory regarding my sister. He's sane like that, like most people are regarding my sister nowadays.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you everything. Assemble the troops."

--------------------------------

Siofra had gotten me several magazines telling the story, and pictures of Ally, Jacob, etc. Laurence helped me with the slideshow. A few hours can be really productive, actually.

"Ladies and gentlemen- esteemed colleagues of the scientific community- shut up, Laurence. That's how I'm used to saying it. Stop snickering.- I present to you, the life and times of Alexandra Lily McAllister Davis. I see fear/recognition flash across your faces for half of you. Yes, you remember my be-yotch of a sister." I started.

"Jacob, my brother in law, wanted to become President and he was well on his way to replacing Munslavaech. Therefore, Munslavaech had a choice- end his reign and turn over to Jacob, or let them rule side by side."

"He took the second option- he was a politician. Politicians DO NOT like to give up power. Evidence- Arthur Brastlehwaite, who had to be removed forcefully from the White House. Thus, America became a monarchy ruled by two kings." I continued.

The vampires stiffened during this part. Uh huh. Look, I'm not going to call you up here.

"This was cemented by two things- the combination of celebrity babies and celebrity marriages that the public loved, but makes me shudder, (but we'll get to that later) and the outbreak of World War III."

"Laurence was thrust into the spotlight with the creation of his bomb that destroyed the world- great job, Laurence. I lost a three-year old and a one-year old by accident. You destroyed the freakin' world.- and then I gave experimental charges to each of the 'royal families'. To send them into the future, thus avoiding mutation, etc. Unfortunately, when the company was closed down, the time traveling devices were shut off."

"Okay, you all know about the atomic war that was waged. We'll get to Crazy-Laurence-Time in a later presentation, if at all. And he'll be doing that one. But we have not talked about the war waged on voters- the war of cuteness."

They all gave me a weird look.

"Allow me to explain. Celebrity babies and celebrity marriages were some of the most interesting things the public had ever seen. My evil sister -ironic. Laurence and I were the evil ones for a thousand years- set up her three year old daughter in a marriage contract."

Marshall growled, and Fionna and Finn looked surprised. Marceline just looked like she was trying to figure out how much I was going to reveal. "Easy there, Indiana Jones. 1, Marcus Munslavaech is probably a skeleton by now, 2, he was five. Do you honestly think any five year old is interested in marrying a three year old at that point in their lives? No."

Yeah- I'm not going to tell her. If you want to her to know, you tell her.

"Anyway, while Marcus and Fionna probably got along fine, they were under the rule of Ally the Evil. Which means: no comfort foods like french fries or mac-and-cheese, making the poor kids crave them when they found out what they were, and every single thing they did was played up for the camera."

"This all started when Marcus gave Fionna a flower at some event- and rewinding the tapes; you can see Ally bribing him with candy to do it. And they also weren't allowed to have candy. Or fun. Because when I sent nice, fun presents for all the kids at Christmas, they got sent back with the label, 'non-educational'. Hello, insanity of my sister."

"Yeah, so there's that. And for some reason, the media ate it up. I, with like, nine other people, including my brother David, but not Laurence-the-agreeing-machine-of-Ally thought that a three year old and a five year old getting married was kind of weird. Oh, and there was going to be a wedding. But then Jacob and Ally had to go to Paraguay, and for some reason, the kids got sent to me."

Laurence replayed the tape of my phone-conversation with Ally;

"Olivia, I need you to do something for me." Ally said as soon as I had picked up the phone.

"Y'know, most people say 'hello' before they try to send their sisters off on suicide missions to kill them once and for all."

"Ha. Funny."

"Please tell me you didn't actually smile? Or is your Botox shot not working today?"

"Look- I need you to take care of Jackson and Florence."

"Um... Jason and Fionna?"

"Yeah- them. Laurence is too busy, David will probably leave them in a bathroom on the Mexican border and God knows how the tabloids would freak out over that, Honoria will have my bargaining chips if I hand them over to her -I'm working on getting complete control of her kids too- and the nanny just quit because, and I quote, 'I'd call child services for these sweet children if I could'. You're my last hope."

