The Girl talks to Jet Star

The Girl had been thinking about it for the past few weeks. Watching the Fabulous Killjoys kill ruthlessly had her worried. She had seen them smile as Dracs dropped dead in front of them. But she also saw them cry.

They didn't know she had seen them cry. They didn't know that they all cried. They all had their facades when killing Dracs, but as soon as they were alone or with someone close to them, they cried. They cried and The Girl didn't know why.

Fun Ghoul could laugh while watching his bombs go off, and then later turn to Party to cry in their arms. And Party would cry with him. Kobra Kid bottled up his emotions, but the second he was alone with Mr Sandman, he was a sobbing mess. And Sandman would comfort him. Jet Star did his best to stay strong, but every once in a while there would be sniffles when he thought he was alone.

The Girl couldn't understand it, but she did her best to help them in her own way. A hug here, some cuddles there. Especially for Jet Star.

It might have been because the others had their partners, but The Girl had always seen Jet as a parent. Yes, the others were fun, but Jet had been there when she had nightmares, when she needed help. The others did their best, but they weren't the same. The Girl wanted to help Jet the same way he helped her.

It had been after a raid in Zone 4. They expected the Dracs. They killed the Dracs. After all were dead, they kneeled by their bodies, gently removing their masks. They did that every time.

But why?

They gathered the masks, packing them in the back of the Trans Am. They silently mourned those that they had just killed.

The Girl had no idea why.

But she wanted to know. She wanted to be able to help them, all of them.

So, the night after a particularly treacherous run, while the Fabulous Killjoys were joking around in the diner, she stormed in.

"Why."

Party Poison spun around. "Girlie! Come join us!"

Kobra Kid pulled his sibling back, focusing his attention on The Girl. "Why what?"

"Why do you wear the masks."

"The masks? Girlie, you know why we wear the masks–" Party Poison was cut off.

"Not those masks."

Jet Star, the only one paying attention to The Girl's body language stood up from his seat at the booth. "C'mon Girl, let's talk on the roof."

"Why Jet?" Party sat down in Jet's recently vacated seat. "She obviously has something to say, so let her say it."

Ghoul lightly hit his partner. "Shut it Party and let them speak in private."

"Yes Party, listen to your boyfriend."

"Fuck you Kobra."

"You know what Party, we're gonna talk in the car." Ghoul jumped up and started dragging his partner out the door, towards the Trans Am.

"Wait Ghoul– fuck don't pull so hard, I'm coming."

Ghoul eased his tugging. "Well hurry the fuck up."

"I... I'll just go visit Sandman," Kobra stuttered awkwardly, following his sibling's path out of the diner to (presumably) go get his motorcycle.

Jet locked eyes with The Girl, motioning for her to follow him outside in the opposite direction. She did so, albeit grudgingly. The Girl trailed after Jet, wallowing in her own thoughts until somehow Jet was on the roof. He reached out a hand, pulling her up next to him.

"Why're we on the roof?"

"Night."

"What?"

"The night sky."

Jet Star sat down on the roof, legs hanging over the edge, and patted the area next to him.

"Come sit."

The Girl sat down.Looking over the desert she opened her mouth ready to talk, but was stopped by Jet.

"So you're upset," Jet followed her eyesight over the shadowed desert.

"Obviously."

"Care to explain?"

The Girl sighed, her eyes lowering to the Trans Am where Party and Ghoul were talking. She could hear murmurs being said, but couldn't distinguish what. She saw Kobra wheeling his motorbike out, getting ready to go to the Suitehearts.

The Girl had spent many weeks holding these worries in her head. She had seen The Killjoys cry again and again and again. And eventually, it was gonna consume them whole. Eventually they would stop fighting. The Girl knew that the day would come. When they were no longer fighting, maybe they would be known as Patron Saints if they were lucky. For all good things will end, some sooner than later. So she would try her very best to make sure it happens later.

Jet placed a hand on her shoulder. "Girl, I can't help you through this if you don't talk about it."

"I know, but it doesn't make sense."

"Most things don't," Jet confirmed, "But maybe we can make sense of it together."

"I s'pose you're right."

"I do my best."

