It's already 12:00 AM of the day after I went for the ophthalmologist to have my eyes checked.

Up until now, it still hasn't sank into me that I'm going to be blind soon.

I have nothing against those people who are blind.

It's just I was not prepared for this. I was never prepared for it.

I'm just starting my life. I still have my dreams to be a renowned pastry chef.

I dreamt of putting my own bakeshop and cater to famous artists and persons all over the world.

But, in my case now, I don't know how I will be able to survive this.

I'm afraid to sleep.

I'm afraid that when I wake up, I cannot see anymore.

My eyes are hurting.

I never stayed up late. I always believe to sleep early and let my eyes rest for more than eight hours at the most.

I never looked at the sun. I always longed to be brave to face the glaring rays of it.

But my eyes are always behind the shadows.

I always wonder if I can make it thru everyday.

Nobody knows that my eyesight is  beginning to get cloudy.

The doctor's explanation is enough to confirm my gnawing fear.

I felt hot tears slid down my face as I stared at my ceiling.

I wasn't able to eat awhile ago and my stomach kept growling in hunger as it seeks for my attention.

I struggled to get up and made myself a sandwich. I don't have the appetite to swallow big amounts of food.

I sat on the couch and stared blankly at the television in front of me. I switched it on and found some late night shows but didn't have the energy to be engaged with it.

Frustrated, I turned it off and laid at the couch again.

Mindlessly, I finished my sandwich and stood up again to drink water and brushed my teeth.

I know what I'm doing but am not fully aware of it.

I wanted to cry but I guess, even these tears gave up and now, my tearducts are dry. I went to my bed and laid down. I snuggled to the covers and tried to sleep.

Pretty soon, I woke up at around 9am and sat on my bed.

I put on my spectacles again and gazed at myself in front of my full-length mirror.

I was given only until today for my sick leave.

I don't want to extend my leave anymore coz I need to save up for my operation.

I don't plan to involve my brothers about it.

They have families to take care of.

I don't want to be a burden.

I feel so helpless but there is no one who will stood up for me if I didn't work for my own.

I have to be strong.

I have to survive.

I don't want to live in regrets.

I just have to find my purpose why I was given such tough challenge to face.