Song: "You Found Me" by The Fray

*Suicide Trigger Warning*

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"So I swallowed half a bottle of pain killers and hoped I wouldn't wake up."

I felt a sickening knot tightening in my stomach. It was only then, with this admission, that I actually felt some of Harry's despair, how desperate, how visceral and real, his pain must have been to reach that point. "What happened?" I whispered.

"About half an hour after I took them, I puked my guts out. I literally threw up everything in my body, and every time I even had a sip of water for the next 24 hours, I would throw it up again. I really felt like I was going to die, but I didn't want to anymore. The moment the pills came back up, I had this overwhelming sense of relief, realizing that I didn't really want to die. I just wanted the pain to subside for a while. And it did, that whole 24 hours while I puked over and over, I wasn't thinking much of my emotional pain. It sucked, and the only reason I didn't go to the ER was because I didn't want them to label me suicidal or admit me to a psych ward."

I just sat and stared at him, blinking one every few moments, not sure what to say.

"Does that scare you?" He asked. "Or make you feel like I'm a freak?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"I'm doing better now. Honestly. That was the first and last time anything like that every happened or will ever happen. I just thought you should know."

"Do you still have those pills in your house?" I asked bluntly.

"Yeah, why?"

"Then you should get rid of them," I demanded. "Do you have a gun in the house?"

"No. Regan, why would you ask that?"

"Do you have another plan to kill yourself?" I asked.

"Regan, I just told you that I would never do it again. I honestly don't know what came over me. I had just hit a low and that seemed like the only solution in the moment."

"What if you hit that low again?" I asked.

"I didn't think you'd react like this," he said.

"I'm just scared. A suicide attempt is no laughing matter."

"I know that. You're making it sound like I'm a little kid who doesn't know better."

"What if it happens again?" I asked, near tears.

"It won't!" He snapped. "Why are you so upset?"

"Because I care very deeply for you, Harry, even if I've only known you a few weeks. It scares me to think you reached a point so hopeless that you thought death was the only answer." I could feel tears burning my eyes because the very idea made me panic.

"Hey," he said, cupping my face in his hands. "I told you because I didn't want to keep anything from you, okay? I wasn't telling you so that you were warned that I might do it again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I promise you, I'm doing much, much better now."

I closed my eyes, squeezing back the tears that were threatening to fall. Finally, I opened my eyes and said, "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I'm sorry if I sounded insensitive. I just worry about you."

"I know," he nodded. "I know you do."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"I know."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his chest. He circled my shoulders with his arms and held me tight. I stood there for the longest time, listening to the thump-thump of his heart and the gentle whoosh of his breathing.

"I guess this is what it means to be not ready together," he said.

"Hmm?" I questioned, still enjoying the cadence of his heartbeat which seemed to be helping to regulate my own as well.

"I care about you, too, Regan. But I want you to know everything about me so you're not blindsided. I don't want you to think that I'm this unstable person who's suicidal one day and then completely happy the next. But I also don't want to pretend that I don't struggle with this because I do."

"I'm sorry for over-reacting," I mumbled.

"It's okay, I get it," He murmured, and I could feel the warmth of his words in my hair. "Are you all right now? You know I'm okay, right?"

I finally looked up at him. "Yeah, I do. Just don't stop talking to me, okay. You can always tell me how you're feeling. I don't want you to think you're burdening me or anything. Please."

"I won't, I promise," he said, kissing my forehead. "The thing is, you saw me at my worst. You had no idea what was going on in my head at the time. But you had the courage to reach out to me anyway. Since that first day you brought me something to eat, I've been feeling more hope. I had hit rock bottom - absolute zero - and you were the one who came along and helped me up." I was fairly sure my heart was melting as I stared up at him with a stupid smile. He lifted one hand to my, stroking my cheek lightly, and said, "I wanted you to know how low I really was because then you'll see how far I've come in just a few weeks. And then maybe you'll begin to understand how much you really mean to me."

I was dumbfounded and I was sure it showed through the expression on my face. I hadn't realized how deeply everything I had done had really affected him; I'd just assumed that it was a natural progression of boy meets girl, boy and girl get to know each other, etc. But it was so much more for him - it was more for me as well - and I was incredibly happy in that moment that I had followed my gut to reach out to him.

"Thank you," I finally whispered.

I knew he wanted to kiss me and I wanted the same thing. So what of our decision to take it slow? Not even pausing to consider whether I should or shouldn't, I brought my hands to the back of his neck and pulled him down until our lips met. I found no hesitation in his kiss.

I threaded one hand into his hair and lightly scratched at his scalp while I kept him close to me. With my other hand, I lifted his t-shirt just enough so I could run my hands over the bare skin of his hip, continuing to his back, where I kneaded lightly. He responded with the faintest moan, and then he pulled me tightly against himself, distracting me and making it easier for him to pry my lips open just enough to delve into my mouth with his tongue.

I was in heaven; the subtle movements of his body as he pressed into the kiss made me lightheaded, and the way he held me convinced me of his need for this connection.

Harry slowly shifted, holding me steady while he gently pushed me to lie down on the couch, assigning himself a place just to my side with his leg draped over one of mine. I had never been kissed this way before, in a way that all of my senses were consumed. The feeling of his hands on me, touching my face, pulling me closer; the sound of his heavy breaths and quiet moans; the smell of his cologne mixed with his own distinct fragrance; seeing his eyes closed as he was carried away by our kiss; and the taste of him on my tongue. It was all too much, but I didn't dare stop.

He was in no place to even think about a sexual relationship, and I had never had one, but being with Harry like this awakened the desire like never before. I craved more of him, like someone who's been fasting craves real sustenance. When his mouth began to migrate towards my neck, leaving heavy kisses in its wake, I hummed, "Harry."

Strangely, he halted the onslaught of sensations, and after a few light kisses to my face, he pushed up on his arm and looked at me. With a breathy laugh, he said, "Something tells me that we're not going to be able to go without kissing each other. So maybe we have to expand our definition of friends with possibilities to include this," he said, referring to our current position.

I laughed, my chest buffeting against his. "I think you're right."

"But for now, I think I should get going," he rasped. "As much as I'd like to keep doing this." His face was flushed as he pushed himself up off of me, and then he helped me up as well. In the process, I happened to notice that he was as aroused as I was and I blushed heavily. His care for me overwhelmed me in the fact that he was able to get up and walk away, even though our bodies wanted something more. A small part of me wanted to beg him to stay, but I knew he was making a wise choice.

He leaned down and hugged me, murmuring in my ear. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Willing my heart to stop racing, my voice was unsteady. "Yeah."

I wasn't sure how Harry handled the heightened arousal, but I had to do the guy thing and take a cold shower.

When I got into bed, I checked my messages. There was one text from Harry: Are you free Saturday? Let's shop and I'll cook for you. H x

I sent a message in return: Saturday is perfect. I can't wait. <3

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From heartbreaking to heart racing! What do you think so far? You can tell by this chapter and the last that I was really feeling The Fray, lol.

Thanks so much for all the reads, votes & comments! xoxo