He almost fell over when Jack let go. Would've, right onto that grime-slick floor if Jack hadn't grabbed him again, warm hands at his waist and a mess of heart-deep concern furrowing his familiar face.

Casper choked on the lump raising in his throat, clutched his hands to his chest.

Like that'd do shit to stop the way his breaths heaved from his lungs. Like it didn't just terrify him how much he still shook.

"Jack—"

"Hey..." Jack slipped one arm fully around Casper's waist, and with the other hand, he tugged at the edges of Casper's beanie like he straightened it up. It was warm. Too warm, and just warm enough. The heat beneath Casper's clothes suffocated him but the nighttime air bit into his bones.

In the long shadows of the alley, Jack's bleached hair was cast grey-amber, just the same as his skin. Just the same as his eyes where they brooded beneath the knot through his dark brows. "Hey, baby. Cas... You're alright, huh? Just breath for me."

Jack took a long slow breath, in and out. In. Out. Casper was so used to mimicking him, he was doing it before his head screwed on tight enough to decide.

Slowly, slowly, the asphyxiation slunk back.

And then all that was left was the way the world swum. The queasy swaying in his stomach and the way Jack held him just a little too tight.

It wasn't just the streetlamps casting the spattering of freckles that stark across his skin. His palm was damp where it brushed against Casper's jaw.

Tentatively, Jack's hand slipped under Casper's arm to splay across his back. Fuck, it was so familiar his heart cracked. And once Casper settled into his hold, still clinging to handfuls of Jack's hoodie, Jack spoke again, a fissure in his voice. "What the fuck was that, Cas? What the fuck've you got into?"

"Nothing. Just a bad night."

"Cas..."

Casper shook his head and made himself let go of Jack's hoodie. "Thank you for helping me."

It just took a little push against Jack's chest for him to let go, his hands pressing deep as they trailed over him. Casper stumbled back out of reach the moment that heat finally slipped away.

Jack really did make something beautiful like that, under the echoes of the streetlight glow. Shadows etched charcoal over his colourless features, sorrow like a thread laced through them and tugged too tight. His fingers twisted through the sides of his hair, the ragged draw off his breath sharp against the low traffic drone.

No one passed on the street outside, and for once, the city felt like their own world.

The moment broke on Jack's curse and the smear of amber tears across his cheeks. Casper blinked his own back. 'Cause he wasn't going to cry. This was fucking stupid; Jack had never made him cry before. Fucked him up, sure, but not these stupid stinging tears.

The dwelling shadows opposite twinkled with dew-soaked spiderwebs, and nestled amongst them, Cain picked beneath his blackened nails. Like it wasn't already hard enough not to cry.

Just you fucking wait, asshole.

"Cas, baby." The careful crack of Jack's voice drew Casper's eyes. He'd come a step closer, hands jammed in his jean pockets, eyes trained on his boot scuffing against the concrete. "Y'know, if—if you still need some place to stay, I been thinking and—"

"I don't anymore."

"Oh." The scuff of Jack's boot stopped, a spasm going through his features. "You, uh—you found a place then?"

Gathering his sleeves up in his fists, Casper shook his head. The wind drove straight between his ribs, but the sick, hot streak of Levi's fingers still stained them. Let the cold eat it away. It could reach that, at least, if not all that poison squirming around in Casper's insides.

"I—I didn't know where to go before. But now I do. Now, I—I've got something I really need to do."

Jack nodded, lips pursed tight as his gaze drifted off to the side. "Yeah. Guess I fucked that one up."

"Jack, you know it—"

"Nah, nah, I know it's—" Jack sniffed, rubbing beneath his eye with the heel of his palm. "I got you, Cas. Ain't no good for either of us, I know."

"I'm sorry, Jack."

Another nod, stiff with tension. The knuckles of both his fists had gone sharp, tendons in the back of his hands cast to stark relief by the gathering shadows. Tighter. Then gasping, Jack twisted away. He drove his foot against the concrete, roared, "Fuck!" Echoed by a tight burst of tears.

It was all a lot less than Casper ever could've expected for the real, hard end. So he waited while Jack tugged at his hair. Fought back the nausea that see-sawed between drink and Levi's lizard grin.

Balloons. That was what his mind whispered in Jack's tortured silence. It was what Cain mouthed at him from the shadows while he spun gossamer orbs between his fingers. Balloons.

Fuck, it was so perverse Casper couldn't even picture it. But he knew it'd hurt. It'd be sicker than anything he could dream, and by the end, he'd probably wish he could peel his skin off in strips just to end it.

