So, finally! I've been able to distill some of the top takeaway lessons learned from this year's contest. These are issues that I saw in multiple works from the Top Twenty contestants -- issues that come up in all of our work in one way or another, but are particularly critical when seen in your first chapter. I talk a bit about why this is an issue - Issue #3 -- below.

Now, if I'm seeing these issues in the Top Twenty, you can bet they were even more prevalent in stories I had to pass on -- not every submission -- but enough of them to highlight the issues for all of our benefit. So, think about how, perhaps, you can apply some of these little nuggets to your own work. I know I will. ;-)

And also, please forgive any grammatical or formatting errors or weirdness in this wrap-up. I really wanted to get this out to you all today and don't have time to get it absolutely pitch perfect. I try to be good about these things, but you know...life.

Lastly, for the Final Five, I'll be digging into your second chapters, hopefully, in the next few weeks. I'll just add notes to your initial review doc.

Wait? What? You didn't see the announcement of the Final Five? See them below and check out the reading list, containing all five works on my profile.

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As promised, below are the top three issues I spotted in the Top Twenty contestant reviews that I did. The range in scores went from a 10 to a 14.5 on a scale of 15, but some of these issues were apparent, even in the high-scorers. I'm aggregating them here for us to get a chance to see what sorts of things we can all work on to improve our stories.

1. Not Enough Deep POV - Deep POV is a third-person subjective point of view that goes deeper into the thoughts and feelings of the POV character, but not in a way that necessarily sets it apart from the narrative prose. So, while I would stay away from using a lot of internal monologues, set off with italics, other forms of getting into your characters' heads can be a very effective use of Deep POV. Before we look at how to do this, let's look at why.

Why is Deep POV such a useful tool in a writer's toolbox? This narrative technique helps to eliminate the distance between the reader and the POV character by utilizing a close subjective framework. It encourages readers to experience the story through that one particular character's perspective, that one lens, making the events of the story more personal and gripping to the reader. If you choose to write in Deep POV, you not so much writing about your point-of-view character, you're writing as them, but still from a third-person POV.

Here's an example: She bumped into the metal table and a pain, like she'd never felt before, ripped through her thigh. Crap! That was going to hurt in the morning.

There are other ways to incorporate Deep POV. Here are some other examples that came up in the feedback that some Standout contestants (those from the Top 20) received.

❶        Don't overuse a character's name when writing in third POV. Once you've established their POV, use he, she, and they pronouns, as appropriate. The more you use the character's name, the more formal the prose sounds and the less personal it feels.

❷       Intersperse quick commentary, from your character's perspective, throughout your story. Doing this helps you avoid writing scenes in a strictly episodic manner, such as: He did this, then she did this, then they did that. If you intersperse a character's thoughts throughout your prose, you bring the reader closer into the experience. It also allows you to add more voice to your prose. BUT REMEMBER, NO HEAD HOPPING! You can only do this with your main POV character, or else it gets confusing for your readers.

Here are some quick examples of what I mean (imagine these being inserted, for a personal beat, into your regular prose):

o   Prose, pose, prose. Seriously?

o   Prose, pose, prose. "Dialogue." Yeah, said no one...ever.

o   Prose, pose, prose. "Dialogue. Dialogue." Ah, but the lady doth protest too much... 

❸        Add subtext to your character exchanges. Have your characters' actions contradict what they're saying. This tells the reader more about what's going on, internally, with that character and gives the reader another layer to interpret.

2. Use Strong, Descriptive Verbs - Verbs propel your prose. They illuminate, they elevate, and they fortify your story. A well-chosen verb can do double- even triple- duty as far as communicating what's going on with, and happening to, your character.

You can communicate so much more in a well-constructed sentence, powered by a strong verb than you can with limp prose, filled with adjectives, adverbs, and a plethora of filter words. You'll want to vary your sentences, though, and add layers to your writing so that it's not just: Noun -> Strong Verb. Noun -> Strong Verb. Noun -> Strong Verb. But, look for opportunities to take a bland, functional sentence and give it punch.

So, for example, a bullet doesn't just fly past your character's head. It "screams" past, or it "rips" past, or it "tears" past your character's head.