"...Fine. But I can't promise I won't give your children actual food."

"Urgh. Fine, okay. But don't you dare let Fionna near any three-year-old boys. The tabloids will go nuts, and poor Marcus will be heartbroken."

"Ally, he's five. I doubt he'd care if his child-bride plays in a sandbox with some kid who doesn't realize she's about to be married. Also- you are an insane and extremely creepy person."

"Everyone says that. By the way, how do you think I can get Fionna to transition into Marcia's place?" (mar-CEE-uh).

"You're trying to get rid of the Nation's Darling, and you're asking me for tips on how to put your three year old in her place. Okay, that's it. You really shouldn't give your kids to me- I'll have fun with them. They'll be happy. And, since they won't be near a total be-yotch like you, it might not be too late for them to have souls."

"Too late! I'm dropping them off in an hour! And don't you dare lose sight of them, and put on their hats when you go out!"

There the tape ended. "Thus, we know how Jason and Fionna, now Finn and Fionna, got to me, the 25-year-old-woman the neighbours thought was crazy, who cried herself to sleep every night over her dirtbag boyfriend who had cheated on her and cheated on her and cheated on her until he finally left for good, but she still loved him like an idiot, and was thinking about just giving up and becoming a cat woman."

"But you didn't." Marceline pointed out.

"Excellent point, Marceline. Children are very good for someone in a funk- the fact that you have to care for them makes you forget about being mopey, and then they smile at you and you don't feel like a worthless cat lady, and you go outside again."

"Hey, why does she get to be called Marceline?" Finn asked.

"Because it would be weird if I called her Marcy, Steve of Mincraftia." I said, slightly annoyed.

Because, yeah, it would be weird if she resumed her 'Nation's Darling' status after trying so hard to break it.

"Anyway, I followed Ally's instructions. The kids went everywhere with me. For a couple weeks, everyone was happy. Marcia and Marcus had no crazy lady breathing down their necks named Ally, and may have actually gotten some family time."

"Everyone was happy except the reporters, who were wondering where the heck Fionna was. Fionna, in the meantime, was having fun acting like a three year old, and Jason was having fun acting like a one year old. I was having fun being the cool aunt who spoiled them rotten. Then... I had to test the-"

Suddenly, past version of me burst in. "Have any of you seen two kids?! A little girl in a bunny hat, just like yours... and a baby in a bear hat, just like... yours. Okay, weird. Anyway, they're the sweetest children ever, and they are like little rays of sunshine in my life, and I know I shouldn't get attached to them, because my crazy sister will just take them back, and I'll never get to see them again." Then she just broke down.

"And thus, I have just proven my own point. I thought that the new design would keep up to three people safe. And I was promised that it would. No one wanted to lose you two- everyone at work loved you. Natalie, who worked in Accounting, always saved you both a cookie. Brian, in Marketing, would stop by my office just to see you two. Even my boss liked you guys."

"Hey, Past Olivia, you have to go back. Jack from work thinks you're cute and he's going to get worried." I said, breaking away from my story.

"I don't care about Jack right now. I have to find the kids!" She said, glaring at me.

"Okay, you do that. I already found them, so now, I focus mainly on why Laurence destroyed the world, and whatever happened to Jack-from-Work."

Laurence glared at me. "Nice."

"Shut up, Laurence!" Past Olivia and I said together.

"Okay, the pull back ring should work in three, two, one-" I said. Past Olivia disappeared.

"Why didn't that work with us?" Fionna asked me.

"Because the only one completely charged up was mine. Some idiot was fooling around in the lab the night before, and using the pull-back-rings. Believe me, you two would have been first priority. Anyway, you two were gone, off on your seperate adventures. Your parents never knew that you two were gone- they were in an unchartered jungle, with no wi-fi or phone signals."

