Throughout the week, the experience of assisting visually impaired children to ride horses was one that I thought would stay with me forever. For the most part, I was just an observer and helper, because Janine and Stephanie were in charge of the horses, along with Jimmy, the older wrangler, and Hector, the younger one.  I helped out as best as I could and then ran the programs afterward.

All of the wranglers were patient, having the children first feel every part of the arena in the model first, then feel their horse, and finally feel each piece of equipment, such as the reins and saddle, before they used it. They used a special ramp to get the kids up high enough to get on the horses.

Once the kids were up on their horses, the looks on their faces were priceless. Sure, they were scared at first, to be that high up off of the ground on an unfamiliar, but huge animal. Then, the looks turned to unadulterated terror once the horses started walking. A horse has a sway to its gait that takes some getting used to. But the wranglers held the ropes and guided each horse and rider slowly, carefully, and safely, around the corral. After a while, the faces of the children turned to delight as they got used to the lumbering walk of the horses.

They were riding horses, actually doing it. So freaking awesome!

One thing I had learned in my research, was that if you were blind, your body was often hunched over, since you had to feel your way around, either with a cane, a guide animal, or with a caregiver. But on a horse, other muscles were used, and it was a good experience for the bodies of these children to feel their muscles working in different ways.

Each day, when we were done with the horses after the morning session, I talked with the children, having them describe to me the sensations they felt: the scent of the barnyard, the sounds of the horses, the rough feel of the hide of their horse, the motion of the walk. They also talked about how they felt about riding, from their fear at first, to getting used to it after a while.  We made a recording of their voices so that they could replay it and remember what they felt when they returned home.

Also, once we were done each day, every single one of them wanted to do it again and again, so we went riding as many times as we could manage during their time at the ranch.

For the most part this week, Will was away from the compound, taking care of things around the ranch. His truck was gone, and it came back each day with more mud on it. But he made a point to walk over to the corral on Tuesday afternoon and talk with the kids about their experiences on the horses, taking time with each child individually.

When he met Clarissa, of course she wanted to "sing" his hair, so he bent down, all six and a half feet of him, or so, and let the little seventeen year old touch his curly, brown hair.

I wanted to to do that.

She sang a sweet, middle note, and said that his hair sounded "true, fierce, and loyal."

Interesting. It was sort of like an astrology reading by hair.

Meal times were the only times that I really saw Will this week, and I thought that we both had trouble keeping our hands under control. The flirting with him was a combination of completely under wraps and blatantly obvious. If you didn't know that we were flirting, I hoped that you would have no idea what we were doing. But if you knew what we were doing, I bet you would laugh. When I got up to refill my water glass, for instance, I made it a point to graze his crotch as I got up. He did the same, reaching across my boobs to grab the salt and pepper, and resting his arm just a second too long. And so it went on, in public, playing this game of who can touch the other one the most, without letting anyone else know it.

On Thursday, it happened.

"What is that noise?" asked Clarissa suddenly, her sunglasses on, Bo Derek braids whipping around to turn her ear toward some scrubby bushes at the far end of the corral. I walked over to investigate and, holy shit, there was a full-sized rattlesnake right there. Not only could I see the snake, stretched out across the dirt, but also I could hear the rattle. About all that I knew about rattlesnakes was from cartoons, but I figured that just because it wasn't coiled up and ready to strike didn't mean that we should stick around and meet it.

"I'm no expert but that looks like a rattlesnake, so we're going to get out of here and go inside and I'll get someone to take care of it," I said, more calmly and confidently than I felt. I also had no idea what I meant by "take care of it," but I had no choice. I could not have anyone, let alone a blind child, get hurt. The caregivers of each of the participants gathered them quickly, and we headed for the bunkhouse as a group.

We were about halfway to the bunkhouse when Will's truck pulled into the compound. I told everyone that I would meet them in the TV lounge in the bunkhouse and I ran over to him.

"Will, there's a rattlesnake in the bushes by the corral," and I pointed to where I saw it.

He nodded, said, "I'll take care of it," and ran to one of the barns. He came back, holding a shovel, with Claudio, the ranch hand, holding a bucket and Janine holding a rake. My heart clenched. I didn't want them to kill the rattlesnake. It hadn't done anything wrong. But rattlesnake venom could be fatal. This was the part where wanting to save all of the animals in the world was really difficult. I didn't eat animal products and I tried not to wear any leather or do anything that would involve animal testing. But here, on the ranch, there was just no avoiding wildlife, and as much as I hated, absolutely fucking hated, what they were going to do—or at least what I thought they were going to do—I couldn't stop it.

I turned and walked into the lounge room, where everyone was gathered.

"Let's take a break for a little bit, while we make sure that everything is safe," I said. We had a collection of movies with descriptive English narration in them, and I put one on for those who wanted to watch it, Puss in Boots, letting anyone who wanted free time, have free time.

And then I headed back to the corral. I couldn't stay away. I needed to know what they were going to do to the snake.

When I got near the corral, Will's head whipped around and he yelled, "Get away, Marie. Go in the tack house."

"No," I yelled back. "I want to know what you are doing to it."

"Stay the fuck away, it's dangerous. Right now we have it under control. I'll come talk to you in the tack house when we're done." The tone of his voice was one that I was not going to be able to argue with, and I decided to do what he said.

I went into the tack house and sat on a saw horse, breathing hard. I know that some people would say that 'it's just a snake,' but to me, it was important.  I didn't want to be responsible for killing any animal, even one that was not cuddly and cute.

After about ten minutes, Will walked in the tack house, and came right over to me, standing over me.

"You're upset."

"Yeah, Captain Fucking Obvious."

"We can't have rattlers around here. Not with the Headlands Program. We had to kill it."

"You couldn't have taken it to another part of the ranch?"

"I'm not driving around with a rattlesnake in my truck and besides, because of our insurance requirements, we have to destroy them. We can't take them somewhere else on the ranch because they might come back. And we're too far out here for animal control to come in time."

I sighed. "I know you think I'm crazy, all sad about the life of one snake, but that's just how I'm made."

He smiled. "I know. That's part of the reason why I think I like you."

"You think you like me?"

"The part that cares about everyone and everything? Yeah."

That was sweet.

"Will you tell me what you did to it?"

He looked at me, probing and serious. "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded.

"Janine pinned its head with the rake while I sliced it off with the shovel. We put it in the bucket and buried it out back."

To me, that sounded gruesome, but I suppose it could have been worse.

"That upset you worse," he said, stating the obvious.

"Yeah."

"Stay here for a minute." He left the tack house and after a moment, came back in, carrying something.

"Bought you a present," he said gruffly. I was touched. He had been away all day. It was nice to think that he had thought of me.

"What is it?"

He handed me the white paper sack and I opened it up. Candy?

"It's from Robitaille's in Carpenteria. It's candy, so I figured you could eat it - no animals in it. I asked and they said these had no milk or butter or anything."

My mouth opened at a thoughtful gift. "That was nice of you."

"Not really. They were the official candy maker of Reagan's second inauguration."

I couldn't help but laugh. Of course he gave me Republican vegan candy.

"A compromise, Mr. Thrash? I didn't know you had it in you?"

He looked for a moment like he was battling with himself to say something, but didn't. He stood up, looked down at me, said, "see you later," and then he walked away, but I heard him mutter, "I know what I want in you..."

Dirty motherfucker!

The candy was delicious, though I still felt bad for the snake.