Song: "Strong" by One Direction

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I was tempted to take Monday off to nurse my wounds, but I'd already missed too many days of work. Besides, I'd be damned if I was going to let anyone upset me enough that I couldn't perform a job that I loved.

But I was still livid. From Sunday night straight through Wednesday, my thoughts were a jumbled mess of confusion, anger, hurt, and humiliation. I couldn't believe Harry had lied to me about meeting the Metlers. I wondered if he honestly wanted me to live up to their expectations, those snooty, self-centered, self-righteous, egotistical snobs! It made no sense - Harry wasn't that way at all. Maybe he really did want to rebel against them - what did he have to lose? Cathryn was gone and he didn't need their money, so he might as well teach them a lesson, right?

But then there was Mr. and Mrs. Metler's barbaric attitude towards me. Did he really not notice or was he just too afraid to stand up to them and defend me?

Everything that Ginger had told me about Cathryn suddenly made sense. Of course Cathryn had been intimidating and dominating - she had been raised by those narcissistic assholes, pardon my French.

Oddly, the words that played through my head most often were Harry's, the ones he uttered just before I walked out. "No one could ever replace Cathryn." Yes, dammit, I knew what he meant - he was speaking to her parents after all. For them, there would never be a replacement for their beloved daughter. And I didn't necessarily want to replace Cathryn, but his words re-awakened my old fear about never quite being enough for Harry.

Was I just a stopgap? Someone to fill the time until he got back on his feet and found someone really worthwhile? My heart told me no, that he was sincere and that he really loved me. But what if he just thought he loved me and didn't recognize the fact that he was using me to soothe his broken heart?

"Aggh!" I shouted to the empty stacks. Ruminating about Harry and everything that went wrong was getting me nowhere. I had to talk to him, I was ready. Sure, I was still angry. Extremely angry. But it was doing me no good to replay everything in my mind over and over and over again.

Technically, I wasn't supposed to make personal calls during work hours. But I was beyond caring as I dialed Harry's number. I grumbled in dismay upon hearing his recording. "Hey, it's Harry. Leave me a message." I hesitated, unsure of whether to say anything. I waited too long and his voicemail beeped at me, seeming satisfied that I had said enough when I had said nothing at all.

I dialed again and this time, I knew what I was going to say. After the beep, I spoke succinctly.  "Hey, it's me. I'm ready to talk. Can I come by your place tonight?" When I hung up, I was frustrated, wanting to call and call and call until he picked up the damn phone, but I refused. I had work to do, after all. I finally forced myself back into the task of re-shelving books, trying to recall a time before Harry Styles had entered my life.

To be honest, much of my anger had dissipated in the time that had passed since Sunday, and especially during the latter half of the day after I'd called Harry. It was still present, to be sure, but now it was a slow simmer on the back burner rather than an out of control wildfire. And I was hurt.

Beth and Gabby had both noticed my foul mood and gave me a wide space in which to do my work. Of course I had filled Beth in with just enough details, but she knew better than to nag me about it. She was familiar with how I operated - I would spill everything when I was ready. Until then, I just had to be alone with my thoughts, no matter how crazy and possibly homicidal they made me.

It didn't matter that Harry didn't call back - I was ready to talk to him so I hopped in my car after work and made my way to his house. As I drove, I tried to analyze my own intentions and clear my head before I engaged him in what was likely to be a volatile discussion.

Yes, I felt bad for Harry that he had to tolerate those absolute trolls for so many years of his life.

No, that didn't excuse him for dragging me into that mess.

Yes, they had said terrible things about him and his family.

No, I wasn't going to let him use me as a buffer between him and Cathryn's family.

The only question I couldn't quite answer was whether I was going to forgive him.

Then I remembered what my parents always said about forgiving those who have wronged you: Forgiveness isn't so much about letting the other person off the hook as it is about freeing yourself from a burdened heart. It was then I knew I could find it in myself to forgive him, but was that enough to save our relationship? I hoped so; as upsetting as this whole thing had been, I loved him deeply. I knew that Cathryn's death had torn him apart and that he was still in the process of putting himself back together. I didn't expect him to be perfect, but at the very least, I needed some assurance that he was going to be more honest with me from now on. And for heaven's sake, I hoped he knew better than to put me in harm's way again.

"Fantastic," I muttered as I pulled up to the curb in front of Harry's house. There were two vehicles in front of his house - one was his Subaru and the other was a Cadillac Escalade. I only had one guess as to whom the car might belong. I was tempted to drive away when I saw Harry open the side door, carrying a bag of trash to the dumpster. His eyes immediately landed on my car. It was too late now.

I opened the door and got out. I stood in the street for a moment, hoping he would welcome me rather than send me away. Maybe somehow in his brain, I was the bad guy.

He walked slowly down the driveway, staring at me quizzically. Finally, I came around the car and walked to him. Stopping directly in front of him, I said gave him a weak smile and a soft "Hi" slipped from my lips.