"On the way back, they died in a car crash. If you two had been around, custody of you either would have gone to Honoria and Carlson Munslavaech, David, Laurence, or me. Probably me. But since you two were gone, there was this huge court case and the company was shut down."

"As for the Munslavaeches, no one knows what happened to them. I think the bomb mutated them, possibly into seperate species, or at least drove off Marcia and Marcus' handlers, who were total idiots, and panicked when they saw a bee. So with the bomb... they would have no problem running off and leaving two children defenseless."

"What do you think happened to them? If they didn't die?" Finn asked.

"Trust me Finn. You don't want to know what happened to Marcia and Marcus." Marceline said.

"And anyway, they're probably dead." Marshall agreed. I tilted my head. Does that count...?

"Scratch that, Marshall. They are dead. No possible way they can't be." Marceline added. Yup, it counts.

"If you ask me, I think Marcia and Marcus both survived the war." I said.

"You do?" Marceline and Marshall said together.

"Yeah. While they were probably seperated, they might have been taken in by some kind survivors, maybe even together. Of course, their handlers were idiots, so again, I think they were seperated. But still."

"They probably grew up, and had as normal lives as possible when living in a mutated ex-warzone with the fact that they were, in fact, royalty. But as for their parents, there is no way that they escaped without at least mutation. The White House was Ground Zero." I said.

Laurence was openly staring at me.

"Heck, you two may have even come across them once or twice." I continued. Marshall and Marceline were staring at me. I winked.

"No. Never met them. Only heard about Ally through TV." Marceline said.

"Mm. Probably gave you nightmares. But hey, everything gave kids nightmares back then. What with the nuclear war, and Laurence being a creep-"

"Hey!"

"-And the weird stuff back then, I'm surprised that not every person who was alive back then is in a mental hospital." I finished.

"And she is acknowledging her own craziness." Laurence muttered.

"Note: I was already fairly depressed when the kids came to me, so losing my sunshine would have sent me back into depression. And then, I was pushed into a vat of radioactive chemicals by my twin brother. I don't think the war had anything to do with it."

"The kids were watching this with interest. "If you guys want to hear about our descent into madness, you need popcorn, probably died red with food coloring." Laurence said.

---------------------------

Laurence had the slideshow rolling by the time the kids came back a few minutes later with the popcorn. I sat down with them. This was going to be interesting.

"First off, I created the atomic bomb known as the 'Mushroom Bomb'. I especially took over the detonation sequence. Hence, Farmworld Finn set off the bomb by accident, and yes, I knew about that. This was the center of everything." Laurence said.

"What ties into that is how the radiation affected my brain. I refused to wear gloves, believing I was safe, leading to my left hand being transformed into a claw. Added to this, I wiped my forehead often." He continued.

I ate some of the popcorn. It was pretty good.

"Besides this, I felt a strange anger at Olivia for losing the kids, even though she was obviously beating herself up about it, and practially emotionless by the point I pushed her into the vat. I saw it as revenge- Olivia's already mentioned that Ally was my favorite sibling, how I practically worshipped her."

"Just like the rest of America. 'Setting up two children to be married? Genius!'" I muttered.

"Yeah, you actually do have a point. And with the loss of the kids, it was the loss of Ally all over again. Thus, I wanted to kill her. No no no no, wait. Don't judge. I'm not a crazy, homicidal maniac. It was, in part, the radiation. So... I pushed her into a vat of the stuff that made that ultra-destructive atom bomb, and then... that's where the crazy wanting-to-destroy-all-life came from."

The kids were all giving him a weird look. "Meanwhile, I was just biding my time. For the record, I didn't want to kill all life. I wanted to kill Laurence. When it occured to me that he was probably dead, I wanted to kill all people like Laurence. Hence... trying to kill Juicyfruit from the inside." I said.

"You don't anymore, right?" Finn asked me, a little warily.

"Nope. Prince Airhead just annoys me." I said.

"Weird, since you're a gum addict. And I went there, now with weird new implications since the gum can talk." Laurence said. We all shuddered. Ew.

