*sad/emotional/still slightly happy Pepperony fluff that doesn't actually have real endgame spoilers. The only thing mentioned is Tony's escape back to earth, but you already knew that happened from the trailers!*

Also, please note that there is a major trigger warning here, mentions of suicide and self harm.  Yeah, it's pretty damn depressing in the beginning, but I promise it gets better! 😁😁😁

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Tony's head fell into his hands, massaging his aching temples as he rode out the aftermath of another panic attack. His heart was drumming loudly in his head, his brain feeling as though it would explode from the massive amount of pain it was going through. His skin was on fire, burning endlessly for what seemed like hours. Breath escaped him in rasped coughs, as he just barely managed to breathe in the heat of the moment. 

Tony stumbled as he sat on the bed, almost tripping over his feet, hardly able to believe that his tense muscles were allowing him to move. His body was still torn to bits, still not fully recovered from severe malnutrition and dehydration. He was frail, weak, and sore.

Despite sitting down, Tony seldom felt the cushion beneath him - all he felt were cold gusts of air and the strangling feeling of floating, the way he always felt when visions of his previous terrors haunted his mind. 

Alone, afraid, and sad, Stark cried. He wept openly, frankly not giving two actual damns about who heard or saw him. He was trapped in his own head, pinned down by the nightmares that continuously abused him every single day. He was defenseless and weak, torn apart by his demons and shaken to the core. 

Sobs escaped him, his shoulders rising and falling unevenly and his lungs heaving, desperately needing the oxygen that wasn't there. Those moments replayed in his head; over, and over, and over, and over, with no relief. He couldn't help but think of what more he could've done, what more he would've done, if given the chance. 

There are no do-overs. There are no second chances. 

There is only pain, and guilt, and sorrow, for what could've been; there is only mourning, and nightmares, and tears and sleepless nights. 

There is no second chance. There is only now. There is only the next day, the next moment and the next year to keep living; keep living with your failures and wishing you could've done something more. 

Stark continued to weep, even after he felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder. The hand moved across his back in soothing motions, attempting to calm the broken man. He recognized this touch . . . it belonged to the only person that he'd ever let in, the only person who'd seen him like this, and the only one who ever would.

Though it was practically impossible to tell over the tears, Tony was certain she was shushing him softly, both her petite limbs now wrapped around his shaking frame. Her voice was low and soft, as if comforting a child after a nightmare.

That's what Tony felt like . . . a child that was merely waiting to escape the hell that was his own mind.

Without realizing it, Tony had leaned into her touch, engrossed in the feeling of her secure arms around him. Scared and scarred, he shrunk within her embrace.

Stark tried not to think about where he'd be if Pepper hadn't survived the snap; life after Thanos was hard enough as it was, but without Pepper . . .

"You saved me, Pep," he croaked through tears, choking on his own saliva. God, he sounded like death itself.

"What?" she whispered quietly into his ear.

He buried his face into her shoulder, not caring that he soaked her shirt with his tears. Besides, he knew she didn't care either.

"You saved me, Pepper," he barely managed, his tears preventing him from speaking clearly. "If you . . . if I had lost you too . . ."

"Tony. Stop," she cut him off, her own voice now trembling.

"If I h-had lost you too . . ."

"But you didn't," Pepper interrupted him sternly. "You didn't lose me. And you won't."

At that, Tony erupted into another fit of tears, his breath escaping him in strangled, contorted sobs that sounded like horrible coughs. "Peter," he sobbed as the name fell upon his lips. "I let him down, Pepper. I lost him . . ."

She didn't respond immediately, as she didn't need to – she understood his pain, and did nothing but pull him closer, tangling her hands in his knotted brown hair.

"I promised myself I would protect him . . . and I let him down . . ."

 "You didn't let anyone down, Tony. There was nothing more you could've done," she spoke weakly, voice laced with hurt.

There is always something more I could've done.

It wasn't fair. He had only been a kid; he had his entire life ahead of him, only to have it be taken away because of Stark. Peter had lost his life because he had wanted to be just like Tony, and sometimes it felt as though Stark was digging his own grave; people were dying because of him, families were mourning because of him.

He wanted to die because of it. And he would've - he would've held the gun to his head and pulled the trigger, he would've jumped off the side of a cliff, jumped in front of a speeding train . . . all so he could be equal with those he had rained hell upon. All because he was a monster, a coward, and a killer, all at once.

