Chapter 4
The room is both noisy and quiet, a paradox that doesn't exactly make sense but is true nonetheless. In the hospital, there is the constant beeping from the monitors and the buzzing from patients summoning their nurses or the doctors running down the hall to help someone in desperate need. On the other hand, Charlie sits beside me as silent as ever. I can't get him to utter a single word which kind of defeats the purpose of him coming to visit me.
I scoop up the last bit of pudding with the plastic spoon, licking it clean afterwards.
"This is kind of better than the ones from school."
"I hate you," he shoots back immediately, his words overlapping with mine.
I shrug, using my spoon to point past the thin curtain that is supposed to give us privacy and towards the door behind it. "If you really feel that way then the exit's over there."
He doesn't move from his slouched position, arms crossed over his chest and legs propped up on the edge of my hospital bed. He refuses to meet my eyes. I almost laugh at his resemblance to a child about to throw a fit.
"You're absolutely unhinged for jumping off those crates. What did you think would happen? It's a miracle your not paralyzyed!"
My head is still bandaged up, the side of it shaved because the doctors had to closely inspect a wound. My ribs are braced in wrap but don't ache like they used to. My wrist is in a brace, making good progress in healing. My leg, which hangs in a sling, doesn't hold as much promise. The doctor's said it broke at a strange angle. Part of the bone shattered off and the ligaments of my knee tore. They're pretty certain I'm going to have a noticeable limp for the rest of my life.
I try to imagine what Charlie must have seen when I went splat on the deck of the ship. I was broken and bloodied. Maybe it was selfish for me to do - I would be pretty pissed at Charlie if he pulled something like that - but it's not like I knew he was going to be there to see it. I was thinking of holding up a big, metaphorical middle finger to the researchers and my parents. I was thinking of finally escaping the ship the only way I knew how.
I try to smile, hoping it will be contagious. "I'm not that big of an idiot though, am I? I've bought myself time."
It's been several weeks of hospitalization. It's not exactly freedom but it's also not being held in a torture chamber of a ship.
His mood is unchanging. "Well, now you're all out of time, aren't you? You're due out of here in a couple weeks."
"It was worth it -"
"I wish you would have trusted me."
I stare at him hard. "Trusted you to do what?"
He shakes his head, leaning back into his seat again. "Nevermind."
I sit up, waiting for a further explanation but it doesn't come. His eyes flicker back up to me and he starts to rub his lips with the back of his thumb, a fidgety move that reveals there's something he isn't telling me.
"Promise me you're not going to further involve yourself." I lower my voice, keenly aware that the curtain is not a sound barrier and at any second my parents can walk back into the room. Charlie already went through enough to time his visit so he wouldn't be caught by Nakpuna or my parents. "I already told you there's nothing any of us can do. There's no point in getting mixed up in things. You shouldn't even be here considering who your uncle is."
I shiver. It haunts me to know Charlie is so close within his grasp. His uncle always sounded like a bad guy to me but now I know he is definitely an evil person. The idea that Lizzie shares a bed with him, that Charlie shares a home with him, that Nakpuna could get to them whenever he wants, it feels like a threat. It is a threat.
"If it's between your safety and mine, " Charlie says, squaring his shoulders, "you know who I'd choose."
Warmth fills my chest as my heart simultaneously plummets into my stomach. The luxury of having someone choose me is one I can never seem to afford. My parents have already decided they don't want me and because of that I can never belong to anyone but the researchers.
"It's not that simple."
The curtain snaps back, revealing my mother.
"Dean, I think it's time you go. Dovie needs her rest." I cringe at her use of his middle name. Since I never introduced her to him, she probably got the name from Nakpuna. He purposefully uses his nephew's middle name in order to demean him. Whether my mother means to or not, she's doing the same. I don't think she would care even if she knew. If Nakpuna doesn't care about Charlie so she doesn't need to. It's all about staying in his good graces so she can collect a paycheck for my suffering.
"My name's Charlie," he says, his jaw clenching at the sight of her.
"Right. Please show yourself out, Charlie." She steps aside to allow room for him to go but he doesn't get up immediately. He glares at her and I think I should say something before he turns her into stone. He eventually leaves, giving me a softer stare as he steps out.
"See you soon." He's made himself a liar with that sentence alone and I know that before my mother opens her mouth.
"You two will no longer be talking. Dr. Nakpuna wishes to keep his work and his family separate." Her words hold such finality to them that I flinch. She has taken a lot of things away from me over the years but never a person.
"I am not 'his work'. You can't stop me from seeing Charlie. You aren't even here most of the time!" The weeks I've been in the hospital, my mother has only made a handful of visits. She is around only when the doctor's need to speak to her and when she drops off school work. She's probably forgotten she had a daughter during the duration of my stay.
She snakes around to the other side of my bed and dusts off the chair Charlie was sitting in. When she finally settles, she sits up ridiculously straight. They say good posture is supposed to make you look confident but I think it makes her look like she has something up her ass.
"I have spoken to the nurses. I told them to only let family see you."
I slam my fists into the sides of the bed, getting a jump out of her. Maybe Charlie was right when he said I was unhinged for what I did at the docks. Something in me has snapped. "He's more family than you'll ever be! I know you're going to send me back as soon as you can. Why can't you let me have this one thing?"
"You better calm yourself or I'll call a doctor in here to sedate you," she hisses.
I laugh, a dry and lifeless sound that burns my throat. "You can't do that here, Mom! These people are humanane. They don't pump crap into kids for fun!"
My mother's eyebrows are drawn tight, the creases in her forehead showing despite her endless efforts to hide her age. "I don't know why you're trying so hard to play the victim. The facility hasn't been shut down by the law because they follow regulations. Besides, they are keeping our family financially stable -"
"You never go below the deck because you don't want to see what's underneath! You don't want to know the things they do because you know it's torture!" I have to take a breath to get the words out. They nearly suffocate me. "There are kids . . . little kids down there. They need help!"
She balls her fists at me. It's not that she's worried someone will hear my claims but bothered that she is being forced to face the truth. "Shut your mouth!"
"You can't play dumb forever. I know you know! Not if but when I die from all the poison they're putting into me, it will be your fault! All of those kids' innocent blood will be on your hands because you knew and you did nothing to stop it!"
Her hand comes across my face hard, the sound breaking through the air like the crack of a whip. The version of my mother who had existed for ever so briefly was dead. The one who'd hum Marc Anthony songs while mopping the floors or who'd hold up her 'chancla' threateningly but never strike me with it when I misbehaved. The woman that hadn't yet tasted the sweet delicacy of wealth was long gone. It makes me miss the mother I barely ever had. I crave what could have been had she chosen me.
Her hand is still suspended in the air, her features just as frozen. Her eyes are glazed over and it's like she doesn't even see me.
I cup my cheek in my hand, feeling myself tremble. "Mom?"
She takes a deep breath and straightens her cardigan. When she meets my eyes again, I don't see a trace of remorse. "If I so much as suspect that Dean is trying to come visit you, things will get worse."
"No!"
"Your father and I will not lose everything to your selfishness." She stands up while adjusting her blazer, appearing so much taller than me at the foot of my bed.
When she leaves, a whimper escapes my mouth. Then I'm crying and it feels as though I'll never stop. I cry for me but mostly for all the forgotten boys and girls who will forever be trapped under the deck of that ship. We'll all be lost to the world without a trace at the hands of Nakpuna. Charlie will eventually forget about me. He'll have to. Then I'll be completely and utterly lost along with the rest of the kids.
I'll fade out of existence in the coldest and loneliest of places.
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