:://DEDICATED TO Queen_Bee_NeNe FOR THE COVER SHE CREATED AT THE SIDE //::

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Everyone has those times where no matter how many times they try and how hard they attempt to achieve something - it doesn't happen. Whether it's something that annoys them or something that they want to succeed in, there's always something that will continue to go back to the way it was, and there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Just like trying to make two positive ends of a magnet stick together - the final resolution will always be that one goes against the pressure and turns back so it achieves stability, it refuses to change.

This was one of those times.

"Liana i'm serious, i'm not trying on that blazer."

As far as my little brother Joey goes - he never changed. From the age of four, all he would wear was comic tees, baggy jeans and sneakers - although he sometimes gave in to the occasional shorts if the weather demanded it, otherwise he looked like something off of a children's TV show, no matter how much my mother, and before that my father, tried to persuade him to wear a suit to an event or try a dress shirt for a meal, they couldn't change the mountain of determination that he had placed as a shield to conformity.

"Joey, just try it on you'll look amazing."

"Every time I visit you make me buy new clothes. Every time." I'd already tried to persuade him with food, movies and video games but none of it had worked.

"Well that's because you need new clothes!"

"I don't! And i'm not paying for this!"

"No I know that, Margot is! And she'll be really upset if you don't accept them."

"...Oh for god sake!"

I groaned and flopped back against the seat I was currently sitting on, waiting for Joey to come out of the changing rooms.

"He finally trying it on?" Margot chuckled, entering the room with a huff and I nodded with a sigh.

"Thank you for paying for this by the way."

"My dad doesn't even keep track of how much he sends me, my bank account literally builds up with money every month - I'll just donate it to a good cause." She joked and I almost chuckled but a growl stopped me.

"I heard that and I am not a good cause! My dress sense is fine!" Joey grumbled from behind the door and Margot and I both rolled our eyes. He was so stubborn.

"Joey, I love you and I would never ask you to change who you are... but you need clothes that are grown up." 

"You've had that shirt since High school and like you said you're growing so you need new clothes. End of." Margot shouted.

"Right fine, i'm coming out." I immediately sprang up and clapped my hands together waiting for him to come out and Margot stood beside me doing the same. I was almost tempted to grab her hand and squeeze it, this moment was so intense - like one of those reveals from a home make-over program.

I could almost feel the tension as the lock slid over and clearly Margot could too because she bent down and whispered in my ear, "This is like the big reveal on a make over show." 

Sometimes I literally felt like we were two of the same person, our thoughts were totally in sync... or maybe it was a sign that we had no life and spent too much time watching TV.

It could definitely be the latter, come to think of it.

I giggled but gasped when Joey finally showed us the outfit and Margot started clapping in response - he looked amazing. It was hard to imagine Joey as that little boy who cried for three days straight after our dad died when he looked like this - so grown up and mature.

The blazer was navy blue, it was slim fit and a cotton material, we'd paired it with light jeans and a white shirt which he'd tucked in with a black belt and upon my order he'd picked shoes in the same colour.

"You look so grown up." I exclaimed, straightening out the layers and he rolled his eyes and looked away from me, he was never one for compliments.

"I look like an Ivy school dweeb."

Margot burst out with laughter at his comment while I scolded him but I couldn't help but giggle along with them - it was true but also very ironic.

"Do you sometimes forget that you're at one of the best technology universities in the world?" He stuck his tongue out at me in response, "Sorry did I say university, I meant kindergarten."

We continued to make him try on clothes for the best part of another two hours, as well as buying some things for ourselves, we also got food and chatted for quite a while, spending most of the day in the confinements of the mall.

It was always good to spend time with Joey and Margot - they'd been my support system for the past eight years and without them I don't think I would have survived - but I suppose they were the same too, without me Joey wouldn't of physically been able to survive in our house... or emotionally too for that matter, our mother would of ruined any bit of decency left in him but thank goodness she didn't pay much attention to him, instead focusing on me and my failures, I guess that was a good thing about having a sibling. Unfortunately for Margot she was an only child so when her mother died of cancer when we were in our freshman year and her father started to seclude himself from the rest of the world, she had no one except me, and along with me came little shy Joey who wouldn't speak to anyone but me... until he met Margot.

I think in a way they have a connection, not a romantic one or anything but just this understanding of each other, they were both completely abandoned by the only parent they had left after the other died, although I lost my dad and my mum treated me awfully sometimes, she did pay attention to me - it might have been negative attention but I was still noticed, Joey wasn't even acknowledged. And neither was Margot. Her dad began to constantly lock himself away in his room, when he came out it was only to eat and after a while he threw himself into his work, all of his energy going in to making money and becoming successful - which he definitely did. He constantly provided Margot with everything she could possibly need and want except for one thing - love.