You could see it in Levi's eyes when he watched. The hollow, leaking a miasmic gas of obscenity.

Balloons.

God, he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. The shudders came back just before Jack turned around. Wracking his body and threatening to turn his choking lungs to panic.

The Cain of Shadows and Spiders just laughed, wheezing, as if his lungs were full of dust. Of course he did. Someone had to take up where the Ghoul had slacked off.

"You, uh—" Jack rubbed at the back of his neck. Beneath the slow spool of passing headlights, red rimmed his eyes, the puffy underneath scratched by shadows of his lashes. "You want me to walk you to wherever it is you gotta go, then?"

Casper's heart gave a little skip, and he clenched his fists tighter. No, that's what he should say. No. Not drag this heartache out any longer. No, and this time, it'd be forever. Any other weird little run-in, they'd have to grit their teeth and walk the other way.

Just like that, no more Jack.

"C'mon, Cas." Jack edged forward a step. His face was quiet and earnest in a way Casper hadn't seen it in years. "Nothin' else, baby, I swear. That guy creeped me the fuck out, is all. Wanna walk you 'til you're inside."

How the fuck was he supposed to say no to that?

Plus Jack might actually know the way back to the club, 'cause with the static neon signs still leaving contrails like that, Casper sure didn't.

A smile like rain-clogged sunlight spread across Jack's face. He stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Where to then, sugar?"

Casper told him, and Jack laughed.

"You ain't gotten far. C'mon."

Their footsteps echoed around the alley as they set out onto the street, and Casper's palms itched the whole way up. The Cain made of Smoke and Rot smirked as he kept pace, his many-toothed mouth moving in the shape of words.

Don't come after me.

The dream of your tongue makes me sick

I'd puncture my eyes and let spiders crawl out before I look at you again.

Venom, but it rang through his skull in that posh boy lilt. Enough to tug at his heart, thick and rustling like the chambers were jammed full of pine.

Or perhaps just a cascade of spiders.

As they stepped onto the quiet street, Casper got the needles too. Like eyes. Jack paused at the head of the alley just the same as Casper did, shifting close and sliding his gaze along the amber-drenched street.

Heat baked off him in the chill. Like a bull stamping in the night-time, steam blooming off its flanks.

"Cas?"

Casper started, blinking hard as his hazy vision slipped up to Jack. Right up to Jack, and not across at all 'cause all that heat was pressed right against his side now, and Jack smiled like he'd been watching Casper sink closer the whole time.

The bulk of him shifted as he stuck out his hand and wiggled his fingers, the tips nipped pink by the cold. And Casper shouldn't. Like that was fuck me stupid doing that while Cain of Being Even More of a Fucking Dickhead Than Real Cain laughed at him from where he strode down the middle of the road. Every car that came toward him veered at a flick of his fingers, horn blaring in the droning quiet.

Casper grabbed Jack's hand. It didn't make his whole body erupt into a torrent of butterflies like it kinda had with Cain, but it still put a little flutter through his chest like some lone monarch still held their candle in his lungs.

And that butterfly didn't still for the whole walk. Its trembling wings put tingles through Casper's hand and arm and belly. Didn't reach his eyes, though. They just ached deep in the sockets, full of whatever kept catching in his throat.

Once they reached his work, the crimson neon scrawl flickering above a shadowed doorway, Casper dragged Jack down the side alley. Potholes scraped out the concrete, the pits filled with stagnant murk, and wires and pipes sliced apart the amber clouds overhead. Way up, pegged to a stray wire, a violet sheet billowed like a gust of sunset sky.

Casper's foot caught, and he went flying forward. Tarmac racing to his face until—

Strong arms grabbed him around his chest, and a moment later, Jack's heat and bulk curled over him, a weight against his back. Gasping, heart pattering, Casper clutched Jack's arms. Cigarette butts swum in the puddle, knocking against the dissolving skeletons of leaves.

Bright amongst the shadowed reflections, a splash of Jack's white hair.

"Jack..."

"This is it, isn't it?" Jack's voice was rough and hot against his ear. His arms tightened, bruising Casper's ribs. "I can't fuckin'—Fuck, Cas, I'm going to miss you so much. So fuckin' much."

A hitch caught in Casper's chest, an ache rising behind his eyes. "Me too. But—But we're shit for—"

Before he could get the words out, rough fingers dragged Casper's jaw around and Jack cut him off with a kiss. Heavy, insistent. Casper reached back to tangle his hand in Jack's hair and crush himself into the press of his lips.

And if he'd ever needed a reason to know it was over, it was how something he'd loved so, so much felt like nothing at all beside a finale. How there were other hands on him now. Hands that spun him up in spiderwebs laced with crystals of ice. How the breath on the bare column of his throat was winter and the scent in his nose was pine.