Stark knew he'd hit an all-time low – a place so, so dark, that it was impossible to imagine seeing light again. Yet, when he had gotten back to earth, as if by some crazy miracle, he had seen Pepper . . . and all of a sudden, there was a faint light at the end of his tunnel. She was the only thing that kept him alive; she was his heartbeat, the only protection that prevented him from harming himself.

For a while, the longest twenty-two days of his life, he'd spent in grief . . . mourning someone who he hadn't known was still alive. Now, in the aftermath of the world's destruction, Tony Stark was a broken man, left with only the bits and pieces of who he used to be.

Tony's grip around Pepper tightened as the two sat on the bed, cradled in each other's arms as Stark's breathing slowly returned to normal. He held her like he was never going to let go, which he never wanted to, not again.

"Breathe," the blonde whispered into his scalp, hugging him close despite the fact that he was sweating from his panic attack. "I'm here, Tony. Everything's okay."

He followed her instruction, inhaling and exhaling deeply, cherishing the feeling of air flowing through his body the way it should. The ringing in his ears and the sound of his thumping heart slowly faded away as her sweet, silky voice rang in his head, calming him like a lullaby.

Feeling a little bit better, Stark shifted from his perch and buried his face back into the crook of Pepper's neck, taking in her fresh, minty scent. Out of instinct, his lips pecked the skin of her neck, a sign that he was thankful.

He tilted his head, grasping Pepper's left hand in his own, toying absent-mindedly with her fingers. He studied her engagement ring, and thought of all the promises he'd broken to her . . . marriage being one of them. God, he was a horrible fiancé.

"I'm sorry Pep," he murmured sadly. "I couldn't give you the life you deserve. You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who isn't such a broken piece of sh*t that cries like a damn baby every ten minutes."

Pepper pulled her hand from Tony's grasp as she turned to face him, taking his face between her hands so she focused on her. "Anthony Edwards Stark, you listen to me; I love you, that's why I care. You bring out the best in me and never fail to make me smile when I'm upset, never fail to make me laugh when the world is against me. The least I can do is return the favor, no matter how sad,  angry, or torn apart you are. And you've got it wrong . . . it's me who doesn't deserve a man like you. Tony, I don't think you realize what a great man you are. You don't give yourself enough credit. The world is forever indebted to you, just as I am."

Tony wanted to smile, he really did, but he couldn't find the strength to. Really, he found it difficult to believe her words. How could a man like him possibly deserve someone as amazing as her? He wasn't half the person she was, and never would be. Why she had chosen him was beyond Stark. And really? A great man? He wasn't a great man! He had just watched a sixteen-year-old boy die in his arms, while he sat there like an idiot, shocked at what he had just witnessed. That sure didn't sound like a great man.

But instead of saying something to anger Pepper, he responded quietly, "I love you Pepper." She smiled, and in return, he did too.

After that, a moment of silence fell upon them, as they kept their thoughts to themselves and dwelled in each other's embrace.

Tony found himself smiling again as Pepper's ocean eyes locked with his bloodshot ones, that were most likely swollen and tired-looking. He had no doubt that he looked like hell, having been crying the days away for the past seven weeks.

Tony was stuck in his past, trapped in the last few moments before the decimation had fallen upon them, terrorizing the universe by killing billions of people in seconds. While everyone thought Tony to be lucky, he considered himself to be the most unlucky of them all. In truth, Fury had been right . . . the worst part hadn't been that he'd watched his friends die, or that he'd suffered a terrible loss - no, the worst part was that he had lived to see it, lived just long enough to witness the effects of his failures, and how they had ruined millions of lives and broken twice as many hearts. And in the end, when the dust settled (literally, lol....Ok I'll go now...), he was the last man standing; the one expected to take it like a champ, to show no emotion and to be all hero and no human.

And he couldn't do that, couldn't be the heartless hero that everyone needed him to be. He wasn't the savior; the champion who sought revenge and got it . . . he was the coward, running scared as the broken survivor that had managed to become the victim. He needed as much love as anyone else, needed as much reassurance and time to recover like any normal person.

Under his suits, and his witty banter and multi-billion dollar company, he was only human. At the end of the day, Stark was no more heroic than any normal person. He wasn't a superhero.

His spirits dwindling away yet again, Tony let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and broke eye contact with Pepper. As soon as he did, though, Pepper was quick to take notice. "Hey," she commented, frowning as she forced him to meet her eyes again. "What is it? What's on your mind?"