"Hi," he said, the smile on his face revealing his great relief at seeing me.

"Did you get my message?" I asked.

"No, I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "We've been, uh, working so my phone's just been on the charger all day."

With a light nod towards the luxury car parked behind his, I asked, "Is that theirs?"

He glanced at the car and then back at me looking slightly confused. "Who? Oh, no." A much wider grin crossed his face, showing me his perfect dimple that I just wanted to kiss, but I held back. "No, that is my best friend's car."

Suddenly I understood and shared his excitement. "Gordon's here?"

He nodded eagerly, taking my hand and leading me back into the house. As soon as we stepped into the living room, that great bear of a man whom I had only ever known as my room-mate's brother, stood up. As recognition washed over his face, he practically yelled, "There she is!" And he came over and scooped me up into his arms. When he set me down, he kissed my forehead making the sound, "Mwah!"

"Gordon," I giggled. "Nice to see you again." He was really a big bear of a man, dwarfing Harry with his 6'4" frame and massive shoulder width. His sleek, raven-black hair was pulled neatly into a ponytail which hung unobtrusively down his back, as always.

"Harry told me about you a while back. I felt pretty silly that I didn't figure it out on my own." He shook his head in disbelief. "I mean, how many maddeningly beautiful women named Regan are there in this city? Uh, his words, not mine. I'm spoken for." He lifted his hands up as if he were under arrest. I giggled at him again; he had always been good at making me laugh.

Okay, fine. One tiny point for Harry. I had forgotten about our tumultuous situation for a few moments as I  connected with an old friend. Not only had I been relieved to find that the vehicle outside didn't belong to the Metlers, I was also giddy to find Gordon here; both because I'd missed him and because he defused the situation a bit.

"Yes, well with maddeningly beautiful, I'm actually insulted that you didn't think of me right away." Both men laughed at my taunt. "So tell me about your girl," I said.

A bashful grin crept onto his face which was particularly adorable on this hulk of a man. "She's...I don't know. What do you want to know?"

"Is she as beautiful as I am?" I quipped and he laughed, "Of course!" Then I asked, "Does she treat you well?"

That bashful smile was back. "Yeah, she's great."

"Good," I snipped playfully, "because none of us ever thought too highly of Robin."

He snorted with laughter. "Neither did I. Man, I was so glad when that finally ended. But you know what? We'll have to catch up another time. I think you and Harry have some talking to do."

It was no surprise Harry told his best friend about our latest tiff. I chuckled to myself at the understatement of that word. I just hoped Gordon didn't think I was the total bitch in this situation, but I was pretty sure Harry wouldn't throw me under the bus with Gordon. Yes, he had done that with the Metlers but they were entirely different creatures.

We said our good-byes and exchanged bone-crushing hugs with the large Cherokee man.

Then Harry turned to me with a forlorn expression. "Can I just start by saying I'm sorry?" He sighed.

"That's a perfect start," I agreed. "But first let me hug you." I stepped into his waiting embrace and felt the countless hours of tension and rage melting completely away. In my heart, I knew his heart was good; he had just made an incredibly stupid decision.

Neither of us wanted to let go, but finally he led me to the couch in his living room. He took a deep breath, one that lifted his shoulders and puffed out his chest, and then he blew it out. "Where do I start?"

"Why don't you start with why you lied about the Metlers wanting to meet me?" I shrugged.

His head swayed sadly. "I don't know, temporary insanity maybe?" Yep, I'd agree with him on that. "I just...you helped me get started with moving past all the physical reminders of Cathryn. I told you, I feel stronger when I'm with you, I feel ready for a fresh start. All I really intended to do was ask them what things they wanted to keep. I never meant to drag you into all that other crap." That word sounded funny to me with his sweet accent.

"Are you being honest with me now? Because it felt like you walked in there with me tied to the stake and then you let them light the fire under me. You didn't even try to stop their vicious behavior towards me."

He let out a disgusted breath, one which I knew was directed at himself. "I know. I'm so, so sorry. But yes, I'm telling you the truth. I wanted to tell them about trying to move on and going through Cathryn's things. But I just felt like the moving on part would be incomplete without you."

I let my head fall back and breathed out an agitated sigh. "So you couldn't have just told them about me? Did I really have to come with you and put everyone in shock?"

"No. I told you, it was temporary insanity. Everything seems easier with you and I just wanted you there as I made this move. Obviously it was kind of a big deal for them when we started talking about getting rid of Cathryn's things. I don't know, I guess in my mind it sounded like a good idea because you're so sweet and gentle. You walk into a situation and make everyone feel at ease. I honestly didn't think they'd be so rude. I figured they would be on their best behavior, but clearly they weren't."

I stood up, feeling somewhat appeased by his explanation, but still irritated. "Tell me this: Why didn't you just explain all that to me? Why didn't you tell me the real reason you wanted me to go?"