That closing his eyes, he was in the dim Eden of Cain's bed while Cain whispered to him how beautiful. That against him, there was naught but ash.

'Cause there wasn't. Not anymore.

Jack broke away with a ragged gasp, drawing Casper upright with him, hard against his chest. His breath warmed the crown of Casper's head through his hat. "Don't say it, baby. It were fuckin' amazing before all our shit happened, and it were amazing during when things didn't get in the way. I'm gonna remember that, alright? That and your—your face looking gorgeous in the morning and all them nights right up on the rooftop and that stupid cake you made me with the wrong age on it. Swear I got that after, baby. I'm just fuckin' stupid. I'm too stupid for you, Cas."

"I'm scared, Jack."

A kiss, planted on the top of his head. "Don't be, sweetheart. You can do anything you want, huh? And y'know, keep my number in case you ever need help, yeah? Maybe not right now, but s—sometime. I really hope it's sometime."

Casper nodded, because it'd keep Jack happy and it wouldn't matter soon anyway. "He really did kidnap me, you know."

Sharp breath hissed between Jack's teeth, the bulk of him going stiff. "I wish you knew how different you look at me to how you look at him, Cas. Maybe then you'd know why I just don't fuckin' believe it. Wish you knew how many times I found you passed out with some Cain up on your contacts list before you ran off with him too, huh?"

"Thanks, Jack."

"Yeah, well, at least you looked alright. Fuckin' dickhead been feeding you caviar, huh?"

A scowl tightened Casper's brow, booze slicking his tongue to ruin this moment right alongside Jack. "Yeah, he really liked it when I ate it off his balls."

"Oh for—" Jack shoved Casper away from him. Not hard, not like he might've done before, but the separation was there. His face had darkened when Casper turned back, his hands stuck deep in his pockets. "Nice, Cas. Real fuckin' nice. Last time I try'n have a fuckin' moment, huh?"

Silence. The wind rustled their clothes. Some of the hardness drew out of Jack's face, and Casper's chest tightened as Jack took a step back, nodding slowly.

"Guess it is anyway, huh? Shit, I just—" Jack scratched his fingers back through his hair, edging another step back. Kinda like he was running away. His voice cracked on his next words. "I never thought it'd be like this. It's fuckin' hard, I just—"

Casper twisted his fingers tighter in his sleeves. This'd be nice if his head wasn't spinning so much. Was he going to remember Jack's face right now in the morning? Maybe it was better if he didn't. "You can go now. If you want."

"Cas—"

"I'm serious. I'm—I'm probably gonna sleep at work all night, then I'll head out in the morning. Doubt that weirdo's going to find me in there."

Jack sniffed, swiping away a loose tear, and took another step back. "Alright, baby." Another step back, right at the edge of the pooling light from the street. "I love you, Cas. Look after yourself, alright? And I'm sorry."

Tugging his hood up, Jack trudged out of the alley like a ghost. Hesitated at the top, like he waited for Casper to say something – any single one of all those words that tangled at the back of his tongue – but another moment, and he was gone. Lost to the crowds and the city and eternity.

Casper gave into the trembling in his legs and fell on his ass.

Gone. Casper sat back and turned his head up to the sliver of dark-amber between the towering industrial blocks. His heart beat too fast and the stench of vomit and rotting trash squirmed up his nose and down his throat. The finger nestled in the kebab meat pointed up at him, condemning.

It was real. And his death warrant had just been signed off with a flourish. Better he fuck off like he'd planned before Levi got to do his thing with balloons.

But 'til he went that way, Casper had to find him. His Cain, and not the one crouched opposite him in the alley with spiders drizzling from his hair.

Casper had to get down on his knees and beg Cain to know that Casper had loved him. With every part of himself that he could, he'd loved him. He'd never meant to hurt him but he couldn't live without being free – but he couldn't handle freedom either. He'd just thrown himself right back into the old prison Cain had saved him from in the first place. Tell Cain that he knew it was all real and he was sorry that he was so much worse than every other him there'd ever been.

He just had to make sure Cain knew Casper loved him before he went, and it wasn't his fault that Casper was so broken. No one else could have ever come closer to fixing him.

The sun peeked into the sky turning it a sickly, muddy pink before Casper finally climbed, shaky, to his feet. The vomit had all dried, but he was fucking gross. Change of clothes. Shower. Apologise to his boss. Get back on the road.

The last time.

A small smile curved his lips as he trailed along the dead streets.

He'd start at the Chinese.