Tony paused, not entirely sure how to produce an answer that was believable enough to cover his woes so he could escape to the balcony. But when he saw the frown that crossed his fiancé's face, saw the way her eyes flickered with sorrow and the way her facial features fell at the sight of his heartache, he hesitated.

He stopped long enough to take a good look at Potts, and just like that, he was lost in her eyes.

Those glittering orbs held so much emotion in them, most of which Tony couldn't decipher. What he did recognize, though, was the look of sadness, the look of guilt that washed over her features as her shoulders slumped slightly forwards. This woman cared for him - unlike most people in his life, she took the time to understand him and was actually concerned for his well-being; and he had the gut to harm her.

He was doing it again. He was breaking another heart; hurting another person. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't turn his back on the one person who would ever understand him, the one person who would ever love him as much as he loved her.

He stared. As creepy as it sounded, he just . . . stared, wanting to remember this one woman, the woman who he'd forever owe. He wanted to stamp her face into his brain, tucking it away in the bottom of his heart, carrying her with him until the day he died.

He stared into those loving eyes, that enormous heart that held so much hope for such a doomed, broken man. She had faith in him, faith that he couldn't see and hope that he couldn't understand. He would never know why she loved him the way she did, why she did so much just to make sure he was feeling okay. 

He didn't deserve her. It couldn't be expressed enough. The only thing he had to offer her was his affection, and his loyalty - just about the only promise he could keep to her - that he'd love her even when they were ghosts. 

Before he could stop it, the thought on his mind had produced the words on his lips, and his voice cut through the silence like a knife. "Kiss me," he pleaded, sounding desperate and sorrowful. 

Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion and she giggled nervously, "w . . . what?"

"Just kiss me," he asked again, less urgently and more softly. "Nothing more, nothing less. I just need to . . . I just need to convince myself that I'm not alone. . ."

Confusion was replaced with heartfelt love as a gentle grin crossed Pepper's face, brightening her eyes and causing them to wrinkle. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his own as their eyes fluttered shut, the two sharing quite possibly the most meaningful, loving, tender, appreciative kiss Tony had ever experienced. 

He poured his entire soul into the kiss . . . his anger, frustration, and heartbreak, too. His sorrow, guilt, anguish . . . everything he had been feeling was dumped from his lips and onto hers. In this moment, Tony Stark felt as though the broken pieces of his heart had been smashed back together, like Pepper was the tape that had wrapped itself around his soul, healing him like some sort of magic potion. The feeling sent shivers down his spine, something that was so unusual to him that he wasn't sure if he liked it. 

God, he missed her kisses . . . he missed her smile, her laugh, those beautiful blue eyes, that golden personality; he simply missed . . . her. 

He hadn't noticed that he started crying again until Pepper's soft hand slid across his stubbled cheek. It made him want to cry even harder. This wasn't the way things should be - he was so much more sensitive and emotional that it made him really, really, frustrated with himself, which did nothing but worsen the situation. Feeling his sadness, Pepper continued to kiss him warmly, silently reassuring him that everything would be okay.

The couple only pulled apart when their lungs screamed for oxygen, resting their foreheads against one another. His eyes were still closed, his brain still struggling to keep up with all the emotions sprinting across his mind. 

When his chestnut eyes finally peeled open, they revealed a smiling Pepper, her eyes virtually glowing as she eyed her lover, passion and admiration written across her face. "Is that proof enough for you?" she hummed, grinning the entire time. 

Tony - somehow - was able to produce somewhat of a snarky comment, which helped to relieve him; at least he wasn't completely ruined. "Not really, want to run that by me again?"

Pepper laughed as she recognized the reference Tony had made to their first kiss on the rooftop all those years ago. Tony's chest swelled with pride, feeling accomplished that he'd made her laugh so heartily. "There's the Tony I know," she giggled as his arms wrapped around her midsection, pulling her closer to his smirking face. 

Stark could feel her heated breath against his lips, which drove him crazy, making his heart soar and his blood boil. "I love you, Virginia Pepper Potts," he exhaled, his voice thrown right back to its serious, loving tone. 

"You can't possibly love me as much as I love you, Anthony Edwards Stark."

"Oh really? Is that a challenge?" he pushed, his lips ghosting hers teasingly. 

"Perhaps," she smiled.

Stark smirked at the woman he loved, feeling truly and genuinely happy for once in really, really long time - all because of her. Nothing, and no one, would ever control the love he had for his woman. He'd protect her till the day he died, doing for her just exactly what she did for him. 

With a final cheeky grin, he responded. "Challenge accepted."