"Because I thought you wouldn't want to." His voice was small and child-like.

"Bingo!" I snapped. "That's why it was a stupid idea in the first place. Harry, you dragged me in there and fed me to the wolves! It was humiliating!"

"I know," he argued. "I said I was stupid and I said I was sorry."

"And I had to sit there and watch them peck away at you when you told them you didn't want any part of the law firm and then, oh my gosh! Then you brought up Mr. Metler's unforgivable words about your father! It was like a horror film was being played out before my eyes and I was being forced to watch."

"I know, dammit!" He said and stood up to walk over to me. I held up my hand to stop him. "I'm telling you that I know I made a colossal mistake," he continued even though he had stopped his advance towards me. "What else do you want from me? I can't go back and undo any of it, and if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. What else is there for me to do?"

"I know you can't undo it," I shouted. "But that doesn't make me trust you! There, are you happy? That's the fruit of all this - I don't trust you right now."

His voice faltered. "I'm sorry. What do I have to do to earn your trust?"

"I don't know!" I screamed.

"Stop yelling at me," he countered, a louder shout coming from his lungs.

I hated this - it was so painful and I just wanted to give in and let it all go so we could just be happy again. But the stubborn, and reasonable, part of me held fast, knowing I couldn't let him off the hook so easily. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me and I wanted to know he was going to try his hardest to make sure it didn't happen again. So I said it. "You hurt me, Harry. And you let them  hurt me. I don't know how you're going to make it up to me."

"I promise it won't happen again," he muttered.

"Well, obviously it won't happen again unless you have another set of cruel in-laws you want me to meet. The damage is done."

"You know what I mean!" He yelled. "I'll be honest with you from now on!"

"See? That's where I don't trust you. You stayed away from me when we were first falling in love because you were confused or whatever." I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. "You hurt me then, too because what? You thought I wouldn't understand?! You thought I'd get mad at you. I told you, Harry! I don't know how to do this! I don't know how to be with you when she was your first love and she always will be. I'll always be second best and that really sucks. And what makes it worse is that you're trying to run this damn relationship without me!"

Everything about Harry's face said surrender. He knew that he'd messed up in some pretty major ways. Inexcusable ways. He stepped closer to me, cautiously, hoping I wouldn't push him away again. I swallowed hard and stood my ground, trying to appear unmovable, but my guard was already down. I knew I was being foolish, but I just wanted this argument to end.

He finally reached me, raising his hands to tenderly cup my face in them. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." Either he was a really good actor, or his words were sincere considering the tears in his eyes were real. "You aren't just second best," he whispered. "You're everything to me."

All my efforts to contain my emotions failed. I burst into tears and told him, "Yeah, but you made me feel like I was second best. A consolation prize. They treated me like a second-class citizen and you didn't do a damn thing to stop them." My voice was a squeaky whisper as I tried to fight back more tears.

His jaw trembled and his eyes closed. "I know, sweetie. I haven't taken care of you like I should and I haven't protected you. God, I can see that so clearly now and you don't deserve any of this. And I don't deserve you giving me second chances over and over again. But I love you and I...I want you more than anything in this world."

Fucker. Like seriously, I didn't swear much but my brain was calling him all kinds of abusive things. Not because he had treated me like dirt, whether he meant to or not. But because he was so damn good at convincing me he'd never hurt me again.

"I want you, too," I said. I tasted the salt of my tears on my lips and I felt weak, both for crying and for letting him do what he did next. Before I could even form a coherent thought, he kissed me so deeply, so urgently, that all I could do was kiss back.

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Okay, hopefully you don't get too made at Regan for kissing him but let me tell you, when you're in the middle of a painful argument like this, with someone you love deeply, it hurts! When my husband and I have fights (yes, fights, oopps!) I hate it because I love him and I don't want to be at odds with him. I hate the nit-picky process of assigning blame and deciding how we can make it right again. In my marriage, walking away is not an option so working through our problems is the only thing we can do and sometimes it hurts like a motherf*cker! (pardon my french, lol) I can relate to Regan, wanting to make sure her perspective is heard and most importantly, validated, but also wanting to put the whole ugly mess behind them so they can get back to loving each other. Anger, even as severe as this, doesn't equate hatred.

Thanks for 30K reads! PLEASE, if you would, I'd love it if you can share this story with friends who love Harry or just want a good story to read. They can imagine he's whomever they wish. That's how I think of fanfiction, especially if it's an AU. Harry is just an actor playing the part, but if you'd rather envision him as someone else, that's fine by me.

We're trending in the 500's today, so more reads, comments and votes boosts me up higher, and that means a paycheck for me (sorry, don't mean to put any pressure on you all because you're lovely and gracious no matter what!) You have no idea how much it means to me to be doing what I absolutely love and having the kind of reception that I get from all of you!

THANK YOU!!!