I slept relatively peacefully but woke up with an unnecessary amount of guilt . I don't feel guilty for defending myself, nor do I feel guilty for giving him a reality check. I don't know what I feel guilty for,all I know is that I can't seem to shake off this nasty feeling. 'Knock Knock Knock ' I got up to open the door to find Anne standing there with her fist in the air like she was about to knock again
"Good morning. Did I wake you?"Anne greeted with a smile on her face
"What's good about the morning?" I said, rolling my eyes . She let herself in and sat on my bed , there was an uncomfortable silence I don't like awkward moments
"Why are you even friends with him? You and Haru are so sweet, but Tolu is nothing more than a selfish jerk. Friends are supposed to be similar, but he's so different from you guys. " I ranted away to break the silence
"Friends don't always have to be the same . Look at me and you, we're not the same, but we are friends, " Anne said, shrugging and smiling. who told her that we are friends we are too different to be friends, we don't even know each other long enough to call ourselves friends
"And yes, I know Tolu can be rude and ultimately a pain to be around, but we love him, and he loves us too .It's kinda complicated to explain, but we've been through so much together that we are practically family" Anne said calmly doesn't she have a family of her own , why does she call them family
"But he is selfish he made you go on a trip you didn't want to go on, then he sleep deprived you," I stated . I can't be the only one who sees the fault in him
"Well, to start with, he didn't 'force' me or Haru to go on this trip ,we just didn't want to say no to him . And i'm not try to take all the blame off him but he was clearly manic , and when he is in that state his mood tends to become abnormally elevated,he becomes extremely impulsive ,unpredictable and sometimes he can come off as selfish. Sometimes, he doesn't even realize that he is being manic ,to him, he just woke up active and intense ." Anne carefully explained
"So you'll just stay with him even though he is rude to you? " I asked, getting slightly annoyed. Why would anyone stay with someone so insufferable
"Tolu isn't rude to us, the most he does is teasing and sometimes tell unfiltered truths . Even when we are annoying,he always tries to hold back his anger, and he tries his best not to shout for Haru's sake. " Anne said
"Just because he isn't cruel to you doesn't mean that he isn't cruel to everyone else,"I said as a matter of fact
"But he isn't cruel to most people, rude maybe, the most he does to people he doesn't know is to ignore their existence," Anne said after a while of thinking
"So it's just me ?" I asked, slightly confused,I haven't done anything to him
"I don't think he likes you very much, I'm not defending his actions towards you , he was definitely in the wrong, but did you do something to him?"Anne asked
"Umm no ,at least I don't think so," I answered, still very much confused
"Well, that's all I wanted to know," Anne said, standing up . She was about to leave when she suddenly stopped and turned to me and said
"Oh, and please don't shout when Haru is around ,okay? Thanks, " she said with a smile, then leaving me alone with my thoughts

After taking some time to gather my thoughts, I decided to be the bigger person. I knocked on Tolu's door when Haru unexpectedly opened the door wearing a white inner wear with an ash color sweatpants,smelling like soap with his hair dripping wet and touching his neck was his hair always this dark and long
"I'm sorry, I must have gotten the wrong room," I say, chuckling nervously. why am I nervous
"If you came to see Tolu, then I don't think you did," Haru said, smiling a little, then his face morphed into concern
"Are you okay? Do you feel better now?" Haru asked softly why does he care if i'm okay
"Yeah, I'm good," I replied smiling. He smiled back and then walked past me to go to his room.why can't everyone just be like Haru
I walked into the room to find Tolu sitting on his bed wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday
"You haven't showered?" I asked, trying to start off light
"Nah, I just forgot my clothes in my hostel," he replied . The room fell silent, so I decided to break it.
"I'm sorry for what i said to you," I say
"You shouldn't be,I was being rude, and you were defending yourself .You shouldn't be sorry for that, "Tolu said, surprising me because I half expected him to at least push the blame on someone else . Even after he said that something still weighed heavily on my mind
"Why don't you like me ?" I asked curiously. He didn't reply straight away. Instead, he took his precious time to answer
"Because you're selfish,"he said simply.I looked at him puzzled I'm not selfish ,he's selfish
"You and I are more alike than you think , we are both selfish and condescending, but at least I don't use people to make myself feel better," He stated
"I didn't use anyone, and even if I did, how is that any of your business ?"I asked, getting irritated
"It becomes my business when you're messing around with the only people I call home!. They call you their friend but I see it in your eyes that you don't even know what that word means"
Tolu said looking at me dead in the eyes.I hate that he's not wrong
"I see the way your face cringes when you hear the word friend. I am not asking you to be their friends if you don't want to, but at least have the decency to say it to their faces." Tolu said with no particular emotion.i don't know what to say, so I just stay silent
"I'm willing to be civil with you, but you have to promise that you'll make up your mind in a 1 week . You'll have to decide if you're in or out. Don't come to me with your decision, just go to them and say it to their faces, " Tolu said coolly. I really can't think of anything else to say, so I just nodded
"OK, halfling, you can leave my room now," He smirked slightly as he teased . I gave him a little smile as I walked out of his room .

True to his words Tolu didn't say anything mean to me for the remaining of the trip , I took lots of pictures and it was rather peaceful but I just couldn't get my mind over what we talked about what does it mean to be a friend? I had a friend once