Song: "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor

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The following day found us back at Harry's house to finish the work we had begun the day before. The snow had tapered off overnight, but we had gotten an early start because a substantial snow storm would be moving into the area in the afternoon. We had never really discussed it, but it seemed we had an unspoken understanding that my place was kind of our "home base" for the time being.

I felt more confident in our relationship to broach the subject of Cathryn's unopened purchases once again. "How about if I look through the bags for the receipts? If everything is there, I can load it all into your car and run some errands while you decide what to do with the more personal things, like her high school memories. I assume you have those boxes down here for a reason," I said, nodding towards the pile of boxes by the front door.

Harry looked me, hesitation in his eyes, mixed with a hint of sadness. "Yeah, I think I can do that."

I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and gently pulled his face close to mine so I could kiss him. "I love you," I assured him. "Let me know if I'm pushing you and I'll back off, okay?"

He nodded eagerly. "No, I think I'm ready. It will never be easy, but I've got to start somewhere, right? I actually thought about bringing those boxes to Cathryn's parents. I'll look through them first, but they're her memories, not necessarily my memories of her. Her family might find they have more sentimental value."

"See? Now that you're thinking about it, you can understand that letting go of some of these things won't be as hard as you think."

"Not with you here," he said, placing his hands on my hips and tugging me in close for another kiss. "With that, I give you my full permission to send this stuff back from whence it came!" He motioned with his hand like a magician, waving a wand over it to make it disappear.

I laughed at his theatrics. I began opening bags and searching for receipts and blessed be God, Cathryn was one of those "receipt in the bag" type girls. Otherwise, I hadn't a clue as to how I could begin the task. However, as I got further into the process, I realized that many stores had 90-day return policies, and we were obviously well beyond 90 days. I figured some would still accept returns for the most recent sale price and some might offer a store credit. I asked Harry what he wanted to do.

"You know what?" He said brightly. "Let's just donate all of it. We'll pack up the car and bring it all to Goodwill."

"Are you sure?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. "There has to be a few thousand dollars worth of stuff here."

"Positive. Cathryn loved to shop, but she also loved a bargain. People will probably love to find brand new items at Goodwill prices, right?"

"Absolutely," I smiled, cheering for him in my heart. "That's a great way to honor your wife."

A proud look crossed his face as he smiled at me.

I started working on a new pile of bags and boxes that were stacked next to the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. As the pile dwindled, I caught sight of several shelves full of beautiful, high-quality children's books. They were all brand new, as far as I could tell, but on display, beautifully preserved without much dust since they'd been hiding behind boxes and bags for so long.

I pulled out a hardcover copy of Goodnight, Moon. It was one of my favorite books and it was in perfect condition. The thought of Harry reading this very book with a child on his lap made my heart flutter.

As I sat there, I suddenly felt Harry's presence in the room behind me. I turned around and saw him standing there, staring at me. "What are you doing?" I asked, feeling a little giggle rise up in my throat.

"Just looking at you," he grinned. "You're kind of cute."

"And you're kind of weird," I laughed. "I was just checking out these fantastic children's books. Were you and Cathryn...were you planning on having kids? I mean...gosh, that's a stupid question. I just wonder why you have so many children's books."

Harry sat down beside me on the floor. "Of course, we wanted to have kids. We weren't planning on them just yet."

"Oh right, you said she was on birth control," I said. "I'm sorry, I just remembered you saying that after the first time we...you know."

"Right," he laughed. "Cathryn wanted to teach elementary school. She couldn't find a teaching job right away. She worked as a para-pro while she was getting her Master's Degree. Anyway, she had started this collection while we were still in high school. She wanted a classroom library with all the classics. I guess she got a little carried away."

"You know me," I said. "There could never be too many books. And this collection is amazing."

"Should we keep it?" He asked.

"We?" I whispered.

"Yeah, we," he whispered back with a little smile, but then his face changed. "I'm sorry, I'm coming on too strong, aren't I?"

I looked at him apologetically. "Yes and no. I love that you love me, and you know my feelings for you are just as strong. But we went from taking it slow to fast forward. I just think we need to slow it down again, okay? Mostly, I just want to make sure you have time to work through everything." The sentiment seemed obvious to me as we sat amidst piles of things that his late wife had accumulated and which he still hadn't dealt with.