"Anyway, when she 'died', I went even more crazy. I blamed the people who made the bomb- my coworkers, my bosses. So I detonated it. Then it occurred to me that it was everyone's fault- the people who started the war, the kids, Olivia, even me. And then I figured that all human life is evil- yes, including myself."

"Olivia was evil for losing the kids, Ally was evil for taking over the world and not caring about the kids, who I figured would be evil one day because they were raised by Ally... and I thought, 'why not just rid the world of all the mankind that's left? Then I can kill myself. And the world will be happy. After all, we already messed up the environment... especially with the bomb.'"

The kids were giving him that weird look again. And when I say kids as in present tense, I mean all of them. "So... with the additional radiation, I eventually transformed into the Lich. Since basically everything here is anthropomorphic, I deduced it was all human, either mentally or emotionally, or whatever. So, I tried to kill it all. Wipe it all off the face of the Earth. Thankfully, Billy, then Finn stopped me. I was... I was not okay."

"When Olivia reappeared, I thought I had finally lost it. Then she started being annoying, and I knew she was real. Of course, there is only one place a Lich can truly be cut, and they hide it well. It... it holds the evilness and insanity, mostly. The magic of Ooo -and Aaa- supported us and returned us to our previous forms, even including our clothes in the mix."

I popped some more popcorn in my mouth. "So- do you four have any other questions about things that, a) confused you because you were too young to understand and/or remember, b) just want to know. Like David. David is a good example, but even I hadn't talked to him for years before someone set off a huge bomb."

"We're good." Marceline and Marshall said. Probably eager to get out of here before I tell on them. Seriously kids. It's your choice- especially you, Marshall. After all, what's more awkward than your girlfriend's aunt telling her how you two were going to be married as kids anyway?

"How 'bout you, kids? Because if you're good too, then I'm going to take this popcorn, and this giant movie screen, and watch at least one of the Indiana Jones movies. You're welcome to join me- Laurence definitely is." I added.

"Can we hear about Simon and Betty next time? And which Indiana Jones movie?" Finn asked suspiciously.

"Okay. Next time. And I don't know- whichever one I find first. Yes, Count Dracula over there is probably finding this funny as I call him 'Indiana Jones' because he and Lara Croft team up for adventuring a lot. More than you, Harry Potter, and you, Alice Cullen, for reasons that I do not need to specify."

Fionna was trying not to laugh, and Marshall was rolling his eyes.

"Don't make Twilight references, please." Marceline said, visibly annoyed.

"Sorry. But there aren't that many female vampires in literature who aren't sex symbols." I said, eating more red popcorn.

"Actually... yeah, you have a point." Marceline admitted.

"Mm-hmm. And Alice is one of the better characters- she actually does stuff." I pointed out.

Marceline rolled her eyes. "Fine."

I finally found Indiana Jones 2. The most bloody of them all. I smiled evilly as I handed Laurence the DVD.Seriously, this was my favorite as a kid because of Short Round driving the getaway car. But Willie is a total wuss. Nostalgia Critic, Marceline, and Fionna totally agreed.

Laurence was just too busy staring at the actress. I never thought I'd say this, but he needs a girlfriend.

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Bonus scene of backstoryness. *evil Olivia smile* Finn is HP because he's basically 'the Chosen One' like HP. There's another scene I wrote where Olivia and Laurence figure out that Hunson and (here, I am calling her Carlotta... for... some... reason...) switched their names around to become unrecognizable after the war. And who knows- Carlson could have had an awful father who abused him verbally at the very least and forced him onto the path of... that.

And in this story, Marshall and Marceline's parents were transformed into demons- well, their mother at least.

Speaking of mothers, I personally find the character of Ally scary, and that Fionna and Finn are better off the way they are now. I imagined Ally coming back. Several times. And David coming back. The only person I didn't think of was Past Olivia, which is ironic.

But seriously. David even had a theme song that automatically played whenever he went anywhere. And Ally had chips implanted in the children's heads- all of them. Yeah... she's pretty freaky.