For a while she thought it was just her dad and he would get better with time but soon she began to realize that it was her - she was far too similar to her mother for her dad to ever be able to connect with her, everything about her was like Angie, from her hair, to her height, to her attitude - her mother had been her best friend and now she hated herself for it. After being left by herself at a young age and only getting attention from the maid within her house Margot started to get down, and soon she was diagnosed with depression, which only became worse when her father started dating a new woman and then a year later, married her, making her become more of a thing that he just paid for, instead of cared for.

I had been the one to look after her, to hold her hand through her sad spells and make sure that she was safe during the worst ones. I constantly watched her body language and reactions to see where she was on her happiness scale and whenever it began to tilt to the bad side I would quickly try to balance it out - through ice-cream, TV shows and affection - she just wanted someone to care for her and listen. She was like an ever swinging pendulum and she needed someone to push her back from the bad side. 

I was that person.

She had one big fear that she never spoke of but I figured out after she begged me to continue living with her in the apartment her dad had bought her, even after I had left university and couldn't afford it. It was evident in the way she would want to have a meal together at least once a day, or the way she said good morning to me every day without fail. It was especially clear when she sometimes sneaked into my room at night and would crawl into my bed with me, just wanting someone to hold.

Margot Brewer was undoubtedly terrified of being alone.

I couldn't blame her, i'd had Joey all my life, imagining trying to live without him seemed almost impossible, but she had experienced being alone, she'd felt the pain of being ignored and invisible in her own home and the way it affected her made me even more worried of it happening to me. I couldn't even begin to think of how she felt having nothing but replaceable gifts given to her by her only family left.

And even though i knew she'd faced some of the most difficult times anyone could go through without anyone supporting her except for me, I couldn't help but be jealous of her occasionally.

She didn't have any responsibility on her shoulders, she didn't have to act as the parent to a kid who was hardly younger than her or give up her dreams to be the support underneath that child. She didn't have to worry about money and work her ass of just so that she had a stable life.

I hated myself for it but sometimes I wished my mum hadn't paid so much attention to me, maybe then the ugly natured people associated with her wouldn't of noticed me either.

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"I'm going to miss you so much." I mumbled, clinging to the familiar smelling fabric of the shirt that my little, although taller than me, brother was wearing, not really wanting to let him go. 

"I can always just not go back to university." He joked but when I pulled back to look into his eyes I could see the real sadness in them - it will still hard for him to be away from me too.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, grateful that I didn't put on make up today, otherwise it would of been a whole lot messier, and he softly strokes my cheek, removing any traces of my tears. "I'll call you as soon as i'm home and we can Skype in the next few days okay?" He offered and I nodded.

"Remember Joey, anytime you want, you don't even have to call, just come here if you ever need anything, you are always welcome, little J." Margot grabbed his arms and yanked him into her, squeezing him with as much force as I did and I couldn't help but chuckle at Joey's grimace as he struggled to breathe.

"Thanks M." He choked out and she quickly turned and walked away from him, mumbling about wanting a coffee and I shook my head softly at her retreating figure. "She loves me a lot." He smirked and I nodded in reply before sighing and turning back to him. He looked at my face and saw my eyes tearing up again and he gave me a sad smile as he wrapped his arms around me again, burying his face into my hair. 

"I'm so proud of you Joe." I whispered and he gave me one last squeeze before pulling back and softly placing a kiss on my forehead.

"And i'm proud of you too Li, you never give up." His words made me tear up even more as I stepped away from him and pointed to his gate, not wanting to prolong this even further.

"You have to go."

He nodded in agreement before bending down and picking up his bag, coughing as he straightened out. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Promise?" I half begged, not caring how weak I looked.

"Promise."

Margot appeared at my shoulder and handed me a coffee, which I gladly took as we waved goodbye to Joey. We watched him as he headed to the doors and opened them and I prepared to see him step through but instead he turned with a wicked grin on his face and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"By the way, you're not allowed to date this guy unless I meet him first, so Margot, you better watch Captain America and let me know if he makes a move." 

The blush immediately coated my face as I raised my hand and swore at him in response while Margot howled with laughter at my expense. Joey burst out laughing before turning and walking away with a wave and I grumbled, lowering my hand and scowling, looking around the airport.