The Girl had calmed down since storming into the diner due to Jet's calming nature, but that didn't stop her worry or curiosity. She looked at Jet, noting his untamable hair rippling in the wind; and hers no doubt having a very similar reaction to the sudden wind.

"You kill," The Girl finally breathed.

Jet whipped his head over towards The Girl. "Yes, that's part of being a Killjoy."

"But you put up a facade."

"Ah," Jet hummed, "I see why you're confused."

"You see? You see? Jet, one second you are acting like everything's all milkshakes, and the next, you're bawling your eyes out."

"Girl," Jet sighed, "People have more than one feeling. Better Living suppresses feelings, but out here, we are free to laugh and love. But there's more to life than happiness. For us to laugh, we need to cry. We need to feel sadness. We laugh because we are free of BL/ind and we cry because we're free. If we aren't suppressed, we can feel."

"But why do you cry? And why do you hide it?"

"Life," Jet said, "And death. We cry for those we couldn't save, we cry for those who weren't willing to be saved."

The Girl looked at Jet. His head was tilted back, eyes skyward.

"What about the Dracs?" The Girl inquired.

"The Dracs?" Jet echoed.

"Yes, the Dracs," The Girl repeated.

Jet moved his right hand to his left wrist, his fingers running over his many Bad Luck Beads. His eyes moved from the sky to his hands, to his bracelets.

"Dracs are the star of BL/ind brainwashing. The masks can make the most rebellious Killjoy obey the stupidest order. They rewire the brain. And it's irreversible."

The Girl couldn't trust herself to say anything– not while Jet was so vulnerable. There was a certain delicate sadness that would be shattered if she vocalized her thoughts. So she didn't say anything; and honestly, she didn't think she would be able to say anything.

"The memories haunt us. Every soul that we've willingly taken and given to the Phoenix Witch, every soul that we couldn't save. It builds and builds. And there's no way to make it better.

"We as Killjoys are doomed to despair. We are doomed to carry the pain of the lost souls that are now Dracs, of our friends and family that are gone. But we carry on, even though they're dead and gone, we continue living. The memories haunt us, but they also empower us. We live and we fight. We carry their memories. And one day, maybe we can restore the world to its previous beauty."

"How do you deal with the deaths?" The Girl's quiet voice broke the silence following Jet Star's statement.

Jet raised his head, looking at the Girl. "Whaddya mean?"

The Girl paused, thinking before replying, "You say you fight because of the memories of people that have died, but how do you deal with them dying?"

"Y'mean like, how do I get over the fact that they're dusted?" Jet asked.

"Y-yeah."

Jet considered his answer for a bit before opening his mouth. "It's different for everyone. Coping is a personal journey, and is fine-tuned for each person."

Jet dropped his eyes from The Girl's face back to his bracelets, running them through his fingers. The desert was silent, save the sound of a motorcycle in the distance, virtually indistinguishable from the sound of the wind.

"For me though," Jet said, "I remember where we came from."

Looking back up at the dark sky, The Girl stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. And he did.

"I once found a book from before the Helium Wars and it talked about how we are made from stardust."

"Stardust?" The Girl asked.

"Stardust. We, humans, need something called 'iron' to live, and according to books from before the Helium Wars, iron can only be made inside the cores of stars."

The Girl knew that there were once stars in the sky before the Helium Wars, but had long since disappeared. Few remembered what they looked like, so many Killjoys relied heavily upon stories passed down through crews and the few books from before the Helium Wars.

"We were stars," Jet continued. "We are stars, and when we die, we become stardust. We return to the stars where we can live how we want, love who we want, and we don't have to worry about BL/ind.

"The Phoenix Witch grants us passage. She saves our soul, the stars take our body."

Saying nothing seemed like the only viable option. The Girl didn't want to interrupt something that seemed to mean a lot to Jet.

"Knowing that I will see them again keeps me going. I tell myself every day that when I die, I will see everyone that was dusted before me."

"But..." The Girl prompted, sensing that there was more to say.

"But it's hard. Sometimes the deaths become overwhelming and hard to deal with. So I cry. Crying isn't a form of weakness, no matter what it seems like. It's a form of strength and having the courage to show your emotions.

"It doesn't make it any easier though. But what helps is reminding myself that I will see them again."

Looking out at the inky desert, The Girl asked, "Why're you telling me this?"

