One, two, three,
as I draw three invisible diagonal lines on my lap,
one, two, three, I painfully hit the back of my head on the side of my bed. One, two, three, four, five, as I repeatedly draw an invisible cross on my body, all to ensure my father's safe flight. I can feel my mother watching me from the crack of my door, but I honestly couldn't care less. I can't stop until I feel it's safe , i am not leaving anything to chance, at least not after them . I think she left at some point because the clock is telling me that 15 minutes of my life have been lost to something I can't explain.
I wonder where she went as I switch on my TV, looking for something to watch. Two men fighting on the screen, the second one looked so bloody. I don't want my father to get bloody.One, two, three, as I switch the TV on and off again, one, two, three, four, five, as I repeatedly twitch my head to the side. I don't know how much time has passed, but I know that I've been doing this for a while now. At some point, I started to feel normal again as I picked up my books to do some homework.

I can hear my mother's footsteps as she enters my room unannounced. "Hey, are you OK now?" she asks as she sits on my bed, giving me a flyer of a school for people like me. I crumbled it as I looked at her in disgust.
"I'm fine, Mom. I don't need help, especially not one that'll require me to leave my country and friends behind. There's nothing wrong with me. Why can't you just accept me the way I am?" I said, on the verge of tears. My mother looked at me with a softness in her eyes that doesn't come out too often and said,
"It's not like I find joy in this, but as your mother, I have to do what's best for you, and NV Academy is exactly what you need."

I can't explain the sudden anger that is exploding within my chest.
"This isn't about what's best for me; it's about not wanting Dad and your other rich friends to find out that you were cursed with a crazy daughter," I said in a condescending tone. I can tell that she is starting to get offended, but somehow the anger disappeared in her eyes, and she said to me in the calmest manner,
"This isn't just my decision; your old psychologist recommended it... and your dad accepted it." I looked at her in shock and disappointment.
"You told Dad?" I asked her. She looked at me with sorry eyes and said, "I know that I promised not to tell him, but you have to understand, you need help."

"No, I don't," I retorted.
"Yes, you do, Eleanor. Look at yourself. You've been alone in your room performing some weird ritual for 30 minutes straight. You were so lost in your rituals that you didn't even hear me calling you to come get your food!" I said nothing to that, knowing that I heard her but was too engulfed in my 'rituals' to answer. After a minute or two, my mom decided to break the deafening silence by asking,
"What got you triggered today?" She asked in the calmest voice. I looked to the side, feeling a little embarrassed, while I answered her,
"I just wanted Dad to have a safe flight." The saddened look in her eyes makes me want to claw it out.
"But, sweetheart, this isn't the first or 20th time your father is flying, and even if it was, you know that what you're doing doesn't determine if he has a safe flight or not." I'm sure that she said those things to comfort me, but the only thing I heard was that something bad could happen at any time. I feel my fingers reaching to draw invisible dashes again.
One, two, thr-I suddenly felt my mother hold my hands together. She bent down, looked me in the eye, and said,
"Start packing your bags; we leave next week Saturday. Don't worry; I'll be with you every step of the way." She then kissed my forehead as she stood up, left my room, leaving me alone with my disturbing thoughts.