"Of course," he said, nodding in agreement, but the look on his face was one of hurt. I hated to think that I caused it, but he seemed to think I was the solution to all his problems and I wasn't. He had to figure some of this out on his own.

"I love you," I told him again. "You can be sure of that. I just want you to find some strength in yourself, too."

"I know," he whispered solemnly. "I know." He stood up and left the room, leaving an uneasy feeling lingering in the air.

I placed Goodnight, Moon back in between all of the other colorful children's books and I stood up to resume my task of carrying all the shopping bags out to the car. As the piles gradually disappeared, I had an idea about the books and I hoped that Harry would like it.

He had told me he was going to start looking through things upstairs, so when all the shopping bags were loaded into the car, I went up to find him. He was sitting on the bed in what I guessed was his and Cathryn's bedroom. His back was turned to me as he sat on the edge of the bed. I walked in, thinking it didn't feel as awkward as I thought it might.

"Hey, I was just thinking about those books, Harry. They're all really nice hardcover and library-bound books. Maybe you could donate them to the library and we could have a plaque made with Cathryn's name on it." I stopped to see if he was listening. He didn't move.

"Harry?" I asked cautiously. His shoulders began to shake and then I heard him take a large gasp. He began to sob. I rushed over to him and profusely apologized. "I'm so sorry. That was really insensitive of me-" I began but he cut me off.

"It's not that," he managed to say, barely able to get the words out. I sat down next to him and put my arm over his shoulder. He leaned in towards me and sobbed onto my chest. I didn't bother asking him to clarify anything; I just let him cry over whatever had triggered this emotional meltdown. I kissed lightly over his hair and rubbed up and down his arm, trying to comfort him in any way I could.

His bitter cries broke my heart. I sobbed along with him, wishing I could do something - anything - to make him stop hurting. Finally, he reached for a tissue and wiped his face. Then he blew his nose loudly, throwing the tissue across the room where it just barely made it into the trash can.

"God, I'm so sorry," he said, laughing hoarsely.

"No, Harry, don't be sorry at all," I encouraged him. "I have no idea what you're going through. If you haven't taken the time to go through the things in here, then it's kind of like opening a time capsule, I would think."

"Exactly," he said, followed by a shuddering sigh. "I found this note she had left the morning...." He stopped and tried to stop another round of tears from falling, but he failed miserably. His shoulders slumped and he cried harder while I rubbed his back. When he finally collected himself, he finished his sentence. "She left it for me the day she died. She had class late that night and she wanted me to wait up for her." He handed me the note. Carefully scrawled on a post-it note, she had left him one last memento.

Hazza, I'll be home by 9:30. Wait up, please - I want to kiss that gorgeous face. <3 Cath

"Hazza?" I asked.

"Don't ask," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Some friends gave me that nickname right after I moved here and I haven't a clue why. She adopted it as her pet name for me. It was unique, I'll give her that much."

"Well, I'll have to remember not to call you that, then," I said, hoping for a smile, which he gladly gave me.

"Every single minute of that horrible night came back to me when I read that note. I had worked that day, after class, and by that time, I was home studying. God, all I ever did was study! Anyway, it got close to 10:00 and I called her, wondering if she had stopped somewhere on the way home. She would do that once in a while, just stop and pick up some junk food or whatever. I got her voicemail and I left her some silly message about bringing more chocolate home. By 10:30, I was getting pretty worried. Her class ended at 9:00, so there was really no reason she shouldn't have been home by then, even if she stopped along the way. I tried her parents' house, asking if they had heard from her, and they hadn't. They told me to keep them posted. By 11:00, when she didn't show up, her mom and dad called and said they were coming over so we could decide what to do. They pulled up about the same time as the State Trooper pulled up in front of my house..." He stopped and I knew what that meant.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"I just knew it," he said, his voice quivering. "I just fucking knew it. I wanted to go back inside the house and call her and tell her to get home, damn it, because I was worried sick. But I stood there and watched while the State Trooper spoke to her parents. Her mom started screaming and just...fell onto the ground, and her dad dropped to his knees beside her. I felt sick. I didn't want the trooper to come and talk to me. I didn't want to hear what he fucking had to say," Harry continued, gritting his teeth in agony.