An older woman with grey hair and a chunky cardigan stared at me in disgust and disapproval, shaking her head, clearly not a fan of my display of emotions to my little brother and I quickly spun around, grabbing Margot's hand as I started to drag her away from the terminal.

"What's wrong?" She wheezed and I glanced back to still see the old ladies eye following my steps making me hurry up even more.

"There's a little old lady who is not a fan of my gestures and now she's giving me the stink eye and it's pretty scary plus I don't like being disapproved of so we're leaving before she remembers my face and I have to see her again, could you imagine if she recognized me, i don't want to be known for bad things, lets move." I yanked her arm and she started laughing again, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"You're actually insane, you know that right, who else would be so worried about a little old lady who doesn't even know you... if it were me I would of just flipped her the bird and walked away, she should mind her own business."

I gasped, "Margot! You can't do that to an old woman, that's so disrespectful." 

She rolled her eyes at my scolding and opened the doors to the car park, steering us towards her familiar car which I still hesitated about driving considering how much it cost - it was a large range rover jeep that her dad had got her for starting University, it was a dark purple shade and it was literally her baby, she loved it, and she loved me enough to let me use it considering I definitely didn't have enough money to buy my own car.

"You're too nice sometimes you know that, right?" She told me as we jumped in and I gave her a withered look which she just shrugged at, "What? It's the truth, you are." 

"I'm not too nice," I defended, "I've just been taught to be respectful." I looked away from her and out the window, a blush coating my cheeks because although i'm arguing I know that she's at least a little bit right - I do let people walk all over me sometimes, but that's only because I don't want to anger people, it's been driven into me from a young age.

"I'm sorry, I know it's because of the whole thing with your mums boyfriend and whatever, I shouldn't of said that." Her hand landed on my arm and I turned, giving her a small smile at her apology.

"It's okay, I know you weren't meaning it maliciously, it's just hard to get over what I was taught, especially considering the outcomes if I didn't, you know?" My breathing hitched at the end of the sentence but I covered it with a cough, "Let's listen to the radio." 

Margot noticed my quick change of subject, and probably my pathetic attempt at a cover up too, but she didn't say anything, instead she just started to drive and sang along to the songs that we enjoyed that came on the radio and soon the tension was removed from the cars atmosphere and our conversation was basically forgotten.

Sometimes you need to push someone to talk, and you need to force someone to give you answers - the pressure allows them to open up and it's as though as you push it squeezes out of them, releasing the negativity and allowing the space that is left to be filed with positive things in replacement.

Other times you left them alone, like a rising spot the more you squeeze the more irritated and out of control it becomes and the pain lasts much longer - sometimes you just have to let it die down by itself and soon enough it will disappear and if it doesn't then you can maybe think about squeezing it, but you have to give it time first.

Margot understands this just as much as me, we both have days where we have to squeeze but for most of mine I prefer to be left alone, I don't like revealing information more than once, repeating events doesn't help me.

Margot on the other hand needs to release her thoughts and feelings, as though leaving them inside of her will make the toxic stuff leak into her pores and infect all of her - this is probably why we were such a good pair, we both balanced each others needs out and could provide the stability we both needed from each other - we understood each other and I was terrified that I would never find someone else who could support me as much as she did, it terrified me to think that maybe I was too much for anyone to understand, and I know she felt the same way.

I always wondered what would happen if either of us had to leave, we can't stay together forever and the ever looming date of her finishing graduating is drawing nearer and she'll need to get a job... what if she can't get one here.

The truth is that as much as I know that Margot doesn't ever want to be alone and it terrifies her, it terrifies me too. I'm not as much afraid of my own company, I enjoy the silence sometimes, the binge watching of tv shows and the chance to organize my thoughts and let my mind do a bit of wandering - it's the chance of something else that does.

The chance that one day Joey might get a girlfriend and he'll forget to call me one week, and then suddenly he's got a career and he's getting married and he hasn't called me in a month, and then suddenly its been a year and he has kids that I don't even know about.

Or the chance that Margot will get a job and I wont see her everyday, and then suddenly she gets a whole load of new friends and stays out most nights while I stay at home and clean the house, and then finally she gets an offer on Broadway and she moves away, leaving me behind and she becomes this famous actress who has forgotten all about her pathetic wannabe ex-bestfriend back in her hometown who is still single, alone, and without a career.

The thought of being alone doesn't scare me.

The thought of being forgotten does.

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HI THERE READERS! Although you are few I still appreciate your support on this book and thank you to the odd person who is voting! It means the world to me - expect a dedication soon! (you know who you are) And that goes for anyone else who wants to vote or comment too!