3. Add Conflict from the Get-Go - Okay, so here's the dirty little secret. Whether it be an agent, an editor, a judge, or someone in charge of evaluating your work (in the Film/TV business these are professional readers. For publishing, it can be an assistant or intern—so I'm just going to use the blanket term "evaluator" for them all), 80-90% of the decisions made about your work is based of off your first chapter, sometimes just your first page, on occasion your first few paragraphs. I've seen this from the back-end so many times, I can't stress this enough. It's how I've had to evaluate material for work and it's how every professional I know does it. Why? Because the sheer volume of material one has to cover is so overwhelming, you have to learn to make lightning fast decisions on whether or not you can afford to spend any more time on a particular work, even if you risk passing up on the next big blockbuster.

Now, if you as the writer, pass that first chapter read, your work will get a deeper evaluation, so it's not as if that first chapter is the only thing considered. However, that first chapter – because of the time crunch evaluators are under -- is more important, now, than ever.

So, what does that mean for you? It means, as much as possible, introduce your character in the midst of a conflict, even if it's not the main conflict of your story. This conflict can illuminate your character's personality and it's especially valuable if it illuminates an aspect of their personality that will hinder their personal journey in the story you're telling.

If you need to do a great deal of character or world-building to help establish your story, then make your opening chapter, your opening paragraphs, do double- or even triple-duty.

❶       Start your story with your main character having to make a difficult decision. Showing the reader how your character thinks, and the consequences of their thought process, is 1000 times more interesting than showing them getting ready for school, or for work, or even getting ready for a quest that may take them on a great adventure.

❷        Start your story with personal stakes for the character that are high and keep upping them as you go. If you do, you'll have a story full of conflict and character growth.

❸        Don't start your story with characters bickering! Just don't. Bickering and fighting are two different things. Fighting implies high stakes are at risk. The definition of bickering is arguing about petty and trivial matters. That's not an interesting conflict, certainly not until we've gotten to know your characters better and can understand the subtext of the argument; thereby, gleaning a whole other layer of meaning from the exchange.

One of the best openings I've read in a while is the opening of Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. It opens with high stakes, stakes that are personal, worldbuilding, and conflict — but not the conflict that drives the overall story. As I said, the conflict is personal and gives you such great insight into the main character, Zélie, that within a few paragraphs, you know exactly the kind of character she is and — if you like smart, plucky protagonists — you're rooting for her from the get-go. Here's a sample (but I also recommend doing the "Look Inside" on Amazon so you can read the whole opening scene.)

P.S. - Ignore the nit-picky issues that those who are too focused on the technical aspects of writing tend to harp on about (e.g.; the fact that we're in Zélie's POV, but she refers to her snow-white hair) and focus on the efficiency and impact of Adeyemi's storytelling. Adeyemi had an instant bestseller and a movie-deal with this book from the moment it was published.

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Adeyemi, Tomi. Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orisha) (Kindle Locations 40-50). Henry Holt and Co. (BYR).

PICK ME.

It's all I can do not to scream. I dig my nails into the marula oak of my staff and squeeze to keep from fidgeting. Beads of sweat drip down my back, but I can't tell if it's from dawn's early heat or from my heart slamming against my chest. Moon after moon I've been passed over.

Today can't be the same.

I tuck a lock of snow-white hair behind my ear and do my best to sit still. As always, Mama Agba makes the selection grueling, staring at each girl just long enough to make us squirm.

Her brows knit in concentration, deepening the creases in her shaved head. With her dark brown skin and muted kaftan, Mama Agba looks like any other elder in the village. You would never guess a woman her age could be so lethal.

"Ahem." Yemi clears her throat at the front of the ahéré, a not-so-subtle reminder that she's already passed this test. She smirks at us as she twirls her hand-carved staff, eager to see which one of us she gets to defeat in our graduation match. Most girls cower at the prospect of facing Yemi, but today I crave it. I've been practicing and I'm ready.

I know I can win.

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Whew! Look how much Adeyemi packed into just a few short paragraphs. Her writing is right up my alley: tight, vivid, immediate, and impactful. Even if that's not your style, you can still take away a lesson or two on great storytelling from that one example.

All right, folks. That's it! I'm more than happy to answer any questions about what's here or the contest overall. Just leave a comment and give me a few days, up to a week, to respond.

I hope to host this contest again in 2020, but will probably be limiting it to 10 contestants from general submissions and 2 contestants from previous contests. We'll see...but keep and eye out for more news.

Happy reading and writing folks!

Best,

❤️ ~ Paula