"As soon as he told me, I blacked out or something," Harry said. "When I woke up, I was lying on the front porch with another officer squatting down next to me. He asked if I was all right and I could still hear Cathryn's mom screaming, so I just said, 'No, I'll never be all right.'"

I was sobbing again as he recounted the whole story. I felt sick, and I knew I was only feeling a fraction of his grief.

"Somehow, my parents made their way over - I think I told one of the officers to call them. Cathryn's sister Liz came at around 2 AM after she got off of work. Gemma showed up at some point as well because she was here on holiday and she'd been out with some friends." Harry had told me about his sister Gemma, just briefly, but she hadn't stayed in the States for very long; only until she was old enough to be on her own, and then she had moved back to England. I listened as he continued the awful story. "We all sat around either crying or staring at each other like fucking zombies. For hours, we just sat there. I don't remember moving for hours. Until the hospital called, asking us about funeral arrangements. At that point, Cathryn's dad took over and I just let him. I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to plan a funeral for my 23-year-old wife?"

He cried a little more, but the worst was over. It had been traumatic to see him that way, but in a way, I think it was necessary for me to understand him a bit more.

Finally, I said, "I think we've done enough for one day, don't you? Why don't we come back to this another time?"

He nodded gratefully. "Yeah, I think I've had about as much as I can handle for one day."

"Yeah, and the snow is starting, too" I said, noticing the huge white flakes falling outside. I stood up and he did too, so I hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry this is so hard for you."

"I'm just glad you're here," he said, kissing me lightly.

I noticed a small, antique lamp that was lit, on the table next to the bed. It had seemed strange that it was on during the day since the room was plenty bright; at least when I first walked in. Now it was actually getting darker with the impending snowstorm. "Do you always keep this on?" I asked. "It's an old lamp. I'm not sure the plug is safe anymore."

"You can turn it off, I guess," he shrugged. "It's not very bright. Cathryn liked to sleep with it on. Made her feel safe or something, like a night light. It's fine, though. I'd rather not burn the house down."

I turned the old-fashioned knob to switch the light off and I followed Harry out of the room. As an afterthought, I went back and unplugged the lamp as well because the cord looked rather worn.

As we backed out of the driveway, I looked up to the window which I was almost certain was the one in Harry and Cathryn's bedroom. There was a soft, yellow glow coming from inside.

"Harry?" I said nervously.

"Yeah?" He answered, putting the car into drive.

"Did you go back and turn that lamp back on? The antique one by your bed?"

"No, why?" He wondered, looking at me strangely.

"No reason," I said, shaking my head. I must have been seeing things. It was too late to look back now as we had already driven away from the house. I was slightly spooked, but then I realized I might not have remembered exactly where his room was located, and there were two other rooms on the upper floor and the doors were closed to both of them, so I hadn't had a proper look inside either one.

Harry and I had left none too soon as the snow was already coming down quite heavily. He was still up for stopping at Goodwill to donate what was already in the car. I had totaled up the items and it was close to $3000 worth of merchandise, so Harry received a receipt and was told he could claim it as a charitable donation on his taxes.

We made our way slowly through the city and arrived back at my loft around mid-afternoon. We stripped off our snow clothes and I headed for the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. I found it cozy to watch the snow coming down through the large windows at my place. I stood and enjoyed the show while the coffee perked. Harry came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I know I was a mess earlier," he murmured. "But thanks for being there."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, sweetie." I turned to kiss his cheek.

"Sweetie, huh? I think I like that."

"Well, I like you," I said, kissing his cheek again. Then I broke away to fill our mugs with coffee. I led Harry to our favorite spot on the sofa and I grabbed a wool blanket to cover us. We spent the rest of the day not saying or doing much, but somehow I knew we had made progress today, in more ways than one.

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Sorry for the tear-jerker. Hope you're still enjoying the story!

I would be honored if you would comment and vote, but especially if you would share the story with your followers and other Harry fans. :)