Jet took his time replying. "I'm telling you this... I'm telling you this because it may help you."

"How?"

"A time will come," Jet started, "When you won't have us. You will have to deal with loss, and I think that if you know how I deal with it, maybe it'll be easier for you to deal with it."

Jet's fingers once again moved to his bracelets, running along the countless beads. He brushed over them gently, touching every one.

For a while, The Girl did not speak. Jet had spilled a part of himself, and she didn't know what to say. He said that the Fabulous Killjoys may not always be there. The idea of it scared her.

The Girl had grown dependent on the Killjoys. They cared for her and in return, she cared for them – in her own way. But it was hard. She held her emotions in, putting on a mask of happiness. And–

Oh.

She wasn't so different. She was just like those that she worried about. She took her emotions and squashed them with fake happiness, just like them.

Crying wasn't weakness. It's strength. The Girl knew that crying would help her, she wanted to cry. She just couldn't.

Sitting on the roof with Jet Star, looking out over the darkened desert, talking; it all hurt. She wasn't trying to trick them into thinking she was carefree, but it seemed like a part of her now. Acting like it was fine.

"It's scary," She finally admitted, tears welling up. "I don't wanna lose you."

"You won't lose me. I'll be in the stars, watching you," Jet murmured, rubbing The Girl's back. "I'll be up there keeping you safe."

"But," The Girl sniffed, "But what if you're ghosted when I'm not there?"

Jet took off one of his bracelets. "Take this. These are called 'Bad Luck Beads.'"

"What do they do?"

"Many people think, when one of your Bad Luck Beads breaks, the person that gave them to you has been dusted," Jet said while putting the Bad Luck Beads on The Girl's wrist. "Some people don't believe that it works, but when BL/ind nuked Zone 7, so many bracelets broke. And not just mine, but everyone's."

The Girl tackled Jet in a hug, burying her face in his chest, clinging to him. Jet Star manoeuvered his arms around her, pulling her closer.

Sitting there with Jet, The Girl wished that she could pause time. This moment was digital and she didn't want it to end. Clutching onto Jet's jacket, The Girl attempted to stop the tears.

"Don't." The words slipped out of Jet's mouth. "Don't try to stop. Let it all out, don't be afraid to cry."

"I'm not afraid," The Girl said, words muffled, "I just don't wanna ruin your jacket."

"No, Motorbaby, it's fine. I could care less about my jacket right now."

"But it's fucking shiny–" The Girl was cut off by Jet suddenly pulling away from the hug.

"Where did you," He stopped mid sentence. "I'm gonna kill Party later."

Laughter overwhelmed The Girl's tears. Drying her eyes, she said, "You can't just blame Party, it's also Ghoul's fault!"

"They're both gonna die," Jet mumbled.

"No!" The Girl laughed, leaning against Jet, "Don't kill them! Let Benzedrine know, and Benzedrine can kill them."

Jet put an arm around her and looked out into the distance where some lights from a firefight could be seen. Lights in the direction that Kobra had been heading.

"I guess that would work..." Jet Star trailed off, looking carefully at his Bad Luck Beads.

He removed his arm from around The Girl, reaching to rub his bracelets when–

When one of them snapped.

Jet's wide eyes followed the path that the beads took, falling down, rolling off the roof, and quickly disappearing on the sand.

"No! No!" Jet repeated himself over and over again until the words faded.

A final light lit the night sky, going straight up towards where the stars would be. Arcing up and fading out, like a firework that never explodes. A life lost too soon.

At that, Jet burst into tears, holding the broken bracelet in his hand. And The Girl? The Girl held him as he cried. He cried for another Killjoy that had been dusted, another soul for the Phoenix Witch, another friend becoming stardust once more.

Haha that was fun. Personally, I'm not 100% satisfied with what I wrote, so I might go through and edit it later. Later meaning in between writing the next part, writing my other fanfic, writing some of my original works, and catching up with schoolwork. But enough about me, what did you think? Let me know, I like seeing comments :)

Personal criticism: The beginning and the end are both rushed, they don't really flow. Kinda heavy on dialogue, needs more about the setting/scene.

See y'all later, probably when I update this next

Peace ✌︎︎
Published: January 29, 2021